by Rona Jameson
He smiled and briefly met my gaze. “You didn’t think I’d let your birthday go without buying you a present, did you?” He shook his head. “Shame on you.” Passing me the box, Rogan watched me nervously as I opened it, a smile on his face.
I felt giddy as I ripped into the paper and gasped when I found a pair of earrings. The exact same pair I’d had my eye on in the town’s jewelry store. The small delicate circle of gold had a lilac stone in the center.
“They’re so beautiful.” I looked up at Rogan and saw pleasure spread across his face.
“I have something to go with them.” He handed me another package and grinned. “You need a matching set.”
Passing Rogan the earrings, I tore into the other package and found a matching necklace and bracelet.
“Rogan,” I whispered, looking up into his eyes. “Thank you.” I felt tears prickle behind my eyelids as I threw myself into his arms.
He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me tightly. “Happy Birthday, Fallon.”
The air became thick and I struggled for breath. My heart threatened to thud out of my chest with how close he was. My breasts were pressed into his chest and it wasn’t supposed to feel so good to be held in his arms. My body wasn’t supposed to come alive in that way. Not with Rogan. Never with him.
I quickly pulled away and gave Rogan my back so he couldn’t see the reaction he caused in me. I passed him the box with the jewelry in it. “Will you fasten the necklace for me? I want to wear it to dinner.”
Rogan made a funny noise and, after a pause, slowly reached around and brought the necklace to the front of me, fastening it in place. He stayed there and it caused a shiver to ripple down my spine when I felt the light touch of his fingers in the opening down the back of my dress.
“You’re showing too much skin,” he whispered. “You need a jacket.”
“It’s too warm for a jacket and I like this dress,” I replied, moving out of his reach. “We should go.” Slipping my feet into a pair of high-heeled sandals, I sat on the bed to fasten them, my hands shaking so badly that I ended up struggling.
Rogan knocked my hands away and knelt at my feet. “We’ll be here all day.” He took my ankle and gently fastened one sandal and then the other.
When he straightened, I admitted, “You look good, Rogan.”
He was wearing a pale blue, long-sleeved tee with his best blue jeans. Instead of the usual Converse on his feet, he had replaced them tonight with his brown boat shoes.
“Thanks.” He offered me his hand, and I felt bad when he asked, “Are we good? I hate falling out with you.”
“I hate that too and I miss you…but, I don’t want to hang out with Corinne.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, but she doesn’t like me, and the feeling is mutual. Seeing you with her hurts a lot. You obviously don’t mind her; so let’s just go out to dinner before we end up arguing. I want my brother by my side tonight.” I smiled and slid my arm through his.
“Rogan,” Mom shouted. “Corinne is here.”
I froze and glared at Rogan. “What? Please tell me she’s not coming to dinner with us.”
Rogan paled. “I was going to tell you—”
Annoyed and upset, I yanked my arm from his and stepped away. “Tell me now,” I demanded, tears threatening to override my commonsense.
“Corinne’s parents have arranged something…” He trailed off, and his meaning slowly sank into my brain.
“You’re dressed up to go out with her, aren’t you? You’re not coming with us?”
“I am coming with you, then after, I’m going to her parents’ thing. I’m sorry, Fallon. I didn’t know what to do.” He tilted my face up to his. “I told her I wasn’t missing your birthday for anyone.” He winced. “She wasn’t happy, but you come first.”
“I sound like a child complaining when I tell you I don’t want her to come with us. I was looking forward to having you to myself. She’s always around now and I hate her.” My lips trembled while I was on the verge of a full meltdown, my heart breaking.
He hesitated and kissed the side of my head, whispering, “It’s for the best…I’ll see you downstairs.”
The bedroom door closed seconds later.
It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be to ignore Corinne. Corinne’s smile went through me and I wanted to strangle the girl, or punch her in her smug face. Thanks to Mom, I ended up sitting opposite Corinne and Rogan. Corinne was his date after all.
Mom wanted me to be friends with Corinne because of Rogan, but I just couldn’t bring myself to take that step. Corinne wasn’t the nice girl my family thought she was, so I was totally okay with ignoring her.
We all ate in silence and I couldn’t bring myself to break it. It was the first year where my birthday dinner had been a total disaster and I couldn’t wait to finish eating and leave.
Mom and Dad kept passing glances back and forth while I was sure Rogan felt just as uncomfortable as I did. Corinne on the other hand looked to be enjoying every moment of the awkwardness. I wanted to lean over the table and scratch her eyes out for ruining my birthday. I was actually dreading Rogan’s birthday in four weeks’ time. Why couldn’t he have chosen someone I’d like?
Because you wouldn’t like anyone he was with. That’s why!
Sulking, I winced when my usual birthday dessert was pushed in front of me. I wanted to hurl. I looked up and noticed everyone watching me, and instead of picking up the spoon to dig into the mountain of profiterole, cream, and chocolate sauce, I swallowed around the lump in my throat and pushed the plate away.
“I can’t eat it.” I looked at my parents and saw the worried look on their faces. “I’m sorry.” I got to my feet, and added, “I need a minute.”
I didn’t wait for a response as I quickly made my way to the back patio, which, luckily for me, was empty. I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I moved into the dark, not wanting to be seen from the windows. Goose bumps prickled my arms when I heard my name whispered.
Tears hovered and fell from my eyes as I fought for control, but I was slowly losing it. I had everything most people wanted: parents who loved each other, a roof over my head, my own nice things, and love. So why was I so unhappy?
“You can’t continue to ignore me,” Rogan whispered from directly behind me. “I’m sorry, Fallon. I’ve ruined your birthday by bringing Corinne. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Just leave. Take her and go. Maybe if she isn’t in my sight, I might be okay.” I dipped my head not really believing it.
“I’m not leaving until you’ve danced with me. We always dance on our birthdays. Ever since we were younger.”
I felt the heat from his body against my back as he moved closer, and after a slight hesitation, he slid his arms around my middle and pulled me against his body.
He rested his chin on the top of my head and sighed. “You scare the shit out of me,” he admitted, and placed a kiss to my shoulder before he turned me around. One arm went behind my back, keeping me tightly pressed against his big body, and his other hand captured one of mine. “We’re dancing out here tonight.” He slowly started to sway to the music in his own head. “Relax and let me give you this much.”
I sank further into him, burying my face in his neck while my tears continued to fall. His hand slipped into the back of my dress and his fingers caressed my skin, causing shivers of pleasure to ripple through me. I pressed my breasts against his chest and he moaned, holding me even tighter. I felt him move against me and my heart pounded. My tears stopped as I concentrated on the feelings coursing through me. Things I shouldn’t feel because of the boy who currently held me as though his life depended on it. We’d entered dangerous territory and I didn’t think he cared. I didn’t. How could I when my heart craved him close, if not closer?
He swallowed hard when my lips brushed his throat. I felt his reaction in the rigid pressure against my belly. His hand slowly moved from my dress and gently pressed against my bottom. Smoothing
my dress down, he massaged the round globes of my flesh. My whole body was coming alive just like I’d read in romance novels.
Rogan’s hands shook as he moved them to my shoulders and pushed me away from his body. I moaned and tried to get back into his arms, but he held me steady.
When I looked up into his face, he was fighting with himself.
“We can’t ever be in this position again,” he whispered. “We can’t, Fallon. It’s wrong. You know it is. So do I.”
I felt him slipping away from me, and mumbled, “But you want this as much as I do,” not wanting to give him up. “You want me?”
“I’ll never have you.” He quickly turned and dashed back inside while I was left in the dark with tears running down my face.
Mom found me sitting on the patio steps of the restaurant ten minutes later. She didn’t say anything but wrapped an arm around me, allowing me to bury my face into her shoulder.
“I hate her, Mom.”
She sighed. “I know honey.” She kissed the top of my head. “Everything will work out in the end. You’ll see.”
I cried until I didn’t have any tears left, and then I said, “I want to go to Julia’s house.”
“We’ll drop you off on the way home,” Mom suggested.
“Can’t I drop you guys off and then I’ll have the car to get home afterward?”
Mom hesitated.
“I’ve taken the car before.”
“If your father agrees, then you can take the car.”
We both knew Dad would say yes. He always did after he gave me a careful driving lecture.
I smiled and threw my arms around her. I was glad she had agreed because I had no intention of going to Julia’s. I just wanted to be alone to think and cry without anyone hearing me.
Part II
Rogan aged 18 / Fallon aged 17
14
Rogan
The grief I felt holding Fallon’s pale hand in mine was nothing I ever wanted to feel again. Fallon was everything to me, and because of a sense of right and wrong I’d pushed her away and pretended I had feelings for Corinne. That was the worst mistake I could have made. I’d only continued with the annoying girl because I knew how much Fallon hated her, and that kept her away from me. My sister. The girl I was in love with. Every time I thought about my feelings for Fallon my stomach rolled.
My eighteenth birthday came and went since she’d been in the hospital. I barely left her side and I pushed everyone away. Including Corinne. I told her it was over the moment I got the call about Fallon being involved in an accident. The bitch Corinne had asked if I could wait another couple of hours for her parents’ party to be over before I ran to the hospital. I’d barely controlled the urge to shake her.
The call from Dad on the evening of Fallon’s seventeenth birthday had turned my world upside down. She’d been coming back into town from who knows where when a driver in a truck ran a stop sign. The bastard crushed the family car and had very nearly taken Fallon’s life. As it was, Fallon had been in a coma for a month, and I knew the doctors were now wondering if she would ever wake up. In order to stop the internal bleeding, they’d had to remove her uterus. She would never have children, the family I knew she wanted one day.
I never got to tell her how much I loved her and that I still considered her my soul mate, even though I told her every day she’d been in the hospital. The one good thing with her being in a coma was that she was mending without having the pain to deal with, and she was breathing on her own. I prayed for her to wake up and talk to me. So I could tell her how sorry I was for being a jerk. For trying to do the right thing. I had done and said what I had because of who we were to each other. Never did I think she’d nearly lose her life so shortly afterward.
I was supposed to protect her from the world, but I’d failed. I hadn’t been there. I wasn’t with her to hold her hand when she realized the truck was heading toward her and there was nothing she could do to avoid it. I couldn’t get that image out of my mind.
It haunted me when I closed my eyes.
I dropped my forehead to the bed beside our joined hands and jerked at the sound of the door opening. My eyes lifted to the doorway, and I saw Mom and Dad’s worried expressions.
“You need to go home, Rogan, and get some proper sleep,” Mom said.
I shook my head and said, “I’m not leaving until Fallon does.” My voice broke and I had to swallow back tears. “I can’t, Mom.”
She sighed. “I know.” Her shoulders dropped as she moved behind me and placed her arms around my neck. “I had to try. You’re my son and I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I closed my eyes, not believing my words.
“Let us sit with our daughter for a while,” she said softly.
She wanted me to move so she could take my seat, but I wasn’t sure I had it in me to move. I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t see Fallon again. It terrified me.
Mom knew this. “I promise to look after her while you’re gone.” She smiled. “Please go and take a break. They’ve just started serving dinner in the cafeteria, go eat something proper, and then come back.” She kissed me on the cheek. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Rogan. Please accept that.”
I stood on unsteady legs, knowing I was about to break down if I didn’t get out of the room quickly. I let Mom pull me into her arms and kiss my forehead. Dad squeezed my shoulder.
“We love you. Now go and take an hour.” Dad smiled.
I quickly made my way outside of the room and then found my feet wouldn’t move. I fell against the wall and slowly sank down, ending up on my butt. I drew my knees up and rested my forehead on top of them while I breathed and tried to concentrate.
I was a wreck.
A mess.
Was that normal?
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Fallon truly meant to me and, every time, I came to the conclusion that she was more than my sister. She was everything to me. I couldn’t survive without her. I had no wish to. Fallon wasn’t only my sister; she was the girl I’d given my heart to.
As I felt myself tempted to give in to my desire for her, I’d pushed her away. Something was going to have to change when she woke up, because I wasn’t letting her go. I realized that. I wasn’t even sure I was actually able to let her go. So what did that make me?
Suddenly, alarms went off and I stared at the flashing light above Fallon’s door. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening as medical staff rushed into her room, and then while I stood frozen—terrified—Dad appeared, tugging me to my feet. He threw his arms around my shoulders and pulled me tightly against him. His face wet against mine.
My head buzzed as I tried not to think the worst, and then Dad cupped my face in his large hands. “She’s awake.” He sobbed, holding onto me.
I raised my face to his and searched his eyes for any sign of something, I didn’t know what. Dad gently shook me, and smiled through his tears. “She’s awake.” He laughed. “Your mom panicked and hit the wrong button, which is why all hell broke loose just now.”
“She’s going to be okay,” I mumbled and proceeded to break into tears.
Dad looked stunned but then pulled me back into his arms and held me while I cried. It was the first time I’d truly let my tears free since I’d gotten the call about Fallon. I couldn’t stop. Sobs racked my body as Dad held me up, and it was only when I felt a soft hand on the back of my head that I calmed enough to lift my face.
“The doctor is assessing her and then he’ll remove the tubes,” Dad whispered. “You can see her soon.” He patted me on the back.
I spent the next forty minutes pacing outside of her room when Mom finally came out. She reached for me and cupped my face. “I promised Fallon I’d go and find you.” She smiled through her tears. “Go and have a few minutes alone with her. She wants you.”
I nodded, and ignoring the wreck I must look, I pushed into her room.
I swallowed hard as I met Fallon’s gaze. She still
didn’t have a lot of color, but she was slightly propped up on pillows in the overly large bed. Tears fell slowly down her face as she looked at me, and that got my feet moving. Careful of her injuries, even though most were more or less healed, I slipped off my sneakers and climbed onto the bed bedside her.
Fallon tried to cuddle into me as I slipped an arm around her shoulders, but we got a bit tangled with the wires. Smiling, I sorted them out and sighed once she was settled. She was partly on her side as I cradled her against my chest. I had to remind myself not to crush her.
“Mom said you never left me, only when she made you.” Her voice was weak, but with each word she spoke, it seemed to gain strength. It assured me that she was going to be okay.
“You’re everything to me, Fallon.” I kissed the top of her head. “How could I ever leave you?”
“I don’t know whether I was dreaming or not, but I heard you talking to me. Telling me how much you loved me. How sorry you were for, and I quote, ‘The bitch.’ I’m pretty sure you called yourself an asshole once or twice too.”
Groaning, I couldn’t help the smirk on my lips. “To my embarrassment, you weren’t dreaming.” Fallon tilted her face to look up at me, so I admitted, “But I’m glad you heard me.” I looked away. “I am sorry, Fallon. For everything. For the hurt I caused because of Corinne.”
“Look at me Rogan.”
I turned and met her beautiful green eyes.
“I know what we feel is wrong, but it’s there anyway and we’re just going to have to live with it. I don’t ever want to feel like I did back at the restaurant again.” She sighed and snuggled closer, and then clarified. “I enjoyed dancing with you, and the way being close to you made me feel—made you feel—but I hated that you left to go to her.”
“It wasn’t by choice,” I admitted. “I was scared about how I felt. I was losing control around you.” I kissed the top of her head. “We’ve always been friends and that’s what is important. We can’t ever lose that between us again. No matter what.”