They’ll know their place, and hopefully they’ll feel like for once in their lives they’ve truly belonged somewhere. That’s my hope for my club. I want the outcasts and the insecure, the ones who’ve tried too hard for far too long. You want to know why I want them? Because they belong with me.
The Reapers consist of so many people, from so very many walks of life. We’re all totally different, but at the same time we’re so similar.
Once the club is up and running, I’ll finally start looking for the ones I seek.
Grim
Reapers MC Book 13
Playlist
I feel bad for you — Hollyn
Anxious — Sarah Reeves
The Hunger — Buckcherry
Slow Grenade — Ellie Goulding & Lauv
If this time is the last time — LANY
Biting My Tongue — The Veronicas
Two Of Us — Alice Charter
Reminds Me — Kim Petras
Man — Jojo
Yours — Jesse McCartney
Older — Sasha Sloan
She — Selena Gomez
Acknowledgments
My Alpha Team: Courtnay, Michele, Jai, Janet, Taneesha, Kim, Isabelle, Heidi, Cynthia, Jojo, Vikki, and Lisa— Thank you guys for helping me make this the best book it can be. You’re all the first who ever look at my work, so you really get the first impression. Thanks to your amazing feedback and countless input I’ve made this the best it can be. Thank you so much!
My Beta Team: Heidi, Rebecca, Danaca, Christy, Heather, Kristine, Stephanie, and Emma— You’re all new to my newfound beta team, and I’m so happy to have you all on board. I started realizing as of late how I needed people to help me be my last line of defense while the book is in editing. I can’t wait for y’all to start this crazy journey with me and I hope you’re all ready for loads of books!
My Cover Designer, Clarise— This is one of my absolute favorites. I was so nervous about the color at first, but you know I trust you, girl! It’s made this one incredibly striking. Thank you for your years of friendship and for helping me have the best covers in the industry.
My Blogger Team— Without you, I wouldn’t be anywhere and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you all for taking your chances on me, for reading my work, or sharing my cover reveals, and everything else it is that you do. I love y’all and appreciate it so much.
My Editor, Kim and Proofreader, Jackie— You two are my ride or dies. We’re the freakin’ dream team and I hope y’all know it the way I do.
Rae B. Lake, E.C. Land, April Canavan, Jen L. Grey, and Iris Sweetwater— Thank you all for pushing me this month when I was in the middle of deadlines galore. If it wasn’t for your encouragement and massive cheerleading skills, I don’t know that I would’ve gotten this finished. Thanks so much, babes. Love y’all!
Golden— Thank you for being an absolute pleasure to work with. I can’t wait to see the other lovely covers we create together!
Blake and Gina— Blake, thank you for coming up to me at TNTNYC19 plastered on fireball. You put me on the spot about snagging ya for a cover, and you even helped me find the perfect image with Golden. The way it happened cracks me up to this day, but I love the hustle.
Gina, thank you for being my muse for Natalie. I can’t wait for people to see this story come to life.
To the warriors.
The ones who have been broken, whether it’s in an emotional or physical way.
You are worthy of finding love again.
You are worthy of having the best people in your life.
Don’t let the doubt filled demon come crush your dreams. More importantly, don’t let your abuser haunt you. I know it’s hard, but I know you can pull through just as Natalie has.
This one is for you, and I sure as hell hope I did a damn good job.
Prologue
He was a weak man. The sort who needed to crush a woman to feel powerful.
~ John Mark Green
Natalie
Last Christmas . . .
“Mum?” Sorcha is screaming in front of the tree, crying her bloody eyes out. Davina sits beside her, not understanding why St. Nicholas didn’t stop at our house last night. Even though she’s disappointed, she’s doing her best to console her baby sister.
“Mum?” Aggie repeats. She’s the oldest of my three girls, at eleven years old. She’s still very much a child and yet is wise beyond her years. It’s evident in her tone that she knows something isn’t right. I turn my neck to the side and look directly into her deep green eyes.
“Yes, love?”
“Dad did this, didn’t he?” She keeps her voice low so her sisters can’t hear her.
“I’m not sure, nugget.” I mutter, looking to our tree. I wrapped tons of gifts for the girls and all David had to do was go out to the back shed and get the presents. It’s what he does every year. I buy the presents through the year and wrap them a month or so before the holiday hits. I gave him the key to the shed yesterday, keeping it hidden securely so the girls don’t go rummaging about. Aggie’s asked me if her father had something to do with this and I gave her an answer I don’t believe. He’s the only person who could’ve been responsible for this.
I saw him bringing in the presents last night before I went to bed . . . or at least I thought he was bringing them in the house and setting them under the tree.
Fucking piece of shite.
The back door to our small cottage creaks, signaling someone is pulling on it. I rise up but turn back and look at Aggie. “Watch your sisters for me.”
Making my way through the kitchen I go through the mud room and come face-to-face with the bastard. David, who I’ve been married to since the ripe age of twenty-two. Now here I am in my mid-thirties and I don’t have anything to show for it but my beautiful doting girls. I deal with David because he’s the girls’ father and I do want him involved in their lives, but I won’t have him fucking up their childhood.
“What in the bloody hell did you do?” I hiss, opening the door. I walk out onto the back patio and force him away from the door. “Answer me, David. What did you do!? What happened to all the presents?”
His face is flushed with red, showing me he’s already been drinking. Fuck. It’s not even nine in the morning. “I had to sell them.”
“What?” I interject, fury running through my veins.
“I had to sell them, dear. I lost a bet at the pub two months ago and my competition has been hassling me to get him the money. I didn’t have any money to give him since you handle the finances—”
“I handle them because you can’t budget for shit. If everything we had was in your hands, we’d be homeless and starving.” I grit, balling my fists up at my sides.
Out of nowhere a crashing sensation hits me in the shoulders and I go flying back against the patio. I’m able to catch myself, but the windowsill dug into just below my ribs. “You wouldn’t be anything without me. You know that, don’t ya? Who pays all the bills, huh? Me? You sit on your ass all day and take care of the kids. Ungrateful bitch!” David whips his hand back and strikes me across the face.
The force was so strong that a burning sensation is shooting down my neck. Everything is happening so quickly that I can barely keep up with it. I put my hands underneath me to help me get back up, but David kicks me in the head.
He puts his foot on my hand, applying more pressure until I start groaning in pain. “David, stop this. The girls are inside.”
“It’s best they see what happens when a woman is disrespectful. I’ve had enough of your shite, Natalie. You always think you’re better than me. Fuck, your father even told me so the day we were married, how you should’ve married someone on his level, not a fisherman like me. Well, now I’m showing him.” Christ. David’s gone and lost his fucking mind.
I try to move again, and he’s put his other leg on my forearm and slams his leg down on it. The cracking of my bones registers before the pain, but as it does, I scream blo
ody murder. We live in a small Scottish town on the coast and the neighbors come running out, all seeing David standing over me.
“Mum?!” Aggie screams, sounding distraught.
“Keep your sisters inside!” I tell her, not wanting her to see me like this, nor her father being a monster.
“Back away from her, David!” Richard, our neighbor snarls. Chester, our other neighbor comes up beside him and helps to ensure David backs off the patio. Alice, Chester’s wife comes up beside me and calls a medic.
“Oh my God, Natalie . . . what has he done to you?”
I don’t know what he’s done, but the only thing I do know is I’ll be getting my girls out of here. My parents just moved to Montana and told me if we ever wanted to come visit, we could. They might regret that decision when they know I don’t plan on coming back to Scotland.
Chapter One
Pay attention to what people say out of anger. They’ve been dying to tell you that
~ Live Life Happy
Grim
11 months later . . .
“You’re going to be alright, okay?” Shiloh tells me, taking my hand as she sits beside my hospital bed.
I rip it from her, not even giving the slightest fuck. Why is she even here in the first place? She made her choice. She said she wanted more . . . and now she’s here. It doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense to me. She made such a big thing about wanting more than being shared between the three of us, how she wanted to be an ol’ lady and all of that. What she never took a second to realize is I would’ve made her my ol’ lady in a heartbeat ‘cause I loved her.
Shit, I still love her. Even after she ripped my heart out . . . I’ll still care for her. Sometimes, I think I will until the day I die.
“Shi’,” I call her by a nickname I hadn’t called her since she was in my bed the last time, which was years ago at this point. Fuck, I just got over my heartache, the knife in my heart always being twisted a little more as I see the way she constantly smiles at one of our club prospects, Hammer. He’s a good dude, but it doesn’t make anything any easier. “I need you to leave. You haven’t given two fucks about me, and I don’t want you here. You’re only gonna piss me off.”
Her expression falters into a look of sadness and I see the way her eyes begin to water. “You could’ve died today, Grim. What the fuck? Are you serious . . . you want me to leave? You could’ve died!” She repeats it like it makes a bit of difference, but it doesn’t.
“Yeah, I could’ve . . . but I didn’t.” I retort, rolling my eyes at her.
“Damn, you’re feelin’ a bit salty today.” Axel, my brother, speaks up from the corner of the room.
I went out on a ride after I got in an argument with him, then add seeing Shiloh all flirty with Hammer and I got pissed. I left, sped a little more than I should’ve and didn’t pay attention to the way it was just starting to snow. Combine the slick roads, what I thought was only a bit of rain . . . and here I am, lying in a hospital bed with scrapes and bruises all over my body. I have some nasty cuts, but I was damn lucky. This shit could’ve been so much worse.
“Don’t tell me you’d be treating her any different if you were in my position,” I growl back at him.
“I wouldn’t be actin’ like I had a damn stick up my ass, treatin’ her like shit.” Axel comes to Shiloh’s defense.
Does he not remember the way she cut us off, acted like she never gave a rat’s ass about us? ‘Cause I do. I remember bein’ the happiest man to walk the Earth and then how the woman of my dreams tore everything to shreds.
I would’ve made her my ol’ lady.
I would’ve made her my fuckin’ wife.
I would’ve sunk my cock so far into her, she’d be pregnant every nine months.
But she didn’t tell me what she wanted. Instead, I thought she was fine with the arrangement between Axel, Zorro and I. I thought she wanted to be shared, that she was like Roxy in that way . . . and when shit went down, it was too far gone to even put the pieces back together.
I’m still bitter about it, but I do hope one day I won’t be. Fuck, I don’t even think she realizes what she did. All I know is how deep she cut into me. I don’t know how Axel and Zorro feel about everything after this long. They might not even give a damn anymore.
I shift my eyes back to Shiloh, seeing tears streaming down her cheeks in a heavy flow. Fuck. I didn’t mean to start the waterworks. “Shi’ . . . I don’t mean to be rude; I just don’t even get why you’re here. You shouldn’t have come, not unless you wanted me to think there was more to it and . . . I’m sorry, but we’re not gonna go down that route. ‘Cause I know you don’t want anything. You’re just here to show me your support and all, but it fucks with my head, girl.”
“God, I forgot how much of an ass you can be.” Shiloh hisses, rises from her chair beside me and struts out of the hospital room.
I roll my eyes, ‘cause if I don’t, I’ll start giving a damn, and that’s something I can’t do.
“You really had to act like that?” Axel questions as he walks over and takes a seat in the chair Shiloh was just in.
“You can’t blame me. If you were in my position you wouldn’t want her here either.”
Axel chuckles, shakin’ his head. “No, you’re dead wrong about that. I would’ve taken whatever attention I could’ve gotten to get my dick wet. I wasn’t the one in love with her, brother. That was always you, and damn Zorro and I knew it. The only one who couldn’t tell was her.”
“Thanks for that lovely reminder,” I retort with sarcasm laced through my tone.
He shrugs. “Yeah, well . . . Shiloh might be a smart woman, but damn she can be oblivious to some things.”
“It doesn’t even fuckin’ matter anymore. What’s in the past, is in the past.”
“Damn straight. Doc said we could get you outta here tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I snap. Tell me this is a joke. I don’t wanna be cooped up in some bleach smellin’ nuthouse like this.
“Yeah, wants to wait and make sure you’re really okay. Monitor you overnight and all that shit.”
“Motherfucker. Can’t I get outta here any sooner? There’s a medical release I can sign, right?”
Axel nods, “Sure you can, if you wanna be a fuckin’ fool by all means go ahead. God forbid you start some internal bleeding or somethin’ else goes wrong.”
“You know I don’t like hospitals.” I grumble, looking out through the doorway to the nurses’ station.
“I know, but I hope you’ll stay here, at least just stay the night. I’m not ready to lose another brother, Grim. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
Dammit. He knows how he’s just talked me into staying. He had to guilt trip me. “Fine. I’ll stay the night.”
“Thank you.” Axel hardly ever thanks anyone for anything, but I know why he’s nervous. It’s ‘cause I could’ve died today, and I just pulled the same shit our brother did. He signed himself out of the hospital against the professional’s advice. He ended up dying from a brain bleed. If he wasn’t such a bullheaded piece of shit, he’d still be here with us.
Axel looks at his phone and his eyes widen. “What the hell? Somethin’ goin’ on you haven’t told me about?”
Axel’s eyes meet my own. He sucks in a deep breath. “Ruby is on her way.”
No.
He can’t be fucking serious.
“Tell me you’re joking.”
Axel remains quiet, giving me a knowing look.
“Why the fuck did you tell her?!” I holler. The machines I’m hooked up to start beeping and making ridiculous sounds. Within an instant a nurse is coming into the room to check on me. She walks right up to the machines and looks at me with a stern expression.
“I don’t know what’s got you so riled up but calm down. Your blood pressure is through the roof.”
“Our baby sister is coming to town.” Axel laughs his ass off, getting a smirk from the nurse.
“Well, she must be a hell
of a woman.”
“You could say that.” Axel comments.
Jesus Christ. I can’t believe he told Ruby. She’s . . . indescribable.
Chapter Two
You deserve to be chosen over and over again, not merely considered
~ J.W.
Grim
“Just when I think things are starting to go well again, you gotta fuck something up.” Zane shakes his head in disbelief.
“To be fair, Prez, I only fucked my body up a bit. I’ll be right as rain soon.” I state from where I stand in church. That’s right, only a few hours back in the club and we’re already having a meeting.
Zane runs his hand over his jaw, laughing but he doesn’t find what I’ve said amusing. “I watched you walk back in here and it sure as fuck looked like you won’t be good for a bit, brother. Honestly, you’re lucky to be walking at all.”
Axel chuckles under his breath and I shoot him a glare.
“What did the doc say before you left?” Zane questions, turning church into some sort of medical interview.
“Take it easy, rest, all that shit.” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest. The sooner we get off this subject, the better.
Zane raises a brow and I wonder if Axel overheard the doc. I’m supposed to be doin’ more than just takin’ it easy. He gave me this entire snazzy treatment plan and all that, set me up an appointment with a physical therapist next week, and gave me a card to this ‘cutting edge’ chiropractor office in downtown Billings. I thought chiropractors were quacks. Never thought a doc would give me a card for one of them.
Mayhem: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 42