Radford did not for a minute believe his apology had won her heart. His apologies, Westcott had told him repeatedly, rarely came close to meeting the definition.
Furthermore, Radford had never bothered to learn the art of ingratiating himself.
No, his convenient quarters had nothing to do with his limited grasp of polite address. His father had to be the reason her ladyship hadn’t had a brace of footmen throw him out bodily.
But he couldn’t think about Father now. Mother was a good and loving nurse. Not to mention he’d seemed in slightly better spirits this last time. Or such was Radford’s impression. He’d rushed in and rushed away, giving only the briefest explanation of his errand to Kensington, and he might have only imagined his father brightening up.
Never mind. He’d think about his family later.
The present, critical task was keeping Lady Clara from sinking too far to be brought back.
“Kindly have someone bring me the medicine case,” he told the maid. “And sleep now, while you can. I’ll need you later.”
She did go out, though she paused for a moment at the sickbed, and stroked Lady Clara’s forehead.
Before the door closed behind Davis, he heard her murmur to somebody. Within minutes, the young footman William appeared with the medicine case.
“I’m a step away in the corridor, sir,” he said. “Anything you need for her ladyship, I’ll be pleased and grateful to help. I stay until daybreak. Then Tom comes. Miss Davis said somebody must always be within easy call.”
Thanking him, Radford took the medicine chest his father had taught him to carry whenever he traveled. He set up his traveling tea-making kit at the fire, and brewed a dose of willow bark tea. For once he used his pocket watch, to time it exactly.
When he returned to Clara’s bedside, her eyes were closed, but her breathing and her hands’ restless movements over the bedclothes told him she wasn’t asleep.
“I’ve a delicious treat for you,” he said.
Her eyelids came up halfway. “Nothing is delicious,” she said.
“I see,” he said. “You’ve arrived at the surly phase of the program.”
“I think you should go away,” she said.
“Normally, my ears tingle to hear your opinions,” he said. “They’re so amusing. But that one’s boring. I reject it as immaterial. I’ve made you willow bark tea with my own dainty hands, and you will drink it. There isn’t the remotest chance of my going away until you’re well. Since you’re not well, you haven’t the strength to make me go away.”
She turned her head away.
“Clara.”
She turned back to glare at him, a flash in the blue eyes of the combative girl he knew. “Lady Clara to you. Or my lady. Or your ladyship, Mr. Radford.”
He bit back laughter. He remembered the first day he’d seen her all grown up. The demented hat. The dress resembling a French chef’s delirious idea of a cake. The haughty air with which she ordered him to summon a constable.
He wanted that Clara back.
“If you want respect, you must take your medicine like a brave aristocrat,” he said. “Think of the French nobles who walked to the guillotine, double chins aloft.”
Her mouth quivered.
“Actually, I had my not-at-all-French cousin’s chins in mind,” he said. “Did you ever see that old Gillray caricature of the Prince of Wales? ‘A Voluptuary under the horrors of Digestion,’ it’s titled. It was done in your grandmother’s time. My father has a framed print on his study wall. The prince slumps back in his chair, picking his teeth with a fork. His belly is so big, his breeches can’t cover it, and half the buttons are unfastened. His waistcoat gapes, too, stretched so far, only one button is buttoned. Behind him we see an over-filled chamber pot. Behind that a table heaped with sweets. Empty bottles under his feet. That’s what my cousin put me in mind of, last time I saw him.”
“Cousin? Do you mean Beastly Bernard?” She looked more alert.
“I won’t tell you any of his ridiculous story unless you take your medicine,” Radford said.
Her chin went up, and though her head, covered in a wrinkled nightcap, lay on the pillow, the arrogant-aristocrat effect wasn’t altogether lost.
“Very well,” she said. “You’re boring me witless and you won’t go away. You might as well poison me. It’ll make for a change.”
He set the tea on the bed table. Then he hesitated.
He knew what to do and how to do it properly. He’d had to help his father move to a sitting position time and again, in order to feed him. He knew he could do it while causing as little pain as possible. But she wasn’t his father.
She was a vulnerable young woman dressed in nothing more than a nightgown. And he, of all people, was suddenly shy.
Suddenly insane was more like it.
She was ill. He’d chased away everybody except her maid and put himself in charge of her care. He’d made himself both nurse and doctor because he didn’t trust anybody else not to kill her with good intentions. Before the disease ran its course, he’d probably undertake many, more intimate actions.
It wasn’t as though he’d never seen a woman in a state of undress. It certainly wasn’t as though he’d never touched this woman before. He’d held her in his arms. On his lap . . .
He ought to have written to her, as she’d asked in the teasing, offhand manner that did such disruptive things to his brain.
Too late for epistles, loving or otherwise.
He slid his arm under her shoulders to raise her, and carefully tucked one of the pillows behind her. Though she didn’t cry out or so much as whimper, he saw her mouth tighten.
He wanted to take her in his arms and promise everything would be all right: He’d take care of her. He’d make her well again.
He said, “Can you bear to be propped up a bit more? Or shall I hold your head up? I’d rather you didn’t choke. A murder charge will gravely disrupt my plan to become Lord Chancellor.”
That won him a weak smile.
“One more pillow,” she said. She took a deep breath and let it out, her bosom rising and falling. “I feel . . . better . . . with my head up.”
He found another pillow and propped her up.
He waited for her to collect herself, then took up the teacup and spoon.
“Your cousin,” she said. “Tell me about your cousin.”
He commenced the Saga of Beastly Bernard.
Clara was terrified.
No one said exactly what was wrong with her. This in itself was troubling. She’d heard Radford and the doctor quarreling, but she’d been too foggy-brained and miserable to follow it. All she remembered was Dr. Marler’s angry voice, and Radford’s, so dispassionate, driving the doctor mad, beyond a doubt.
Still, she understood that she must be dangerously ill, if no one came to visit, if even Great-Aunt Dora had stopped coming to look in on her, and—most frightening of all—if it had brought Mr. Radford from Herefordshire to nurse her.
Not that Clara wanted others. She didn’t want to see Great-Aunt Dora’s worried expression. She certainly didn’t want to hear Mama carry on the way she did at everything that wasn’t exactly as she believed it ought to be. Mama had never nursed her, in any event. She wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to do it.
Until Davis came, nursemaids had looked after Clara.
But she hadn’t fallen ill in years and years.
Leave it to her to sicken in the most spectacular way, with a nasty plague of some kind. Not the cholera, else she’d be dead by now, wouldn’t she? How long had it been?
Did it matter?
He had come, and he was here, talking about Beastly Bernard, and making her laugh. Inside, that is. Laughing openly was too laborious. It left her weak and the weakness frightened her. For now she had work enough, dr
inking the brew he promised would ease the pain and fever.
Yet while he talked, fear receded. Hearing about his youth wasn’t the only reason. It was his low voice, with the trace of huskiness she found so compelling. The sound stirred feelings she didn’t know the names for. She knew, though, that his voice made her shiver inside, and not with cold.
While he talked, he spooned the tea into her. She wanted to feed herself but she couldn’t. She was as weak as a baby. She had all she could do to keep her head up. She hated being helpless, especially with him. And yet she was glad he was the one looking after her. Her Raven. Brusque and caustic. And funny. Unlike her, he said whatever he wanted to say. It didn’t matter where he was or with whom.
She, meanwhile, had to closely inspect in advance every gesture, act, and word for possible violations of ladyship rules. Except with him.
He was Raven, nothing at all like the other men she knew. No other man taxed her mind the way he did. Even Clevedon hadn’t demanded as much of her intellect and wit.
No other man, either, had made her feel what her Raven made her feel.
He didn’t even have to try. She had only to look at him. He had only to touch her hand. To talk.
The Bernard story started with Radford’s first day at Eton, when the ridicule commenced. Soon thereafter, his classmates dubbed him Raven, a name he liked, though he never let them know. She had no trouble, sick and muddled though she was, understanding how Radford’s not-charming personality and know-it-all speeches would have made matters worse for him at school.
“Are you a glutton for punishment?” she said.
“Ought I to have made myself my cousin’s toady instead?” he said. “This way, when he or anybody else abused me, I knew beyond doubt I’d earned it. Moreover, the experience was invaluable in preparing me for the courtroom.”
Still, the tale wasn’t all about being mocked and knocked down. He had funny stories to tell about Bernard, who was not an intellectual giant, as well as the teachers and other boys.
While he talked, she finished the tea, hardly noticing what she did. She felt better than before, not so hot and achy. When she’d emptied the cup and he eased the extra pillow away, she said, “Don’t stop talking. Don’t ever stop talking.”
His voice was the last sound she heard before she fell asleep.
The days and nights passed, while Radford and Davis strove to keep Lady Clara as well-fed and free of pain and fever as possible. Willow bark tea alternated with senna and ginger tea as her main medicines. Then broths, gruel, and possets—any nourishment they could tempt her to swallow. Keeping up her strength was crucial, because every stage of the disease would sap it.
The household worked to help her fight. Maids came and went with prettily decorated trays laden with tempting meals. The cook addressed his art to making easily swallowed foods as appealing as possible. The housekeeper personally searched the markets for the freshest ingredients. Lady Exton discreetly finagled out-of-season fruits and vegetables from her friends’ greenhouses. Anything and everything to tempt the patient’s appetite.
Every day the maids came in and helped Davis change the bed linens and air out the room. Still, bathing and dressing the patient was Davis’s exclusive privilege.
As the disease continued its siege, barrister and lady’s maid settled into a routine. Davis kept watch by day, and he took over during the night.
To keep busy and alert while Clara slept, he worked. He moved her writing desk, positioning it to let him see and hear her while keeping the lone candle out of her line of vision. Her eyes were extremely sensitive to light.
On the Thursday, his seventh night at Exton House, he sat at the desk, making notes on the libel case. The room was quiet, but for the scratch of his pen on the paper, the ticking clock on the mantelpiece, and the faint sound outside of the wind rustling the autumn leaves.
“The season, the season,” came her voice, just audible. “Over. How could you, Clara? Even she. Yes, Mama, better her than me.”
Radford dropped his pen and went to her side. She moved her head from side to side while her hands pushed at an invisible something.
“Clara,” he said.
Her gaze came to him. “I must. Don’t let Harry kill him. Don’t you understand?”
“Clara, wake up.”
“I’m going to be an eccentric in Arabia, and live in a tent.”
Gently he took her hands and brought them down to the bedclothes. “Clara, you’re dreaming.”
“That boy. I’ll show him. A Chancery suit on the— I don’t know. No, no, no. Portsmouth is that way.” She mumbled something else, unintelligible.
She wasn’t dreaming. She was delirious.
It was a long night. Her fever seemed dangerously high. Sponging her face, neck, and hands was difficult because she wouldn’t keep still. Getting her to swallow anything, like a cooling drink, was even harder. Sometimes she would quiet and seem rational for a while. Then, in the middle of a normal conversation, she’d start talking gibberish. At one point, she thought the bed was her carriage and tried to drive it. Toward daybreak, she calmed and fell asleep.
When Davis came in, he gave a short, optimistic version of the night’s events. Though he suspected Clara would sleep through the day, as some patients did, reversing day and night, he wanted Davis prepared in case the delirium recommenced.
He went to his room and told himself delirium wouldn’t kill her. It wasn’t the best sign, especially when her fever seemed so high, but it wasn’t necessarily fatal. All the same, weary as he was, it took him much longer than usual to fall sleep.
When his turn came again, Davis reported that her mistress had done as he’d supposed she would. She’d slept most of the day, coming awake a few times and taking some broth before falling asleep again.
But after a relatively calm early evening, Clara woke up agitated. She sat up to rage at somebody in a low, furious voice.
“You villain,” she said. “You lying . . . Why do I always? Don’t you— Why? It isn’t fair. No, no, nothing’s fair.”
“Clara, it’s me.”
She glared at him. “Oh, you say. What everybody does. How could you? How could you, Clara?”
“You’re Clara,” he said patiently. “I’m Raven.”
She stared at him, and he had no idea who or what she saw.
“Lie down,” he said. “You need to rest.”
“I want to go to Astley’s Circus and stand on the horse’s back with the flags and go round and round faster and faster until my head flies off.”
“Tomorrow,” he said. “If the weather is fine. But you’ll want to rest first.” He tried to guide her back down to the pillows, but she jerked away from him.
“Very well,” he said. “As long as you’re up, why don’t you have a nice, cool drink?”
He left the bedside to pour her a glass of lemonade from the pitcher keeping cool at the window.
“Raven?”
He turned back to her. She was down on the pillows, staring up at the canopy.
He brought the lemonade to the bed.
Her gaze came to him. “It’s you,” she said.
“I hope so,” he said.
“Raven,” she said, and smiled.
He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
It went on in this way. She’d sleep by day, and at night she’d come awake. For a time she’d seem rational, then her mind would begin to wander. Most of the mind-wandering time, she talked in non sequiturs, yet remained calm. Night after night she continued like this. But on Sunday, after a time of calmly babbling nonsense, she grew restless.
Sometimes when he talked to her, she relaxed, but this night she only grew more agitated, rolling from side to side. Then she sat up abruptly and lectured somebody who wasn’t there, gesticulating. Little of that
made any sense, then:
“That isn’t what I wanted! You’ve changed. What is wrong with them? How could I be jealous? Can’t you see? Such a joke. But you must not—he’s dear to me. Yes, brandy. Only let me get free of this and I’ll know— If you don’t stop it, Mama, I’ll—I’ll— Oh, I don’t know what to do!”
“Clara.”
She didn’t seem to hear him. She began raging at somebody, threatening to run, and claiming nobody would ever find her. Then she laughed and laughed. “But not without my maid! No, indeed! I don’t know how to lace my boots or put on my stockings. No! Stay away!”
She was flinging herself about too violently. She’d exhaust her strength and undo all the good done in the last weeks.
“Clara, stop it.” He tried to take her hand. Sometimes that calmed her.
“No!” She tried to shake off his hold. He held on as gently as he could while she struggled against him. She was out of her head and liable to hurt herself if not restrained. He ought to tie her down, but he couldn’t bear to.
“Clara, please. Try to be calm. It’s only me, your Raven. Come, my girl.”
“I have to go away. I’m going on the boat. Hurry, before Harry gets here. Make haste, Davis. What is wrong with you?”
Back and forth she rocked. When he’d try to still her, touching a shoulder or arm, she’d pull away.
He climbed onto the bed. “Down,” he said gently. “Lie down and rest. You’re safe. I won’t let anybody trouble you.”
“The boy!” she cried. “They left him to die!”
“He’s all right, my lady,” Radford said. “Toby’s safe, and so are you.”
“It’s not his fault. He’s only a bit thick. Like Harry. But Harry isn’t as stupid as he pretends. They don’t know how cunning . . . Don’t you see? They’re not like you! Why did I do it wrong? Oh, no, let me find him!”
She was pushing at him, trying to climb out of the bed. She didn’t realize how weak she was, and Radford was afraid of hurting her while he tried to control her. But she wouldn’t quiet, wouldn’t lie down.
He spoke softly and reassuringly about Toby being cared for, even better than she was, because Toby wasn’t saddled with Raven Radford, but proper nurses and doctors. He tried to make jokes. She’d pause and seem to listen, then she’d try to get out of the bed. When he got in her way this time, though, she jerked away and tried to escape on the other side.
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