by Hart, Rebel
I grinned. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was coming from a place of jealousy.”
She paused. “So the two of you are fucking.”
I shrugged. “Why do you care if we are?”
Marina lunged at me and I heard Allison squeal. But I held my ground. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t blink. And I sure as hell didn’t move. Marina ran her eyes down my body before moving along beside me, brushing her shoulder against mine.
“I’ll be watching you, you piece of trailer trash,” she said.
I snickered. “I’d have to live in a trailer for that title, Marina. Or do you not know the difference between a house and a trailer?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get Clint to educate me this weekend at my pool party. You know, once he’s done making out with the girls in the hot tub. That’s his favorite pastime. And it really is a treat to watch once those girls get to grinding in his lap.”
I bristled at her words as she left. I heard her giggle fade down the hallway, her heels clicking against the tiled flooring. I slowly turned around to Allison, who was visibly trembling with anger. The embarrassed tinted blush of her cheeks had turned to a full-on crimson rage, her fists clenched at her sides.
“Allison, breathe. She’s not worth the effort.”
She shook her head. “She is an absolute, raging bitch.”
My eyebrows rose. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you use that word.”
“Well, it’s true. Marina’s nothing but a—a sleazy, good for nothing rollercoaster boys can have a good ride on before bouncing to the next one!”
I giggled. “Wow.”
“What?”
I paused. “I kind of like this side of you.”
“I sucked down what happened with Michael. I mean, he’s a guy. He can take care of himself. But watching it happen to you? That’s completely different. I’m done with this… this stuff. I’m done with Clint and his cronies screwing around with you just because he’s—”
I held my hand up. “Allison.”
She sighed. “Sorry.”
The two of us turned toward the bathroom exit.
“What the heck was that all about anyway?” she breathed.
And as my mind swirled with the encounter, my shock turned to rage. I knew exactly what it was about. I knew exactly where that information had come from. Though I didn’t want to admit it—nor did I want to believe it—I knew what was happening. I knew what Clint was doing.
“It was a wake-up call, Allison. That’s what it was. And it’s time I finally listened to the alarm.”
It was time for me to accept that my weakest moment would now be used against me. Especially if my suspicions regarding why were correct.
I turned to Allison. “Is Clint at school today?”
She paused. “Yes. He was in first period math today with Michael.”
“Good.”
I started out of the bathroom, feeling Allison trail behind as I turned my attention to him. That boy. The boy I had a strong feeling had been manipulating me from the beginning.
It was time for me to get some answers.
24
Clinton
Marina choked down that damn banana like she probably choked down Roy’s fucking dick. She sat on his lap, giggling and kissing the tip of his nose like the innocent girl Roy wanted her to be. He had a sick sense of humor, wanting to destroy innocence like that. I liked my women primed, though. Already knowing what they wanted, and ready to bestow their talents upon me.
Then again, I hadn’t thought about any girl since my encounters with Rae.
“Oh, Clint. Where’d you get those bruises?”
“Here, let me help.”
“Can I do anything for you?”
“Do you want me to get you some ice cream?”
I looked over at Roy and he winked. He was right. Women couldn't resist a guy with bruises on his fucking face. But if they knew how I’d gotten those bruises, it would be a different story. The line of girls coming up to me asked me where I got them, and each time my fight story became a little more dramatic. It went from some kid on the side of the road to some kid picking on a girl on the side of the road. Then, it morphed into some college kid on the side of the road picking on his fiancée before I offered to show her what a real man could provide.
It was the first time in my life I ever felt pathetic for it.
“Clint!”
Rae’s voice pierced through the cafeteria and my eyes fell upon her. She strode with intensity in her movements and a sour expression on her face. The girl at my side, trying to practically spoon-feed me ice cream, got up and stepped off to the side. Roy chuckled and out of the corner of my eye I saw Marina’s lips curve into a wide grin. I spread my arms out, letting my knees fall apart in the stance I was known for.
Spreading myself wide for all to see.
Gotta keep up appearances.
Rae stopped in front of me. “Fancy seeing you at school.”
I shrugged. “Can’t keep everything hidden forever.”
She grinned. “No, you can’t.”
I flickered my eyes over to Allison and saw her staring at Marina. I didn’t know what the fuck that bitch had done, but it had certainly pissed the two of them off. Rae had her hands balled up into fists. Hell, so did Allison. I narrowed my eyes softly—well, my good eye. The other one was still too swollen. I tried to read her, to figure out why the hell she was storming up to me in the cafeteria on a whim.
I mean, I had to give her props for her balls. Especially after the encounter with Roy the other day. But what was her problem?
I licked my lips. “Can I help you?”
Marina giggled. “Yeah, Rae. Can Clint help himself to you?”
Roy let out a bark of a laugh as the rest of the guys around us chuckled. But Rae didn’t bat an eye. She kept staring at me. Glaring at me. With those fists balled up, ready to fly.
Then she pointed her trembling finger at me.
“I’m only going to tell you this once, because I’m done with your antics.”
Marina smacked her lips. “Oooh, scary. Practically a haunted house.”
Roy wrapped his arm around her waist. “I bet her house is one.”
Everyone snickered again. But Rae didn’t move. She stood strong, and I admired her for that. Because my friends could be ruthless when they chose to be.
I sighed. “What is it, Cleaver?”
Her eye twitched. “If this is the kind of bullshit I have to put up with to be friends with you, then it’s not worth it. Do you hear me? I’m not going to be cornered in a bathroom and teased relentlessly for shit I’m trying to do to help you. To befriend you. To see the decent fucking person beyond the shitstain that is the boy that walks into this school every day.”
I watched her shoot a killer look at Marina before her eyes came back to mine.
“So if these are the lowlifes you’re going to hang out with? These stubborn, ignorant, pig-headed, ugly people? Then we’re through. You and me, and whatever this is, it’s over.”
I blinked at her, not knowing what to say. Did she really expect me to make a choice right now? In front of my friends? When our fuckable encounters were nothing more than rumor at this point? I looked over at Marina, watching her practically foaming at the mouth. What the hell had she done to these two girls?
I cast a glare at Roy before my eyes panned back to Rae.
She furrowed her brow. “I guess I have my answer then?”
What the fuck did she really expect me to do? I mean, I knew we had something special. A connection I’d never shared with anyone else. She got me, and I got her. And when I was with her, the rest of the world faded away. But when she wasn’t around, when we weren’t behind closed doors, the world existed. Sure, it was only high school. And yeah, I hung around shitty people. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to spend my senior year—the last glory year of my life—fucking around in the shadows and having spit balls stuck to
the back of my head.
She’s the only person who doesn’t make you feel like shit, Clint. Don’t do this.
“Well?” Marina asked.
I kept staring at Rae as I answered her. “Put a cock in it and shut up.”
Everyone snickered again behind me except Roy. He didn’t stand up for her, but he sure as hell didn’t buck up to me. He knew his place.
Like everyone else.
You don’t have to put on a show with Rae.
“Well?” she asked.
I didn’t know what to do. Things with her were so new. I mean, days old kind of new. And it was terrifying. What was I supposed to do? Toss the entirety of my reputation away on a girl I’d fucked around with for a few days? She wasn’t just any girl, though. Even I knew that. But was I ready for a move like that? Was I ready to abandon my post as top dog of this school and attempt something else with her? Something that wasn’t guaranteed?
For all I knew, this was a ploy of hers. A ploy to peel me away from my throne so she could wreak revenge and havoc on my life. I mean, we had a history, she and I. And not simply a sexual one. I’d made her life a living nightmare freshman year. And she’d been my target on and off for the rest of high school.
For all I knew, this was her revenge. Her plan. And with Allison at her side after what I did to Michael? It wouldn't have shocked me one bit.
I’m not ready to take that chance yet.
Rae sighed. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”
Marina giggled. “You mean, did he do you on purpose?”
I grumbled, “Put a muzzle on that girl or get her the fuck away from this table.”
Roy scoffed. “Say what now?”
Rae sighed. “It’s fine. Just don’t play stupid. I know they know. I’ve accepted that. But at least give me the satisfaction of confirming the nightmare I’ve already come to terms with.”
I shrugged. “Not sure what you mean.”
Roy chuckled. “She means, did you fuck her in order to use it against her? Because honestly, if you did? Fucking props to you. Because that’s some lowdown shit and I love it.”
Marina cackled. “Cleaver Beaver the Dick Eater. Has a nice ring to it.”
Roy threw his head back in laughter and the gang behind me joined in. I sat there, staring up at Rae, and I saw Allison tearing up, getting emotional for her. It was the first time I’d ever felt guilty for teasing someone. For pushing someone around. I wanted to apologize to them for what happened with Michael. I wanted to apologize for the unhinged animals behind me, cackling and barking with laughter like feral fucking animals.
Rae nodded. “This was always going to be used against me, wasn’t it?”
Her voice was so soft, it almost got swallowed up by the laughter around me. And yet I heard it. Loud and clear. Like a fucking bullhorn. How the fuck could she even think that? Did I come off as that terrible of a person? That much of an asshole?
Because that was some shit my father would have pulled in his younger years.
Holy shit, I’m turning into my father.
Allison sniffled. “Come on, Rae. Let’s get out of here. None of them are worth it.”
Marina snickered. “Not what Rae thought when she was spreading her legs.”
“Can it!” I roared.
The entire fucking cafeteria came to a grinding halt as I looked over at that bitch.
“What the fuck has your boyfriend, on numerous occasions, told you about that disgusting mouth of yours? Either keep it closed or take Roy somewhere and stuff it full. Got it? Holy fuck, Marina.”
Everyone’s eyes went wide as I turned my attention back to Rae. But, try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to address the issue at hand. She shook her head side to side, then allowed Allison to turn her around. She peeked over her shoulder at me as a sadness filled her stare. Then she stopped and turned around to face me.
“Thank you for giving me the answer I needed,” she said.
I paused, then sighed. “You’re welcome, I guess.”
The cafeteria returned to its dull roar as Allison shook her head. I saw Rae’s chin trembling and it broke my fucking heart. I turned my eyes out toward the window, where some of the nerds sat on the back patio doing homework while eating their fucking lunch. I couldn't stand to look at her. I couldn't stand to look at myself.
You’re a sorry excuse for a human, Clint. Just like your father.
“You all deserve each other, you know that?”
I snickered at Rae’s voice. “Yeah, I guess so.”
And I watched as Allison physically pulled her out of the cafeteria, leaving me surrounded by a bunch of brainless, nitwitted assholes I wanted nothing more to do with.
Fuck my life.
25
Raelynn
I sat at my window as the thunder rolled. The snacks under my bed were long gone, but I wasn’t hungry anyway. Not after my encounter with Clint at school today. I placed my elbow on the windowsill, resting my chin in my hand. I saw lightning crack the sky, illuminating the world around me. Black outlines of decrepit houses came into view. The rolling green hills of the rich beyond ignited, taunting me with what I’d never have. The storm rolled in, bringing the pitter-patter of rain. I watched it come, a shower of greatness. Here to wash away the stench of our garbage-laden street.
It didn’t wash away the hurt in my heart, though.
“Fuck Clinton Clarke.”
The rain battered against my window as lightning pierced the sky overhead. The clouds hung low, pregnant with rain. They were so close I imagined I was almost able to reach up and touch them. I placed my forehead against my window, the same window I’d crawled out of that night I first slept with Clint. I closed my eyes and reminisced about how much I’d hated the fact that he’d found me. How much I’d enjoyed opening up to him. How wonderful the bike ride had been and how kind he’d been.
How gentle he was.
“Stop it,” I muttered. “You’re torturing yourself.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks with every flash of lightning. And as the thunder crashed, I let my sobs run free. All day, I’d kept them in check. Throughout history, where I felt Clint staring at me. Throughout P.E., where I saw him in the bleachers watching me from beyond his sunglasses. I dealt with the snickers and the names murmured under people’s breath as I passed by. Cleaver Beaver the Dick Eater. How quickly shit like that worked its way around the school.
I wondered if I was turning into my mother.
“Shit.”
I put my head in my hands and cried. I didn’t try to hold it back any longer. The thunder covered up my sobs and the lightning heated my tears. And as the rain battered harder against my window, it was almost like the storm was trying to wash my sins away. Wash my tears away. Cheer me up with its furious might. I was envious of the storm. How strong it was. How it could rage, and people didn’t bat an eye. If anything, they cowered away. Respecting it. Admiring it. Sitting out on the porch and watching it in a mesmerized sort of awe.
Now I know how Clint feels.
I didn't know which was worse, being invisible to the masses or being seen only for my greatest mistake. But the truth of the matter was that I still didn’t regard Clint as a mistake. I never could. What we’d shared was tremendous, even if he didn’t feel it. Even if it was faked on his end. Even if he completely fabricated his words and his actions and his emotions, I hadn’t. I didn’t. And I never would.
“That’s what makes you better than him.”
I sat up from my arms and dried my face. I sniffled until my nose was clear, then went back to watching the storm. I’d had my moment of weakness, and now it was time to press onward and forward, like nothing ever happened. It was all I had, and it was all I’d use. Because in the end, that made me better than them. They could flash their money around and ride in their expensive cars and wear their designer clothes to school. But, in the end, what made me better and stronger than them was my ability to persevere.
Whe
reas they broke down over a scuffed tennis shoe. Or a broken nail.
Except Clint.
I shook the thought from my head. He was like them. Just like them. He wasn’t different. He showed me that today. There was no use in crying over him. He was nothing but a cup of spilled, spoiled milk.
I hated that I’d fallen for it, though. I was angry at myself for falling for his tricks. His ruse. Not seeing through the wolfish grin long enough to latch onto his plan. His ultimate plan to destroy me. His ultimate plan to play the best trick this fucking high school had ever seen.
Fucking around with the school charity case before exposing her to be like every other girl who wanted to ride Clint Clarke’s cock.
It was genius. And simple. And I’d fallen for all of it.
I sighed. “You’re such a fool, Rae. Holy shit.”
A knock came at my door and I shot up from the windowsill. I dove back into my bed, covering myself up as I tried to make myself look presentable. The last thing I needed was my mother knowing any of this, for more shame to come down onto the people in this family. I called out for her to come in, hiding my reddened cheeks with my pillow.
When the door slowly swung open, she arched her brow at me.
“You okay in here?”
I sighed. “That obvious?”
She snickered. “I may or may not have been standing here for a few minutes now.”
“Oh.”
Mom walked into my room and closed the door behind her. She came and sat on the edge of my bed, patting my leg. I didn’t like her seeing me like this. I had to take care of her. That was how this dynamic worked. That was how it always worked with us.
But I needed my mom, too.
“You wanna talk about it?” she asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Just some stupid boy at school.”
Mom sighed. “I’m familiar with those.”
I paused. “How far do you think a bully would go in order to get a rise out of someone?”