“She also said that you can’t ever love me.”
He froze. Then his hand dropped from my face. “I’ve told you that before.”
The pain of his statement hit me hard in the gut. I pulled out of his arms. “Well, she told me again.” I swung back toward him. “So there, I opened up. Are you happy?”
“Alayna…”
I ached in the center of my being. This was why I hadn’t told him—because despite what he and Sophia had said, I’d believed that he could love. That he could love me.
Tears flooded my eyes and splashed down my face. “How could you not think I’d fall in love with you, Hudson? Even if you didn’t mean for it to happen, how could I not?” I wiped at my damp cheek with the back of my hand. “Does that mean anything to you at all?”
He drew back as if I’d slapped him. “How can you ask that? Of course, it does. But, Alayna, you don’t know that you’d still say that if you knew me.”
“I do know you.”
“Not everything.”
“Only because you haven’t let me in!” We were spinning in circles, getting nowhere.
He spread his arms out to the sides. “What is it you want to know? About what I did to other women? About Celia? I’m the reason she got pregnant, Alayna. Because I spent an entire summer making her fall in love with me when I felt nothing for her. For fun. For something to do. And then, when I’d completely broken her, she became destructive—sleeping around, partying, drugs. You name it, she did it. She didn’t even know who the father was.”
I heaved a breath, wiping the lingering tears from my face. “So you claimed it was yours.”
“Yes.”
“Because you felt responsible.”
“Yes. She lost the baby at three months. Likely from the drinking and drugs she’d consumed early on. She was devastated.”
“That’s awful.” I could sense he felt as responsible for the death of Celia’s unborn baby as for its conception in the first place. It was a lot of weight to carry, a lot of blame.
But even though I could concede Hudson had a role in the situation, it didn’t scare me away. “It’s awful,” I repeated, “but I don’t understand. You thought this would make me not love you…why?”
He perched on the arm of the sofa and pierced me with an incredulous stare. “Because it changes everything. I did that. That’s who I am. It’s my past and it’s very ugly.”
A sob threatened, but I choked it back with a hard swallow. The ugly things—there were so many ugly things about myself that always lay beneath the surface of every conversation, every moment. They poisoned and destroyed. I was well versed in the ugly.
It broke my heart that the same darkness haunted Hudson. That he believed his history to be so horrible that it could change things between us. It couldn’t. It didn’t.
I moved in front of him and rested my hands on his shoulders. “Do you think your ugly is any different than mine?”
“This isn’t like following someone around or calling too many times, Alayna.”
“It was an unforeseen tragedy, Hudson. A game that got out of hand. You didn’t set out for Celia to get pregnant and have a miscarriage. And you can’t diminish the things I’ve done to a simple statement like that either. I hurt people. Deeply. But that was before. Less than ideal pasts, remember? It doesn’t mean it defines our future. Or even our now.”
He blew out a warm breath as his thumb brushed at a lingering tear in the corner of my eye. “When I’m with you, I almost believe that.”
“That just means you need to spend more time with me.”
He chuckled softly. “Is that what that means?” He trailed his thumb down my face to caress my cheek. “Yesterday morning, when I got the phone call that required me to be in Cincinatti—I couldn’t even let myself look at you, sleeping in that bed. If I did, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
My chest swelled with his confession. “I thought you left because you were freaking out.” His puzzled look drove me to clarify. “Because of the love stuff.”
“I wasn’t freaking out. I was surprised, that’s all.”
“Surprised?”
“That that’s what we were feeling.” His gaze was soft. “That it was love.”
I could barely breathe, afraid that if I did I’d disturb the path of our conversation. “It was.” I swallowed. “It is.”
“Hmm.” He smiled. “I never felt this before. I didn’t know.” His swept his hands down the sides of my torso. “But, Alayna, I’ve never had a healthy romantic relationship. Every woman who’s loved me…” His voice tightened. “I don’t want to break you, too.”
“You’re not going to break me, Hudson. I thought you might, at first. Turns out you make me better. And I think I do the same for you.”
“You do.”
“If you decide to not…” I searched for how to say what I meant. “Follow through…with whatever this is that we have, it will hurt. But I won’t be broken.”
“But it would hurt?”
“Like a motherfucker.”
“Then we better follow through.” He drew me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Alayna, you’re fired. You can’t be my pretend girlfriend anymore.” His face grew serious. “Be my real girlfriend instead.”
Joy swept through me in a dizzying rush. “I kind of think I already am.”
“You are.”
“Can I still call you H?”
“Absolutely not.” He turned his mouth to meet mine and kissed me with lips sweet and tender, but passionate all the same.
I don’t know how long we stayed there like that—on the arm of the chair, his body wrapped around me, kissing and cuddling. Time was irrelevant in that moment we were sharing.
Finally though, when I remembered that the club would be opening soon and that I still had a shift to work, I pulled my lips from his and asked the question that I knew was burning in both our minds. “What now?”
One side of Hudson’s mouth curled up in a sexy smile. “Come to my place after you finish here.”
Yes. Of course, yes! “I’m not off until three.”
“I don’t care. I want you in my bed.”
“Then, yes.”
With great reluctance, I pulled myself away. I offered my hand to help him up, and he took it, rising in the graceful way of his. He let go of my hand and tugged the back of his jacket down and adjusted his tie, transforming back into the man most people knew: Hudson Pierce, ruler of the business world.
I watched, mesmerized, still in shock that this man was mine. Mine. It was the first time I’d said it to myself, and it sounded so wonderful I thought I could never get tired of saying it—mine, mine, mine.
His eyes swept behind him as he buttoned his jacket. “Nice couch,” he said, as if noticing it for the first time.
“Thanks,” I laughed.
He studied me with amusement before fixing my hair and straightening the collar of my dress. Then he took my hands in his. “Tell Jordan to take you to the Bowery. He knows where it is.”
“Not the fuck pad?” My voice seemed unusually high, laced with surprise and excitement.
“No. My home. I’ll leave a key with the doorman.”
I hadn’t been anywhere but the loft with him and didn’t even know where he lived. I’d thought it was a good thing before. But now that he’d invited me, there was no other place I’d rather be.
And, besides, I was ready—ready to stop being afraid of making mistakes, ready to let myself be truly healed of my past, ready to start again without fear of regret.
Lacing my fingers through his, I giggled. Since when did I giggle? “We’re really doing this, aren’t we? Moving forward.”
“We are.”
He pulled me in for another embrace, seemingly as unable to let go of me as I was unable to let go of him. As fixed on me as I was on him.
“I’m going to rock your world,” I said at his ear before sucking on the lobe.
He nipped at
my neck, kindling my desire yet again. “I can’t wait,” he said.
“Neither can I.”
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Found in You
Alayna Withers has only had one kind of relationship: the kind that makes her obsessive and stalker-crazy. Now that Hudson Pierce has let her into his heart, she's determined to break down the remaining walls between them so they can build a foundation that's based on more than just amazing sex.
Except Hudson's not the only one with secrets.
With their pasts pulling them into a web of unfounded mistrust, Alayna turns to the one person who knows Hudson the best--Celia, the woman he almost married. Hoping for insight from someone who understands all sides of the story, Alayna forms a bond with Celia that goes too far--revealing things about Hudson that could end their love for good.
This is the first relationship where Alayna hasn't spiraled out of control. And she might lose Hudson anyway...
Chapter One
I paused at the doorway to the Park Avenue high-rise and stared at the building’s name engraved on the stone. The Bowery. Jordan had already pulled away from the curb behind me. He probably felt I was safe enough to be left with the doorman who held the door for me while I stood frozen in thought.
This was real, a big step—a giant step—moving deeper into Hudson’s life than anyone had ever been before. I was excited, of course. I loved the man. But did I really even know him? Could I truly love him based on the little I knew about him? His address had been a mystery to me until two minutes ago when his driver had dropped me off. And what would I find inside the building? What was inside Hudson Pierce, behind the mask he wore so well?
I felt like I’d seen the true Hudson, like I was probably the only person in the world who truly had, but I’d barely scratched the surface. There was still so much left to uncover and learn about the young business mogul who had captured my heart.
I also knew that Hudson held secrets. He’d abandoned his mind games and predilection for manipulating women before meeting me, but the possibility of his past habits returning was very real. As real as the possibility of mine returning.
And that was the fear that overwhelmed me most—that I might be driven to my old habits of obsession. Of all the relationships I’d destroyed with my stalking and unfounded jealousy, I knew that fucking this one up would destroy me. Thankfully, so far, I had felt fixed with Hudson. Only time would tell if that would last.
The doorman looked at me, an anxious expression on his face—should he continue holding the door open for the crazy indecisive woman, or should he let it go?
I eased him with a smile. “I’ll be just a minute.”
He returned the smile with a nod and closed the door.
Taking a deep breath, I looked toward the top floor where Hudson’s apartment was surely located—I didn’t even know his unit number. Was he awake up there? Was he looking for me from his window? Could he see me down here, hesitating?
He said he’d be sleeping, but it was that last idea that gave me the courage to move. I wouldn’t put it past him to wait up for me and I didn’t want him to suspect I felt any doubt at all. Because I didn’t have doubts. Not about him. My doubts were about me, about whether I could handle us. And truly, if I let my hopes take root—hopes that I could finally have a real relationship with another person without losing myself to the fears and unhealthy habits of my obsessive past—then even those doubts were superficial.
The doorman smiled again as I stepped toward him, opening the door for me. Inside, another man sat at the security desk in front of the elevators.
“Ms. Withers?” he asked before I had a chance to give him my name.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Hudson said he’d leave a key for me at the desk and it was three-thirty in the morning. Who else would I be?
I nodded.
“Mr. Pierce left you this key. Both elevators on the left will take you to the penthouse. Simply insert the key into the panel when you get inside.”
“Thank you.”
The doors opened the minute I pushed the call button. Inside the elevator car, my hand shook as I inserted the key in the panel, and I was grateful to no longer be in sight of the security guard. The ride to the penthouse was fast, but not fast enough. As soon as I’d squashed down my trepidation, the emotion had been replaced with eagerness. I wanted to be in Hudson’s space, in his arms. I wanted to be with him and even the minute that it took to arrive at the top floor was too long to be away from him.
The doors of the elevator opened into a small vestibule. I stepped out and turned the only direction I could, finding myself in a foyer. The space was quiet, but I could hear the sound of a clock ticking somewhere nearby, and there were very few lights on. I suspected the bedrooms were to my left, because my right opened up to a large living room with floor-to-ceiling windows.
As anxious as I was to find Hudson, I turned instead into the living room, attracted by the gorgeous view. Before I made it to the windows, though, a lamp flipped on and I saw him sitting in an armchair.
Startled, my mouth fell open and then stayed open as I ogled the gorgeous man dressed only in boxer shorts. The definition of his sculpted chest quickened my heart before my gaze caught his gray eyes through the flop of his brown hair in the dim light. I’d never seen him in boxer shorts, and damn, had I been missing out. It struck me again how little I knew him, but this time the thought didn’t scare me—it excited me. How much more there was to discover about this man, and I was ready to dive in and explore.
Yet, the excitement didn’t ease the awkwardness, the anxiety. This was new territory, and I didn’t know how to proceed. Certainly, Hudson felt the same.
My hand held tight to my purse while the other absentmindedly clutched at the blue fabric of my dress, a short A-line that hedged the border of professional and sexy. It was the type of outfit I always wore at The Sky Launch, the night club where I worked as a manager. The night club Hudson owned. The place I’d met him.
A memory flashed through my mind of the first time I’d seen him sitting at the end of the club’s bar, of how he took my breath away. I’d known then I should’ve run. But I didn’t. And now, I couldn’t be more grateful.
He took my breath away now like he did then. With a meek smile, I braved breaking the silence. “You’re awake.”
“I thought it would be best to be waiting for you when you got here so that you wouldn’t be disoriented.”
“But you should be sleeping.” As president of Pierce Industries, a multi-billion dollar company, his hours conflicted with mine at the club. Coming over in the middle of the night, when his daily wake-up time was six in the morning—what was I doing? How could our two very separate lives ever be compatible?
No, I wouldn’t think that way. That was an excuse to deny myself happiness. And Hudson and I both deserved some happiness, for once in our lives.
The object of my desire stood and crossed to me, lifting the hand that held my purse. “I slept. Now I’m awake.” That simple touch quieted my trepidation to a dull buzz, easy to ignore under the thud of my heart. That’s what Hudson did to me, overwhelmed and astounded me in such a beautifully delicious way.
He took my purse from me and moved to set it on the end table.
Without his contact, my nerves returned and mindless small talk slipped from my lips. “I’ve never been in a penthouse before. Unless you count the loft.” The loft above his office, the place where he’d fucked me to oblivion. Thank god the dark room hid my blush. “This is beautiful, H.”
“You’ve barely seen any of it.” He didn’t cringe at my absurd nickname for him. Perhaps he was getting used to it.
“But what I can see…” My eyes scanned the expansive living room, noting the ornate detail of the architecture and the simplicity of the styling. “It’s incredible.”
“I’m glad you lik
e it.”
“It’s much different than I expected. Not like the loft. That’s what I thought it would be like.” The loft was black and leather, masculine and strong. This place was white and light—I could tell that even in the low glow of the lamp and the moon.
“Alayna.”
My name on his tongue sent goose bumps to the surface of my skin. How could he still do that to me? Turn me on with only a word? Turn me into knots so easily?
“The furniture is so different, too.” Nervousness drove me to talk, avoiding the connection we’d make the minute I gave in. I stepped toward the white sofa and ran my hand across the expensive upholstery. “But Celia decorated this place too, right?”
His voice tightened. “She did.”
Celia Werner, his childhood friend and ex-fiancée. Well, not really, but practically. Why had I brought her up? Was I trying to destroy us? Celia had been a constant source of tension in our relationship since Hudson had hired me to convince his mother that we were together. Sophia Pierce, believing her son was incapable of love, thought a pairing with the daughter of her good friends the Werners was a perfect match for Hudson. Even if he couldn’t feel anything for her, Celia could at least keep him in line—keep him from getting in trouble with his addictions.
Except it turned out Hudson could love. And during our ruse, he’d fallen in love with me.
Still, Hudson had something with Celia, a bond that fueled my jealousy. Deflecting, I moved to the windows. “The view here… “
“Alayna.”
I pressed my face against the glass and looked down to the world far below. “It’s gorgeous.”
Hudson came up behind me, his warmth emanating against my back even though he hadn’t yet touched me. “Alayna, look at me.”
Slowly, I turned to him.
He lifted my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “You’re nervous. Don’t be. I want you here.”
Complete Fixed: The Complete Fixed Series: Books 1-5 Page 26