by Kathy Lyon
She pushed up from Ryan, breaking the restraint of his arm with an impatient growl. “I have to stop them.”
“You know you can’t.”
“I have to try. It’s what an alpha does.” She said the words with conviction, knowing that it was the first time she’d called herself an alpha. Not just the daughter of one, but a leader of a werewolf pack. It didn’t matter that her pack wasn’t following her right now. She was an alpha inside.
He pushed up on his elbow, wincing as it pulled at his side. When the pain built to excruciating, he flopped back down and looked at her. “You have to think. They’re not, but you can.”
She went to the hallway and looked into her father’s room. He was resting peacefully, the shallow lift and fall of his chest the only indication he was alive. She thought about waking him, but the doctor had told her the longer he slept, the better. If he hadn’t woken from the mental turmoil of the pack outside their window, then he wasn’t strong enough to do anything even if she could manage to rouse him. He had to rest, which meant it was up to her to do…what?
She paced back into Ryan’s bedroom, crossing to the window to stare down. She saw the naked street, empty of everything except a few parked cars. She felt her people out there, hovering on the edge, slinking through the shadows as they hugged the buildings.
“You’ve talked to them already,” Ryan pressed. “You’ve told them everything they need to know.”
“Yes,” she acknowledged. Then she bit out the word in fury. “Yes!” Why wouldn’t they listen?
“So you’ve given them all the information, but they’re choosing Raoul anyway.”
She dropped her head against the cool windowpane. They were right there on the edge of her awareness. So close. So bitter. Was that Raoul? Or was that seething resentment inside everyone?
“They’re going to die.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But you can’t stop them from making bad decisions.”
She spun around, her agitation making her voice sharp. “I’m an alpha. I may be just a hybrid, but I’ve always taken care of the pack. Everything I’ve done is for their good.”
“You are not God. And you wouldn’t want to take away people’s free will anyway.”
She threw up her hands. “This is not a philosophical debate. Raoul is going to get them killed!”
He just looked at her, his blue eyes practically luminous in the floodlights. She read compassion in his expression, and an implacable steadiness in his eyes. Firm, calm, and cold. Like a steel blade honed to a razor’s edge.
“There is nothing you can do,” he said.
“Stop saying that!” There had to be something.
He sighed. “You’ve done everything you can. Now it’s up to them to choose.”
“But they’re choosing wrong!” she huffed.
“And that’s their right.”
He was right. She knew he was right, but God she hated it. To the depths of her soul, she despised what her brother had done. Somehow, he’d subverted the pack, put her on the outside when all she wanted was to help them. It was her right to serve and protect the pack, and yes, she felt the irony in those words. Ryan’s job was to serve and protect all of Detroit, and she’d fought him every step of the way.
Pack business. Shifter politics. Hell. And now she felt just as he did. Sitting outside when the very people he was spending his life trying to help cut him out, ignored him, or worse, hated him for doing his job.
“How do you stand it?” she whispered. “You’re on the gang task force. You work with kids. How do you make them listen?”
He lifted his hand in a vague gesture before letting it drop. Then he sighed. “Same way you have. I talk and talk. I reason, I plead. I even apply pressure when I can. But in the end…”
“You have to let them choose.”
“You know a teenager who isn’t hell-bent on deciding things for him or herself?”
No. She sighed and crossed back to the bed. Nothing was happening out there right now. Her people had the place surrounded, but they hadn’t yet stepped into the light. And thankfully, Simon wasn’t pushing things but sat waiting for the pack to decide what it wanted to do.
“I hate this.” Her body twitched as she looked at the door. She almost went straight for it because, come hell or high water, she needed to be with her pack. But that was stupid, and she knew it. They’d chosen Raoul. All she could do was inflame matters—and emotions—even more.
So she sat and entwined her fingers with Ryan. “How’d you get so wise?”
“I work with teenagers. It’s the only way to keep sane.”
“But the stakes are so high. A wrong choice—”
“Gets people killed. Yeah, I know. And the bystanders are the worst casualties. They haunt me at night.”
Yet one more reason why he couldn’t sleep. The hollow note in his voice pulled at her. Especially since it was an echo of the pain she felt now. If the pack chose to fight, there would be casualties on both sides. Bear, wolf, human bystander. She’d remember every one and feel the loss until the day she died.
“How many bystanders?” she asked. “How many souls haunt you, Ryan?”
“After three years working in gangs? Seven. Two were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Five were too young to have a chance to think on their own. They were just used by the people who said they’d protect them.”
She touched the worry lines on his face, smoothing them gently with her thumb. “You can’t hold on to them. It wasn’t your fault.”
“You can’t go out there. You’ve done everything you can.”
She looked at his face and saw the pain etched in every line. He wasn’t hiding his feelings from her. Right now, he was showing her the path she was on. He was letting her see the pain that came from not letting go of what you couldn’t control. It was eating him alive, and she was a few hours away from that exact same place.
“I’ll make you a deal,” she said softly. “I’ll stay right here, right now, if you forgive me for not knowing how to do better. I’ve failed to convince my own people to see reason.”
“You can’t convince people who won’t listen. What is happening is not your fault.”
She nodded, knowing it was true. “So am I forgiven?”
He smiled. “Of course.”
“Then you have to forgive yourself, too. I don’t know what happened to those seven people, but I know you did everything you could.”
He blew out a breath as he looked away. “You don’t know the mistakes I’ve made.”
“And you don’t know how I might have stopped it weeks or maybe months ago.” She leaned forward. “Did you forgive me for skipping out at the restaurant?”
His gaze cut to hers. “You know I did.”
“Then why don’t you deserve the same respect?” She stroked his very rigid jaw. “Tell you what, I forgive you for not being a superhuman God who can control teenagers bent on destruction.”
His lips curved at that, and she felt the tightness in his jaw ease. “And I forgive you for loving your brother so much that you forgave him for the unforgiveable, and you still love him despite him leading your people into madness.”
Her chest squeezed at that. The grip was so tight and so painful that tears sprang to her eyes. He had pegged her straight on. He understood exactly where her mistakes were and the error she was still making. She hoped that somewhere, somehow Raoul would turn away from the darkness. And if he did, then the pack could find the right path. But so far, it wasn’t happening. And she couldn’t forgive herself for allowing him to drag the pack into insanity.
But apparently Ryan could. He could forgive her and, in that moment, she felt the guilt ease. If nothing else, the burden was now shared with him, and she felt so much better for it.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Thank you,” he echoed. And in those two words, she heard the same relief that she felt. The same whisper of surprise and awe that echoed in her soul becau
se they had helped each other. And together, they breathed out their pain. A moment later, she dropped forward until they were forehead to forehead.
“I wish you were better,” she said. “I’d really like to make love with you right now.”
The words hadn’t even finished. Their sound still hovered in the air when she felt the tingle.
Magic. Shifting.
She jumped back. Grizzlies needed a lot more room on the bed than an injured man. She saw the golden light and felt the abrupt coolness in the air. Ryan was a vague shape of grizzly mixed with the lines of a man.
He shimmered there on the bed, the glow neither man nor bear but part of both. And best of all, as she watched, his bandages lost traction on his skin and floated down to the bed. She held her breath, watching, and then the glow contracted. It pulled together into one body, one man, whole and complete.
And he was grinning.
Chapter 21
The man was radiant when he smiled, and it wasn’t just his blond hair and blue-eyed good looks. There was a lightness in his being that softened the angles of his body, eased his hard jaw, and made his lips kissable instead of tightly pressed. After the confessions of the last few hours, it was beautiful to see him happy. Even better, she’d been the one to bring it out in him.
He tugged her close and she fell willingly into his arms. “You’re so beautiful,” he said.
She smiled. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”
His hands flowed down her back and shivers made her arch in response. “I want to go slow,” he said, “but I want you so bad right now.”
She teased her lips along the seam of his. “Want some wine to go with that cheesy line?”
“Nope,” he said. “Just you.” Then he flipped her over on the bed and straddled her.
She slid her arms over his shoulders and into his hair. “Are you really okay? I mean physically and emotionally. No aches? No pains?”
She thought he’d come back with another corny line, but he paused as he thought about her question. He took a deep breath and she felt his lungs expand and his groin thicken against her.
“Body’s fine,” he said with a grin. “And you feel great.”
“What about the rest?”
He arched a brow. “Am I still messed up in the head? No more than you are.” He glanced out the window. “There’s a whole world of trouble out there. But you and I are in here, and we can’t do anything about out there.”
“So gather ye rosebuds while ye may?” she asked, quoting her favorite high school English poem.
He shrugged in a why not gesture. “You wanted to make love to me, and I want to give you so many orgasms you pass out and forget all about everything else. You okay with that?”
She jerked her chin at the nightstand. “I still got condoms in my purse.”
“Thank God.”
“You’ll have to get off me if you want me to grab them.”
“In a minute,” he said. Then he began licking her lips, tasting her mouth and her face in a way she recognized though had never experienced before. It was an animal thing, this exploration with tongue and teeth. Wolves did it, but only with their closest friends and always in wolf form.
She arched her head back, exposing her neck to him. Throat, belly, even her groin was his. Sure, he’d had her back in Noelle’s apartment, but that had been a thing of the body. This was deeper, more intimate. And with every brush of his tongue, she felt herself relax into his attention.
He pressed kisses into her neck and she felt her heartbeat flutter. She held onto his shoulders, squeezing as he tasted her pulse point and purred against the underside of her jaw.
“I want my legs free,” she whispered. Her feet had caught on the cotton sheet as he’d flipped her over. She wanted to grip him with her knees and scrape her toes along his calves.
He responded quickly, leaping off her with gratifying speed. He pulled the sheet completely off the bed, freeing her legs to move as she wanted. But he didn’t stop there. He tugged at her T-shirt and she sat up so he could strip it away. She unhooked her bra while he headed for her hips. She didn’t hesitate to lift for him, and a moment later she was free of all restraint. No sheet, no clothing, no doubts.
“Kiss me,” she said. “Everywhere.”
“Planned to,” he said.
“No. Like a bear. Like one with his mate.”
He paused, and his nostrils flared. No doubt he took in her scent, the musk of hunger and of something more. His hands clenched at his sides then released. She could tell he was aroused by what she said. His eyes burned bright and his organ pulsed thick and hungry before her. But he didn’t move.
“You want me to pretend we’re bound together?”
“It’s possible, isn’t it? Between wolf and bear?” Cross-species mating wasn’t unheard of, but it wasn’t exactly common. Every single one claimed to be a love match. No reason to buck the animal demands for anything short of love.
“Of course, it’s possible.” He swallowed. “But are you ready for that? Or is this us playing house again?”
Was this pretend? She wanted him desperately. She was wet with lust. He also eased an ache inside her. He had from the very beginning.
“What do you want?” she asked.
He didn’t answer. He held her gaze though, as he crossed to the nightstand. He found her condoms quickly enough, and she watched as he put one on with sure and steady hands. Then he spoke, and she heard a tremor beneath his words that betrayed his need.
“I can’t think clearly when I’m this hungry for you.” He crossed to the edge of the bed, drawing her down it with a quick tug on her thighs. She was open for him, her musky scent thick in the air. “So how about this? The first O is for fun.” He grinned. “Just to take the edge off.”
“And the second?” Because she guessed that with him, there was always going to be a second.
“That’s when we’ll get real.”
It was already real for her. She knew it deep in her bones. She was in love with him. He believed in her, he centered her, and most of all, he saw her. Exactly as she was, faults and all. But she couldn’t forget that she was on borrowed time. That at some point her brother and the pack he controlled would come for her, and she wasn’t likely to survive. So what harm could it do if she allowed herself to commit to a man now? To bond with a bear who had shared his burdens with her even as he eased hers. Why not make it real for now? Just so long as she didn’t tell him how deeply she was in love with him. Just so long as he didn’t tumble as far into bonding as she was with him. She didn’t have a future, but he did. And she wouldn’t steal that from him.
“Okay,” she said. “First one just to take the edge off.”
He grinned as he leaned forward. He pulled her legs up and spread her knees, inhaling deeply as he did. He settled right where she was most open to him. Pelvis to pelvis, penis to opening. Then he pressed his lips to hers.
“Well,” he hedged. “Maybe a little tasting.” He licked her lips and her mouth. He nuzzled into her hairline and ran his teeth along her cheek and the curve of her ear. His breath was hot and sweet, and she smelled his scent as hungry as her own.
When her breath grew ragged just from the scent of him, she clutched at his shoulders. He was tugging on her earlobe, the nip of his teeth as erotic as the stroke of his tongue. And then he thrust.
She’d been ready for it. Hell, she’d been dying for it, but even so the rhythm wasn’t what she expected. It felt like he had tried to hold back, but couldn’t. Need overpowered him, so that when he thrust, both of them were surprised. But she was so wet, he slid right in and moaned in delight at the stretch. He was big, and she wanted so badly for him to fill her.
She heard the shudder in his breath or maybe she felt it move between both their bodies. But either way, he moaned low into her ear. A deep vibration that echoed down her spine and straight to her womb.
“Don’t stop,” she whispered.
“
Can’t,” he panted, though he wasn’t moving below. And yet she felt him, thick and hard. A pulse deep inside her. Not orgasm, but the prelude. “Trying. To. Last.”
“Next time,” she whispered as she squeezed him tightly. His inhale cut off on a startled gasp.
He thrust again. The movement was more jerky than smooth, but she loved it all the more for his break in concentration.
And then it was like he couldn’t stop. He drove into her hard and the impact on her clit made her see stars.
Again, he slammed against her. He had his rhythm now, hard and increasingly fast. She matched it, wrapping her legs around his hips. She arched as he impaled her. She threw back her head and rode him as if she were on top. She wasn’t, but he lifted her with every impact and her breath caught every single time.
She gripped his shoulders as he pushed a thumb down between them.
He didn’t need to do it. She was already at the edge. But at his next thrust, the pad of his thumb bore down onto her clit, and she crested right over with a cry. He joined her a split second later, his whole body pulsing into hers.
She felt his release, and she greeted every throb with happiness. As if they really were bonded. As if their children were a foregone conclusion. As if they had a glorious future stretched out before them, and she felt it everywhere. Their shimmering life together, and she embraced it with every part of her. She held it strong to her heart just as she held him when he collapsed on top of her. And she kept her eyes closed so that she could see it all so clearly for a moment longer. So that she felt perfect union with him for a moment longer.
A—
He exhaled close to her ear, his breath hot, nipping her erotically with his teeth.
Moment—
She held him tight, but he eased to the side. He was trying to keep his weight off her. Considerate of him, but she didn’t want to be spared. She wanted to hold him.
Longer…
She felt the magic hovering, just on the edge but not quite locking in. She knew instinctively what it was: a magical bond between shifters that created mated pairs. She’d never heard of it happening between cross-species though, and maybe that was why it didn’t land. Bear and wolf didn’t mix, not even in magic.