time, it is not healthy”
He would not drink the coffee or tea while others in my father’s office would, the reason behind that would be to make me an engineer. For the middle class people these things were some of the sweetest burdens, for which they willingly volunteered themselves in order to be uplifted with pride.
When I learned that my twelfth marks were going to be the foundation of my parents’ dream, I decided to yield myself fully on getting marks as much as possible. Therefore, that I would be saving most of my father’s sweat and my mother’s energy in the form of money.
I spent most of the time in studying. I would get a flask full of coffee prepared by my mother and I would study for late nights as much as possible. My father was affected the most because of my exams. His habitual action to hear the daily news was ruined.
I would not allow television to run in my home, claiming that it was a great disturbance for me to study. He didn’t have any other options than to see the news in the newspaper. The routine duties of mine such as going to the grocery shops, getting milk packet and such fell on my father.
I thought to preoccupy my mind with some other important thing, so that I could banish her thoughts away from me. I concentrated much on studies in order to get relief from the newly aroused feeling in my heart.
Syed and I started to study voraciously once again like our tenth standard. We would be studying while we walked, while we talked, while we were on the bus, and sometimes even while we ate. Thus most people in our surroundings placed a bet that either of us would be the state first rank holder.
I was already injured in the race of my tenth public exams. I unnecessarily competed with my friends and others and I ran looking at them and not on the target that I was running for. Hence I fell even before reaching the target.
Even in the beginning of twelfth standard I had decided that, these things shouldn’t be repeated again. I set my mind in such a way that I may walk but I have to finish the target in an efficient way.
I never let the same foolishness that happened in my tenth standard to happen again. One such was sleeplessness for long hours that caused me drowsy on the examination hall. I slept well in the night before the exam and entered the exam hall with confidence. In the question paper I found some of the questions which I hadn’t studied had been asked. I left all those and concentrated on answering the questions for which I knew the answers. Since I did not mug up the subjects it was indeed easy for me to write the answers.
I left the examination hall as soon as I finished my examination. If I had to remain there then I have to bear the bitterness of having written some wrong answers. Those mistakes would be pointed out by my friends (They will be very much happy in doing so). This would be like a thunder stroke and I might lose my hope for other exams that were yet to come.
One by one, I finished every exam from English, physics… to computer science. I hoped that I would be excelling in English and Physics because of those teachers’ influence on me during my tenth and twelfth standards.
At the end of our last exam, though we were grateful for the excellent coaching our school provided, we never forgot those days when we were just like the prisoners. Hence in order to avenge, some of the courageous students among us broke the fans, benches, desks, etc…At the same time some other students, especially girls, bought wall clocks, greeting cards and other such things to be gifted by them as a remembrance. While I assisted some of the students of the former, she led the girls to the latter. We once again stood like the north and south poles.
“An idle mind is a love’s workshop”
I understood that during my holidays.
Whenever she was near me
I found my heart hanging around her
Whenever she was not near me
I found my heart missing somewhere
Is this love? I do not think so
Whenever she speaks something
I feel as IF there was nothing inside my ribcage
Yet weighing so much
Is this love? I do not think so
Whenever her gaze falls
I realise I have become selectively blind
That I could see ONLY her, nothing other
Is this love? I don’t think so
Whenever I think of her,
I am confused that whether I am dreaming of a life
Or living a dream
Is this love, of course, yes it is.
During my holidays I had nothing to do other than the habitual actions so I researched myself and I understood what love really meant?
To kill the time or to use it effectively, I dreamt about her, imagined the marks she would get, etc.. I questioned myself about the college she was going to join, the course she will be interested to study.
In spite of all these, I was bored with bewilderment
“Whether I will see her or not” but I had an instinct that always murmured to me,
“Go to school, she will come there surely”
20.LIFE TIME FESTIVAL FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS:
All families of the 12th students will be waiting for the counselling as the most important festival of their life time. Every mother will be busy in preparing pillows, clothes and other items such as soap cases, etc. for their future engineers. While all the fathers would be busy in repairing their old trunk that they had used during their hostel times and given to them like a legacy from their father.
As habitual, I woke late in the morning and that too because of some noise that arose. I got up from the bed and went to see where the noise was really coming from. I saw my father doing some hammering and tinkering works to a trunk. I asked him what he is doing. He replied to me that,
“This is the trunk you are going to carry to your college to keep all your clothes. This is really a lucky one. I got from my father”,
After seeing that box, I understood that my ancestors are educated enough because the trunk must be at least 100 years old. I warned immediately to my father
“I won’t be carrying this at any cost.”
After seeing my twelfth standard result and my girl for the last time I lived through my twelfth holidays harder with her thoughts. As my parents waited, my letter for the eligibility of the Engineering counselling came. After the letter came, a real Utsav began in my family. My father on each day would arrive with the name of a few engineering colleges and courses that were popular.
My mother on the other hand was indeed worried. She asked me,
“In the counselling can’t you take any nearby colleges and be near us?”
I said, “I will be near with you and I will be studying some other degree than engineering. Is that ok for you”
As in my hometown no good engineering colleges were available I wished to study in some of the reputed colleges mainly because of good the marks I have scored in my twelfth standard and the effort I have put in that. And moreover I wanted to see how the world was outside my hometown.
My mother’s face dulled and lost its brightness, like a bright moon hidden by a huge cloud. It was hard for my parents even to imagine me being someone other than an engineer. Not only for my parents but for most of the parents making their sons or daughters engineers or doctors is an acute and common disease that prevailed. They are unaware that sometimes they affected their children’s dreams.
As Shahjahan wished to build Tajmahal, middle class men had a great dream penned in their diary. It is to become a father of an engineer or a doctor.
For all these days, my mom had been praying to God to make me an engineer. She could never guess that for each step God made his work on making me an engineer, he also made an equal step in making me to move away from her…
21.MASTERPIECE:
I have no one to call me by a nickname
I have n
o silly jaded stories to be told again and again
I have no one to buy me something when my pocket is empty
And no one to share my money resting in my purse
Once I had all these things done by a few but I left all those
Because I believed these were little things
And life has many things more than these
I was right these are little things,
But why I yearn? For those little things to happen
Why I cry? When these little things fail to happen
Because I know very well that
Only these little things filled as the ink of the pen
That wrote the masterpiece named friendship.
When I was near to the counselling day, I realised that I was missing all my school friends. We never expected that all those beautiful days would end so soon. With the different marks that we got in the public exam we prepared our own report card and decided the college and course that would be best for us.
Syed and I were in a dilemma because we did not have any intention to choose any of the courses in particular. Soon after that, I was shocked to hear that his uncle would be taking him to his home so that he will be getting a good education over there. His home is in another state, we understood that we are greatly going to miss each other, as we still have many other important things to attain in our life.
Whatever it might be? We have done many things that will be unforgettable for years. Even our grandchildren would be so keen on listening to our stories, when we explain this to them, as they are filled with more fun and happiness. We assured each other that though our school
In Love : Once & Forever Page 11