“Hudson doesn’t know,” I realized. “Why? Is it a big secret or something?”
“Corporate policy is no dating within the same department. Boyd would be transferred. I don’t want to lose him. He’s worked for me for two years; we’ve been together for half that time. He’s the best assistant I’ve ever had. In more ways than one.”
“And perpetuating the idea that you’re still into Hudson is to throw him off track.” I was slow but catching on. “Gotcha.” The woman wasn’t a bitch—she was simply nervous her secret would be found out.
A wave of guilt rolled over me. “I feel like an idiot. I’m sorry to have assumed. And don’t worry—your secret is safe with me.”
She shrugged. “Thanks. It’s actually fun to tell someone.” Her smile reappeared.
“I’m sure.” The true nature of my relationship with Hudson had started as a secret. I’d been busting to tell someone—anyone—what was really going on. I certainly could relate.
Plus, talking about being in love was one of the highlights of the emotion.
Despite my paranoid nature, Norma convinced me she only had eyes for her assistant. But that didn’t explain all the time she was spending with my boyfriend. “So if there isn’t any romantic interest, why are you with Hudson so much?” I was keen to hear if Norma would say it was a business deal as well, and if so, if she’d expand.
Norma’s forehead furrowed. “He hasn’t told you?”
I shook my head, and she took that in. “Well, maybe I understand.” This seemed to be more for her than myself. To me, she explained, “It’s a very complicated idea he’s working on. He owns stock in a company but wants to purchase enough to have a controlling interest. But he doesn’t want the board members to be aware that he has the controlling interest. So he’s in the process of buying out another company that has enough stock in the first company to equal controlling interest when combined with the shares he already owns. Since he’s doing this all under the radar, we’ve had to be covert about the purchase. It’s all been like a game. Chess moves. We move, they move. I’ve had to research financial laws and tactics I’ve never encountered before. It will be a miracle if it goes through, but I’m beginning to believe in miracles.”
Her eyes lit up as she talked about the deal and I realized it wasn’t Hudson that turned her on as much as it was the work.
She paused, thinking perhaps that she’d gotten carried away. “Hudson’s methods have been brilliant,” she concluded. “He’s a fascinating man to watch in action.”
“It’s obvious you love your job, Norma.” I waited as she nodded. “Hudson’s mind is certainly one of the most creative I’ve ever encountered. It must be a real thrill to get to work with him so closely.” I loved it when he let me work with him. It was a real turn-on both mentally and physically. “And I’m not insinuating anything by that.”
“I understood what you meant. And yes, it is.” Her face grew serious. “By the way, I meant it when I said that I think you’re a much better match for him than that Werner girl. She made him miserable. You make him almost happy.”
I’d heard Norma insinuate that Hudson had been with Celia before. He’d dismissed it, saying she was as snowed as everyone, that he’d used the misconception to avoid Norma’s advances.
Now that I’d seen the video, I wondered if there wasn’t more to Norma’s notion. “Why do you believe he was with Celia? Did he ever tell you he was? Did you see them together?”
She frowned as she recalled. “He never said they were. She accompanied him to many of the office functions. I simply assumed. Were they not?”
I ignored her question, eager for more information. “Did you ever see them intimate together? You know, holding hands? Kissing?”
“No, I didn’t.” She thought about it a moment, as if realizing that it was strange. “That’s part of what seemed miserable about them as a couple—they were so unaffectionate when they were together. There was never the shine in his eyes like there is when he’s with you. Even when he talks about you, he glows.”
This surprised me. “He talks about me?”
“All the time.” She said it as if it were the most matter-of-fact thing in the world.
My heart flip-flopped. “Hmm. I never knew.”
I left Norma’s office feeling lighter than when I’d arrived. She’d assuaged my doubts about Hudson’s fidelity and had even given some insight on his relationship with Celia. More and more, the video seemed to be a sham.
Walking to the elevator, my better mood quickly quieted as I remembered I had to get past Hudson’s office again. If Jordan had texted him, he’d certainly be on the lookout for me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bump into him or not. If I saw him, I’d have to explain why I was there.
But I’d see him. And that sounded both glorious and painful.
I walked cautiously down his hall, trying my best to keep my heels quiet on the marble floor, all the while keeping my eyes pinned on his closed office door. Which was why I didn’t notice he was standing in front of me until I bumped into him.
“Alayna.”
There it was, the sound I loved above all others—my name on the tongue of the man I loved. The way he said it, reverent like a hymn, like a lullaby—it kindled the emotions I’d been attempting to bury deep inside. Goose bumps scattered down my arms and my chest grew tight. So tight, so ready to burst.
I started to say something, but my voice was gone.
Hudson wrapped his arm around mine. “Let’s talk in private, shall we?” He led me to his office. “Hold my calls,” he said over his shoulder to Trish. Then he shut and locked the door behind us.
If the circumstances had been different, the whole dominating alpha mood he was in would have been hot. Okay, it was still hot. No matter the circumstances. And I’d been a bad girl—going behind his back and speaking with his employee. Maybe if I was lucky, I’d get spanked.
Wow, wasn’t I feeling optimistic?
“Well, hello, H.”
He released my arm. “What are you doing here, Alayna?” He looked and sounded tired. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles. Was he losing sleep over me? Or were work and an unfamiliar bed the more likely cause?
Even with the bags, he looked delicious. I’d wondered many times if I’d ever get bored of his devastatingly good looks. If so, it wasn’t today. His simple presence affected me—aroused me, flustered me. Pissed me off. The combination of attraction, frustration and desperation put me in an odd mood—a cross between flirty and feisty with a whole lot of bitter on top.
“What am I doing here in your office? You dragged me in here, remember.” I walked away from him, dragging my hand along the top of the couch.
“Don’t be cute.” Though I sensed a smile behind his straight-man routine. “I meant in the building.”
I peered at him over my shoulder. “Maybe I came to see you. I tend to stalk when I feel dismissed by a man.” It could happen. It had happened before. With him, even.
Hudson heaved a sigh. “You didn’t come to see me. You arrived on this floor over half an hour ago and are just now coming by my office.”
I spun toward him. “How the fuck do you know everything I do? Jordan? Your security cameras?” I knew it was my bodyguards, but I wanted his confirmation. And saying it out loud, I realized how much the situation ticked me off—if he was watching my every move, I didn’t feel so bad digging into his life. As far as shitty behavior went, the two were on par in my book.
“I’m not going to feel guilty for the lengths I go to in order to protect what’s mine.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his already broad shoulders expanding.
And I didn’t miss his words. I might have licked my lips.
“Alayna?”
I tore my eyes away from him, breaking the hypnotic trance he had me in. “Yours, huh? Don’t make me laugh.” I seemed to be back at the angry phase of grief. It was an interesting and a thrilling change to the constant pain I’d been exp
eriencing.
My rage spurred Hudson’s. “Jesus, how many times do I have to go through this with you?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged dramatically. “Maybe a couple hundred more times. Because I’m obviously not getting it.”
He turned his back to me, running his hand through his hair. When he faced me again, he was relatively calmer. “Why. Are. You. Here?”
I battled over telling the truth and keeping it to myself just to spite him. My bitchy mood was voting for spite.
But I was fighting for him, not against him. Honesty it was. “I came to see Norma.”
His brows rose. “About Gwen?”
I covered my face with my hands then dropped them. “About you, you dummy. I don’t give a shit about anything but you.” My throat tightened with the truthfulness of my declaration. “Jesus, how many times do I have to go through this with you?” I threw his words back at him. Guess the spite was coming along with the fight. It helped keep away the tears.
“You came to talk to my employee about me?” His eye twitched and his jaw was tense. From my experience, that meant he was pissed. Beyond pissed.
And I’d been going for romantic.
I threw more of his words back. “Don’t guilt me for protecting what’s mine.”
His eyes sparked. That remark hit him—in a good way. In a way I didn’t know I could anymore. As if he were moved by my possessiveness.
I took advantage of his surprise and softened my approach. “I only wanted to see for myself if she was into you. If you had something going with her.”
Bitterness crept back in. With a pointed finger, I said, “And don’t you dare talk to me about trust because you know I get jealous about her, and you aren’t around to help reassure me.”
Every other word I said was pointed and harsh. I’d hated feeling so distraught. This new temperament wasn’t any better, but at least I was getting it out. It was like shedding my skin and underneath was nothing but raw and rugged emotion.
Hudson leaned his hip against the couch, regarding me closely. When he spoke, he was calm and controlled. As always. “Did you get what you came for?”
“I did.”
“And?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to give away any ground. Carefully, reluctantly, I answered. “She thinks a lot of you. She respects you and admires you and she recognizes you’re physically attractive—don’t let that go to your head.”
“But…”
“But she’s not into you anymore. I can see it in her eyes.” It was a fair way to avoid spilling Norma’s secret. Besides, I could see it in her eyes.
“Good. Then you believe the things I’ve told you.” He appeared pleased.
“It was never the things you’ve told me that were the issue. It’s the things you haven’t told me.”
“They aren’t your things to know,” he snapped back.
The sliver of composure I was maintaining disappeared. “What the ever living fuck?” I was infuriated. Enraged. Out of my mind with exasperation. “I could say the same thing about you—spying on me, digging into my history before you’d even met me—maybe I think those aren’t your things to know. Still, you did and do whatever the hell you want with no regard to boundaries or personal space.”
I squared my shoulders and faced him head on. “And while that’s out there, let me be clear—since you aren’t able to explain things to me, I’m digging on my own.”
Concern flashed through his eyes.
It fueled me. I wanted him off kilter. Wanted him where he always had me—flustered and imbalanced. “That’s right. I’ve been through all of the books Celia sent. I’ve been to see Stacy. And Norma. I’m collecting my own facts. Don’t you think it would be better to tell me your secrets than have me find them out on my own?”
“Alayna, stop digging.” He took a step toward me, his voice even but strained.
Why, why, why couldn’t he just tell me what I’d find? “You’re protecting Celia again, aren’t you?”
“Celia’s not who I’m protecting.”
“Who then? Yourself?” I was yelling, not even caring if his doors were solid enough to absorb the sound. “Me?”
He reached for me, grabbing me at the elbow. “You need to leave, now.”
With those five words the anger disappeared and the hurt returned full force. The air left my lungs. My chest constricted. My eyes filled. He wanted me to leave, wanted me gone. And the last thing I wanted was to leave.
We were at such odds. All there was between us lately was struggle. There was never any progress.
I wiped a renegade tear from my cheek. “Shutting me out again. Like you always do. Hiding behind your thick walls. What’s the point of me even fighting for you if you’re never, never going to let me in? Who are you protecting, Hudson? Who?”
His grip on me tightened. “Yes, you, dammit! I’m protecting you. Always you.”
Before I could blink his mouth was on mine, crushing into my lips, bruising me with his abrasive kiss. He tasted of the same neediness that I felt deep in my own belly—of lonely desperation. Of lust and affection that had been bottled for far too long.
My tears halted and my hands flew to his lapels, pulling him to me. I lifted my leg around his, my skirt bunching around my upper thighs. Pressing against him, I tilted my hips, rubbing my core against his erection. He groaned in frustration and I echoed the sound, eager to be even closer, not able to get close enough.
In a blur, he spun me toward the couch. I grasped the back as he removed my panties. He growled when his fingers dipped into my hole and found me wet—soaking wet. Next, I heard the sound of his belt, then his zipper. His palms settled on my ass. Then he drove into me, deep and hard, again and again. He grunted with each thrust, his balls slapping against my ass, his fingers curled around my hips like a vise-grip.
He was fucking me, bent over his couch, and it felt so good and I needed him like that so much. But I couldn’t see his face—not in that position—couldn’t look into his eyes. I knew that he was doing that on purpose, trying to avoid that extra level of intimacy, hoping to make the act just about sex and nothing else.
But it was never just sex with us. It was always something more—a complete and total union of him and me, where we became whole and healed and brilliant. I couldn’t let him succeed in making it less.
Twisting my torso, I reached my hand back to his chest and clutched onto his shirt. His lids had been squeezed shut, but at my grasp, they popped open. I locked my gaze on his. With the contact of my eyes, his drive steadied—still fast, but no longer frenzied. It was the connection I needed. My pussy clenched and I began my ascent. The friction increased as I tightened around him, but he continued at his even pace through the tension until he was spilling his seed with a long stroke and spilling my name on a low groan.
As his orgasm tore through him it spurred mine to higher heights until my head was spinning and my vision blinded. I fell forward on the couch, panting and euphoric. Hudson collapsed on top of me, holding me tight for several beautiful moments while our breathing became regular.
The minute he pulled off and out of me, I straightened and turned into his arms. He welcomed me, tilting my mouth to his. He locked my upper lip in a hard kiss, holding me in place with his hand behind my head. It was different from any kiss we’d shared—our mouths not moving, our bodies held together in a desperate union, as we breathed in and out in tandem.
When we finally broke apart, I wrapped my hands tightly around his neck and kissed along his jaw. “Oh god, I miss you. I miss you so much.”
“Précieux…mon amour…ma chérie…” He ran his hands down my face, caressing my skin with sweet sweeps of his thumb.
He was tender and perfect, and though I was afraid to break the moment, I was more afraid to miss out on the power of our junction. Barely above a whisper, I voiced the question I desperately needed to ask. “When are you coming home?”
He leaned his forehead against mine with a si
gh and settled his hands at my neck. “I have to go to L.A. for the weekend.” He tilted his wrist to glance at his watch. “I’m set to leave in about twenty minutes, in fact.”
If it was possible to be both elated and disappointed at once, that’s what I was. He wasn’t pushing me away as he had been the last few days, but if he was coming back, it wouldn’t be tonight.
I proceeded with caution, pressing him to let me in without scaring him off. “Part of your big business thing? With Norma?”
It wouldn’t bother me if she were going. Well, not as much as it would have before I’d spoken to her. I just needed to know the answer.
Hudson stroked my nose with the tip of his. “Yes, with Norma. And after this, if all goes well, we’ll be done.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled him. So close…we were so close to working everything out…I felt it in my heart, felt it in my bones. Would we lose it all because he was leaving now?
Invite me to go with you. I willed him to say the words, Come with me.
He didn’t.
With what felt like great reluctance, he pushed me away. He tucked himself in, zipped up his pants, and stood to face me, his fist on his hip as if trying to decide what to do about a problem that had arose unexpectedly.
It was surprising that I could still be hurt when I was already in so much pain. Wasn’t there a limit? Where the ache would become so unbearable and my spirit would simply cease to go on? If there was a threshold, I hadn’t met it yet. Because that look on his face—it pushed me further into the depth of the hell that I was in. It crushed me.
I didn’t want to be his problem. I wanted to be his life. After all, he was mine.
Then, all of a sudden, everything changed. He dropped his hand to his side and his expression melted and transformed, and for the first time in days, the look in his eyes said I was the center of his world again. The crux of his universe. The core of his existence.
He reached for me, and instantly I was back in his arms. He clutched me tightly to him, with determined devotion. “God, Alayna, I can’t do this anymore.” It was almost a sob. “I can’t bear to be apart from you. I miss you so terribly.”
Complete Fixed: The Complete Fixed Series: Books 1-5 Page 75