I popped the last potato chip in my mouth and crumpled up the empty bag. I squeezed the bag, enjoying the crinkle sound it made for some reason. I had to find a way to contact his dad. I needed to find him for Tommy’s sake. The first thing I had to do was to see if he was still living in Hershey. If he was, somehow I’d get there.
***
The library was fast becoming my best friend. Thank God for Google. I found Joe Tucker easy enough. Turned out he was still at the same address. At least it appeared to be true. And I found a new number. One that I held tight in my hand on lined, white paper as I pedaled back home. A number that I hoped was answered by Tommy’s father.
All this sleuthing had my blood pulsating throughout my body. I felt alive. Like I hadn’t in months. Not since Dad had died. I had a purpose and a goal. Nothing seemed impossible to me now. I’d find a way to Joe Tucker. I’d find the answers for Tommy. And I’d find my own answers, when the time came.
Chapter Twenty-One
After dinner, I grabbed the cordless phone from the kitchen wall. I started down the hall toward my bedroom.
“Don’t stay on the phone too long, Emily,” Mom called.
She flipped on the faucet in the kitchen sink. And the clink of the dinner dishes rang out as they sank beneath the water.
“I’m expecting a phone call.”
“Okay. I won’t be long,” I promised. A phone call. Yeah, probably from what’s-his-name. Nick. I’d almost forgotten about him in the excitement of the past couple of days. Almost.
I locked the door behind me and sat on my bed. Unwrapping the crumpled piece of paper, I took a deep breath. And dialed.
He answered on the second ring. A deep, male voice. Smooth and melodic, like Tommy’s.
“Hello.”
I cleared my throat. “Hello. May I speak to Joe Tucker?”
“This is Joe.”
My mind went blank. “Uh…hi. My name is Emily.”
There was a pause on the other end. “Okay…”
I needed to get it together. “Yes. I’m a friend of your son’s.”
“You’re a friend of Danny’s?”
The words I’d started to say fell out of my mind. Who was Danny? He must have another son. “Uh…no. Tommy.”
Joe was silent on the other end.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Is Tommy there? Can I talk to him?” Joe’s voice sounded breathless.
He didn’t know about Tommy’s death. I gripped the phone and squeezed my leg until my skin reddened. I didn’t want to tell him about his son’s death. But, now, I didn’t know what to tell him.
“Emily? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Mr. Tucker, Tommy can’t talk to you now.”
“Where are you? He’s there with you, right? Just doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“I…”
“Where are you?”
“Maidenford,” I answered, without thinking.
“Maidenford,” Joe repeated. “So, she moved again,” he muttered.
My original plan of telling him I had something from his dead son to give him flew out the window. He didn’t know Tommy was dead. I wasn’t going to tell him. Now I realized what I needed to tell him.
“Mr. Tucker, I need you to come to Maidenford,” I said, with as much authority I could muster. “Tommy wants to see you.”
Another short silence. “Will he talk to me?”
I took a deep breath. “I hope so.”
***
After hanging up, I put my radio on and quickly locked my bedroom door again. Tommy lay stretched out on my Hello Kitty comforter, staring at the fly buzzing above him. He’d showed up when I’d hung up with Joe. He hadn’t said a word, yet.
I lay down next to him and stared at the fly, too. It was a small fly, flecks of green on his wings, but he flew fast. Almost seemed hyper in a way. Buzzing to and fro and never getting anywhere. I pushed my head back farther into my soft bed pillow. After the day we’d had, I felt as if I could fall asleep in about two minutes.
His fingers intertwined with mine. Warm, strong, and smooth. We didn’t look at each other. But I rubbed my thumb on the side of his hand in a circular motion. I liked having him so close to me.
“Will you be able to talk to him? I mean, do you think he’ll be able to see you?” I whispered. I was worried about this. Right now, I was the only one who could see and talk to Tommy. For some strange reason, I thought Joe would be able to do the same. But what if my instinct was wrong?
“I don’t know. I hope so. But I can’t believe he’s coming here. To see me.”
“He’s always wanted to see you. At least, that’s what it sounds like.”
“I never thought he wanted anything to do with me. Every birthday would come around, and I’d hope to hear from him. Every Christmas, I’d check for a present from him under the tree. Nothing, ever. But I guess he tried. Mom kept everything from me.” Anger colored his voice. Then it broke. “Why would she do that?”
I stared at him. Tears welled in his eyes.
I squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry she did that. But he’s coming here. You’ll finally see him.”
“But will he see me? And what difference does it make anyway? I’m dead.”
I rolled over and hugged him. “It makes a big difference. You’ll see.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I woke up to a loud banging at my bedroom door. And my brother’s voice yelling my name. I leapt out of bed and flung open the door.
“What are you screaming about?”
His face was tight and drained of color. “It’s Mom. Something’s wrong.”
We hurried down the hall to the living room. Mom lay sprawled out on the carpeted floor in her old blue bathrobe. Passed out. Her body was contorted in an awkward manner. Fear ripped through me.
I bent down next to her and softly patted her face. “Mom, wake up. Wake up.”
Sam shook his head. “She won’t wake up. I called nine-one-one. They should be here any minute.” He sat on the other side of her and held her hand. “Mom, come on. You’ve got to wake up.” He looked at me. “Maybe I should lay her on the sofa.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Tears formed in my eyes. I willed her to wake up. We couldn’t lose her, too. We needed her too much. What was wrong with her?
He went to pick her up. But she moaned, obviously in pain. Sam gently lay her back down.
He touched her forehead. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
Her face twisted in pain. “Call an ambulance. So much pain in my stomach. Got to get to the hospital.”
“It’s okay, Mom,” I said, stroking her hand. “Sam called nine-one-one. They’ll be here any minute. Just hang on.”
A few minutes later, sirens blasted outside our trailer, and Mom was whisked away in the red flashing ambulance. Sam and I rode along. Medical personnel monitored her stats, but she just kept moaning in pain.
“Can’t you do something for her!” I yelled. “She’s in pain. Can’t you stop it?”
The paramedic, a round woman with curly reddish-blonde hair, looked at me sympathetically. “Honey, seems like your mom has appendicitis. She’ll need surgery to take away the pain.”
Appendicitis. Surgery. I didn’t want to hear about any of this. I wanted Mom to feel normal and take us home. What if she died, too? I couldn’t let myself even entertain that thought. I held her hand gently in my own. The ambulance’s sirens barely dulled the panic screaming in my mind as we raced to the hospital.
***
I paced in the waiting room, counting the white tiles on the floor while I walked. Eight white tiles to the left. Eight white tiles to the right. Back and forth until I felt dizzy. I sank into one of the red-cushioned chairs and picked up a dog-eared magazine from the table next to it. I paged through it quickly. I didn’t care about chicken recipes, how to make my hair straight and smooth, or the proper way to do a French manicure. I just wanted Mom to be okay.
Sam sat slumped
in the chair across from me. He had his Philadelphia Phillies baseball cap pulled down low, hiding his eyes. He hadn’t said a word since we’d got here.
“What do you think they’re doing to her?” I asked, flinging the magazine back on the table.
“I don’t know. I wish someone would come out and tell us.”
I sighed and stared out the large picture window behind his chair. It overlooked a flower garden with a small, white stone fountain in the center. A bright-orange trumpet vine snaked around its edge. I knew it was there to provide tranquility and calmness to those of us who sat in the waiting room with unanswered questions. And too much worry on our minds. But it didn’t help.
I looked at Sam. “I can’t go through this again, Sam. She has to be okay.”
He moved his baseball hat down farther, still keeping his eyes covered from view. “Yeah, I know.”
I knew he was upset, too. But he didn’t want to talk about it. Me neither. I went back to my pacing. Aunt Holly interrupted my concentration when she rushed into the deserted area.
“How is she?” She brushed back her dark hair, which always hung in her face. She put her arm around me. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. Sam found her passed out on the floor this morning. A lot of stomach pain. The lady in the ambulance said it was appendicitis.”
“Okay, okay.” She sat next to Sam and put her hand on his arm. “She’ll be fine. You’ll see. I was out of my mind when you called, wondering what happened. We can handle this.”
We waited. Aunt Holly picked up my discarded magazine and learned about French manicures and straight hair. Sam moved his hat back but kept his eyes closed. And I picked at an unruly hangnail that caught my attention.
Finally, a tall thin man in square glasses and blue scrubs came out. He identified himself as Dr. Hamm.
“Your mom is going to be fine,” he assured us. “She had appendicitis. But we were able to get her into surgery in time. She’ll be able to go home in a couple of days.”
Relief spread through me like wildfire. She was going to be okay. Thank God. I wanted to run into that operating room and wrap my arms around her. Hold her tight and never let her go. But she was sleeping, and I’d see her soon. In a few days, everything would be back to normal. I wasn’t going to lose my mom today.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I’m going to take a couple days off work,” Aunt Holly announced. She picked up the empty pizza box from the kitchen table.
We’d had pizza the last two days since Mom was rushed to the hospital. No complaint here. I could eat pizza every single day.
“Why? We can help Mom.” I took the last sip of my cola. “You don’t have to take any more days off work.”
Aunt Holly’s lips curved into a smile. “Believe me, I don’t mind taking off work. I have a ton of time off stored up. I want to use it. And your mom can never have too much help.”
“I guess.” I got up and threw my paper plate into the trash can. “But you can go home now, Aunt Holly. I’m fine.”
I wanted her to leave. I hadn’t seen Tommy since Mom passed out. I sensed he knew I couldn’t deal with his problems right now. I had enough of my own. But now that things were settling down, I wanted to see him. I missed him. Plus, his dad was coming here this weekend. And I had no idea what I was going to tell him. How did someone tell another that their son, who they’d never met, had died and was now a ghost? Not exactly a typical conversation.
Sam left for work after he’d gulped down his pizza. Now I just needed to convince Aunt Holly I didn’t need any adult supervision and she could leave. I was glad she was around with everything going on with Mom. It scared me to death, and I needed reassurance everything would be okay, which she gave me. But I was fine now. And I had to get rid of her.
“Well, I do have some things I need to get done.” She looked at her watch. “If you’re sure you’re fine.”
“I’m fine! Go!” I said.
“Okay, I’ll be back later on and crash on the couch,” she said, brushing her hair back away from her face. “And tomorrow, we get your mom back.”
“Great.” I bided my time, watching her walk out the door and into her red Ford Explorer. Tufts of dust from the stone driveway followed the vehicle as she sped off. Finally, I was alone.
I was out of the house in a flash. Down through the woods and onto the tracks. I knew he would be there. He was tied to this place. For eternity, without my help. Even I had a hard time believing this; it went against my whole belief system in God and Heaven. This in-between stuff made no sense to me. And I wouldn’t believe it for one minute if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.
I ran beside the empty tracks, calling his name. My voice echoed in the stagnant, early evening air. My heart raced, and sweat ran rivers down my face. I ducked into the woods, my feet pounding on the dirt path. Overgrown briars whipped my skin as I sprinted to the clubhouse. The clearing stood up ahead of me. I was certain he was there, waiting for me.
He wasn’t. I looked inside the clubhouse, which was as quiet as a tomb. I walked along the creek bed, barely trickling due to the lack of adequate rain this summer. I called his name again, which was kind of ridiculous since he was a ghost. If he was here, he’d sense me, I’d imagine. But what did I know? This ghost thing was all new to me.
Where was he? It’d been two days since I’d seen him that night in my bedroom. I slid down on the dry, crunchy grass and sprawled out, staring at the cloudless sky. My mind was blank. The first time in a long time. My body relaxed, and I breathed deeply. I didn’t have the immediate need to find him anymore. For some reason, I felt I was exactly where I needed to be at this moment.
A bird sang sweetly in the distance. The intense heat of the day was broken by a soft-moving breeze over my skin. I stretched my arms and legs to their full length, the tension seeping out of my body.
A hand touched my arm. Before I could open my eyes, his voice filled the air.
“Emily.”
My eyes flew open. He stood in front of me, dressed in the clothes I remembered last seeing him in. But it wasn’t Tommy. It was my dad.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Dad?” My voice came out in a barely audible whisper.
He walked closer to me. The familiar scent of his favorite cologne filled the air. His arms were open. I jumped off the ground into his strong embrace.
“It is you,” I cried. Tears welled and streamed down my face. I buried my head in his old khaki-colored sweater. His weekend sweater.
He held me tight. My body racked with sobs feeling him holding me again. The same arms that had loved and protected me my entire life. My head spun while I clung to him. I must be insane. None of this could be happening to me. But I didn’t care. In this moment, Dad was here and alive. That was all I cared about in the world.
“Emily,” he said again. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I can’t believe you’re here.” I gazed up at him.
His dark hair was cut short, like always. His eyes held the same loving twinkle I’d always loved.
“I thought I’d never see you again.”
He smiled. “You know that’s not true. I’ll see you, all of you, again. Emily, I don’t want you to worry so much. Your mom needs you. I didn’t provide for her like I should have. I just never thought I’d die so young. Nobody ever does.”
“It’s not fair. And this week, Mom got sick.” My voice cracked. “I thought she was going to die, too.”
Dad shook his head. “No, it’s not her time yet. She has many more years with you. Believe me, I have it on good authority. But things are going to change in her life, and yours. Be open to change, Emily. Change is a part of life. It helps you grow as a person.”
“If you’re talking about Nick, forget it. I don’t want to even think about her with anyone but you.”
“I know. My earthly self wouldn’t either. But if she finds someone else to love, why is that a bad thing? You should be happy for
her.”
I sighed. I studied my father’s face. He looked the same, but different, too. His eyes held the familiar twinkle, but also a calming serenity I didn’t recall seeing in the past. No worry. Just peace and a knowing of another world, a better world. He was right. I wanted Mom to be happy. Even if I hated change in my life, I still had to accept it when it came to me.
“Can you stay here with me? Can I see you here whenever I want, like I do with Tommy?”
He shook his head. “No, Tommy has some unfinished business here on Earth. That’s why he’s connected to you. But his connection made it possible for me to come see you one last time.”
Tears welled inside me again at those words. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I have to, Emily. There really is a heaven, and that’s my home now. Don’t worry, I’ll see you again.” He touched my face. “And remember I’ll always love you. My spirit lives on in you, my beautiful girl.”
My eyes burned with tears, shutting eyelids heavy against my face. I struggled to open them up to see him. But I couldn’t. I stretched out my arms to touch him. But was greeted by empty air all around me. Like a blind girl, I stumbled a few steps forward and fell onto the dry grass.
I lay there in the scratchy grass, listening to the sounds of the forest, certain I was going crazy. I talked to dead people more than people who were alive. I knew Dad was gone. For good this time. I’d never see him again. Not in this life. But my heart soared at having seen him one last time. Felt his touch. Heard his voice. Even if it was in my own warped reality. If I was going crazy, it was a happy insanity.
Suddenly, my eyes opened. Darkness surrounded me on my spot beside the creek. The cool evening air wrapped its inky grip around me as the deep croak of tree frogs filled the night. How much time had passed? It had only been early evening when I’d come here. Now, it must be at least nine or ten. I jumped up and ran back to the path toward the tracks. Wayward tree branches slapped at me as I increased my speed on the dim, moonlit path. Then something brought me to a stop.
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