She slammed the door to her quarters. I cautiously opened it. She was crying into her pillow. I closed the door behind me and approached her. “Hannah, I’m sorry if I—”
“You’re a bastard!” she screamed and threw a pillow at me.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked, but then I saw the look on her face, and everything suddenly clicked into place.
The endless questions about how I felt about Scarlet and Eva, the offense she had taken at the slightest negative comment about the princess, the familiar mannerisms—how had I not seen it before?
“Eva?” I said softly.
“Leave me alone.”
I took a step closer, studying her body. How had I not noticed that it was just like Eva’s? The long legs, wide hips, pert ass, slender waist, and big breasts, which, now that I thought about it, had nipples that were identical to the princess’s.
“Eva, I know it’s you,” I said, standing over her.
“Leave me alone, Jake. You’re drunk.”
“Enough games.” I roughly ripped the sheet off her.
She shot out of bed and pushed me as hard as she could. Tears streamed down her face. I staggered back, tripping on the tail of the sheet I still clutched to my waist, and she ripped the pendant from around her neck.
To my amazement, Hannah’s brown, curly hair turned blond from root to tip and straightened, and her face morphed into that of the princess’s.
“Eva, why—”
“You’re a bastard!” She pushed me away when I tried to approach her.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I said as forced her into my arms.
She broke free and slapped me across the face. When I didn’t react, she slapped me again, then pounded on my chest. I picked her up and tossed her on the bed.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” I bellowed.
“You said you thought you loved me, but you have no idea what love is!” She grabbed her nightdress and hastily pulled it back on. “You’d bed any woman who batted their eyes at you.”
I glared, fuming, and reminded myself to stay calm. “Are you seriously telling me that you pretended to be your handmaiden so you could spy on me? So you could secretly find out how I felt about you?”
“Don’t turn this around on me—”
“Turn it around on you?” I laughed mirthlessly. “You’re a fucking psycho, do you know that? Who pretends they’re someone else so they can test the affection of another? You’ve got some serious issues, lady.”
“You were going to sleep with me when you thought I was Hannah,” she accused, as if that made any difference in the matter.
“You came to my bed naked in the middle of the night, and so what if I’d slept with Hannah? I waited for months to get a chance to return to Tarth, because believe it or not, I missed you. I realized what I gave up when I left. I was so goddamned excited to see you when the goddess summoned me back, but rather than speak with me, you pretended to be your fucking handmaiden.”
“I wanted to know how you truly felt,” she said without a hint of guilt. “And now I know.”
“Yeah,” I said, shaking my head and starting for the door. “And now you know. I think you’re a selfish spoiled brat who…” A thought suddenly occurred to me. “Eva, is Scarlett really missing?” I stopped at the door, regarding her sternly.
She said nothing.
“Eva?”
“Yes! Yes, your precious Scarlett is really missing!”
“She’s your friend too,” I said with disgust.
“I’m just as worried as you are,” she said defensively.
“No, you’re not.” I opened the door and took one last look at her, my heart aching from her deception. “You’re more concerned with playing head games, like usual. Go back to your damned temple, Princess. You’re no use to me. You’ve proven that much.”
“Jake!” she called after me, but I slammed the door behind me and didn’t look back.
I barely got any sleep the rest of the night, pissed as I was over Eva’s deception. I couldn’t believe she would stoop so low. I mean, come on! What kind of nutjob does that?
I finally gave up and prepared for my departure. Garthor was there when I emerged from my room.
He smiled affably and greeted me at a volume that made my head ache. “Mornin’, Sir Jake! I’ve brought the promised armor and this!” He held up a shiny new crossbow and quiver.
“Thanks, Garthor. You wouldn’t happen to have any Tylenol or Aleve would you?”
“Come again?” he said, confused, then saw me rubbing my temples. “Ah, you got a hangover. Me thinks ye be needin’ a little scale o’ the dragon what bit ye!”
“What? Oh, right, hair of the dog. Nah, I need a clear head.”
“Then one o’ them apothecary remedies. I’ll send a servant after some right quick. Try that armor. If there be need for any alterations, now be the time to find out.”
I returned to my room and put on the dwarven armor. It was light but seemed pretty solid, consisting of a thick steel breastplate, sleek pauldrons, forearm, shin, and thigh guards, a leather lappet with metallic accents, and heavy boots pointed at the tips. The crossbow and quiver came with a leather-bound chain to sling it over my shoulder. When I swung my enchanted pizza shovel over my shoulder, it attached to the back of the armor as if drawn to a magnet.
“How do I look?” I asked Doughboy, who was watching me intently.
“Sweeeet,” he croaked.
There was a knock at my door, and I prayed to Celesta that it wasn’t Eva. I had nothing to say to that crazy bitch. “Come in,” I said hesitantly.
“Here ya be,” said Garthor, striding in and offering me a cup.
I inspected the green contents. It smelled like seaweed dipped in Pepto Bismol. “What is it?”
“Just what ye be needin’,” he said. “Drink up, and try to get it all down at once.”
I raised the glass in a silent cheer and chugged the disgusting concoction. I almost puked but kept it down. “God, that shit is gross.”
“Aye, but it’ll do the job.”
Garthor escorted me and Doughboy the rest of the way through the mountain. When we finally emerged on the other side, we were at the first dwarven outpost.
“I wish I could go with ye on yer quest, Sir Jake,” he said regretfully. “But I wish ye the best o’ luck.”
“Thanks, Garthor. What if the rumors of Gorrcon’s return are true? Will the king come around?”
Garthor glanced at the dwarves standing guard on the nearby cliffs. “Between ye and me, the king ain’t got the mettle for warfare. But if the rumors be true, and that hated warlock be back, we dwarves will do whatever it takes to defeat him.”
“Good, because if Red and the rest of the clan can’t stop Gorrcon, war will come to the mountain pass.”
He nodded gravely and shook my hand. “Let’s be hopin’ it don’t come to that.”
“Let’s hope.”
I thanked him for everything and took my leave. My horse had been brought through the mountains by the dwarves, and it waited for me beside one of the tall watch towers. To my surprise and vexation, Eva was waiting for me as well.
“Sweeeet!” said Doughboy, and went over to her.
“No,” I said as I approached her. “Hell fucking no. You’re not coming with me.”
“You are not my master.” She glowered. “I can go wherever I please.”
“This isn’t a game, Eva.”
“I know it isn’t, you sarcastic son of a bitch. Scarlett is my friend too, and you can’t stop me from trying to help.”
“Oh yeah?” I said threateningly and took a step toward her.
“What are you going to do, Jake, hit me?”
I wanted to. God help me, I wanted to. Maybe I should have, but I kept my cool. “I’m not doing this with you.” I walked past her. “Come on, Doughboy.”
I glanced back. He stood beside her, looking like a little kid who had to choose between his par
ents.
“D? Let’s go!”
He hung his head and joined me.
I heard her horse behind me and stopped. “What’s with you?” I said resignedly. “Why do you insist on driving me nuts?”
“Get over yourself, Jake.” She mounted her horse. “I’m going to find Scarlett, with or without your help.”
She snapped the reigns and started down the path leading out of the mountains. It was the only path.
“Fuck my life.” I mounted and glowered at a grinning Doughboy. “Don’t say it.”
He chuckled to himself like a cute anime character and ran after Eva, who laughed when he bounded to her shoulder.
As Doughboy was the only one who had any clue to Scarlett’s whereabouts, I had no option but to follow the little traitor, who remained on her shoulder when we left the mountains and came out on a vast plateau. We traveled for hours without speaking, and when Eva finally stopped to let her horse drink from a river, I stopped as well.
We stood there in silence. I had nothing to say to her, but she seemed to want to speak, because she kept looking at me with a pouty face that only irritated me more.
“Jake—”
“Quiet,” I said when I heard a noise in the brush behind me.
“You don’t have to be rude. I wanted to say that I was sor—”
“Quiet!” I hissed. “Doughboy, get over here.”
He jumped off her shoulder and hurried over, his eyes on the brush I was pointing at.
“You sense anything in there?” I asked.
He cautiously moved toward the bright green and brown underbrush, which was thick and dark. Suddenly, an army of spear-wielding imps leapt out. Doughboy immediately sprang into action, and I pulled my pizza shovel from its invisible harness and stalked toward the little bastards. I was still hung over and furious from Eva’s bullshit, and I wasn’t the least bit afraid of the imps.
I swung at one as it sailed through the air toward me, severing it in two. Doughboy’s arms shot out and grabbed the little devils as they emerged from the underbrush in droves. He chomped off heads and broke necks as fast as he could, but there were just too many of them to vanquish.
They died by my blade by the dozens, but the severed bodies did nothing to deter the rest of them. Soon they were pouring from the ground like a horde of undead minions from hell. I urged Eva to get the hell out of there.
“D, retreat!” I yelled and ran toward my startled horse. If I hadn’t tied the beast to a tree, it would have bolted.
The imps caught up to me and climbed my legs, jumped on my shoulders and arms, and tried to drive me to the ground, all the while sticking me with their spears, which were the length of steak knives. They got in a few shots between the creases in my armor, and I growled against the pain and went apeshit trying to get them off me. With Doughboy’s help, I got away, got on the horse, and hauled ass out of there.
I glanced back as we sped along the side of the river, and to my horror, hundreds of imps were pouring out of the ground, which burned with an eerie green flame.
“Jake!” Eva called. “A ferry!”
About three hundred yards farther along the bank was a dock with a big raft floating next to it. A long, ragged rope tied to the dock was strung across the river to a dock on the opposite shore. If we could get there in time, we might be able to escape the demonic bastards.
Eva reached the dock ahead of me and had already led her horse onto the wide barge-like raft. She urged me to move faster. I raced full out and slid to a stop on the dock, my horse nearly sitting on his haunches, and dismounted. I was about to lead him onto the barge when a big ugly troll rose out of the marshy bank and blocked my way.
“Answer this riddle to cross my crick. Answer wrong, and I dine on your—”
I chopped his head off with one swing and got on the barge. Doughboy untied the ropes attaching it to the dock, and I pulled us toward the other side.
We were about ten feet off shore when the imps reached the dock, and they began leaping like lemmings off the bank. More than ten of the little bastards made it onto the barge, and other began climbing along the rope.
“Take over on the rope!” I yelled to Eva.
Doughboy and I had a hell of a time fighting them off, but soon the distance between them and the barge became too great for them to leap across, and we left them screaming and shaking their fists at us in impotent rage.
“That was a close call.” I touched a sore spot on the back of my neck, where one of their spears had nicked me.
“You’re hurt,” said Eva with concern and moved to help.
I held up a staying hand. “I’m fine.”
“Jake, I’m sorry I deceived you. I—”
“I don’t care,” I said flatly.
I glanced back at the shore and groaned. The imps were climbing along the rope hand over hand in a long line, and their weight was slowing our progress.
“Shoot them with your crossbow,” Eva urged.
“Waste of bolts.”
There were at least two dozen imps on the ropes, and they were getting close.
“Hold this end,” I told Doughboy, then sliced through the rope, sending all the imps hanging on it into the water. It seemed that none of them could swim, because they sank beneath the surface and didn’t come back up.
Doughboy and I kept hold of the half of the rope still attached to the opposite side, and with us anchoring it, the barge listed toward shore as it moved down the river.
“Eva, I’m not going to be able to hold on when the line tightens, so you’ll need to jump off and lead the horses ashore when I say so. Got it?”
“Okay.”
Our transition went smoothly when the barge floated up onto a sandbar. She led the horses off without incident. Doughboy jumped off after her, and I went last. I saw no sign of the imps.
“Looks like we’re home free, but let’s put some miles between us and the river.”
We wound through a marshy bog up to higher ground. I checked behind us every few minutes but didn’t see any imps coming after us. The rocky land gave way to a thick forest with a variety of trees I didn’t recognize. Some were tall and thick with drooping branches like weeping willows, and others looked like giant palms that hadn’t been maintained and loomed overhead like cloaked figures.
The sky darkened as the day progressed, and I watched it warily. The last thing we needed was rain.
I mentally recited Gray’s directions to the Black Keep, searching for landmarks that would help me find my way. He’d told me to keep the Monster Bane Mountains on my left, and after a half a day’s march from the gate, I would reach a large lake. Another half day’s travel, and I would see a large black monolith made from the bones of the earth, which I assumed meant stone. We’d been riding a half a day, yet I still didn’t see the lake.
“Jake,” said Eva as she brought her horse alongside mine.
“Save it, sweetheart,” I said as I scoured the landscape.
“Are you going to be a jerk the entire journey?”
I pretended to be thinking of an answer, rubbing my chin and looking skyward. “Um, yes.”
“Listen, I didn’t start out with intentions to deceive you. I had to change my appearance to that of my handmaiden so I could get away from the temple without anyone noticing. She’s still there, pretending to be me in silent meditation.”
“And once we were on the road?”
“I was going to change my appearance, but we started talking, and you were so mad at me for not coming to talk to you, I thought maybe you didn’t like me anymore. I kind of… I was afraid to show myself to you. And I realized as Hannah, I could find out how you felt about me and Scarlett.”
I laughed ironically. “You could have asked me that question as yourself.”
“I-I was worried you would reject me.” Her eyes were filling with tears, but I couldn’t have cared less.
“I’m over it, babe. Your head games don’t work on me anymore. Whatever we
might have had is gone.”
“Is it because of your girlfriend on Earth?” she asked hesitantly.
“No, it’s because you’re crazy.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
I ignored her and slapped the reins, urging my horse to move faster. I wanted to talk to her, but I was so pissed off about what she’d done that I didn’t trust the words that might come out of my mouth.
Doughboy snoozed on the back of the horse, legs twitching, and I wondered if he was dreaming of eating monsters. We’d already run into imps, and I was concerned that Gorrcon was somehow alert to my quest.
“Is that the lake?” She pointed, and when we moved past a cluster of trees, a greenish-blue lake came into view.
Its tributaries ran from the distant mountains, gnarly black trees surrounded it, and upon its banks were large, lizard-like creatures, sunning themselves.
“I think so. Let’s steer clear of those lizard things and go around to the east. We’ll continue northeast, like Gray said. If we stay on the right track, we should be there by this time tomorrow.”
I started down the rocky bluff, and that’s when I saw a large winged creature flying toward us from the south. Beneath it, the forest seemed to be crawling with bugs, but as they drew closer, I realized the swarm was a large group of imps.
“Son of a bitch!” I glanced around, desperately searching for a defensible spot.
“Oh no,” said Eva when she saw the creature flying toward us.
“What the hell is that, a dragon?”
“It’s a demon.”
“Not sweeeet,” said Doughboy.
The steep rocky land wouldn’t allow us to race away on horseback.
“What do we do?” She looked at me in fear, and despite my anger, I wanted to keep her safe.
“D, you think you can control that thing?”
“Sweeeet, sweeeet.” He nodded and clenched his fists, pumping himself up.
“Eva, I need you to get out of sight.” I pointed at a thick bush beside a boulder. “Hide in there, and if anything happens to me and Doughboy, you’d better pray to Celesta that you’re not found.”
Monster World 2 Page 7