“The reason I helped Felicity leave is because I could feel her suffering,” he said. “I know what it feels like to need someone so desperately but be unable to have them. Granted, it’s two different situations—apples and oranges, in a sense. But I can imagine now what it would be like in her position.”
My chest felt tight. “Was she okay?”
“Yeah, I mean, she wasn’t in tears at the airport or anything. She’s strong. She’s just trying to protect herself from any further harm.”
I nodded. “Thank you for being there for her when I couldn’t.”
“I figured I owed her for all those times I was a complete dick.”
I chuckled. “Well, that’s probably true.”
Sigmund stood and walked over to take something out of his jacket pocket.
“She gave me this to give you.” He held out my grandfather’s ring on the gold chain.
It killed me that she’d felt the need to return it after all this time. It signified the final ending to our story. The diamond sparkled as I took it from him. “Did she say why she gave this back?”
“No. But I think it’s pretty obvious, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” I looked down at the shimmering metal.
It had been a long time since I’d had this in my possession. But I’d never forgotten the day my grandfather gave it to me when I was sixteen, encouraging me to use it as a pillar of strength when I needed it. In that sense, it was ironic to be getting it back now when I probably needed it most. Maybe Felicity knew that. Or maybe it was simply closure for her, the final nail in our coffin.
“You know what you can always count on from someone like me, who’s lost everything?” Sigmund asked.
“What?”
“The truth. I have no fucks left to give.”
I looked up. “Lay it on me, cousin.”
“Nothing else matters, Leo. You’re in love with Felicity. You’re afraid to hurt Darcie, but you know what? You already fucking are. You already fucking did—the moment you ran to Felicity the first chance you got. You think Darcie doesn’t know? You think she’s stupid? But she’s willing to put up with it because she loves you.” He shook his head. “You can’t let her do that.”
All my life I’d been enduring my cousin’s frank advice. But it had never mattered more than this moment. He’d put things in a way I hadn’t considered—that Darcie wanted our marriage to work badly enough to put up with my being in love with someone else.
“I needed to hear that,” I told him.
“Good. That’s what I’m here for.”
Rubbing my temples, I said, “I have a lot to think about.”
“Take your time, Leo, but don’t take too much time. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that time is never guaranteed.”
* * *
Felicity
Track 24: “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston
“I hope she’d be okay with this,” I said, holding one of Mrs. Angelini’s ceramic bunny figurines.
“Come on,” Bailey said. “What are you going to do with a hundred of these things?”
“I know. But I feel like she might have wanted me to keep these.”
“You can’t keep everything, Felicity. She would want you to have space to make this place your own. You’re keeping more than half of her stuff as it is.”
I’d decided to run a yard sale to raise money to replace the roof of Mrs. Angelini’s house. While she’d left me some money to be used for that kind of thing, it wouldn’t last forever. The property taxes were bad enough. And with me not working right now, a yard sale seemed like a reasonable idea. Along with smaller items for sale were some larger antiques.
She held up one of my Hello Kitty T-shirts. “This is yours, right? Why are you getting rid of it? I thought you loved these T-shirts.”
That was true, but the shirt she held was the one I’d brought to England. It had to go. It wasn’t like I didn’t have a dozen others. And in the likely event there were no takers, I’d donate it.
“That one reminds me of Leo, so I’m parting with it,” I told her.
Bailey hesitated. “Have you heard from him?”
“No. He hasn’t called since that one time.”
After I’d landed back in the US three months ago, Leo had called to let me know he fully understood why I’d left, and to make sure I knew there were no hard feelings about my decision. He said my coming to England had made him realize he had a lot of soul searching to do when it came to his marriage and his life, in general. He’d asked if he could contact me again. He said he couldn’t live without knowing how I was doing, that he needed to make sure I was okay.
Now I felt like I’d already experienced the worst of what life had to offer me where Leo was concerned. I’d met his wife, for heaven’s sake. I didn’t think I could hurt any more than I already had. So, I’d agreed that he could reach out from time to time.
But he hadn’t contacted me since that day, and I certainly had no guarantee that I’d ever hear from him again. I was trying my best to move on from what had happened this past August, but not a day went by that I didn’t think of him. I still loved him as much as I ever had. A love that’s interrupted is a love, nevertheless. I just hoped someday the pain and longing would lessen.
In the meantime, I was doing what I always did: burying my face in books. I’d be taking the Rhode Island bar exam in February, which was only a few months away. I needed to make sure I passed so I could find a job here and get my life on track once and for all.
The yard sale earned me just over three-thousand dollars, which was about a fourth of the cost of the roof replacement, but it was better than nothing.
It was too cold now anyway to start those repairs. Hopefully, I would find a way to save more money by the time I scheduled the roof work in the spring.
My life as of late was a solitary one. Aside from occasional visits to Bailey in Providence, I spent my days alone, studying and slowly fixing up the house. My morning routine was breakfast, followed by reading law books and quizzing myself. Then I’d break for lunch and coffee before spending the afternoons doing house stuff. I’d follow that up with a daily trip to the market for fresh produce before returning home to cook something for dinner that would leave me with leftovers for lunch the next day. Then, I’d spend the rest of the evening setting up my planners or watching some TV. Repeat.
November was always a beautiful time on the bay. Even though it was too cold to enjoy the water, the last of the fall foliage season was in full swing. The gorgeous orange, yellow, and red leaves on the trees surrounding the property and across Narragansett were stunning.
Lately, I’d been throwing on a heavy coat and sitting out back with my afternoon coffee each day. The sunshine helped to offset the otherwise brisk air. I’d take my binoculars outside to admire the foliage across the bay. The trees over there were even more colorful than the ones on this side. And yes, of course, each and every time my eyes passed over Leo’s old house, I would think of him. That never changed.
This particular afternoon of leaf peeping, though, was unlike any of the others. As I held the binoculars to my eyes and admired the trees in the distance, I nearly dropped them at the sight of someone staring back at me. At first I thought I was hallucinating.
This can’t be.
I am absolutely seeing things.
But then, holding his own binoculars to his eyes, he waved.
This time my binoculars did slip out of my grasp and land on the grass below. My hand went to my chest as I tried to contain my pounding heart.
I ran into the house, turned on the sink, and splashed my face with water. I had to be seeing things that weren’t really there.
Then my phone chimed. I looked down at the screen to find a text.
Leo: Where did you go? Come back.
Oh my God.
What. Is. Happening?
With shaky hands, I picked up the phone and typed.
Felicity: I thought I was hall
ucinating.
Leo: It’s me, Felicity. You’re not seeing things.
Felicity: I know that now. I just don’t understand what you’re doing here.
Leo: I have a lot to explain, don’t I?
Felicity: Uh, yes.
Leo: Can I come across the bay to see you?
My hands continued to shake as I typed.
Felicity: OMG. What are you doing here???
Leo: It’s better if I explain in person, don’t you think?
Rather than respond, I just stared at the screen. The dots danced as he typed.
Leo: I’ll take your silence as a yes?
When I still didn’t respond, he sent another text.
Leo: Is it okay if I come to you now?
I finally typed a response.
Felicity: Sorry. Yes. I’m just in shock.
Leo: Heading over.
I had no clue what to do with myself as I waited for him to arrive. I grabbed a towel and started wiping the table to distract myself from my nerves. There wasn’t even anything to wipe.
When the doorbell rang, my pulse raced even faster.
I put one foot in front of the other and opened the door to find my long-lost love towering over me. My heart leaped.
Leo wore a black peacoat, and his hair was a bit longer than the last time I’d seen him, the scruff on his chin a bit more grown out. He smelled amazing, just like always, and I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me in the flesh. Why is he here? I didn’t dare even let myself hope.
“Oh my God, you’re shaking,” he said, squeezing my arms and sending shivers through my body.
“Leo, what are you doing here?”
He let go of me and flashed a hesitant smile. “Surprise?”
“I would have loved a warning.”
“We’ve never been good at those, have we?” He smiled into the silence. “Are you going to invite me in?”
Shaking my head, I stepped aside. “Oh. Of course.”
His eyes wandered over me. “You look absolutely gorgeous, Felicity.”
I looked down at myself. I was still wearing my bulky black parka and jeans.
“You’re not that hard to please, then. But thank you. And you…” I pressed my hands to my stomach. “I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”
“I make you want to vomit.” He sighed. “Great.”
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal. It’s just…I can’t believe you’re here. When did you get here?”
“Yesterday.”
“You were across the bay all this time?”
“Yes. The same people own it as when Sigmund and I rented it. They still rent out the property in the summers, but it’s typically empty this time of year. So I booked it.”
“I can’t believe you were across the water last night, and I didn’t even know.”
“I was jetlagged and needed to gear myself up before I threw this on you. So I waited until today. But I found the old binoculars in the house, decided to look across, and there you were.”
“How long are you staying?” I asked, willing my heart to slow down.
He blinked several times. “That depends.”
This was getting us nowhere. “Leo…what happened at home? Why are you here?”
He raked his hand through his hair. “I just…left, Felicity. I left. And I don’t have any plans to go back until I legally have to.”
What?
“What do you mean, you left?” I looked down at his hand. He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. “What about Darcie?”
“Darcie and I are getting a divorce.”
“Oh my God,” I muttered, looking momentarily down at his black shoes, then back up at him, my eyes likely reflecting the shock I felt.
The first thought that came to me was: What have I done?
“And before you go there, Felicity, it’s not your fault. Darcie and I rushed into marriage, and there were warning signs long before you showed up on my doorstep.” He looked over toward the living room. “Can we sit, please?”
“Yes, of course.”
We walked together to the living room. Once we sat down, he immediately started talking.
“After you left, it forced me to open my eyes and take a good look at what I wanted out of life. And sometimes recognizing that means hurting others, something I’ve avoided since the day I was born. I knew if I decided to stay married, I would be living a lie.” He paused. “I love Darcie. But I’m not in love with her. The fact that I couldn’t bite the bullet on starting a family is very telling. Deep down, I knew that would bind me to her forever, and that was the reason I was never ready.”
An immense sadness for her came over me. “Where’s Darcie now?”
“She’s still living at the house. We’ve started the process of divorce, but it takes a while to be finalized. I’m legally still married, but we’re not together anymore.”
“She must be devastated.”
A sad look crossed his face as he nodded. “She’s accepted it. This didn’t happen overnight. Since you left, there have been many heated discussions, many tears…many sleepless nights while we figured everything out. But she’s better now with it than she was in the beginning. I knew she’d fight for the marriage, but I couldn’t let her. I’m doing what’s best for her by letting her go and allowing her the freedom to receive the kind of love she deserves from someone else.”
My head spun. “What about everything else…your work?”
“I left things in disarray, but honestly? The business, the properties, they’ll be fine. Nothing is going to crumble. I have associates to help with all of that. The only thing I can’t buy is happiness.”
I shook my head. “Your mom must have flipped.”
He cringed. “She’s not happy. But that’s her problem. I’m not letting it affect me.” Leo frowned. “Nan passed away a couple of weeks after you left.”
Oh no. “I’m so sorry. I know how close you were to her.”
“She left me with some life-changing advice there at the end. I’ll forever be indebted to her for helping me to see the light. Sigmund, too.”
He paused and then leaned forward, seeming almost desperate. “Are you with anyone, Felicity?”
It had only been a few months since I left England. The idea of my having met someone during this time when I’d been incapable of focusing on anything besides Leo was laughable.
“No.”
He exhaled. “I know you’re in shock that I’m here. And I know I have to be careful. I can’t expect to just jump into your life after everything I put you through. I’ve been through a lot myself. And I really just…” He looked into my eyes, his voice strained. “I just need a fucking hug right now.”
No way was I going to deny this man the hug he desperately needed—the one I needed as well. I moved to sit next to him and wrapped my arms around him. He brought me to his chest and held me close. All of the fear inside of me faded away as I melted into his body. Our hearts pounded against each other. This was the most surreal moment of my life.
When he pulled back, he looked in my eyes again. “We’ve been apart far longer than we were ever together, yet I haven’t been the same since I met you. I don’t care how we make this work…only that we try.”
“Where do we start?”
“How about dinner?”
“Only if you’re not making it.”
His face lit up. “I missed you so fucking much.”
Leo brought me into his arms again and held me even more tightly than before. This felt different from any other time. Until now, I hadn’t realized the tension that had marred every past embrace. I was always afraid to exhale. I’d always believed I’d lose him. But I wasn’t tense this time. I let myself feel safe in his arms without worrying about the future—for the first time ever.
A little while later, Leo went back across the bay to give me some time to grab my bearings before dinner. We agreed that I would come over around eight that evening. Alone in the house, adren
aline continued to course through me, even though I was supposed to be calming down. I felt like I was in the middle of a dream.
He was still technically married. I wished I had a better understanding of his expectations for tonight, but I guessed I’d find out soon enough.
When evening came, I drove myself to Leo’s rental. A feeling of déjà vu hit me the moment I pulled up to the house. Everything about this moment looked and felt the same as five years ago, aside from the fact that I now drove a small SUV rather than my old Fiat.
I had the jitters as I approached the door. Before I could ring the bell, he opened.
Leo wore a fitted black sweater that looked like it had been painted onto his broad chest. He’d dabbed on cologne, and his hair was damp from the shower. I’m sure it was partly how much I’d missed him, but he’d never looked more gorgeous.
“Come inside from the cold, beautiful.”
Leo took my coat and hung it in the closet. I wore a brown sweater dress that showed off my curves.
He smiled as he took me in. “You’re wearing a dress.”
“You say that like it’s a shock.” I batted my eyelashes.
“Well, I can count on one hand the times I’ve seen you in a dress, and this would be number three. The first was the red one the night we had clams—the night you devastated me when you told me we shouldn’t see each other anymore. Then there was the black dress you wore when you showed up in England. I suppose that was the day I devastated you.”
“Gosh, I probably shouldn’t wear dresses, should I? They’re bad luck.”
He flashed his gorgeous teeth. “Come. I have a surprise.”
I followed him to the kitchen. On the counter, he’d laid out a seafood feast. There was a tower of shrimp cocktail, oysters, and lobster.
The Aristocrat Page 24