by BobTam
And eroded by demon perpetually’
Nakashi can feel the indescribable power and authority from those solemn words. Her confidence starts to shake. She looks up the throne once again. It is empty. The line ‘He who with disbelief will never witness the Sou’ penetrates her mind once again.
‘No, it’s not true. They are my own eyes. I should trust what I see.’ Nakashi thinks. The strong and powerful lines reverberate in her heart and weaken her confidence once again. Her thoughts start to become disturbed and unorganized. Nakashi tries to calm down and organize her thoughts once again. She walks away from that silvery tablet and crouches down.
She closes her eyes and takes a big breath to focus on her thinking.
‘Nonsense. Why should I believe in an object instead of my own spirited eyes and clear mind?’ She stands up confidently. ‘That is merely created to intimidate and scare us and shake our clear minds,’ she thinks resolutely.
She walks towards Leon. His face is as pale as sheets. His lips lose brightness. His forehead is cold. Nakashi moves Leon’s body away from the steps to the floor. The marble floor is chilly. She puts off her self-made white robe and moves Leon’s body on it. She then puts off her blue jacket and covers it on his body.
Nakashi puts the oil lamp besides him and sits beside him. She studies Leon’s face. His face is innocent. Unlike many people she meets, this boy never hides his thinking and emotions. That’s why Nakashi seems to understand him quite a lot and have formed a bond with him despite knowing him for just a few days.
Nakashi prepares some food as she is rather hungry. After finishing her meal, she paces around and starts thinking deeply. She has just discovered such a big secret that the whole world does not know. Should she reveal this to the whole world? Or should she seal this inconvenient truth and let the world continues in its own way?
Leon has regained his consciousness. He discovers himself lying peacefully on the marble floor. He feels the cold air as if thousands tiny needles stab his whole body. He starts shivering and sweating. He sits up slowly. He is still in that room. Everything is still the same. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, the steps and the throne are still here. Nothing has changed.
Nakashi is walking towards him and asks kindly, ‘Are you feeling well?’ Leon smiles to express his gratitude and nods. Then, his smile slowly disappears and he turn his gaze on the floor.
‘Sorry, I was so afraid. Actually… I am still afraid now,’ Leon says slowly. ‘I can’t control my fear.’
Nakashi gives a reassuring smile. ‘It’s fine. It’s perfectly fine. I mean it is hard for anyone to accept such a shocking and dreadful fact. And those words…just…ignore them.’
Leon continues to gaze at the floor and his body is still shivering. ‘How…how can you be so sure that they are not true?’
‘Well, just look at the throne again. It’s empty, isn’t it? Trust your own eyes.’
‘No…the fact that we can’t see the Sou doesn’t mean that it does not exist. You can’t really explain those words. We can’t just choose to ignore them.’
Nakashi hesitates for a moment and speaks, ‘Now, you just forget everything you have listened and read, including what I have just said. And you look by yourself. You think by your own self. Ignore everything and just think by yourself.’
Leon closes his eyes, holds his breath and tries to detach his mind from all the things he has read and listened. It is difficult, he feels very uncomfortable and tense. He can feel that blood is running in his veins. Words are flashing across his mind rapidly and voices are echoing in his brain repeatedly.
He tries to calm down. ‘Nothing, blank, empty…’ he repeats to himself.
Leon does not know how much time has passed. But he knows that he is fully alone and independent spiritually now. He can now use his unconstrained mind to do his own thinking.
He opens his eyes. ‘Yes, the throne is empty. That’s true. There is no one there. Yes, I’m confident about that,’ his mind works stably and securely.
He turns back his focus to Nakashi, who is waiting patiently. Leon says, ‘You’re right. Our minds are always easily affected by many external things.’
Nakashi gazes at the ground, ‘True…I’m not saying that what we perceive always lead us away from the truth. But, it is really important for us to clear our mind, think independently and be confident with our own thoughts.’
Nakashi continues, ‘We are raised in an environment that thoughts are so unified. Everyone has strong faith towards the Sou and the Sou-gen. So, our minds are actually deeply influenced since we are born. We now discover the truth about the Sou. But I wonder how long we can sustain our own thoughts and believe in our own self in the future. Once we leave this place and go back to the outside world, it will be much more difficult to preserve our independent mind. ‘
Leon says determinedly, ‘No, we must persist. We must keep this independent mind no matter what we hear and encounter in the future.’ ‘We must also tell the world about the truth no matter how difficult it is.’
‘That is actually what I was thinking just now. But difficulty is not my concern. I’m thinking whether it is necessary and appropriate to do so. I mean the world still goes perfectly well despite the fact that they live under a great lie. On the other hand, telling them the truth may actually drag them away from hope.’
Nakashi pauses for a while. She stares at the white marble throne. Then, she continues, ‘In fact, I think the people who invent the idea of the Sou are not trying to deceive others deliberately. They are also shook and influenced by fear or hopelessness. We all live in a world that is full of sadness and tragedies. We all want to have something that can bring us eternal love and joy and someone that can guide us and give us strength to solve all problems. This explains why people create the Sou and believe in the Sou whole-heartedly.’
‘Should we destroy others’ love and hope even though they are false?’ Nakashi whispers to herself. The two of them do nothing and just sit at there to think.
Leon stands up. He walks towards Nakashi and says firmly, ‘No. Even though it is beneficial to many of us, it is still a lie. It is still something wrong. Besides, I think there are actually quite a lot of us who does not really believe in the Sou in this world. They are unable to voice out. We should be the first to do so as we are so confident about the truth.’
Leon continues, ‘And the world is being unfair to people like Catala. We must act. We need not to be as radical as Catala but we must act.’
Nakashi is amazed by Leon’s determination and courage. She knows that Leon is not just giving an empty talk. She knows that this brave and talented boy is determined to finish this difficult task.
Leon even starts packing his stuff now. ‘We should find Panzhi and Catala now. We must tell Panzhi about the entire thing first.’ Leon knows that it will be very difficult for Panzhi to accept this fact since Panzhi is an even more devoted follower of the Sou. But, he knows that Panzhi is also a rational and brainy person and he is confident that Panzhi will be able to overcome this.
Nakashi feels eager and motivated to start this difficult mission. Leon’s spirit has aroused her long-hidden motivation. She feels that she now has an important task that she must finish in her life-time. Nevertheless, she still remains cool-minded.
She smiles to Leon and says, ‘Well, I think we can’t just walk out unplannedly now. I mean the whole world is still thinking that we are killed or captured after the plane crash. And we can’t just walk out from the world most restricted area and tell the world the worst thing that they want to hear!’ Nakashi laughs bitterly. ‘Besides, we are still not sure where are Panzhi and Catala and whether they are safe. We must develop a detailed plan first.’
‘And it’s been such a long day. I think both of us need rest.’ She sits down and puts down the oil lamp on the ground. ‘Let’s just take a rest now and think of a detailed plan tomorrow.’ She simply lies down on the floor.
&n
bsp; Leon also sits down, he also feels a bit tired and sleepy, he says, ‘That’s true. I just hope Panzhi and Catala will be fine and safe.’ ‘Good night, Nakashi.’ He turns towards Nakashi who has already closed her eyes and does not make any responses.
Chapter 7
Leon is alone in a long and wide corridor. He cannot see the ending of the corridor. What he can only see is a strong light far away from him. He walks slowly towards that strong beam.
‘Leon, choose the right path. Don’t seal your heart. I know you are trying to help and change the world. But you must understand that if you are on a wrong path, even you do everything with good intention, everything you do will still be harmful to others.’
It is a familiar calm and kind voice. ‘Is Geffen talking to him?’ Leon is thinking. ‘No.’ ‘Or is the Sou-gen talking to him?’ ‘No, it isn’t.’ Leon remembers the Sou-gen’s voice. The Sou-gen’s voice is also calm and peaceful. But this time the voice is different, it is from a very distant place. It is the most serene voice that Leon has heard but it is also full of energy and strength.
‘No, it can’t be the Sou. He does not exist.’ Leon is sure about that. ‘So will the voice belongs to another Deity, the true Deity, the true creator, who wants to guide him?’ Leon thinks.
Leon feels anxious and impatient and shouts ‘Who are you?’
‘I’m the true and only one. You can never see me by your own eyes. But I’m always here, guiding and creating all living beings.’
‘Are you the Sou?’ Leon asks abruptly.
‘That is just a name created by mankind. I don’t need any names created by mankind.’
The strong voice continues, ‘Throughout the years, there are so many generations of people trying to figure out how is the world created, who is the true creator. They make up so many names. And every time, they claim that the name that they made up is their only and true creator. And there are vicious arguments among mankind about whose name and whose interpretation is right in every generation.’
‘That is completely different from what I want to see in the world. I create living things because I think life is precious and wonderful. I hope love can be promoted through lives. But ironically, people waste their lives in arguing about how I should be like. Conflicts arise because of these arguments.’
‘Leon, you have discovered the truth that one of the interpretations about me is wrong. But, there is no real good in telling the world about it. It will only cause more conflicts.’
‘Leon, there are numerous people who possess the same idea that you are thinking now throughout all the ages. They think that human beings are capable in doing everything. Just ignore this matter. Just focus on loving others and help promoting a world full of love and peace that I would like to see. Though I do not like mankind giving interpretations and names to me, it is really precious that the whole world agrees on a unified interpretation and is able to promote true love. Don’t destroy this valuable moment.’
While Leon is still thinking about what to say, the bright light vanishes. He is left alone in a dark long alley.
Leon wakes up. It is of course just a dream. He closes his eyes and uses the method that Nakashi teaches him to think independently. Yet, he still can’t determine that whether the voice is just his subconscious speaking to him or it is really the true creator speaking to him. He is still very confused and his mind is still very disturbed.
He realizes that speaking with Nakashi about his dream will be the best way to clear his doubts. He shares his dream with Nakashi and repeats every word that he has heard.
‘I’m so confused. We are just sure about one thing. It is that the Sou does not exist in here physically. But is there a true creator in the world? Is that voice really real? Or there is simply no creator of the world such that life is just simply a coincidence?’ Leon asks confusingly.
Nakashi can see how confused Leon is by reading his expression. ‘I’ve also been thinking about this important question right after I’ve discovered the truth about the Sou.’
‘I was also confused until I’ve deduced a perfect answer that will always clear our doubts,’ Nakashi replies confidently.
‘What is it?’ Leon asks urgently.
‘It is we simply don’t know,’ Nakashi says. ‘It is impossible to know and we will never know.’
‘But…’Leon tries to break in. Nakashi continues, ‘As we can’t see and no one has seen the creator before, we cannot be sure that whether there is a creator or how it is like. On the other hand, no one can be totally sure to deny the existence of a creator. It is simply impossible for us to deny the existence of something which cannot be seen and sensed.’
‘Well, I don’t really get it,’ Leon says confusingly.
Nakashi smiles and says, ‘For example, I’m saying that there is a magical invisible bird flying in this room. You cannot see it. The magical bird will not make any noise, any smell. You cannot feel it too. Well, you can never prove my claim is wrong because you can never sense it. But I can never prove my claim is right too as no one can sense it. Thus, the answer of this question is always unknown. Well, if our creator can never be seen or sensed, doesn’t the same logic apply to the question about the creator?’
Leon looks at Nakashi with some doubts and thinks intensively, ‘That’s…that’s….that…is…true…We simply don’t know.’
Then, Leon stands up and says, ‘Though we don’t know whether there is a creator, we are at least sure about one thing. That the Sou does not exist in here and what the Sou-gen and most of the people believe is wrong.’
‘And we should tell the world that we will never know whether there is a creator or not. And tell them we should not waste our precious lives in worshipping something that we don’t know. That’s what I can finally conclude after all the thinking,’ Nakashi adds.
Nakashi takes out some bread and shares them with Leon. She also gets out her bottle which contains a little water.
‘So, what is the plan?’ Leon immediately starts off the topic.
‘Well, I think the person that must know about this fact first must be the Sou-gen. We can’t just tell this fact to the world by our own mouths. We must tell it through the mouth of the Sou-gen. Only if the people receive this fact from the voice of the Sou-gen, they would truly believe it.’ Nakashi continues enthusiastically, ‘When the Sou-gen and other people are convinced by us, we should tell the world to stop worshipping something that we will never know. We should advocate the idea that we human ourselves can create a better and more hopeful world without the help of any deity or creator!’
‘Well, it will be so ideal if we can succeed in doing this…Yet, you over simplify the whole thing! You seriously think that the Sou-gen will believe in what we say and follow us to trespass this holy place? That’s just impractical.’
Nakashi laughs and explains patiently, ‘Of course not! We ought to use some… some violence to do so.’
She looks at Leon and continues, ‘I hate this idea. I really dislike it. I mean…how can I do this to the kindest person in the world? But this is really the only way. Once the Sou-gen believes to us, the whole thing will be much easier and we can adopt a much more peaceful way.’
Leon gazes at her and says slowly, ‘That’s…crazy. That’s just completely mad.’
Nakashi immediately replies, ‘Yes, it is. It is crazy…But it’s the only way. I can’t think of any peaceful method in bringing the Sou-gen to here to witness this truth.’
‘It’s so cruel to the Sou-gen. I don’t think the Sou-gen can accept this fact. We will drive him into madness.’
‘But Leon, the whole thing is going to be cruel. Not just to the Sou-gen, we are breaking the hopes and dreams of millions of people.’ Nakashi continues, ‘But I’m sure mankind will be able to rebuild their hopes and dreams by themselves. I don’t believe that mankind must rely on external forces to build love and hope.’
Leon takes a long deep breath, ‘You’re right aft
er all. You’re right. I just hope that they really can rebuild their hopes and dreams.’
Nakashi reassures Leon and says, ‘I’m sure we all can.’ Then, she gets back to her plan, ‘First of all, we must disguise back as priests to get out of here.’ ‘That was the stupidest thing I have ever done,’ Leon laughs and interrupts.
Nakashi also laughs and she continues, ‘Then, we use the communication devices that Catala has given to us to contact and meet Catala. It’s not the right time to contact Panzhi now. It will be impossible for him to agree on our mission. We won’t contact him until the whole thing is settled.’
‘But I really hope Panzhi will be on our side now. He is my best friend,’ Leon says lamentably. ‘He will. As long as we have convinced the Sou-gen, I’m sure he will join us,’ Nakashi gives a hopeful and positive smile.
Leon nods slowly and asks, ‘So what we will do after that?’
‘Well, I think we can take advantage of the fact that people are still regarding that we have just escaped from a plane crash. We go to the margin of the forest and go to any barrack or guard post near there. Then, the guards in there will think that we’ve survived from the plane crash, walked pass the whole forest successfully and come to there to seek help. After that, I can ask them to send us back to the palace. Then, we can find the Sou-gen there. That’s much better than sneaking in the palace or The Sou Temple awkwardly.’