by Kathryn Shay
“It was agony and ecstasy.”
“Tell me.”
She explained her circumstances, meeting Chris and having Tommy.
“So, you must have gotten pregnant after you saw me. And had Rafe’s child?”
“Yes.”
“How does he feel about that?”
“He’s ecstatic that he has a son. He’s was pretty mad at me for leaving him.”
“I’m sorry. Do you mind telling me why you came back?”
“After learning there’s no such thing as security, I’m trying to get together with Rafe. So far, he’s said no.”
“Hmm.”
After Kate filled her in on the rest of what happened, Molly left so Kate could get undressed. Not long after, she came back in with a nurse and examined Kate. She touched her temple gingerly. “Does the bump still hurt?”
“A bit. Not as much as when it happened.”
“Rafe said on the phone that you’re having abdominal pain. Show me exactly where.”
She ran her hand across her middle. “Here.”
“Where the seatbelt was.”
“Yeah, we figured that out.”
“Mind if I touch?”
“Go ahead.”
She winced when Molly probed. But the pain had eased since last night. “Sorry about that. I need to do a pelvic exam.”
“Sure.”
The nurse brought up the stirrups. Kate laid back and put her feet in them. The metal was cold. She felt Molly’s intrusion. Molly said, “Nothing unusual. I think your uterus is fine. But I’ll do an ultrasound to be sure.”
“Go ahead.”
The nurse left to get the machine. They made small talk about Molly’s baby until the woman returned and set up for a sonogram. Molly got a tube. “I’m going to squirt gel on your stomach area, then I’m going to run what’s called a transducer over your abdomen.”
“I know, Molly.”
“Of course, you’re an EMT.”
“And I had prenatal care for my child.”
“Of course. Did you have an easy time of it?”
“After crying for the first two months, I did my best not to mourn, not grieve the loss of Rafe for the baby’s sake. The pregnancy was fine, the birth not so much.”
Slowly, she ran the instrument over Kate’s belly. The odd, sliding sensation brought back memories.
“Hmm, I don’t see any lesions on the uterus or any other organ.” She cleaned Kate’s stomach off, then helped her to sit up.
“So?”
“My diagnosis is that when the car hit you, the seatbelt probably locked and you went forward. From the marks on your belly, you strained your muscles in the whole area.”
“That doesn’t sound too serious.”
“The pain should abate now. You might want to switch to ibuprofen during the day, then take the oxycodone at night if you need it. I’ll give you another prescription for it.”
“This is good news, right?”
“Yeah. Anything more you want to talk about?”
“No.”
“Then I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice. Rafe seemed concerned this morning when he called and asked to talk to me. I’d say you have a second chance with him. This time, handle it better, Kate. You can have a full, happy life together.”
“I’m trying, Molly. I’m really trying.”
“Good girl.”
Chapter 10
As Rafe drove Kate home, they discussed Molly’s diagnosis and he felt relieved. “I’m glad it isn’t more serious.”
“She said to stick with the ibuprofen, which is working.”
“I’m glad you’re off the oxy.”
“Did you call Brick?” He’d told her he would when she went into the exam room.
“Yeah, he sounds as if he’s on the mend.”
His cell phone rang. He pushed the red-phone icon on his dashboard. “Casella here.”
“Hello, Rafe. It’s Mama.”
“I didn’t check the ID. What’s up?”
“Mattie and Mikey are staying overnight. We want Tommy to sleep here, too.”
He looked to Kate. She’d know better what was best for their son. “I’m going to let you talk to Kate.”
“Hi, Mama. Does Tommy want to stay?”
“He seems to. Seth’s coming over to help out and he hit it off with his uncle when he came for dinner.”
Kate bit her lip. “He’s never slept over at someone else’s house.”
“Your call.”
“I’ll need to talk to him.”
Tommy came over the line. “Mommy, can I stay?” His voice was full of excitement.
“If you want to, sweetie. But know you can call me any time to come get you. You have your phone, right?”
“Yeah, but I’m a big boy. I won’t call.”
“Sure, you can stay. I hope you have fun with your cousins. Put Nana back on.”
“Kate?”
“Then let’s give it a try. I can bring over some clothes for him.”
Mama hesitated. “No need. I bought him things to have here: pajamas, socks, pants and tops. And a few toys. One of that Mad Mortimer character, that Alessia suggested I get.”
“Thank you so much, but I could have gotten those things to leave at your house.”
“I want to spoil my grandson, now that I have him here.”
“Go ahead then.” They disconnected. “I didn’t think about the fact that I’d kept Tommy from his grandmother.”
Rafe tensed. But Kate didn’t feel well, she’d just had a traumatic experience, and he’d never thought about the battering she was taking from all sides.
“You’re moving forward. Just remember that.”
He drove on, then something hit him: he and Kate would have hours together without their son. They’d be dangerously alone. Since she was still having pain, they wouldn’t do anything sexual, even if he wanted to. Well, he wanted to, of course, but hadn’t planned on heading down that road.
Yet, Casella. At least admit that to yourself.
He ignored his conscience.
When the silence wore on, Kate said, “This is so sweet. We never had any support from family before.”
It killed him to ask, but he did. “Not Chris’s family?”
“He’s from Rockford. But his parents had moved to Florida. They passed away a year before he did. He had two aunts about three hours away. Nobody to take Tommy spontaneously, like this, though I did make friends with other mothers, and sometimes, the kids played. No overnights, though.”
“I don’t know much about your life there.”
“It was a different world, Rafe. Since I didn’t try to get into the Rockford Fire Department because I was pregnant, then had Tommy, I led a low-key, quiet life, like the other stay-at-home moms. Until Chris died.”
Reaching across, he covered her hand where it sat on her knee. She must have used lotion this morning, because her skin was soft and silky. “I’m so sorry your world turned upside down a second time.”
“Thank you for that. But coming here was the right thing. Tommy has family, who were my family, too.”
“They still are.” He squeezed her fingers. “And now you get to go back to work. Are you looking forward to being on the line?”
“Absolutely. Especially, since you’ll be with Tommy when I can’t be and we’ve got Kyle for what we can’t cover.”
“A good setup all around.”
She waited, then said, “Except for one thing. You and me.”
“I’m working on the trust thing, Kate. You said you couldn’t trust me anymore, either, when you signed the custody papers. Now we have more to deal with.”
“No, we don’t. That isn’t an issue for me, anymore.”
“Why not? You were so upset at the academy.”
“I was. But, literally, during the accident, I panicked about leaving Tommy orphaned.”
“Your biggest fear.”
“Then it hit me in flash: he’d have yo
u and your family if I died. If you hadn’t done the custody thing, I would have seen to it after that experience.”
“I never expected this.”
“So, this settles the kindergarten dispute, too. Let’s go visit your local elementary school.”
“I’ll set up an appointment.”
A long pause. “If you married Melanie, would you stay in that house? Would she be his step-mother if we don’t…” She didn’t finish the thought, but he got the message.
“No, I broke off the engagement with Melanie.”
“When?”
“Last night. She threw a surprise 40th birthday party for me.”
“You hate surprises.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So that’s why you were dressed up.”
“Yeah. It was a real bust. Fancy, with people there I didn’t even know. It made me realize we weren’t on the same page, aka, that I didn’t want her lifestyle and she didn’t want mine.”
“I’m sorry if she’s hurt, or you are, but this makes my day.”
He waited but something forced him to blurt out, “I didn’t do that because of you, Kate.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, I guess it was. Partly.” He rubbed her hand. “But I don’t know how to get the rest of the way.”
“I’ll wait. It’ll take time. I hope we can be together more.” She bit her lip. “In different ways, too.”
They stopped at a red light and he looked at her. “Would you honestly want to have sex with me when I don’t know if I can ever commit again?”
“Are you kidding? I’ll take you any way I can get you. Besides, being with you even like this makes me…want you.” She arched a brow. “Like you wanted me this morning.”
“You’re hurting, still.”
“I’m not taking any more oxycodone. And I’m feeling better by the minute, though I am a bit tired.”
“Take a nap when you get home.”
“I will. Maybe after?”
“I need to think about this.”
He saw her face flush and her eyes turn hot. She withdrew her hand from his and wrapped both arms around herself. “This is so cold. Deliberating about making love. It’s sad. We were always so spontaneous.”
“I can’t help how I feel.” He sighed heavily. “And you still have that abdominal pain. I won’t be the one to cause more.”
After a bit, she said, “All right, Rafe. We’ll do this your way.” If her defeated tone bothered him, he refused to let it make him do something rash.
o0o
Two hours later, Rafe realized his way wasn’t working. He’d gotten Kate in bed and left her nearly asleep. After pouring coffee, he tried to focus on the consolidation effort—they had a meeting tomorrow—but his mind wandered. He thought about Kate, long ago, taking a bath and pulling him into the tub with her. How she’d dressed in sexy nightgowns, waiting on the bed for him to come to her. Moving in together, planning the future. When memories of how she left him, met another guy and married him, damn it, crept in, he got hot in a different way.
An elliptical was in the spare room where he slept, so he used that for an hour. Amidst the whirring of the machine, his breath sped up, his chest heaved and his pulse rate skyrocketed before he realized he should slow down. Afterward, he showered in the guest bathroom and sick of his indecisiveness, and without dressing, walked out of the bathroom, down the hallway and straight into her room, into her bed. He drew her into his arms and aligned their bodies. He dozed.
Later, when she awoke, so did he. She sat up, bracing her arms on the mattress. In the midafternoon shadows, her hair was a sexy mess around her face. “Rafe? Did I call for you?”
“No.” He lay on his side, now, watching her. “How’s the pain?”
“A lot better.” She glanced around, as if to get her bearings. “What are you doing in here?”
“I decided.”
Confusion gave way to a smile of delight. “From how you’re not dressed, I assume it’s a go. Between us.”
“Yeah, now, no more talking about doing this. No more deliberating. I’m tired of all that.”
“Hmm. Me too.”
Coming up on one elbow, he lowered her to the bed, leaned over her and took her mouth. He thought he’d be able to do this slow, but self-control fled and he devoured her. She matched him in every move: tongue to tongue, pressure to pressure. He eased away, nipped her mouth, soothed it, then nipped again. She did the same to his, which enflamed him. He moved his hand down and caressed her breasts, fuller after pregnancy. The pleasure of it soared through him. She moved restlessly beneath his hands. He took a nipple into his mouth. Sucked. Laved. Until she said, “More, Rafe. More.”
He knew what that meant. His hand went lower and he cupped her, ground against her. She arched her groin up to meet him. The intimacy of the action made him even harder but he waited until she was wet. Knowing she wouldn’t want to come this way, he moved off her, sat against the headboard, and stretched out his legs.
Thrilled that he remembered their favorite position, Kate got to her knees and went to straddle him. He said, “Wait. I don’t have any condoms. I refused to bring any here.”
“I do, in the drawer.”
After he sheathed himself, he pulled her across him, with her still on her knees, so they were face to face. His hair was beautifully mussed, his dark eyes shining. She held that onyx gaze and lowered herself on him.
He swore with pleasure. But… “You all right? You’re tight.”
“I’m wonderful.” She leaned over to whisper, “You got me really wet, mister,” then sat back up and finished taking him in. His eyes shut at the full impact of her closing around him. And she chuckled. She’d wait now, until he was ready. Soon, his hand went to her hips, lifted her up, and eased her slowly down. They both moaned. They repeated the process until he began to thrust. Kate let him take over, mindlessly doing what he wanted because she wanted it, too.
She spiraled up and up. The explosion came. Pleasure burst inside her. He kept thrusting. She came again, almost losing consciousness this time.
Back to reality, she felt Rafe tense, push even harder. Then climax hit him and went on and on as he gripped her hips. When he came down, his whole body relaxed. She caved into him, inhaled his scent, felt his sweat against her chest. Heaven couldn’t be any better than this.
When she started to ease off him, Rafe held her in place, still joined. He cradled her face. “We didn’t forget how to do this,” he said with a half-smile.
“Not one single thing.” She felt great all over. “It was perfect.”
“For me, too. And I want to do it again. And again. But honey, I have to be honest. I—”
She put her fingers on his mouth. “Stop. We’re not going to talk about all that anymore. I know how hesitant you are, that you’re not sure we have a future. Let’s take our time and just enjoy each other.”
“Is that enough for you?”
Of course, it wasn’t. “For now, yes.”
“I still love you, Katie.”
She stilled. Her whole body went weak and her throat filled—with emotion, with joy, with relief. Finally, she got out, “Thank you for telling me that.”
“You knew, though, didn’t you?”
“In my heart, I did. Now, my brain can relax.”
o0o
Though it was only afternoon, they closed all the blinds and drew all the curtains in the house. They left on only the light in the kitchen, which was dimmed. Rafe donned his briefs, and she put on his T-shirt. Ravenous now, she rummaged through the refrigerator and took out food. After he made coffee, he watched her. Her hair was a mass of waves falling down over her shoulders. She’d gained weight but her bare legs looked great and her waist still indented. No flab that he could see anywhere.
“I feel you watching me,” she said in a singsong-y manner.
“I’m taking inventory. Did you mind getting fat?” he teased.
“Not if it meant I was ha
ving your baby. I didn’t care much afterward because I was exhausted taking care of Tommy alone.”
A silence, then, “I wish I’d been there.”
She turned. “I’ll always feel horrible that I kept you out of such a glorious event. If we ever have another baby, you’ll be right there with me.”
He held her gaze, thinking of her body swollen with his child, maybe a girl this time. She stared at him, too.
Finally, she got out mugs. He said, “Have coffee before you cook. Or I cook.”
She served them mugsful at the island and sat sideways on her stool, her feet on the legs of his chair. “My shirt barely covers you.”
“You want me covered?”
“Hell, no.”
She laughed, a wonderful sound. He chuckled, too.
“This coffee is strong, exactly like I like it.”
She sipped. “Hmm.”
“How’s your pain level?”
“Pain’s gone, buddy. Sex took the last of it away.”
“It probably relaxed you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Now there’s a loaded question.” His gaze narrowed. “I want you again.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
“Get off the stool, woman.” When she did, he swiveled around to face her. She was holding back laughter.
“You think this is funny?”
“No, not at all.”
“Pull up the shirt.”
She yanked it to her waist.
“Spread your legs.”
She did.
He cupped her groin, silencing the laughter.
“Oh, God,” she said shakily. Still sitting down, he massaged there, dipped one finger into her, then two. She closed her eyes. “Rafe.”
He explored her, leaning in to nip the tiny bud that had hardened. He slid fingers back inside her and she came right away. When she calmed, she put her hands on his shoulders, as if to steady herself. “How do you want me?”
Her husky voice enflamed him. He pushed the stool away. “Bend over and hold onto the counter with your hands.”
She did as he ordered.
“Spread your legs again.”
He entered her fully. He thrust, the sound of slapping skin on skin engorging him. Again. And again, until he came so hard and so fast, he thought the top of his head might come off.