My fingers pause on the handle and I look over my shoulder. “Did he do that?”
Sofia shrugs, “Mayyyyyybe.”
“What?” Sage almost screeches, staring from her to me.
I return to the feast like a wild animal wondering if a trap is waiting.
Soph reaches for the water bottle, taking her damn time now that she has my total and complete attention. Too proud to beg, I cross my arms and wait for my mischievous best friend to have her fun.
“You interested?” she asks, eyebrows raised. “Because I don’t know if you are. I mean, you were just about to leave in a huff, so you might not care about the information I found out just last night.”
“I was about to kill you for withholding intel from me, but since it was within the last twenty-four hours you’re off the hook. Truth is, though, I don’t really care.”
“No?”
“Not at all. I marched to the door only to control my temper which was getting out of control.”
Sage jumps on my bandwagon. “Yeah, she’s working on her self-discipline!”
“Exactly.”
Sofia clears her throat, coughing the word, “Bullshit!” Wiping fake snot she smiles, “Oh, excuse me. I’m allergic to liars. But hey, if you don’t want to know, that’s cool.”
Throwing my hands on my hips I shout, “TELL ME!”
She busts up laughing, and Sage is grinning, too, until Soph off-handedly says, “We were in bed last night in between fuck sessions…”
“Sofia!” Sage groans.
“Oh be quiet,” Soph mutters, returning her gaze to mine. “And I mentioned how great you and Sean would be together. That I was watching him at shooting practice—your specialty as we all know—and you were correcting his aim, remember that?”
How could I forget? I was behind him, using my arm to guide his, my other hand on the tight muscles of his lower back as we focused on the target together. When I stepped away and he hit the bullseye, Sean gave me this proud grin that made me feel like I’d won the lottery. Only trouble was he no longer needed my help after that. And I kept waiting for him to screw up.
“The guy is a natural,” I mumble, itching for her to continue.
“Yeah, he’s made for this shit, for sure. Anyway, I mentioned it to Luke how great it would be if something sparked with you guys, because I could tell you liked him. And then I sighed, said I was bummed out that Sean doesn’t feel the same way. Luke asked what I meant. I told him, I never see Sean looking at Celia. Remember when we came back home from Sedona that first day and saw them on the porch? How we both noticed how he had this air of possession over her?”
I interrupt, “Wait, what?”
“We did! When we rode up the driveway and you three guys were on the porch, Sean was standing next to you like you were his, even though Atlas was on the other side. It was a vibe thing. He was standing like this, like it had already happened—his claiming of you! And there you were in the middle of this dumb triangle and had no idea!”
Excited to hear to the rest, I sit down, hovering on the edge of my seat. There’s something sparking inside me now…
Hope.
Sofia continues, “So I’m waiting for Luke to agree with me and tell me we must have been wrong, etc. but instead he just lays there, right? All silent with this weird look in his eyes. So I asked him what was up.” Leaning forward, Sofia Sol pauses for effect. “That night after dinner, remember when he asked to speak to Sean right after he and Atlas almost got into a fight?”
“That first night you guys came back home?”
“Yes! When they were out there, Luke told Sean that it was obvious he had feelings for you, and to knock it off if he wanted to become a Cipher.”
I blink at her as Sage says a low and long, “Whoa.”
Sofia takes a sip from her water bottle, eyes never wavering from my shocked stare.
Standing up in a daze I walk the parlor and replay the time between then and now over in my head in little flashes. All those times he waited until someone else sat next to me so he could have someone between us. When I came out of the shower at the same time he exited his room, he muttered, “Forgot something,” and disappeared back inside like I had the plague. The couple mornings we woke up before the rest of the house, and he left to go on a walk alone. “Need to get centered, sorry,” he mumbled when I offered to join him. And so many more.
“I thought he just didn’t like me anymore. I mean, at all! Barely a friend, you know? He laughed so much more with you guys and avoided me!”
My Cipher sisters come join me by the gauzed window, sunbeams drifting onto us. Sofia wears her excitement subdued, a cocky I knew it in her pale grey eyes. But Sage is bouncing in her skin like she wants to drag Sean in here right now to make him ‘fess up.
“What do I do?”
“That’s the problem,” Soph says, pointing at me. “You can’t do anything.”
Sage loses momentum, shoulders drooped. “Oh shit, the family.”
“And what does Sean want more than anything?”
Sage and I answer in unison, “To be part of the family.”
Groaning, I cover my head, pacing. “What do I do?”
“Talk to your mother, Ceels. She’s the one who would vote him out. And she might make your dad vote no, too.”
Frustrated I throw up my arms, “It makes no sense. He’s more than proven himself. Even when he’s beaten to a pulp he won’t quit. He’s making up for lost time, all those years of experience we have behind us, but what good does that do if she keeps acting like he’s a pariah unworthy of trust!”
They both nod, because they’ve seen it, too. Every Cipher, except my mother, has remarked on how Sean is willing to go the distance even when he can barely stand, and that he fits right in because of it.
Chewing on her cheek, Sofia stares into the ideas passing through her brain. “My dad might overrule her vote, but what good does that do you if you want something more than friendship? Your mom and dad have to accept him, Ceels. We can’t live in a house where they don’t. You guys would have to move.”
“Okay, you are getting way ahead of yourself.”
Sage reminds me, “After what Sofia went through, she’s just being careful.”
“Right, I know, but come on! Stop getting my hopes up!”
Sofia is staring off again. “You need to speak to Tonk Jr., Ceels.”
I blink at her. “You could not have surprised me any more if you’d have said Superman. How in the world would my brother be able to help me here?”
“He’s way smarter than the three of us put together. He has an idea how to get through to your mom. I’d bet Sage’s life on it.”
“Hey!”
“Well, I’m too happy now to bet my own. And I have a fiancé to look after.”
Sage pinches her, “You’re such a jerk, Soph.”
Sofia grins and tries to pinch her back, but Sage dodges it and runs off. “I have to go to the bathroom. You’ll clean up the mess?”
We both answer a firm, “No!”
She laughs her way out of the room, giving us no choice. Sofia gives me a can-you-believe-her look.
I head for the spread, “You asked for it.”
CHAPTER 25
C ELIA
K nocking, I call through Junior’s door, “Tonk? It’s me. You sleeping?”
He whisks it open, fully dressed in khaki slacks and a white button-up shirt, looking more GQ than MC, as usual. “Why would I be asleep at two in the afternoon? Is it Sunday?”
“No.” We stare at each other until I finally motion, “Can I come in?”
“Uh, sure.” Holding the door open he watches me as though I’m an alien come to investigate how humans live. Clicking it shut he stays puts while I scan his tidy room. The bed is made, curtains open to let the light dance on his desk, computer and closed paper notepad, a coffee cup of pens neatly off to one side. Only one ballpoint is out and ready to use. The walls showcase posters of a solar syst
em, a map of the human brain, plus the famous drawing by Leonardo Da Vinci of a man standing spread-eagle with scribbles I’m too distracted to read.
My brother and I are as different as two people could possibly be.
I haven’t been in this room in five years, maybe even longer. Because he never fit in with the wild children that we were, he always had his own bedroom. It just made life easier for everyone. But when I look at him now from the corner of my eyes, he slides his hands into his pockets like he has nothing to make excuses for.
“Look, I’m not judging you,” I begin.
“Yes, you are. But you can’t help that. Human beings seek to find commonality in others. It makes them feel safe to feel a part of rather than separate from. Don’t feel bad about it, Ceels. Your reaction to my sanctuary is natural.”
Sucking on my lips I mutter, “Okay, good. Can I sit on your bed, or will that bum you out?”
“Because I made it?”
“Because it doesn’t have any creases.”
He smiles and motions to the bed. “Sit.”
“You sure?”
“Very sure.” As I slowly lower myself onto it, he explains, “Let me enlighten you. I make it perfectly because if you’re going to do something, you should give it your best. To me all the moments are special, not just a birthday or something most people would celebrate. Every moment matters. My life is special. Every day of it. It makes me feel good to have a nicely made bed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want my sister to be comfortable when she visits me. And you want me to blow your mind?”
“There’s more?” I tease, kicking off my boots so I can sit cross-legged and not dirty his duvet cover.
Sitting in the brown leather office chair, he swivels it to face me. “I won’t remake the bed when you leave. It’s not about perfection. It’s about life. And the wrinkles you leave behind will remind me for the rest of the day that you came to visit. And that is rare.”
We stare at each other for a good three seconds. Finally I mutter, “Okay, great, so what I wanted to talk to you about is Mom.”
He picks up the ballpoint and twirls it. “What about her?”
“Why does she dislike Sean so much?”
Meeting my patient gaze he frowns. “I think Mom has secrets. I’ve no clue what they are, but I have seen her behaving strangely ever since you shot that pedophile and changed everyone’s minds about your ability to defend yourself on more dangerous missions.”
Leaning forward I whisper, “That’s when she changed, you’re right!”
“There’s something about you and these missions, Ceels. She hates it.” Chewing the pen, he concentrates on the problem, and my brother vanishes for a while.
He’s going to come up with something, I just know it. I could sit here all day waiting for a solution because Lord knows I have none.
Seven slow spins of his swivel chair later and Tonk Jr. locks eyes with me. “Sean is the manifestation of that fear. You and Atlas trained him on your own, and that you could do that, and so well, hit Mom’s fear for the inevitable danger you’d be in later. After Luke and Soph came back, she’s a little calmer, but now that I’m forced to ponder this, I have noticed when you do the gun training, she can’t sit still.”
“Inside the house?”
“She’s walked out to watch a few times. You didn’t know?”
“No, I was too focused.”
“Of course,” he murmurs, chewing the pen some more. “What I don’t understand is that there must be a reason she’s so upset. Perhaps she lost her parents to guns? She never speaks of our grandparents.”
“No, she never does,” I frown. “I guess because there are so many people here all the time, I never felt the loss of them.”
“I’ve wondered who they are before, but Mom never talks about life before the Ciphers.”
We stare at each other and I agree with him again, “No, she doesn’t. I’d never thought about it because I was…”
When I don’t finish the sentence, he helps me out. “Children don’t know much about their parents. We are too busy learning how to walk, talk, fit in.” He pauses, staring off. “And when we hit our teens, we’re the most selfish anyone can be. Then as adults, it’s time for us to stand on our own, distance ourselves from their authority, learn how to be our true selves, go after what we want, find our purpose. Our whole lives most of us are too busy thinking about us to find out what their lives were like before we came along, before they were ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad,’ sometimes never asking them personal questions until it’s too late.”
Picking at the duvet cover I mumble, “I don’t want to find out they’re sick or something, only then to ask them questions like that.”
“Me neither.”
Standing up I stretch my legs and bend for my boots. I feel more comfortable with these heavy fuckers on than off. “Thank you for helping me.”
“I’m always here for you.”
I lock eyes with him. “I haven’t been there for you, Tonk.”
“It’s fine.”
A pang twists inside me. “No, it isn’t. Tell me what you want.”
He frowns, golden forehead crinkling. “I’m content with my life.”
My voice is gentle as I prod him, “Bullshit, come on. If you could be anywhere, where would you go?”
Black eyelashes drop toward the floor. “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
Touching his shoulder I give it a squeeze. “I’ll be waiting to make whatever it is, possible.”
He stares after me as I leave.
CHAPTER 26
SEAN
C elia almost runs into me just outside her brother’s room. “Oh, hey,” she smiles, but there’s distance in her eyes.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just had a talk with Junior and I…guess I’m processing it.” Running a hand through her hair she glances around the empty hallway and asks, “How’re you?”
“Good. Just killed the shit out of some tin cans.”
“They had it coming.”
Smiling, I try to keep my mind off the warmth that just spread in her eyes. “Well, good almost bashing heads with you.”
“As if I could reach that high.”
“You could if you jumped a foot.”
“I’m not a whole foot shorter!”
“You’re my Latin leprechaun.”
Laughing, she rolls her eyes. “Fine, you’re tall.”
Sofia Sol walks up from the back of the house, glances between us, sees the chemistry flying. I’ve been careful to keep this current under wraps but right now that effort is a failure. My eyes drop and I start to head away. “See you at dinner.”
Soph says, “No, you two are heading into town.”
I frown as Celia asks, “What for? The refrigerator’s stocked.”
“Dad said he can’t stand looking at those anymore.” She points at my sneakers. “I mean, seriously, didn’t I tell you to get some boots?”
I run a hand through my hair, dying inside because there is no way I can be alone with Celia and keep my hands to myself. It’s been fucking torture keeping distance between us every single fucking day. It’s like there are two of me—one man who wants to join this family, and another who wants to run away with only one member of it, and tell the rest of them to fuck off if they have a problem with how I feel about her.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, but…”
“No buts.”
“You and Luke coming?”
“Do I look like I love shopping?” She cocks her eyebrow.
Celia blinks from her to me. “I don’t mind it.”
“Maybe Sage wants to take a trip, too,” I offer, knowing Atlas would never join in on this. “Or Tonk Jr.”
His door starts to open like he was listening and is willing to come along. Soph grabs the handle and shuts it again. “Dad said just the two of you.” Through the chipped paint she says, “Sorry, Tonk!”
“That’s cool,” comes hi
s muffled response.
I get a lopsided smile from Celia, “God, Sean, it’s like you don’t want to hang out with me or something. Do I smell?”
Yes, like possibilities…
And expulsion.
“Nah, it’s nothing like that. You smell great. Cool, okay, if Jett wants you to help me get boots then let’s go.” I head off but don’t hear footsteps joining me, so a quick glance over my shoulder is necessary. She and Sofia Sol part like they were in a discussion I couldn’t hear. “I miss something?”
“Nope,” Celia smiles, taking her sweet time to catch up.
My gaze drops to her hips and I grit my teeth at the extra sway there seems to be in her walk. It’s probably just my cock’s imagination.
On the porch I start chewing the inside of my cheek at our bad luck. Of all the people to find enjoying the fall weather with two cups of hot chocolate and blanket shared, Celia’s parents would be my last choice. They’re snuggled up and cute as hell—never saw a couple so in love. But when they spot us alone, Carmen’s soft brown eyes sharpen instantly.
“Where are you two going? Not for a walk.”
Celia usually shows impatience with her mother when she reacts to me like this, which is every time she knows I’m around. But today Ceels casually announces, “Jett is sending me to help Sean get boots. His sneakers are falling apart now.” She takes my arm and hurries me down the stairs even though her face is passive and her tone final, “Be back before dinner.”
Near the garage, out of audible range, I tell her, “Nicely played.”
“She’s got some issues that have nothing to do with you, I promise.”
“What is it?”
“Fuck if I know.”
I’m the one who pulls up the garage door. In this house they’ve taught me by example that the women—even the most badass among them—let the men do the heavy lifting. I secretly love it, makes me feel appreciated. In a house with this many egos the balance between men and women is interesting to me. It’s like the motorcycle club figured out long ago how to keep everyone happy—let men be men, and always respect the women. Easy enough once you commit yourself to it.
Sean aka Diesel (Cocker Brothers Book 14) Page 12