by J. E. Parker
It was the first time she’d done so.
Right then, I realized I wasn’t the only one a hairbreadth away from losing my heart to Kyle Tucker. Though in a completely different way, my baby sister was too.
TWELVE
Carissa
My heart jackhammered against my ribs.
Hands shaking, I stood at the edge of the graduation stage. Fifth in line to have my name called, I was hidden behind a giant curtain, shielded from the crowd’s view. My palms were covered in sweat, and I felt my knees shake beneath the long black robe I wore.
To say I was nervous was an understatement.
I blew out a breath as I straightened the gold and black cords that hung over my shoulders along with the graduation cap that fit tightly on my head. I’d worked so hard to reach this milestone, and now that it was here I felt like fainting.
The line moved as more names were called.
Before long, I was up next.
Finally able to see the auditorium, I looked out over the crowd, searching the sea of faces for a familiar one. I found one in an instant thanks to the fuchsia-colored hat Grandmama wore. The over-the-top headwear acted as a beacon, drawing my eyes to the crazy old woman it belonged to.
I nearly cried at the sight of her and Maddie seated next to one another.
Both had played huge parts in my life since I was a little girl. They were my rocks and two of my biggest cheerleaders. Seeing them there did funny things to my heart.
It was a miracle I kept my tears at bay.
I moved my gaze down the row of chairs, recognizing every last face. A knot formed in my belly as I looked at each of them, their smiling faces locked on the stage, waiting for my name to be called.
Not a single person was missing.
Daddy, Heidi, Kyle, Hendrix, Shelby, Anthony, Ashley, Felix, Hope, Evan, Charlotte, Keith, Brantley, Clara, Pop, plus all the kids. They were all there, seated on both sides of Grandmama and Maddie. Nearly every chair in the long row was taken.
All except for one.
Between Daddy and Heidi was a single empty space. Well, it wasn’t exactly empty. On the vacant seat sat a white vase filled with what looked like two dozen red roses. Confused, I stared at the beautiful flowers as my mind whirled.
My hands began to shake when realization hit me square in the face.
That realization? The seat was Mama’s, and the roses were hers.
Overwhelmed with emotion, my hands shook. I felt like falling to the floor and crying my eyes out. It stung that Mama wasn’t there to see me walk, but it made my heart swell to know someone had saved a spot for the one person I knew would be the proudest.
I knew who’d done it too.
Heart in my throat, I scanned the crowded row until my eyes found him, the man who’d turned my world upside down. Seated between Hendrix and Heidi, Kyle’s eyes were glued to the stage, his ever-watchful gaze searching for me. He was so beautiful—inside and out—and though some may not have agreed, I was the luckiest woman in the world to have him by my side, a place I hoped he’d remain forever.
It was a thought I didn’t have time to dwell on because it was my turn to hand my name card to the young woman acting as an in-between for the graduates and the speaker announcing each name. I nervously handed the small paper to her and she slipped it to the speaker, a smiling older man, without ever leaving the curtain’s shadow.
The speaker glanced at me and nodded.
Then, holding the microphone tight in his hand, he announced my name. “Carissa Ann Johnson.”
This is it, I told myself. This is the moment I’ve been fighting for.
Nervous energy consumed me as I stepped out onto the stage and into the light. The moment I came into view, my family and friends all stood. Their claps, shouts, and whistles echoed through the auditorium drawing the eyes of everyone.
Pride consumed me as I walked across that stage.
Chin held high, I shook the Dean’s hand with my right hand while accepting my diploma cover from him with the left. “Congratulations, Ms. Johnson,” he said, a huge smile on his face.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nodded. “Thank you.”
He released my hand, and I glanced at my family one more time.
The looks they wore almost broke me.
Each one of them was proud of me, that much was obvious, but none wore a smile as big as Grandmama’s. With tears in her eyes, she held her arms up high, giving me two thumbs up. “That’s my girl!” she shouted.
Next to her, Daddy clapped before tapping the place where his heart laid with the palm of his hand. Even from a distance away, I could read the unspoken words that danced in his emotion-filled eyes. I’m proud of you, Carissa Ann, they said.
Throat clogged with tears, I tucked my degree cover under one arm and raised a fisted hand into the air. Unable to resist, I silently mouthed, I did it!
The move only made them yell louder and clap harder.
Most of them were acting like crazed fools, but that was okay. They were my fools, and I loved each of them to pieces.
After exiting the stage, I headed down the main aisle toward the row of seats where my assigned chair sat. Just as I reached the correct row, my eyes found Kyle’s. A breathtaking smile adorned his face and it took every ounce of control I possessed not to run straight into his arms.
Wrapped up in my infatuation with him, I raised my hand and blew him a kiss.
Maddie’s phone flashed when she snapped a picture, forever memorializing the act.
Kyle reached around Hendrix and tapped her arm. “Send me that picture,” he demanded in the same bossy tone that made my toes curl. “Now.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “Hold your horses, Romeo.”
Turning his attention back to me, Kyle winked.
I winked right back and headed for my seat.
Once my butt met the cool metal, I held the degree cover against my chest and closed my eyes. Tilting my head back, I sent a silent message to the Heavens above. I did it, Mama, I mentally whispered. I hope you’re proud.
Deep in my heart, I knew she was.
THIRTEEN
Kyle
I’m in hell.
The lone thought echoed around my skull as I stood by the fence in Brantley and Clara’s backyard. Close to losing control, I fought the urge to push through the group of people separating Carissa from me. Having her in my sight but not by my side was messing with my already fucked-up head.
I needed her close, within reaching distance.
Seated next to the pool on a lounge chair she shared with Heidi and surrounded by the chicks who made up her inner circle, she looked happy as could be. As much as I wanted to storm over there and steal her away, I couldn’t. I hated admitting it, but she needed to spend time with people besides me.
I couldn’t take up all her time.
Even if I wanted to.
I was a selfish fuck, but I wasn’t that selfish.
I’d give her the space she needed, but I’d be damned if I let her out of my sight. Not if I could help it. Whether she was with me or someone else, her safety was the most vital thing, and come hell or high water, I refused to let anything—or anyone—endanger her.
As long as I had a breath left in my body, Carissa would stay exactly as she was.
Secure. Happy. Alive.
I won‘t let—
I snapped my head to the left when a fist slammed into my upper arm. Lemonade sloshed out of the plastic cup I held in my hand, landing on my arm and shirt. I gritted my back teeth together, fighting to keep a handle on the anger that roared to life inside me.
“Man, can you stop staring at C for five damn seconds?” Hendrix, who stood beside me, said. His hand was still clenched, ready to throw another punch. Best friend or not, he’s lucky I didn’t punch him in the face. “You haven’t taken your eyes off her all day.”
“You, of all damn people, have zero room to talk with the way you watch Maddie,” I shot back.
<
br /> Hendrix shrugged. “Point taken.”
Across from me, Evan shook his head. “It’s her graduation party, dipshit. The least you can do is smile,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “If she thinks you’re pissed, which is exactly how you look, she‘ll be miserable. And if you upset her, you’ll have to deal with the Crazy Chick Club. Trust me, dude, you don’t want to go down that road.”
That comment earned a chuckle from me.
“You think I’m kidding,” he added, wide-eyed. “Just wait until Grandmama pulls a gun on you or Shelby threatens to shove her cowgirl booted foot three feet up your ass.”
Little did Evan know, Shelby had already threatened me numerous times. Protective as hell over Carissa and Heidi both, she didn’t hold back when describing all the horrid stuff she’d do to me if I made either of them cry.
“And don’t get me started on Maddie, Charlotte or my wife,” Evan continued. “They may be little in stature and seem sweet as honey, but all three can go from reasonable to psycho in two seconds flat. I should know, I’ve been on the receiving end of it from each of them—” he paused “— more than once.”
“Don’t forget, Clara,” a slightly terrified looking Hendrix added. “Other than Grandmama, I’ve never been scared of a woman in my life, but I make a point to watch my back around her.”
Evan nodded in agreement. “It’s the red hair, man. Redheaded chicks are always crazy.”
Anthony chose that moment to walk up. Holding his youngest daughter, Gracie in his arms, he looked from Evan to me. “What did my wife do now? I heard you say her name.”
Hendrix leaned back against the fence, crossing his arms over his chest. “Evan was just telling Kyle how fucking nuts she is.”
I glared at him. “You always talk about your sister like that?”
“You have met my sister, right? The same one who threatened to burn down Sugar Babies bakery if they didn’t make her a fresh batch of cream-filled donuts right that minute?” he asked, quirking a brow. “It’s not talking about her if it’s the truth. I love her but let’s face it, Shelby is bat-shit-crazy.”
If I were in Anthony’s position, I would’ve knocked Hendrix’s teeth down his throat.
Anthony didn’t.
Instead, he smiled. “It’s great, isn’t it?”
“You’re all idiots—” I started.
“Ky Ky!” A small, but sweet as hell, voice shouted my name, cutting me off mid-sentence.
Heart pounding, my eyes searched the yard for the source.
I found her in two seconds flat.
Standing next to a giant tire swing, Melody, Hendrix and Maddie’s two-and-a-half-year-old daughter smiled at me from beneath the oversized silver princess crown she wore atop her head. “Ky Ky,” she repeated, tilting her head to the side. “Pay wif me”—she tapped the tire swing—“wing.”
A memory rushed forward.
With her dark, curly hair, innocent expression, and big brown eyes, Melody looked so much like Lily at that moment that it nearly became my undoing. Refusing to tumble down that rabbit hole in front of the beautiful little girl I considered my niece, I pushed it back, swallowing down the ache that spread through my chest, planting its roots as it went.
I’d deal with the pain, with the anguish, with the goddamn guilt later.
“What?” Hendrix asked, confused. “Melly Belly, you’re supposed to ask Daddy to swing with you, not Kyle!”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Melody shook her head and stuck her nose in the air. “Want Ky Ky.” She looked from her father to me. “Pweaseee.”
I didn’t need to be asked again.
Turning at the waist, I thrust my cup into Hendrix’s hand. “Hold this.”
I didn’t wait for him to reply before heading toward Melody.
Behind me, he grumbled, “This is complete bullshit.” Evan and Anthony both laughed, sending Hendrix on a tirade. “Keep laughing. But y’all just wait until he steals your kids too. Asshole always brings Melody coloring books and candy, bribing her. It’s bad enough I have to compete with Pop and Keith. Now I’ve gotta deal with Kyle too.” He paused. “Thank Christ Maci is too small for him to corrupt… for now.”
Evan replied, but I didn’t hear what he said.
My attention was focused solely on Melody.
When three feet separated me from her, she lifted her arms into the air in an unspoken request to be picked up. It was a request I happily obliged. Scooping her up into my arms, I hugged her tight. “Hey, beautiful baby,” I whispered, pressing my nose to her soft hair.
“Ky Ky,” she said, giggling. “Wing Melly Belly!’
I chuckled, grabbing the swing with one hand. “Alright, babydoll, let’s do this.”
Turning her so her back was pressed against my chest, I slid both our bodies through the opening of the swing, sitting on the inner ring. I held her tight, not giving her a chance to slip out of my hold. Leaning back, I lifted my feet off the ground and pumped my legs as we started to move.
Melody clutched my arm with her hands, squealing in excitement each time we changed direction or spun the slightest bit. “High high, Ky Ky!” she shouted, digging her nails into my forearm. “High high!”
Unable to tell her no, I pumped harder, making us fly higher.
More squeals followed.
Soon we’d drawn the attention of everyone in the backyard.
I could feel multiple sets of eyes on me, but I didn’t give a shit about any of them but one.
I looked to the place where I last saw Carissa. When I didn’t see her, momentary panic set in. It faded when I found her standing less than twenty feet away, her eyes locked on Melody, a look of yearning on her face.
I lifted my chin in greeting.
She waved in return.
Dazed by the wishful expression she wore, I tried to get a read on what was going through her pretty head. It was something I didn’t have to think about long.
Wrapping her arms around her middle, she closed her eyes. Then, in front of the people we both considered our friends and family, she mouthed a single word; one which, if I’d been standing would have knocked me right on my ass.
That word? Someday.
My chest tightened; her eyes slid open.
When her gaze met mine, I mouthed back three words of my own.
Those words? You’re damn right.
FOURTEEN
Carissa
“What the hell was that?”
At the sound of Maddie’s high-pitched voice, I turned, pulling my gaze from Kyle and Melody. Her wide-eyes were locked on me, a dumbfounded expression on her face. Focused on the heart-stopping sight before me, I hadn’t even heard her, nor Shelby who stood beside her, walk up.
“Seriously,” she continued, “what in the name of Hades was that?”
I blinked. “What was what?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t you dare,” she fired back, placing her hands on her hips. Her entire demeanor reminded me of Grandmama at that point. “You are not allowed to clam up on me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I’d never been a good liar; therefore, I knew Maddie saw right through me.
“Uh-huh,” Shelby said, chewing on the end of a carrot. “You can deny it, but we all saw it.”
“Saw what?”
Maddie shook her head. “I may have been born at night, C, but it wasn’t last night.”
“And I may be a blonde, but I’m not dumb,” Shelby added, her relentless stare boring into me. “So you might as well fess up.”
Flustered, I blew out a breath. “What do you think you saw?”
Charlotte, who held a babbling Maci in her arms, chose that moment to walk up, a knowing smile on her face. “Well, I don’t know about everyone else, but I witnessed you tell Kyle that you want to have his baby”—she raised a single hand into the air and curled her fingers making air quotes— “someday.”
They were wrong. I hadn’t told Kyle I w
anted to have his baby. I was merely referring to the fact that I wanted a little girl like Melody someday. Kyle only happened to be sitting there.
Liar, liar, pants on fire the voice in my head hissed.
The truth was, seeing him with Melody made my belly do somersaults. There was something about the smile on her face and the adoration plastered across his that made my ovaries burn.
I’d always wanted to be a mother, but until Kyle, I’d never met anyone I’d consider having children with. To be fair though, I hadn’t dated much. The limited experience I had with the opposite sex extended to a handful of high school boyfriends, none of whom I ever let get past second base thanks to the belief system Mama had instilled in me.
You see, despite being a devout Christian, Mama never told Heidi and me to save ourselves for marriage like the church demanded we do. Instead, she’d told us to never lay down with a man whom we wouldn’t want to become the father of our children.
Condoms can break, and birth control can fail, but babies are forever, is what she used to say.
I took those words to heart.
It was the main reason I’d never experienced more than a wandering hand up my shirt. I wasn’t a prude by any means, and I didn’t believe sex was dirty, but I wasn’t okay with possibly conceiving a sweet little baby with someone who wasn’t worthy of being my child’s father.
With Kyle it was different.
We weren’t in an official relationship—yet—but it seemed as if we’d been together forever. Three years was a long time, and although we’d only kissed once before today, we’d shared a lot more. I had the beat of his heart memorized, and he knew of the sounds my damaged soul made when I wept.
“What’s going through that head of yours?” Shelby asked, pulling me from my inner thoughts. Her eyes flitted past me to the place where Kyle was still swinging with Melody. “You thinking about asking the Hulk for a sperm donation? I’m sure he’d be more than glad—”
Grandmama’s booming voice ripped through the air, cutting Shelby off mid-sentence. “Y’all, look, I brought the wieners again!” she yelled, stepping onto the back porch from the kitchen. Shutting the door behind her, she grabbed a bigger-than-normal looking wiener from a red platter and twirled them around in the air, taunting Keith, who stood in front of the grill. “Brought hamburgers too but those ain’t near as interesting.”