‘No.’
Jenna seemed to be staring at her hands as she responded in almost a whisper but then she glanced up and met his gaze. Just for a moment. Just long enough to remind Mitch of the way she’d held his gaze for much longer than that only a very short time ago and that he’d been quite certain that he wasn’t the only one to be thinking that this—whatever it was they’d discovered together—could possibly become something more than putting a toe back into the waters of a long abandoned sex life. And then she spoke again.
‘I’m sorry, too,’ she said. ‘I know I overreacted.’
‘I doubt that,’ Mitch said. ‘I’m pretty sure that whatever it is that’s made you feel so strongly about things is completely justified.’
Silence fell again but, this time, it was different. Mitch could sense that Jenna wanted to say something but didn’t know where to start. Or whether she should say anything at all, perhaps? The only way he could help was to give her the time she needed and, sure enough, a minute or so later, she began offering words that were hesitant enough to sound as if they were coming from a very private and well-guarded place.
‘I...had a son, too,’ she told him, slowly. ‘His name was Eli. He was four years old when he died.’
Oh... God... The same age as Oliver? Mitch couldn’t bear to even try and imagine how devastating it would be to lose his child. How impossible it would be to carry on any semblance of a normal life.
‘Oh... Jenna,’ he said, softly. ‘I’m so, so sorry,’
Reaching for her hand had been purely instinctive. That she let him take hold of it and curled her fingers around his was a response that made the crack in his heart widen. He could feel the enormity of what she had faced. Could feel the astonishing amount of courage she had needed.
The silence this time was totally different. It felt as if they were connecting on a new level. It reminded Mitch of the feeling of making up after a heated argument. Jenna still hadn’t taken her hand away.
‘You know what it’s like,’ she said. ‘To lose someone you love. You said that Ollie’s mother died just after he was born?’
‘Mmm.’ Mitch was very aware of the subtle pressure of Jenna’s hand. An invitation to share? Would that open the door to hearing more of her story? Mitch wanted to know more—as much as she was willing to tell him.
‘Tegan developed signs of pre-eclampsia,’ he told her. ‘She had an emergency Caesarean at thirty-one weeks but...there were complications.’ He took a slow, inward breath. It wasn’t often he needed to recall details that were still horrific because it was so unexpected, these days, to lose a young, healthy woman due to childbirth. ‘Her blood pressure was still way too high. Her liver had a spontaneous rupture. She went into renal failure.’ Mitch swallowed hard. ‘She never saw Ollie. Never held him.’
‘So that’s why you gave up your position as HOD at St Barnabas?’ Jenna’s tone was one of complete understanding.
‘My life imploded.’ Mitch nodded. ‘The only thing that mattered was Ollie and I had time while he was in the NICU to rearrange my life around him. My dad was the rock that let me hold things together. I eventually moved back into the house I’d grown up in—with my son. I’d planned to take a year off work but then the position at the medical centre came up and I thought, why not? Being a GP would make me part of the community and the hours can be very child friendly for a single parent.’
He could feel the way Jenna’s hand had relaxed in his as she listened to him. And she still hadn’t taken it away? He gave it a tiny squeeze. ‘You’d know about how important that is, I’m guessing? Or was Eli’s dad around to help?’
Jenna shook her head. ‘That was where it started. Stefan was a paramedic like me—we met when we were rostered on the same watch—and, after Eli was born, we juggled shifts so that one of us could be at home with him as much as possible. Eli was about six months old when Stef had taken him for a walk to the park and he got hit by a car that went out of control and onto the footpath. Hit and run. They never caught the driver.’ Mitch heard the tiny hiccup in her voice.
‘Stef died before an ambulance even got there but a witness said he’d done his best to protect Eli by trying to push him out of the way in his pram. That he kept asking about him until he lost consciousness completely.’
Mitch simply nodded. He would do anything to protect Ollie. Any father would.
‘It undoubtedly saved his life but he still had some serious injuries, including a skull fracture. He was in hospital for more than a month and...and he developed epilepsy later that was hard to control with medication. It was a seizure that he died from. Nobody at school saw it start and he was in the playground. They think he just hit his head too hard, too many times, on the asphalt.’
Mitch didn’t have to say anything to let Jenna know that he was thinking of his own son and imagining her unbearable loss. All he needed to do was to hold her hand. And to hold her gaze, eventually, when she was ready to meet his.
‘How long ago did you lose Eli?’
‘Nearly five years now. Which was about when I came up with the idea of the FRAME network and threw myself into getting the project off the ground. My career was all I had left, you know?’
‘I know,’ Mitch said quietly. ‘And you’ve achieved something amazing but...’
Jenna’s eyes widened. ‘But?’
‘But I think you’re lonely. Like me...’
Jenna’s lips parted as if she was about to say something but then they were both startled by a tap on the window behind her. Her head swerved and she rolled the window down enough to hear what the white-shrouded person was saying.
‘We’ve finished with your boots. And we reckon we’ve got anything useful we can find out here in the way of tyre marks and shoe prints. Whatever’s left is getting ruined by this rain. Sorry to have held you guys up for so long.’
‘No worries,’ Jenna told him.
Mitch nodded his head. He was glad they’d been trapped on scene. If they hadn’t, they would have gone back to the station and he would have gone home and he and Jenna would most likely have never seen each other again. Ever. Instead, they had just discovered a kind of connection they would probably never be able to find with anyone else on the planet.
An astonishing connection.
‘We still need to get your fingerprints but the team’s flat out inside the house. Would it be okay if you went into the nearest police station and did it there?’
‘Of course. We’ve got one virtually next door to our headquarters in Croydon. Would that be okay?’
‘Absolutely. I’ll get in touch with them and let them know you’re coming.’
* * *
Jenna had been about to deny that she was lonely when that extraordinary conversation with Mitch had been interrupted but she’d had time to think about it on the drive back to her home patch.
She was still thinking about it as she watched Mitch take his turn to have his fingerprints recorded. Focusing on his hands reminded her of how it had felt to have him holding her hand while they were sharing such intimate details of their personal histories. And how it had felt to have him touch her—and hold her—in a way that she hadn’t been touched, or held, in such a very long time.
As if he sensed the direction of her thoughts, Mitch looked up and caught her gaze at that point and Jenna felt the corners of her mouth lift. No more than a hint of a smile, really, but it was enough to make the corners of Mitch’s eyes crinkle and create a softening in his expression that was almost like the kind of touch Jenna had been thinking about.
He waited until they were outside the police station and walking back to the ambulance station where Jenna had parked the car before saying anything.
‘Just so you know,’ he told her, ‘you didn’t overreact. I think I blindsided you in a way that must have been an absolute kick in the guts and I just want to say “I’m s
orry” again.’
It was still raining. Mitch was holding an umbrella over both of them as they walked side by side.
‘I kind of did overreact,’ Jenna said. ‘I can actually deal with kids perfectly well when they’re my patients or my friends’ children. I think...’ Mitch was an amazing person and he deserved to know the truth, didn’t he? ‘I think I read too much into what was happening with our...um...friendship and that’s why it hit me so hard. I could never get close to a child again. I think my ability to love anyone so unconditionally died when Eli died.’
Mitch nodded slowly. ‘I get that. I’ve felt like that about sharing my life with another woman since I lost Tegan.’
The long glance they shared acknowledged the sad connection they’d found in each other.
‘But I think you’re right,’ Jenna added quietly. ‘I hadn’t really thought about it but I have been lonely.’ She smiled at him and made an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Maybe I should get a dog, after all.’
‘I’ve got a dog, too.’ Mitch returned the smile. ‘I just wanna be totally upfront about that one.’
Jenna’s smile widened but Mitch’s actually faded. ‘I really like you, Jenna,’ he said.
‘I really like you, too, Mitch.’
‘And, I have to say, the sex has been amazing. You’re amazing.’
‘Same...’ Jenna had to drop her gaze to escape the intensity in Mitch’s gaze. She remembered how she had felt when it seemed like she was never going to see Mitch again. How deeply that hurt and disappointment had reached.
‘We know where we stand, don’t we? And we can probably understand why we feel like that better than anyone else would.’
Jenna nodded her agreement.
‘And...we’re both lonely.’
Jenna nodded again. She couldn’t disagree with that.
‘Maybe...’ he suggested softly, ‘we can still be friends? With zero expectations of anything else? Even better friends than we were because...you know...no more secrets.’
They were almost at the station where Mitch’s car was parked. They were also close to Jenna’s flat.
‘It’s early,’ she said. ‘But they’ll have someone else covering the rapid response and they won’t put us back on duty for less than a couple of hours.’ She looked up to catch Mitch’s gaze. ‘Do you need to rush home?’
He shook his head. ‘They won’t be expecting me until the usual time. Ollie’s perfectly happy with his grandpa. He just wanted me to know how brave he’d been.’
‘So, would you like to come back to my place? For...a coffee or something?’
Mitch hadn’t looked away and, if she’d thought his gaze had been intense before, it was nothing compared to what she could see in his eyes right now.
‘I would like that very much,’ he said.
Mitch was tilting the umbrella so that it became a screen from anyone else in the street. He was also bending his head and Jenna knew he was about to kiss her. And she wanted him to. More than anything.
‘I choose the something,’ he murmured, as his lips brushed hers before settling. ‘If that’s all good with you.’
That did it. That private code after the intensity of how they’d forged a new level to their connection made the thought of not having Mitch in her life—or in her bed—something she didn’t want to even contemplate.
Jenna felt his lips against hers, his mouth swallowing her response.
‘Couldn’t be better...’
CHAPTER SEVEN
MITCH HAD FALLEN ASLEEP.
This wasn’t part of the new routine of the last few weeks and Jenna knew she should wake him up and she would. Soon. But he’d had such an early start to get to Croydon for the beginning of his weekly shift with her in the rapid response vehicle at seven a.m. It had been a full-on day, as well, with back-to-back call-outs until six p.m. and, even now, at nearly eight-thirty p.m., there would probably be significant traffic on the roads between Croydon and Allensbury so the drive would be safer if he just had a bit of a catnap. Ten or fifteen minutes at the most so he wouldn’t be too late home.
Not that Ollie would still be awake, of course, but Mitch had had a chat to him on the phone to say goodnight and he was perfectly happy at home with his grandpa. And Jenna had been perfectly happy to hear the conversation on speakerphone because she’d made the mental shift since that awful day when they had almost thrown away their friendship. Ollie was a child like any other in her life. The offspring of one of her friends. Or a patient. She could keep her guardrails firmly in place.
It was all good.
Jenna felt her mouth curve into a contented smile as she snuggled a little closer to Mitch, turning her face just enough to touch that soft skin on the underside of his arm with her lips. Mitch stirred in his sleep, making a soft sound and curling his arm around Jenna to draw her even closer. She closed her eyes and let her breath out slowly in a soft sigh.
Actually, it couldn’t be better, could it?
Thanks to that intense day when she’d discovered Mitch was a father and had finally opened up about the reason it had upset her so much, there was a new connection that felt way more than ‘good’. He understood. He been through a huge loss himself. Jenna didn’t have to hide anything any longer and neither did Mitch so there was a new honesty there as well. An honesty that extended to them being totally upfront about what they wanted from their friendship.
Jenna was never going to be asked to include Ollie in her life in any meaningful way. The last thing Mitch wanted was a wife—or a new mother for his son—for exactly the same reasons that having another child was the last thing Jenna wanted. What Mitch did want was a connection with someone that could fill the space where loneliness took up residence. Jenna was more than happy to be that someone because now she didn’t have to keep doing things or going places so that she wouldn’t notice she was right in the middle of that lonely space herself.
And, yes, she did have other friends she could be with, as company to go out to dinner or a show or simply to hang with, but it wasn’t the same because there were levels to loneliness and one of them could only be filled by a physical closeness that none of Jenna’s friends could ever provide and she’d never wanted to go looking for it elsewhere.
She hadn’t been looking for it when Mitch had walked into her life.
She hadn’t known how much she needed it, either. That closeness. His touch. And the sex...well, she wouldn’t have believed it could get any better but there was a tenderness to it now that could only have come from that understanding—that unique connection of shared loss that they had with each other.
Mitch stirred again and Jenna could feel the moment he woke up, as his muscles tensed and he drew in a sharp breath.
‘Oh, no...what time is it?’
‘Only eight-thirty. Don’t worry, you’ve only been asleep for about ten minutes.’
She could feel the tension in his body ebbing. ‘Phew... I had a horrible thought that I wouldn’t get home before Ollie got up.’ Mitch rolled onto his side and smiled at Jenna. ‘We have important plans for after breakfast and before I go into work to cover the Saturday morning clinic. I’d better get up and dressed.’
‘Okay...’ Jenna was smiling back at him. ‘I was going to wake you up soon but I thought you could do with the rest before you have to make that long trip home. And...’
‘And...?’
Her smile felt almost shy, which was a bit crazy considering what they’d been doing only a very short time ago. ‘And it was rather nice just lying here with you for a few minutes.’
‘Mmm...’ Mitch bent his head and placed a gentle kiss on Jenna’s lips. ‘I’d better not tell you how much I look forward to my Fridays these days.’
He kissed her again and, this time, she could feel those first flickers of desire building again—a sensation she was coming to r
ecognise instantly and welcome more than wholeheartedly. Maybe Mitch was feeling it too, because he broke off the kiss with a soft groan.
‘I really have to go.’ He rolled away from Jenna to sit on the side of the bed. He reached for the shirt that had been thrown carelessly over the wooden post, pushed his arms through the sleeves and began to button it up.
Jenna pulled the sheet up to cover her bare breasts as she propped herself against her pillows to watch Mitch get dressed.
‘What are the important plans with Ollie?’ There...she’d included his son in their conversation without even thinking about it. As if it was the most natural thing in the world. It was getting easier all the time.
‘It’s Pets’ Day at school soon and Ollie wants to take our old dog, Jet. What he’s most excited about is that there’s a dress-up competition for pets. Ollie’s been dressing him up in weird things like hats and jumpers ever since he was a toddler and Jet is an extremely tolerant dog.’ Mitch had pulled on his underwear and picked up the formal dark trousers he wore to work with her. ‘It should be great fun.’
‘I’m guessing Jet is a black dog?’
Mitch threw her a grin. ‘Yep. A rather overweight, sixteen-year-old black Lab.’
‘And what’s he going to be dressed up as?’
His socks were going on now. ‘A doctor.’
Jenna laughed. ‘Whose idea was that? Yours or Ollie’s?’
‘It got decided at a family conference. But it’s me that has to figure out how to make a white coat for him. We’re taking the measurements in the morning and my wonderful receptionist, Josie, is going to help cut it out and sew it. We found an ancient coat in our supply room. Nobody wears them these days, do they? Josie reckons we could get clever and cut it to keep the collar and buttons.’ Mitch looked up from lacing his boots to smile at Jenna. ‘I’ve got a broken stethoscope, too. I reckon Jet will be quite happy to have that hanging round his neck.’
Stolen Nights with the Single Dad Page 9