by Traci Sek
“Jessica, this is Emily. Emily, this is Jessica my therapist.”
Finally Jessica forced her eyes on me and held out her stiff hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” I said trying to match her fake smile.
“I didn’t know you were with anyone Jake. You never mentioned it during our sessions.” The way she prolonged the word sessions had me feeling a bit weird.
“Oh we’re not-”
“I’m not-” we say in sync before stopping. I let him continue.
“Listen it was nice to see you Jessica, my family is waiting so I - we better get over there.” He finished stumbling through every word.
“Right. Well I look forward to our next session Jake.” They stared at each other for a few minutes before she walked away, her hips swaying expertly.
“Should I ask?”
“No. Let's go.” He pulled me towards the table before stopping in front of his dad.
"Dad." Jake spoke first.
"Hi son." He then looked at me and nodded. “Emily.”
"Emily this is Josh my brother, his wife Amy, you already met Ashley, and this is Ashley's husband Matt." They greeted me nicely and shook my hand. We all sat down at the round table set for just his family and immediately the questions and comments began.
Chapter Eighteen
Emily
"Emily, you look gorgeous in that dress! Where did you get it?" Ashley asked nonchalantly.
"No doubt my son has bought it for you," his dad replied. I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment.
"Jake bought it, but I'm making him give it back. It's much too beautiful to be worn by only me and much too expensive. I couldn't possibly keep it."
The whole table fell silent as shock and confusion lined each of their faces. No matter what I said they would be judging me from all angles, but goal one was to make sure they didn't think I was a gold digger. Jake's mouth was agape staring at me with wide eyes.
"You're not giving it back!"
I turned to him and immediately thought of all the strong women I used to read about at the library. They gave me strength and empowered me when I was weak.
"Jake, it's gorgeous and I really do appreciate the gesture, but I can't keep it. You have done so much for me, which I’m grateful for, but it just doesn't feel right to me. It's not who I am. Please just accept that."
The table was silent as if waiting for him to explode. I didn't know if this was how he reacted to all the girls he bought things for or dated, but I didn't care. This was a decision that I had made and I was sticking to it. He simply closed his mouth and I saw his eyes soften. He nodded and smiled, then looked away. Victory ! I had done it. I had stood up to a man! I really was capable of being strong!
"It seems someone has finally whipped my brother into shape!" Josh said.
"Very funny Josh." Jake countered.
"Are you guys a couple now?" His sister chimed in.
My heart momentarily stopped remembering my introduction earlier. But when introduced to Jessica, it was completely different. I looked at Jake who looked at me and with the gentlest of voices said, “Emily will you dance with me?”
I looked at him shocked for a minute but relief washed over me. I could get away from the tension of the table and away from that crazy question. “Yes.”
Jake stood from his chair and grabbed my hand, pulling me quickly behind him. We found our way to the middle of the dance floor as he spun me around before pulling me into him, his left hand in mine, his right gently resting just above my waist. We swayed to the music looking into each other's eyes.
The people around us seemed to disappear completely. I’m lost in the moment, in his eyes. A feeling I had never felt before washed over me. I couldn’t help but smile so wide my cheeks hurt. This felt right, being there with him, it was amazing how fate worked sometimes.
“What are you thinking?” His deep voice lit up my senses.
He twirled me again before I could answer. Laughing, I placed my hand on his chest. “I was thinking about how right this feels and how I haven't been this happy in a long time.”
He returned my smile, a smile I hoped to see more often. The green in his eyes seemed to brighten like the sun on a clear day.
“I feel the same way. I wish Ashley didn’t ask that question. I wanted to be the one to ask it first.”
My eyes grew wide. “What?”
“I know I just confessed my feelings to you and all, and this might be a little fast but since Ashley brought it up, would you be my girlfriend? Or did I read that hand gesture back in the car wrong?”
“I- um-” My eyes darted around avoiding his eyes as I felt my cheeks heat up.
“Do you really want to be my boyfriend? I mean I’ve never dated before and I don’t know if I’m right for the part.”
He chuckled for a minute. “The part? Emily this isn’t some play. My feelings for you are strong, stronger than I’ve ever felt for anyone. We have this connection that I can’t explain but I know it's right. We can take it slow; there's no expectations about being in a relationship. How about I take you on a real date and then you can decide from there. Does that sound feasible?”
I relaxed a bit. That did sound like a good plan this way I had time to figure out what it was I was feeling because at that point my head was spinning and swirling with so many emotions. “Yeah I would like that.” I smiled at him and he smiled at me.
We continued to sway to the live music being played in the background a slow and steady beat. Glancing around I saw a few other couples that have joined us mostly in their mid sixties, making us the only young couple of the group. Even though I was hyper aware of all the eyes still on us, I didn’t feel scared. I zoned into one particular set of eyes staring daggers at us. His therapist Jessica. What is this girl's problem? I wanted to ask Jake so bad about it but given his reaction earlier, I thought better of it and when the song ended, we made our way back to the table.
I grabbed my wine glass and sipped on my wine slowly savoring the sweet flavor it had possessed. A girl could get used to this.
"What was it you did for work Emily?" His father now spoke in a low business like tone. It was like a bear growling at his prey. My nerves returned quickly as I sat down to face his father, the question lingering in the air.
Turning my head slightly towards him, I willed my eyes to meet his. What was I supposed to say? The feeling of dread rose within my ribcage. Come on Emily you can do this . My subconscious screamed at me. The least you can do is tell the truth!
I kept squeezing Jake's hand as if it were a stress relieving ball. He didn't say anything or move either. He was probably trying to come up with an answer to save me as well.
“Well as you know I was hit by a car. Hit and run, and my memory seems to be off and on. I um, I think I used to work at a convenience store, but I couldn't tell you the name.” Gulping I looked away fast before he could see into my lying soul.
“Wait, you were hit by a car?” Josh spoke up with a bewildered look.
I nodded my head avoiding eye contact with Jake. Avoiding eye contact was usually easy if you didn't have really good peripheral vision, letting me see Jake pull at the corner of his collar. The sound of a throat clearing, made me realize how uncomfortable he was getting.
“Well you don’t look like it. How long ago was it?”
“Almost three weeks ago. It wasn’t terrible, my left side took most of the brunt. I got severe whiplash, a few stitches that are starting to clear up nicely and a few bruises, but Jake happened to be there so-”
“You know the day we were looking at the warehouse to make an offer and all. It’s no big deal. I was happy to help and I’m glad she's ok.” Jake cut me off before taking a large drink from his glass.
"I see." His dad finally chimed in. He looked back down at his wine glass staring at it as if he were trying to break it with his eyes.
"Well clearly we need to change the subject. All this talk about near death car ac
cidents has got my blood pumping. What are some of your goals Emily?" Ashley asked. That’s changing the subject? Here’s an idea: let's change the subject completely off of me! And what was everyones obsession with goals? A memory of my mom suddenly came to my mind. She had goals and dreams.
"I wouldn’t say I have goals, but there were things that I wanted to do, one being a designer. I also thought about interior decorating. You see when I was growing up, my dad did unimaginable awful things to us. My mom loved colors, and she loved making things look prettier than they really were. She used to say that color hides the darkness from this world. My dad never liked anything colorful, he was a dark man. Since we really couldn’t decorate, I promised my mom I would have lots of colors in my life when I grew up."
I looked up from my daze to see everyone at the table wide eyed once again, even Jake. I guess I couldn't blame them. I had never really opened up like that before. I'm not sure if that was my mom coming from heaven to help me at that moment or the wine. I hadn't thought about that memory in a long time.
"Oh Emily!" Ashley cried. "You nearly brought me to tears! May I ask where your mom is now?"
"Ashley don't!" Jake suddenly growled making me jump.
"It's ok Jake." I smiled at him reassuringly. "She passed away about six years ago now."
"I'm so sorry Emily. Our mother passed away around the same time. It wasn't a good time for us." Jake suddenly scraped his chair back violently and stomped off, making his chair fall to the ground. The room seemed to go dead silent. I'm too stunned and not sure what to do. Quickly gathering my thoughts, I pushed myself away from the table as well.
"Excuse me." I said and tried to run after Jake.
I had to get to the bottom of why he acted this way every time his mom was brought up. I made my way through the crowd trying hard to keep my balance as I followed his near shadow. Finally, I reached a dimly lit hall, to find him sitting against the wall with his head in his knees. His fingers gripped his hair tight. I slowly walked towards him and kneeled beside him, putting my hand on his back.
"Jake. I'm here for you. Tell me what's wrong? Talk to me.”
He slowly looked up at me with terrified eyes. I positioned myself on the cold floor as he began to sob quietly.
"My mother was also murdered."
Chapter Nineteen
Emily
I didn't know what to say I was at a loss for words. Hearing that the same fate that took my mom also took his. It made me want to vomit. One of us had to be strong and at that moment, after he had done so much for me, it was my turn. I took a slow deep breath to try and collect my thoughts, blocking out any images that might affect my strength. I turned to face him and grabbed his head to look at me. Both my hands cupping his cheeks as I wiped away the tears from his eyes with the pads of my thumbs.
"This is not the time to be crying. We have to pick ourselves up and put on a smile so that the other people won't suspect a thing. You got that? I know you're strong. I know you can do this." He nodded and wiped the rest of the tears from his eyes.
Standing up slowly, he reached down his hand and helped me carefully to my feet. Out of impulse my fingers found his hair fixing it back to the way it had been. His eyelids fluttered closed at my touch for a split second. He wasn't adult Jake, he was that fourteen year old boy that was just as lost as I was. He was just as broken but the only difference was that he had perfected a mask that he hid behind daily. He opened his eyes again.
"I know you feel the need to be strong all the time, but I'm telling you, you don't have to be. Screw those other people like you told me the other day. It's ok to show how you really feel. We can be strong together." He nodded in understanding and took a deep breath. I grabbed his hand as we slowly walked back to the party in silence.
Of course everyone stared at us, leaning over to the person beside them whispering God only knows what. I ignored it and fought the urge to roll my eyes. Honestly! Some people had no shame. We walked back to the table where we had sat, as everyone was still sitting and talking. The only person who had disappeared was his father.
"I'm not feeling the greatest so uh, we’re going to call it a night." I announced looking around at the table. Jake remained silent and I tried my hardest not to look at him because I knew if I did, the strong act I was carrying would fade.
"I hope you feel better,” Ashley says. "Oh, and if it's ok with Jake, I would love to get lunch with you sometime and maybe get you on board our design team, that is if you would like." A small smile made its way to my lips, I was stunned.
"Um, yeah, that sounds great!" At least one good thing came of this night.
“Great, I’ll call the house tomorrow and we’ll plan something.”
“Thank you.” Still holding Jake's hand, I pulled him to the door and found the limo we came in. I pushed him in gently and sat as close to him as I could get. He was starting to scare me. He hadn't uttered one word since he told me his mother was murdered. I looked up at him and it was as if he was in some sort of trance, staring at his fingers. I rubbed his shoulder but he still didn't move.
When we finally arrived, I pulled him inside the house as Aida greeted us.
"Good evening how was the -" she stopped abruptly when she saw Jake. I quickly shook my head at her so she wouldn’t ask any other questions. I was afraid he could have a meltdown at any moment.
"Miss Aida, can you get some comfortable clothes for Jake?"
"Of course, I can." And she's off in a flash.
"Come on Jake." I whispered tugging at his hand again as we slowly made our way to the pool house. As we got into the doorway, I pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed. Aida came in and left the clothes next to him before quickly leaving the room.
Without warning his hands reached out and snaked around my waist, pulling me close to him. He put his head on my chest as if he were listening to my heart beat. My hands were in the air frozen, unable to comprehend what he was doing.
"I'm so sorry." He sobbed into my chest. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you!" He yelled over and over again. Tears began to form in my eyes as my heart broke even more for him. I ran my fingers through his hair again as his sobs became quieter.
"Jake it's ok. It's not your fault. You have to let this go."
He whipped his head up as if he just realized who he was talking to. With wide eyes, he let go of me and ran out of my room before I even got a chance to stop him. I was completely stunned. Did I go after him? No. I couldn’t help him. I was positive that there wasn’t anything I could tell him that his therapist hadn’t already said. My hand fell on his clothes still sitting on my bed as I brushed them with my fingers. Against my heart's wishes I got ready for bed.
I tossed and turned as thoughts raced through my mind. I was so used to Jake being beside me when I fell asleep, that now I couldn't sleep without him. I wondered if he was ok. Was he sleeping? Could he sleep without me? Ripping off the covers, I sat up putting my feet on the plush white carpet near my bed . I have to make sure he's ok. I tiptoed out of the pool house feeling a chill hit my skin. Once inside the house I ascended the large staircase and slowly walked down the dimly lit hallway counting each door as I went. This was the only way I could remember which door was which.
Finally, I got to what I had hoped was his door and paused for a moment. I knocked softly, and when I didn’t hear anything, I slowly pushed it open. It was dark inside with only the moonlight shining through illuminating his silhouette. He was sitting on the edge of his bed staring out of the window.
"Jake are you ok?" I whispered but he didn't answer me.
I inched closer to him as my eyes got a better view of his bare back. My fingers twitched on their own accord wanting to run them along the lines of his muscles . He clearly worked out and if his back looked that good, I could only imagine what the front was like. Snap out of it Emily! He’s hurting! I kept walking until I was face to face with him. His eyes traveled up my body making butterflies erupted in my torso all though
his bare chest could also be the cause of it. Look at his eyes, Emily not his chest. Focus! Clearing my throat I asked again “Are you ok?”
Chapter Twenty
Emily
After what felt like five minutes of silence he spoke.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being there for me. I feel like such an idiot. I lost control again. I can't even believe I was able to say that out loud. I've never said that to anyone, not even my therapist."
Wait. What? He never said that to his therapist?
"It's ok Jake, I understand perfectly."
"You do?"
I take a deep breath sitting down next to him.
"My mother was also murdered. By my dad."
Silence. I didn't dare look at him instead fiddling with my fingers. His warm hand stopped my fingers from moving and his other hand lifted my chin to look at him.
"I'm so sorry. I can't believe I lost it on you when you were hurting just as much. I should have been stronger for you."
"No." I shook my head. "You need to grieve too. We both have our demons and we both need to learn to cope with them. Jake, do you even realize how much you’ve done for me already? It was only natural for me to do the same for you."
Out of nowhere, his lips crashed against mine, stealing my ability to move. I’m frozen in time as shock filters through every nerve ending. It only takes a mere minute for my body to relax allowing him access. His hands cupped my face as he deepened the kiss. The butterflies I had felt, grew so big I thought my stomach would erupt. A warming sensation spread throughout my chest making me forget all about the explosive butterflies. He pulled away suddenly, both of us gasping for air. Standing to his feet, pulling me with him, our lips collide again. My shaking palms pressed against his smooth toned chest before slowly tracing down his abs.