by Jerry
Bella said, “She likes to tell people things.”
The girl offered the flower to him. Up close, the black petals seemed to ripple and shift. Their dark surfaces swirled with traceries of silver that caught the light and spun it prettily. He raised it to his nose and made a show of sniffing it. The little girl laughed.
Words were not required. Sometimes the only way you could tell someone you loved them was to show them something beautiful. Sometimes, he thought, you have to send it from very far away.
“Where did you find this lovely flower?” he asked.
She pointed past his shoulder. He could feel the tower of green behind him. The leaves were about to move.
2019
SURVEY
Adam-Troy Castro
“Good afternoon, Steph. I’m sorry for the delay. I had to finish the out-processing on one of the prior subjects and it took a little longer than I expected. Would you like a beverage to make you more comfortable? Some water, juice, soda?”
“No, thank you. I’m good.”
“The survey can take an hour or more. Are you sure?”
“I’ll take a bottle of water, then.”
“That’s wise. These surveys can be thirsty work, and our guidelines do require our subjects to complete all the questions before receiving their stipend. If you take a break in the middle and return to complete the rest of the questions, you will surrender half of the one thousand dollars. If you take more than one break, or fail to complete the survey, you surrender the payment in its entirety. This is a nonnegotiable provision. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“You have also been advised that this is, among other things, an exploration of stress on the human animal and that, accordingly, some of the questions may be personal or upsetting?”
“I suppose that’s why you’re paying so much.”
“Yes. Have you participated in many of these studies during your time on campus?”
“One or two.”
“Tell me about one of them.”
“It was for the Psych Department. They asked me to watch some old Western on DVD. Bend of the River , starring James Stewart. Afterward, they asked me to take a quiz about the plot, to see how much I retained.”
“I’m surprised that a young woman your age even knows who James Stewart was.”
“I didn’t. Not him or the other guy, Rock Hudson. I think that was probably the first Western I ever saw.”
“Was it good?”
“It was okay, I guess. I don’t really like old movies.”
“You remembered the title and the name of the star.”
“I have a good memory.”
“And you were paid for this?”
“That’s why I did it. They were paying fifty dollars.”
“Not much work for a quick fifty.”
“No.”
“And you even got to see a movie.”
“Well, not one I liked much, but still.”
“It doesn’t seem like that study would have had much of a practical application.”
“I wouldn’t know. They never did tell me what they hoped to learn.”
“I suppose not. We plan to be a little more forthcoming, when we’re done. And as you know, we’re offering substantially more than fifty dollars, with a chance of payment on an entirely different order of magnitude if you elect to continue with further stages of the study. This is a long-term project that’s been running for over thirty years, and we have had more than one student in your financial circumstances stay with us for the entire course of their university educations, some earning so much that they graduated free of debt.”
“You’re kidding. It can be that much?”
“This study is underwritten by one of the largest fortunes in the United States, with significant contribution from the American taxpayer. I assure you that it can be that much, and that if you do well, it can lead to lucrative employment opportunities upon graduation. But first you have to get through the initial survey.”
“I’ll get through it. I can use the money!”
“Yes, which is why we circulated the flier among the work-study population. Ah, here’s your water. Nice and cold. It’s been on ice. Thank you, Jane. Will there be anything else, Steph? Once again, would you like to use the restroom before we begin?”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Do you understand that this session will be monitored?”
“Yes.”
“Do you also understand that the recording will enter the permanent archives of this project?”
“Yes.”
“Do you understand that you are attached to leads measuring your heart rate, your respiration, your blood pressure, and multiple other metabolic indicators, and that this information will be used in this study?”
“Yes.”
“Are you all right with that?”
“Sure.”
“Please sign here, acknowledging your understanding of these terms.”
“There you go.”
“All right, then. Let’s start the recorder. Survey code 2793MB, subject Stephanie Halpern, preferred name Steph. Age: nineteen. Sophomore, Communication Arts. Steph, will you please say something innocuous, to calibrate your voice level?”
“Umm. Hi. How do I sound?”
“Just fine. Now something with lots of Ps, to make sure we get no mike pops.”
“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”
“Most people say that. Did you get that, everybody? Ah, it looks like we have a green light and are ready to go.”
“Great.”
“Steph, do you assert for the record that you have agreed to participate in this survey of your own free will? Say, ‘Yes, I do,’ if so.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Do you understand that no payment will be tendered until you answer the final question?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Do you also acknowledge agreement that some of these questions may be of a personal or upsetting nature?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Steph, the man now entering the room works for our security division. His presence is one of the requirements of this survey. He will not be interfering with us in any way, unless there’s trouble.”
“What kind of trouble could there be?”
“As we have noted, some of these questions can be upsetting. One or two of your predecessors in this study have succumbed to stress responses and physically assaulted their interlocutors. I do not personally believe that I have anything to fear from you, but the project leaders now require the presence of armed security, to forestall such eventualities. Rest assured that if this does become necessary, he is instructed to restrain you with minimal force. You will, however, sacrifice the promised stipend. Do you acknowledge understanding of the reason for his presence?”
“I’m not sure I like this.”
“You can leave, or you can acknowledge understanding of the reason for his presence.”
“Umm. Okay. I acknowledge understanding of the reason for his presence.”
“Steph, what is your life’s greatest ambition?”
“Umm. You mean professionally?”
“That would be a fine place to start.”
“I want to work in television.”
“Creative or corporate?”
“Creative.”
“You want to write? To tell stories?”
“I’m no writer. I just want to be involved in production somewhere.”
“Any specific ideas?”
“I’m still figuring that out.”
“Excellent. Is it fair to say that your ambitions are at least partially driven by wanting to make a difference in the world?”
“. . . That almost sounds like you’re mocking me. But yes.”
“I’m not mocking you. It’s perfectly normal for someone your age to still be exploring her options, to still be forming plans for the future. But this will help us, moving forward.”
&n
bsp; “Okay.”
“Steph, are you a violent person?”
“No.”
“Has anybody ever accused you of being a violent person?”
“No.”
“Excluding childhood incidents prior to, let us say, age twelve, have you ever struck another human being?”
“Yes.”
“How many incidents?”
“Two or three, I guess.”
“Describe one.”
“A couple of years ago, I went out with a guy who got upset when I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him. I had to slap him to let him know I was serious.”
“Did he desist?”
“Yes.”
“You were lucky. Any incidents more serious than that?”
“No.”
“Did you ever draw blood?”
“No.”
“You never had cause to scratch the face of anyone as pushy as that boy?”
“No.”
“Forgive me: Is this because no other boys showed you equivalent disrespect, or because you were never again that recalcitrant?”
“That’s a disgusting question.”
“Do you refuse to answer it?”
“No. There were other guys I had to say no to, and other guys I said yes to, but nobody else I ever had to fight to get them to listen.”
“All right, then. We won’t ask for the percentages. Are you seeing someone now?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever been angry with him?”
“Yes.”
“Did you argue?”
“Yes.”
“Was there any name-calling?”
“I called him an asshole.”
“Do you still believe him to be asshole?”
“He was definitely being an asshole that day!”
“I don’t need to know the details. On a scale of one to ten, with one being absolute calm and ten being totally out-of-control, shrieking rage, how close did you come to slapping him then?”
“I guess a . . . four?”
“Four. Excellent. Steph, is it accurate to say that you have never been part of any military force?”
“Oh, no.”
“You mean, no, you have been, or no, you haven’t been?”
“I’m sorry. I mean, no, I haven’t been.”
“Is it therefore accurate to say that you’ve never had to use lethal force against another human being?”
“Yes. That’s accurate.”
“Steph, do you consider yourself a pacifist?”
“No.”
“Is it accurate to say that you have never done harm of any permanent nature to any human being?”
“Yes.”
“What about to animals?”
“What? No, of course not!”
“Do you eat meat?”
“Yes.”
“So you do harm to animals, but not actively.”
“Yes.”
“If you were placed in some extreme survival situation where you had to hunt and butcher some animal or starve, do you think you could do what was necessary?”
“I used to go fishing with my Dad. Does that count?”
“I will take that as a yes. Steph, do you consider yourself a liberal, a conservative, a moderate, or someone who isn’t interested in politics?”
“A moderate.”
“Do you consider yourself a good person?”
“I try to be.”
“An idealist?”
“If that means, do I have ideals, sure.”
“Excellent. Now, this is where the questions get a little more complicated.”
“All right. Should I be scared?”
“That’s up to you. Do you want to continue?”
“I’m okay so far.”
“For the next part, you will need your pencil.”
“Okay.”
“I’m now handing you a graphic on a sheet of paper. Please describe the illustration.”
“Three people.”
“Can you characterize the drawing, for the record?”
“Characterize it? You mean, describe it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. It’s not a realistic drawing, not one that tells me much. It’s just three identical black outlines, vaguely shaped like people.”
“In short, Steph, is it the kind of drawing you would produce if you had three human beings lie flat on the ground and outlined them with chalk or masking tape?”
“Like they do in murder investigations, right?”
“Yes. Except that we intend these outlines to represent upright, living figures.”
“Yes. I can see that.”
“Can you tell anything about the individuals illustrated here? Their ages? Their genders? Their racial background? Their politics? Their clothing?”
“No.”
“Is it fair to say that they could be anybody?”
“They seem to be adults.”
“That’s excellent. Children have different bodily proportions. So do some adults, of course—the height-challenged, the deformed, the obese, the disabled, amputees, and so on. I will, however, establish of these outlines that they could very well represent adults of any of these outlying physical constituencies. For the sake of the next exercise, you need only imagine three people living somewhere in the world, their names and circumstances unknown to you. Each one of them could be anybody, from some Mumbai street person to whatever famous musician whose work you enjoy most.”
“Okay.”
“Is it fair to say that you have no opinion on any of these people? Positive or negative?”
“Yes.”
“You are wholly impartial?”
“I can’t wait to see where you’re going with this.”
“Please answer the question. You are wholly impartial?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Now you will play God, for a moment. You will use your pencil to draw a big X over one of these three outlines, in effect killing one of these three unknown individuals. Use whatever imaginary criterion you have. Decide that he’s a Nazi war criminal or just an asshole like that boy you once had to slap. Kill him by drawing an X.”
“Okay.”
“I can see which figure you crossed out, but for the audio record, was it the outline on the left, the outline on the right, or the one in the middle?”
“For the record, it was the one on the right.”
“You decided that this individual did not deserve to live and, as a result, some assassin staking out that individual just walked up to them, wherever they are in the world, and put a bullet in their brain.”
“Yup.”
“Did you feel any sense of satisfaction on killing this person?”
“No.”
“Do you feel any guilt?”
“It’s just an outline on a sheet of paper.”
“Yes, Steph, it is. But this is the point in our session where I advise you that this exercise has never been hypothetical.”
“What?”
“I never told you that the three people represented by these figures were imaginary. I told you that they were upright, living people, somewhere in the world. One minute ago, all three of them were living human beings, minding their own daily business. All three of them were under surveillance by representatives of this study, and all three of them were targeted for a bullet in the brain, on your say-so. You elected which one was going to die. Do you see the light that just went green on my console?”
“. . . Yes.”
“That light confirms that the individual you selected is already dead.”
“That’s not funny.”
“It is not meant to be.”
“I get this. This is like, I read about it last semester, what’s it called . . . the Milgram Experiment. They coerced people into giving others electric shocks. Except that the buttons they were pressing weren’t hooked up to anything. This is like that.”
“I’m impressed that you can cite the Milgram Experiment
. You’re a smart young lady. But this is the precise opposite of the Milgram Experiment. In that case, participants were encouraged to believe that they were doing real harm, when they were not. Here, you were given every reason to assume that your kill order was not real, when your decision actually did represent life-or-death consequences. Rest assured, Steph. You just ordered the death of an actual human being.”
“Stop saying that!”
“Please observe the monitor.”
“Oh, my God.”
“This is a street scene in Yangon, also known as Rangoon, in Myanmar. That unfortunate woman you see bleeding out is one Daw Kham Keow, age thirty-four. You can tell from the damage to her cranium that the firearm used in her execution was powerful enough to ensure her immediate death. You can also tell that our assassin is nowhere in sight. It may interest you to know that your chosen target was a mother and the sole supporter of her four children, all of whom will now become wards of the—”
“Turn it off!”
“As you wish. If you’re interested, the two other people you could have chosen to eliminate were one Marlie DeBauer, eighty-seven, a resident of a retirement community in Boca Raton, Florida; and Ga-Heon Teitikai, twenty-four, a resident of Tarawa in the island nation of Kiribati.”
“This is bullshit!”
“If you are having any difficulty processing this information, reflect that with the same act you also saved the lives of Marlie and Ga-Heon, both of whom are still breathing only because you directed the fire somewhere else. It can be said that all three were endangered, and that you selflessly saved two of them.”
“I’m leaving!”
“That is your right. However, our security officer here has been instructed to keep you in this room until you have been told why you may not want to.”
“Fuck you!”
“The two individuals whose lives you spared are hostages to your continued participation. I can promise you that if you terminate the survey at this juncture, the protection you have provided them will be rescinded, and they will also be cooling sacks of meat by the time you make it to the hallway. You will, in case you’re wondering, be sent all the relevant photographs and local news coverage, to confirm that this is not hypothetical.”
“You son of a bitch! You sick, sadistic—”
“By all means: Get it out.”
“—piece of shit—”
“Most people taking this survey respond as you have, at about this point in the process. Some succumb to total hysteria and are unable to continue, regardless of the consequences. It has been our experience that the most principled, the most principled, do regain control of themselves and push on, recognizing that they have no other choice. I advise you to drink some of your water now. It is what it appears to be and is not adulterated with any mood-altering substances. Taking a pause of that nature will help clear your mind for the next phase.”