by Hart, Rebel
Especially since I wanted to be at her side for purely selfish reasons.
15
Raelynn
Butterflies took flight in my stomach as I took a cab to the bank. The first thing I wanted to do before this damn orientation was get this money in a separate account. A place where neither myself nor my mother could touch it. The bank line was long, and I feared I might miss opening orientation. But I needed this money to be safe.
And this was the only way I’d get away from my mother without her asking questions in order to get it done.
“Welcome to P&R Banking. How may I help you today?”
I sighed. “Yes. Hi. I already have a checking and a savings account with you guys. I’d like to maybe open a third account? Or open an investment account?”
“Well, I can certainly help you with choosing the right one out of the ones you have open. But if you want to open an investment account, you’ll have to go take a seat.”
She pointed and I looked over at the overflowing chairs in the corner. There was no way in hell I’d open up something like that without being late to orientation.
“Okay, well, can I make a cash deposit into my savings account, then?” I asked.
The woman smiled. “Of course! Just fill out this deposit slip and hand it over with your money. I’ll get your account looked up and get you squared away.”
I filled it out quickly, then started pulling wads of cash out of my purse. I felt all eyes on me as I kept taking them out. Counting them in front of the woman before jotting numbers down. I didn’t know exactly how much I had. All I knew was that I had to get it off my person.
Can I open a security box for the diamonds and other shit?
“Here, let me help,” the woman said.
I started handing her money I hadn’t unraveled. And after ten minutes of people cursing behind me, we had a final tally. Seven thousand dollars. I had seven thousand dollars stashed in my bedroom. And at least that in diamonds and jewelry at the bottom of the purse. I smiled warily at the woman and she gave me the side-eye. Like I was someone to be warned against.
“Do you guys have safety deposit boxes here?” I asked.
“We don’t,” she said flatly.
So much for good first impressions.
After the money got deposited and I had my receipt in my hand, I made my way quickly out the door. I used the little bit of cash I kept on hand in a small wad at the bottom to pay the driver, then rushed across campus. I had to find the sports stadium. I felt myself sweating down the nape of my neck and my forehead. Ruining my fucking makeup as I sprinted as quickly as I could.
“Come on, where are you?” I groaned to myself.
Finally, after what seemed like hours of running around, I saw a bunch of kids filing into a massive building. As I dabbed at the sweat on my forehead with a tissue, the butterflies of nerves turned into butterflies of excitement. Older kids at the doors greeted me. One even handed me a water bottle before giving me another tissue. I thanked her and giggled, to which she giggled right back. Then I was handed a program.
And a small map of the university.
Everything felt and looked fantastic. The dean got up and made a speech as I took a seat next to a few girls. They looked at me before one of them patted me on my knee, asking me my name. Passing notes to me back and forth on our programs. Already, I’d found some girls to tag along with. Something that definitely wouldn't have happened had Clint been with me.
“Where are you from?”
“What’s your major?”
“That shirt is so cute, where did you get it?”
“Converses! I’ve never been brave enough, my feet are so wide.”
“Do you have any of that lip gloss with you? It’s gorgeous.”
I didn’t even pay attention to the ceremony. Or the speech. I was too excited about finding some girls to pal around with. After we were dismissed, the girls dragged me over to a tour of the dorms. Which were bigger than I imagined.
“If we requested one another, we could be roomies!”
“I’d much rather room with someone I’ve met than leave it to chance.”
“Do you like classic rock? I listen to it while I’m trying to sleep.”
I smiled. “I love classic rock. My boyfriend does, too.”
One of the girls slipped her arm around mine and I walked with them around campus. The dorms we saw had private bathrooms connecting two rooms apiece. And there were four of us, which made us very excited. There was chatter about not sharing bathrooms with strangers and we all jotted down our names and numbers, hoping it wasn’t too late to get in our roommate requests. With every tour we took, I saw myself on this campus. Walking around with my books. Studying in the library. Rooming with these three girls I’d hooked up with.
This is perfect.
“All right, who’s ready to try the cafeteria?”
“I hope they have salads and soups. Otherwise, I’ll have to do the most expensive plan.”
“If the cafeteria food isn’t bad, it’ll be worth the money you’ll save.”
“Yeah, these meal plans are ridiculous.”
“But you get more flexibility with off-campus plans!”
“Rae, what do you think?”
I looked between the three girls and shrugged.
“Why not have the best of both worlds?” I asked.
“Oh, I like that idea.”
“Do they have a plan like that?”
“Oh! It’s the middle tier plan!”
“Rae, you’re a genius.”
I smiled as the four of us walked into the cafeteria. The tour broke up and we all got in our respective lines, and I couldn't believe the selections of food. There was a hot bar and a salad bar. Soups and sandwiches and wraps. There was a stir fry station and an all-breakfast bar. Which I quickly went toward.
“Oh, just like me. I love breakfast.”
I looked over at the girl and I couldn’t conjure her name.
“Don’t worry about it. Rae, right? I’m Meredith,” she said.
I snickered. “Sorry. Today’s been a bit of a whirlwind.”
“Right? I mean, it’s been insane. But I’m glad I found you guys. I was terrified I’d do this orientation alone.”
I heard Kristen call out. At least, I thought her name was Kristen.
“Over here, guys! We got a view with this table!”
Meredith lowered her voice. “Kirstie, right?”
I snickered. “I thought it was Kristen.”
The two of us picked up our trays and made our way to the table. We all sat down, and I gazed out through the window I sat against. It looked like the whole of the campus could be seen from here. There were lush trees and brick walkways. People walking below us and professors strutting across campus. I saw two or three different tours walk underneath us before someone cleared their throat.
And when I looked back at the girls, I found them staring at me.
“So, did you say something about your boyfriend liking classic rock?”
I paused. “Kayla, right?”
She smiled. “Yep! Kayla and Kristie.”
Kristie. That’s it. “Do you two know one another?”
Kristie smiled. “We went to the same high school. Not really friends, until we figured out we were coming to the same college.”
Kayla nodded. “And now we’re best buds!”
Meredith giggled. “Well, I’m Meredith. And this is Rae. We don’t know each other, but she’s cool.”
Kayla nodded. “Totally. But, I want to know more about this boyfriend.”
Kristie smiled. “Is he hot? High school sweetheart? Coming with you to college?”
Meredith snickered. “Who brings a boyfriend to college with all these hunky men walking around campus?”
I paused. “Wait, is that not a thing?”
Meredith looked over at me. “Is what not a thing?”
I sighed. “Not bringing a boyfriend to college. Because he’s d
efinitely here with me right now. He’s waiting for me to get back from orientation.”
Kayla held up her hand. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Your boyfriend is here with you, but not on campus with you?”
Kristie grinned. “Sounds like trouble in paradise.”
Meredith took a sip of her water. “Why bring him anyway? I mean, if he’s not going to be with you here, what's the point?”
I furrowed my brow. “I’m not following.”
Kristie interjected. “What she means is, college changes people. Friends grow apart and people fade away. They find their own group of friends to fall into. Like the jocks and the geeks and the sorority girls. I mean, it’s why I broke up with my boyfriend last week.”
Kayla gasped. “Wait, you did? With Jared?”
Kristie nodded. “Uh huh. I mean, he’s going to college on the other side of the country. What’s the point? Besides, did you see those guys in front of us at orientation? I’ve already got my eye on the redhead.”
I looked over at Meredith and she shrugged.
“I mean, there are a lot of college guys around here. It’s a completely different ball game with dating and stuff,” she said.
Kayla smiled. “Don’t you want to know what it’s like to be with a man instead of some high school boy?”
Kristie grinned. “I sure as heck do.”
Kayla giggled. “And this way, you can date as many guys as you want! You don’t have to be tied down. In college, no one expects you to be. You could have four or five guys taking you out on nice dates and fawning over you and wanting to make out. It’s a girl’s dream out here, and having some high school boyfriend back home kind of ruins that. Don’t you think?”
I didn’t like how they were talking. Nor did I like the way any of this sounded. I expected it to grate against my ears. I expected myself to kick back and defend myself. But I found myself listening instead. Leaning in as they chattered on about stories they’d heard from friends. Romantic dates and never settling down. Trysts with professors and forbidden loves that made classes all the more exciting. I found myself hooked, listening to their stories. Meredith and I leaned in as Kristie and Kayla chattered on.
Kristie sighed. “And I mean, how in the world can I know what kind of guy I want in my life if I haven’t even declared my major yet? I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life, or where I want to go. Much less who I want to be at my side for it. No, no. Coming into college single is the best decision I’ve made.”
And holy fuck, did she ever have a point.
16
Clinton
Ally swallowed her food down. “Don’t worry, Rae will be fine. She’s always been independent like this. It actually shocked me when she was okay with the idea for all of us to come along with her.”
Mike nudged her. “No one said anything about Rae not being okay.”
She shrugged. “It’s written all over his face, Michael. I mean, look at him.”
I sighed. “I’m literally in front of you right now.”
Sitting at breakfast with Mike and Ally was awkward enough. But having them watch me watch the clock? That was just embarrassing. The minutes ticked by like quicksand, slowly swallowing me whole. Never going fast enough. Was Rae having a good time on campus? Was she okay? Did she feel overwhelmed?
Ally was right.
I was worried about her.
“Well, I don’t know what you’ve got planned for the day. But Ally and I figured we’d make it a hot tub and pool day. You in?”
I looked over at Mike, sighing. “Actually, there’s something I want to do before Rae gets back from campus.”
Ally cocked her head. “Oh? What’s that? Do you need any help?”
Mike nodded. “Yeah. I mean, we don’t mind keeping you company so you aren’t alone today.”
I snickered. “Thanks. I appreciate it, but it’s not necessary. I don’t need company. It’ll be quick, then I’ll join you guys at the pool. Okay?”
Mike smiled. “Good. Ally and I plan to be there around eleven.”
I nodded. “I’ll meet up with you once I’m done.”
I slammed back my last mug of coffee before I pushed out of the chair. I could’ve wasted all day just sitting and talking with them. But I had my mind made up. I walked over to the elevators until Mike and Ally turned their heads. Then I darted off toward the business center. I’d been working all morning on a rudimentary resume on my phone. It wasn’t much, but it was something. I sat down at one of the computers and logged into my email. I had to get the damn thing edited and professional-looking before I could print it out. Turns out, there were some decent jobs in the area I qualified for.
So why not put in some applications?
After printing a few of them out, I paid for them at the front desk. I didn’t want something like this being charged to Mike’s credit card. The last thing I wanted was anyone knowing what I was doing. Not because I was ashamed or shit like that. But because I didn't want anyone getting excited. Or getting their hopes up. I didn’t want them to be cheering me on and making plans only for me to disappoint them.
That petrified me.
I flagged down a cab and quickly got in. I had to pull up the names of the places hiring before I could rattle off the address. Thank fuck, I had enough sense to jam my wallet with some money. And then, away we went. I turned around and watched the hotel fall into the horizon. We made stops along the way, allowing me to get out and rush in to hand over my application. I knew I wasn’t overly qualified for the positions. But sometimes that played in people’s favor. Sometimes, being overqualified was just as bad.
If I could sell myself as ‘room for improvement’ and ‘willing to be molded,’ I stood a chance.
“Hello. My name is Clinton Clarke. I wanted to drop off my resume for the job position open in your establishment.”
“Hi there! Clinton Clarke. I saw you had a part-time job opening and I was hoping I could apply. I have my resume right here.”
“Hello, Clinton Clarke. It’s good to meet you. Here’s my resume. I know I don’t have much experience, but I’m a quick learner and willing to be molded for the position.”
“Hello.”
“My name is Clinton Clarke.”
“Thank you so much for your time.”
I put my best foot forward. I was as cordial and open as I could be. And while a couple of the jobs practically tossed my resume in the trash before I got out the door, a few sounded promising. Two of the places where I applied sat down with me immediately. Asked me a few questions. Whether or not I was going to be working around a college schedule. And one of the managers lit up when I told him I wouldn’t have a schedule to work around. That I’d fit wherever they put me.
It wasn’t the most glamorous job. But it was one of the full-time positions.
After dropping off twelve different applications, I promised most of them I’d follow up in a week if I didn’t hear anything. I got pretty good at snuffing out who to follow up with, too. Those who smiled at me, or offered me paperwork to fill out, gave me cues that they were interested. And those that simply nodded their heads before stowing my resume away got tossed out in my mind. If they called, great. If not, no skin off my back.
And when I looked at the clock, I smiled.
“Oh, hell yeah,” I murmured.
I’d spent three hours out, which meant it was almost noon. The morning had flown by, and that made me smile. Only three more hours to go and Rae would be done for the day. I was looking forward to asking her how her day had gone. I wanted to know everything. I told the driver to take me back to the hotel before I paid him for his time. And after I tipped him, I rushed back upstairs.
Where my eyes landed on my journal.
Suddenly, thoughts sprang to my mind. New places to take my book. New plot holes I needed to fill. I snatched it off the bedside table and flipped it open. All the way to the very back of the pages. It was getting full. I’d need a new one before the w
eekend was out. My hand flew across the page, scribbling in my chicken scratch. I used as many truncations as I could. Anything to make the writing go faster before the images faded away. A smile grew across my face as the stories unfolded. Stories I’d eventually type up and string together.
Possibly hand over to an editor one day.
Wow, what a dream.
For now, everything was a simple stream of consciousness. Not much punctuation. Definitely no formatting. Thoughts in the margins of the pages. Some of it highlighted. Others crossed out. One of these days, I needed to start putting my words into a real document. A legible one. Instead of scratching down in this thing and letting the ink slowly fade away.
Once I get a job, I can save up for a laptop.
I smiled at the thought. As I finished writing and closed my journal, I thought about all the things I could do with my musings. With my thoughts. With my writings. With my poems. I had all sorts of things in my journal. And while the back third of it was being taken up by a fantastical story of betrayal and brotherhood, it wasn’t the only thing I had in here. I had poems dating all the way back to my middle school days. Short stories of love and lust. Pride and humor. Darkness and blood. I wrote whatever came to mind. Whatever inspired me. And over the years, I had collected a great deal of journals.
Twenty-two of them, to be exact.
My writing had fallen off in high school. Mostly because it wasn’t ‘cool.’ I snickered at the thought. How I could’ve been such an idiot was beyond me. But ever since I could write, I’d been writing. Jotting my thoughts down. Turning those thoughts into stories to tell. Lessons to teach others one day with my words. I sighed as I looked up. I set my journal down and walked over to the window. I slipped the curtains open before sliding the door to the side, then I stepped out onto the balcony.
Gazing out over the expanse of L.A. that I could see.
All this time, I’d been waiting for things to feel right. Waiting for things to fall into place. Waiting for pieces to snap into their rightful positions. Maybe the timing would never be perfect. Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as pieces falling into place. Maybe it was all our own doing. Putting things in a prioritized line and feeling good about it.