“Ah.” Ruby nodded as if she wasn’t as shocked as everyone else. “That makes sense.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Just a feeling I had…she watched you a lot, and her eyes were hungry for the sight of you. I just thought maybe you reminded her of someone.”
“I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me.”
“You just figured it out tonight? How?”
“The song, Lavender’s Blue. She used to sing it to me, and she sang along with Henry. She doesn’t look anything like the woman I remember, but that voice…” Brenda closed her eyes against the pain. “I don’t want her here. But at the very same time, I want to understand why she left me.”
“Maybe this will help. She left it with Mrs. O, for you.” She held out a thick envelope and a beat-up old notebook.
Brenda couldn’t bring herself to take it at first. At last she did, but she didn’t open it, just held it in her hand. “It’s so thick. It almost feels like—” She glanced at Ruby and up at Henry. “It feels like a stack of money. But why—” Did Blue think she would buy her off? Purchase her forgiveness?
“Open it,” he urged. “See if there’s a note inside.”
To do so felt like opening Pandora’s box, and she wasn’t sure how many more surprises she was up for tonight.
“Want me to do it so you don’t have to?”
She looked up at Henry’s kind hazel eyes. “You would, wouldn’t you?”
“I’d do anything for you. Anything.”
She glanced at Ruby, who was concerned but also beaming. “You’re not alone, child. Not ever again, unless you don’t want to be here with us.”
“Oh, no, I—” She shivered. “Ruby, I never want to leave. I can stay, right?”
“Of course you can. We’d hunt you down if you tried to go, wouldn’t we, Henry?”
His eyes were fierce. “You’d better believe it.”
Brenda sniffed. “I’m going to quit leaking like a sieve anytime now.”
Ruby folded her in again. “You cry all you want.” She leaned back. “Your real name is Dilly?”
“My name is Brenda, and I’m making it legal.” At Ruby’s compassionate glance, she subsided. “But yes, once I was named Aurora Daffodil Fontaine—crazy name, right?”
“Hard to imagine the woman we all knew giving out a fanciful name like that, for sure. But Blue’s been through hard times, honey. She did tell me that much, as part of being honest with me before I hired her.”
“What kind of hard times?”
Ruby nodded at the envelope. “Better look in there first. She might have tried to tell you herself.”
With trembling fingers, Brenda tore open the envelope—and gasped. A thick wad of bills was inside, a stack of one-hundred dollar bills. “What on earth?”
“That’s a bunch of money,” Henry said. “But look—there’s some paper folded up.”
Brenda tugged at it, then halted. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it said.
“I’ll read it for you, if you don’t want to.”
She was really tempted to let him.
But a strong Brenda would face this on her own, so she extracted the sheets of paper. “Why don’t you count the money, and I’m going to go up to my room and read it.” When he looked crestfallen, she tried to smile. “I need to face this on my own, or I’m not the strong woman I want to be.”
“You don’t have to face anything alone if you don’t want to.”
She rose to her toes and kissed him gently. “I know that. And I’m grateful. But…I don’t know how to say it, exactly, except—once it was only the two of us, Mère and me, and…I just need to face this myself. Okay?”
“All right. But I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’ll never know what that means.” She turned to Ruby. “Thank you, Ruby. For everything.”
“You can thank me by hanging around, no matter what you read. We love you here, honey.”
“Oh, Ruby, I love you so.” She hugged the woman again, then hugged Henry, drawing strength from his embrace. “I’ll come back after I’ve read it. And I’ll be okay, I promise.”
Then she turned to go.
But she felt them watching her. And knew they really did have her back, whatever she would face.
Up in her room, she sat down on the bed and simply ran her fingers over the paper until she could summon the energy to confront what she might find. With a deep breath, she reminded herself that she had a good life, that no matter what she read, she would not let it tarnish the friendships she’d made here or the sense of purpose she’d gained with every passing day in Sweetgrass Springs.
My sweet Dilly—
I have wronged you in every way a mother could. I was a weak, confused woman who didn’t know how to live in this world, and I never deserved you. I am so very sorry for every single time I failed you, and I know they are too many to list.
But know this, if you don’t know anything else in your life: I love you. I have always loved you. I always will. You were the miracle I never deserved, the blessing I could never earn. No child was ever sweeter or more giving. It makes me sick when I think of how I forced you to grow up before your time because of the weak woman I once was.
I’m not weak now, Dilly Brenda. I don’t blame you for changing your name. You will never know how I admire the woman you have become. That it is due in no means to me but rather, in spite of me, is a bitter taste I will have for the rest of my life.
But please believe me that I never meant to leave you. And I would have come for you long ago—except I couldn’t.
I was in prison. I went with that man that last night, God knows why. Probably because I hoped he’d be the one who’d save me. I always thought someone else would save me.
I never realized I’d have to save myself.
I never knew I’d thrust the same horrible choice on you.
You did a better job than I did. But I’m not through trying to become the woman who would deserve you.
That terrible, foolish day, I got high with that man, and then he decided to rob a convenience store. He killed the clerk—and I swear to you I never lifted a hand against that man. But I was arrested as an accessory, and I went to jail with him. He’s still there, but after ten long years I hope never to tell anyone about, I was released. That was several months ago.
The first thing I did was try to find you. I didn’t know you’d changed your name, and I was frantic.
But I know I deserved every second of the pain. It’s still nothing like what you must have experienced all these years.
I never dreamed you’d be shuffled around like that. How do I know that’s what happened? Well, as I traveled, I told every soul I could find about what I’d done and how I’d failed you, hoping someone could help me locate you. One man along the way turned out to be a billionaire who has since died. As part of his legacy, he’s apparently chosen a number of people to whom he’s granted their heart’s deepest wishes. Mine was to find you.
It was his lawyers who found you. Who told me what your life had been like. I almost didn’t come after you because I knew then that you had every reason to hate me. You still do.
But I never meant to hurt you—though you’d have every right to disbelieve me. I have hurt you, over and over, and there’s no way I can ever expect forgiveness for what I’ve done.
I came to Sweetgrass Springs as soon as I received their report. I just wanted to see you again and be sure you were all right, and I told myself that I’d just get a look at you, be sure you were okay, then I’d go. I never expected to find a job working beside you, but when I saw you that first day and knew who you were, I couldn’t make myself leave. I spent every day so happy just to be near you, so proud of you I thought I’d burst…all the while knowing that no matter how fine you’d turned out to be—and you are, sweetheart—it’s too much to ask you to forgive, much less forget.
I don’t know why I hung around so long. Except that my foolish heart kept hoping
I’d find a way to make you like me, and then maybe one day you’d be okay with who I was.
Instead, I broke your heart. And spoiled your birthday party. That you haven’t had one since we were parted is an ache that won’t quit.
I have a lot of aches where you’re concerned, and I deserve every single one.
This money is for you. It’s what Mr. Hopewell gave me so I could travel to be with you. I don’t know what else he hoped I’d do with it.
But I know. I’d like you to use it for that flower shop you want to open. I’d like to see you do that for yourself. You’re a wonderful waitress, but there is so much more you can be.
I won’t know because I won’t come back. If I ever see you again, it will have to be because you want that. I want it desperately, but at the same time, I’m so very ashamed of who I was and what my weakness has cost you.
I don’t expect you to love me again as that sweet child once did. I didn’t deserve it then, and I don’t deserve it now.
But I will never, ever stop loving you.
That fine Henry loves you, too—do you know that? He’s the kind of man I could never find, and I have to wonder if I’d have been a better person if I had.
But you made yourself a good person without him. And without me. You’re fine and strong and admirable, Dilly. I’m going to call you that one last time because I loved that child with my every breath.
Even as I failed her every day.
Love,
Mère
PS This notebook is where I’ve recorded some of my memories. I lost so much of my life in that fog I lived in for years, but since I’ve gotten sober, pieces have come back from time to time. I never told you anything about my life before because I was running away even back then. I didn’t want to believe my past had anything to do with my future, but I was so wrong. That you were the innocent victim of all my running away is something for which I’ll never forgive myself, much less ask you to do.
PSS I know this is a long shot, but my friend Kitty Wells will know how to find me. Her number is 555 436-9087. I don’t expect you to come see me.
But I’ll never give up hoping you will.
Brenda lost track of how long she sat there in silence, curiously empty. She was even too tired to read whatever was inside the notebook. She fell asleep with the letter in her hand.
And when she awoke the next morning and opened her door, she found Henry propped up against the wall beside her door, sleeping, too.
Protecting her, as he’d promised he would.
She knelt beside him, and his eyes opened. When he saw it was her, he sat up hastily. “Are you okay?” he croaked, then cleared his throat.
“I don’t know what I am.” She settled beside him and nearly sighed aloud when he lifted his arm so she could cuddle close. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
She lifted her gaze to his. “For being there, for letting me read it alone, for sleeping on the floor sitting up, for…you’re the best friend I ever had, Henry.”
His brows snapped together. “But now we’re more.” He wasn’t asking.
She smiled back. “Now we’re more.” She leaned into him and handed him the letter. “I’d like you to read it.”
“Thank you. There’s over nine thousand dollars, by the way. Nine thousand six hundred thirty-two.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.” He began reading, and she just let herself float in this space where she didn’t have to make any decisions. Where she could simply cherish his warmth and his closeness.
When he finished, he folded it up and handed it back but said nothing.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m going to do?”
“Nope.”
“You don’t care?”
His eyes whipped to hers. “Everything about you matters to me, but I think you’ve been through enough upheaval for a while, don’t you? You could just…chill.”
“Chill?” She smiled and shook her head. “Well, I suppose that’s one possible choice.”
“There’s no rush.”
She glanced sideways at him. “No, there’s not.”
He watched her carefully. “I’m betting you’re going to see her.”
Her brows rose. “You think I should?”
He shrugged. “Not up to me. I just know how brave you are and how kind.”
She stared off into the distance. “I don’t know if I can forgive her.”
“She’s expecting no better.”
They sat in silence for a long time.
“She hasn’t had it easy either,” she said.
“True. But you’re not obligated to do anything about that.”
She sighed. “I’m not. But I have so much. And she has nothing.”
She heard him chuckle and looked up again. “What?”
He grinned. “Like I said, brave and kind.”
“You think you know everything about me, don’t you?”
“Nope.” His eyes went hot. “But I’m sure looking forward to learning.”
He bent his head and kissed her for a very long time.
Epilogue
Blue approached Kitty’s house with legs that were jelly and a stomach that wouldn’t settle. Kitty’s call had made her hopes soar, but the fall would be crushing if Brenda did as she deserved to do and was only here to tell her off. She stood outside Kitty’s screen door for so long that a figure approached before she could make herself knock.
It was her daughter.
And she was smiling. She opened the screen door. “Hello, Mère.”
Blue could barely see her for the blur of her tears, and she couldn’t seem to speak.
“Henry’s here with me, and we’ve come to take you home.”
“What?” Of all the things she’d expected to hear, this was never one. “You—” Words failed her again, but she had to try. “How can you ever—why don’t you hate me?”
Brenda took in a deep breath. “I did at first because my head and my heart were in such a tumble.” She glanced over at Henry, seeming to draw strength from his presence. She looked at Blue again. “But I’ve learned a lot about life and how messy it can be. I read your memories and let more of my own memories in, rather than pushing them away, and what I remembered was through a child’s eyes, but I don’t think I’m wrong to believe that you never meant to hurt me.”
“But I still did.”
“Life did. As it hurt you. But I have a home now, and you’ve never had one, have you? Not since you first ran away?”
Blue shook her head mutely.
Brenda held out a slim hand. “Then come with me—with us,” she said, looking over her shoulder again at Henry, who smiled at Blue with a nod. “I’ve had a second chance, and I think you deserve one.”
“Sweetgrass is an amazing place, but I can’t—people won’t want me to—” Blue stammered.
“Blue.” Behind them, her friend Kitty looked at her with a broad smile. “You’re not a stupid woman, and if you don’t say yes, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”
Blue closed her eyes and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t know why you would offer it. I don’t deserve this.” She gripped her daughter’s hand tightly, afraid of what would happen if Brenda let go. She opened her eyes again and felt them burning. “But I would really love that…Brenda.”
“Thank you for calling me that.”
“Brenda Jones is an amazing woman. A woman I admire so much—” Her voice broke.
Brenda squeezed her hand. “Blue is a woman I admire, too. You’ve had to be so strong.”
“I wasn’t strong enough, not when it counted.”
“But you are now, and now is where we are. Maybe I’d be someone different if I hadn’t traveled this road. Ruby always says that if you like where you are, you can’t regret the road that got you there.”
“Ruby’s a smart woman. An amazing woman. I’d like to be Ruby when I grow up.”
Brenda smiled. “Join the cro
wd.” Then she opened her arms—
And Blue walked into them.
“Welcome home, Mère.”
~THE END~
Thank you for letting me share my stories with you!
The next Sweetgrass Springs story is BE MINE THIS CHRISTMAS, a Christmas novella:
Gib Douglas has been on the road a long time, with no place to really call home. When he pays a holiday visit to relatives in Sweetgrass Springs, the last person he expects to encounter is the girl he loved, the girl who’d promised to marry him and love him forever…until she betrayed him and married someone else.
Dulcie Maguire gave up her dreams so that Gib could follow his all those years ago. She made a decent life for herself while watching him soar to success with great pride, never expecting to see him again. Now widowed, she’s in dire straits with four children depending on her, when into her life walks Gib again—and she realizes that she’s never gotten over him.
But the man he’s become is not the boy she once knew—and he may never forgive her, once he knows the secret she’s been concealing.
If you enjoyed TEXAS SWEET, I would be very grateful if you would help others find this book by recommending it to your friends in such places as GOODREADS, BOOKBUB and writing a review. If you would like to be informed when my next release is available or get news of special prices on my books, please sign up for my newsletter here. You can also follow me on BookBub here.
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Thanks!
Jean
Please enjoy an excerpt from BE MINE THIS CHRISTMAS:
“Did you know when you made the call for two tires and a splash at Phoenix that it would lock you into the points lead?”
Gib glanced over at the speaker, a young girl of maybe twelve or thirteen, he’d guess, wearing his team’s cap with her dark ponytail sticking out the back. Pretty insightful question for a kid. “No,” he admitted. “But we needed to get off pit road ahead of the 87 car.”
“Is it true that all the teams in your shop get victory bonuses, no matter which team wins?” Her eyes were blue and slightly tilted up at the corners. Somehow they seemed familiar.
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