Over my dead body.
Be careful what you wish for…
Javier positions his cufflinks and straightens his jacket collar, sliding a hand around behind his back, he’s checking his gun is there. He won’t need it in here, in the casino – or he shouldn’t – this is our territory, anyone who causes any shit in here more than likely won’t be walking out.
“Then we’ll drive to the compound, make sure everything’s running smoothly over there.”
“I thought Olivia was going to see Eddie this morning?”
“She is.”
“So, why do you need to go over there? She can handle the bikers.”
He looks at me, and there’s a darkness in his eyes that I don’t remember seeing there in a long time. “I know she can.”
“So, why are you checking up on her? You do realize she was the one who kept this business going while you were away?”
“I’m well aware of that, Lucca, but how I choose to run things now I’m back is my decision, not yours. Not Olivia’s.”
I narrow my eyes, fixing him with a look that tells him I’m not getting this. “I thought you and her were running things as a team now? Together?”
He drags a hand back through his black hair, his gaze darting around the casino floor again, almost as if he’s looking for someone. “I tell Olivia what she wants to hear, Lucca. She needs to feel important. Valued. I’ll allow her to feel that, for a little while longer.” He turns his focus back to me, his dark eyes cold. “But she needs to learn that her role is changing. I’m grateful for everything she’s done, but it’s time for me to take back the reins, she’ll have a new role soon enough. That of a mother.”
I feel my stomach drop to the floor so quickly it’s all I can do not to gasp out loud, I swear, it’s like someone just kicked me hard in the gut.
Olivia doesn’t want his kids, she told you that.
It doesn’t matter what Olivia wants. Not anymore.
“Now, let’s get this meeting over with. Once I know everything is in order here we’ll make our way to Beach Bay.”
He strides off in the direction of the back room where Merv and Laurel – one of our accountants – are ready and waiting to let Javier go over the books. He’s on a mission right now to visit every one of our businesses here in San Diego, make sure everything’s going to plan, see with his own eyes what he already knows, but is loath to admit – that Olivia handled everything. She didn’t need his help, she didn’t really need mine, even though I was there to offer it, should the opportunity have arisen. She handled it all by herself. And that’s why he wants to put her back in her box; turn her into a wife and a mother when that isn’t what she wants anymore, if she ever wanted it at all. He isn’t what she wants, anymore.
You are.
Yeah.
I am…
Eighteen
Olivia
“Do you want to stay for a drink?” Eddie asks as we leave the chapel and head back into the clubhouse. I came to talk to him about the next weapons shipment, which is due next week, but it’s all in hand. Just like he promised it would be. “We’re having a barbecue.”
I smile at him as I lean back against the bar. “Is that supposed to entice me? I’ve seen what you lot keep in that fridge, remember?”
“Well, we could get one of the prospects to stop by the butchers. Pick up some top quality meat for the cartel queen, seeing as she’s too good to touch our dodgy burgers.”
He says that with a smirk on his face and his tongue in his cheek and I laugh as Angel appears with a whiskey and a beer, both for me.
“Dodgy burgers will be just fine,” I reply, mouthing “thank you” at Angel.
I’m in no hurry to go back home. No hurry to talk about babies and vow renewals, because when Javier gets home that’s exactly what he told me we’d do. Talk about it. So I’m grateful for another couple of hours of avoiding that conversation.
“So, how’s it all going?” Eddie asks, leaning back against the bar, crossing his arms as he stares out ahead of him at a game of darts going on at the back of the clubhouse. “Everything must still seem a bit strange, huh?”
“That doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
I’m aware of Angel hovering behind the bar, listening to this.
“I’m not sure it’s completely sunk in yet, that he’s actually here. That he’s alive.” I down the whiskey shot in one, and I don’t know what else to say, really. I don’t want to talk about Javier, I came here to try and forget about him for a little while, even though I know that’s impossible. I can’t do that. I can’t forget about him.
“How’s Lucca?”
I look at Eddie, frowning slightly. “He’s fine. You know he is, why do you ask?”
I don’t miss the look that passes between Eddie and Angel, and now I’m confused.
“Is there something you guys want to tell me? Because it feels like I’m missing something here.”
Eddie sighs quietly, reaching behind him for his beer. “We all thought Javier was dead. All of us, everyone did. Except Lucca.”
“Okay… I’m sorry, is this conversation going somewhere?”
Eddie lets a beat or two pass, and downs a mouthful of beer before he speaks again. “You and Lucca, you got closer, right? After Javier left?”
“Eddie, will you just spit it out? Please?”
He casts another glance in Angel’s direction, and I sigh, probably a little too heavily.
“Olivia, I swear, I didn’t tell him anything.”
“He’s right,” Eddie chips in. “He didn’t tell me, I already had my suspicions. But Angel came to me…”
My head shoots up, my eyes flitting from Angel to Eddie, and I’m aware of a creeping nervousness taking over now. “He came to you?”
“I’d already guessed, Olivia. How Lucca felt about you.”
I feel like I’m spinning out of control now, this was not what I expected to happen when I came here this morning. The more people who know about Lucca and me, the more dangerous this situation becomes, and now Eddie knows…?
“And he crossed a line, kiddo. You gonna tell me I’m wrong about that?”
I glance back over my shoulder at Angel, who just throws me a half smile and continues to dry the glasses he’s retrieving from the dishwasher.
“I thought my husband was dead, Eddie. If I’d had any idea that Lucca knew he was still alive…” I feel my shoulders sag, like a heavy weight’s suddenly been dropped onto them. “You said you’d guessed, how Lucca felt about me. How? I mean, what did we do that gave us away?”
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything, there’s just – there’s been something about Lucca, for a while now. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, it just seemed like he had a lot more on his mind than usual. Now we know why.”
“He lied to all of us, Eddie.”
“For a good reason. He would’ve had no choice.”
“But he shouldn’t have let me think we could be together when he knew there was no chance it could happen.” I let out another heavy sigh, dragging my hands back through my hair.
“No. He shouldn’t.” Eddie glances around the room, making sure no-one else is listening in to this conversation. “But sometimes we lose control of shit.” He looks at me, and he shrugs. “It happens.”
Angel comes out from behind the bar, and he and Eddie exchange another glance.
“I saw the way he looked at you, Olivia. Just one look, and maybe he didn’t even know he was doing it, but, that’s when I knew, for sure. That’s when I knew that what he felt for you…” Eddie drops his head and shakes it. “He shouldn’t have acted on it, knowing what he knew, he shouldn’t have done that.”
I don’t know what to feel. Relief? Why would I be relieved that even more people know mine and Lucca’s secret?
“Do you feel the same way? About him?”
“I – I don’t… Eddie, I can’t talk about this.
We can’t talk about this. Please, tell me you haven’t told anyone else…”
“I haven’t. And I won’t. I promise you, this stays between us three.”
“Javier would kill him, if he found out.” My voice is almost a whisper, and laced with a new-found fear. “He’d kill him.”
“Maybe,” Eddie sighs, sinking a long draft of beer.
“You shouldn’t be involved…”
“But we are. Now.” Eddie puts his drink down and crosses his arms, and I watch as he and Angel exchange another quick glance. “Look, Olivia, there’s absolutely no way the Devil’s Creed is going to jeopardize our relationship with the cartel, we’d be crazy to even think about doing that, but, at the same time, we’re not heartless bastards. Not all of the time, anyway.”
He smiles, but I don’t return it.
“Angel told me he wants to help you and Lucca. Help you get out of this god forsaken world and start again, is that what you really want, huh? To get out? To leave Javier? To start again, with Lucca?”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Hey, believe me, kiddo, we know this is far from simple. This is something that could kick up in all our faces, I’m keeping secrets from Javier now. Just like you, just like Angel. Just like Lucca. And that isn’t something I’m comfortable with. Because this secret is a killer.”
“So why get involved? Why not just forget you heard anything?”
“Because, contrary to all belief, we aren’t all stone-cold and emotionless, we feel things too.”
This time I smile, because I’ve never really heard him talk this way.
“We all have people in our lives that we love, Olivia. People we would take a bullet for. People we would kill for.”
I look at Angel, but his expression is giving nothing away.
“You’re one of those people, Liv.”
I look back at Eddie. “I’m sorry…?”
“If you and Lucca want to get out, we’ll help you.”
Seriously? This man knows the consequences if Javier finds out they knew this secret, and they didn’t tell him. He knows.
“At great risk to the club, Eddie, no. No. It’s too dangerous. Javier will find out, and he’ll make sure he finds the people who helped us escape, and if anything blows back on the Devil’s Creed…”
“We know the risks. They’re crystal clear. And you may not even need our help, I’m just saying, if you do – if you do, Olivia, you know where we are.”
I drop my head and close my eyes and it’s hard to ignore the deafening thud of my heart.
“Please don’t tell anyone else about this, Eddie.”
I’m almost begging him now, and I know he’s already told me he won’t tell another soul but I’m terrified that, somehow, this secret is going to come out before Lucca and I have had a chance to do anything.
“Olivia, you have my word.”
“Okay.” I throw my head back, exhaling slowly because it feels like I’d been holding my breath for way too long there. “Okay.” I look at them, both of them. “This conversation’s over now.”
Eddie shrugs and flicks a cigarette into the corner of his mouth. “Like I said, you know where we are. Now, are you staying for a burger?”
“Yes.” I crack another smile, although, I’m still a long way off feeling anything even close to relaxed. “I’m staying… Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Thank me when it’s over, kiddo. When you’re out of here and holed up somewhere safe. Thank me then.”
Lucca
Sitting back against a palm tree outside The Beach Bay Resort, I light up a cigarette, close my eyes, and let my mind drift; try to shut it down for a few, blissful seconds, but switching off isn’t something I find easy. Especially now.
Javier’s inside, I’m under instruction to stay out here and keep watch, he seems slightly more paranoid than I remember him being before he went away. Maybe he’s got his own secrets, reasons for looking over his shoulder more than usual, I don’t know. It's not my job to press him for information, he tells me what he wants me to know. The rest, I find out for myself.
“All done.”
I jump to my feet at the sound of Javier’s voice, but he just laughs, and for a moment he’s the Javier I remember. My brother in everything but name.
And you betrayed him…
“You’re allowed to relax, Lucca.”
“Not when I’m working.”
He brushes that comment away with the wave of his hand, and he seems a lot more chilled out than he was before he went inside.
“You’re too good at what you do to let anything cause you to lose concentration.”
I’m glad he’s got that much faith in me. “How did the meeting go?”
“Good. Mayor Hopkins is a very astute man, I think we’re going to work very well together.” He starts to walk toward the car. “Come on. Let’s go get a drink, maybe something to eat, a late lunch, I have quite an appetite now.”
He seems genuinely uplifted, and I have no idea what’s happened in the space of – what? An hour and a half? I mean, I’m not complaining, it makes my life easier if he’s happy. And then I remember what he said about Olivia, and that anger rises up in me all over again, but I can’t let that show. I can’t do that.
“Are we going back to the house?”
“No. We’re going to The Garden, to meet with Olivia.”
“She’s at The Garden? I thought she was meeting with Eddie today?”
“She was. That meeting’s over now. She had a call from Nora, they needed her for something, I don’t remember what…”
Which means it wasn’t important. To him.
“… and you know Olivia,” Javier continues, fishing his dark glasses from his top jacket pocket and sliding them over his eyes. “She got there, and when she saw that it was busy… She’s taken it upon herself to help out for a couple of hours.”
“Help out? How, exactly?”
“I don’t know, Lucca, I didn’t ask. Does it matter?”
No, it doesn’t, not really, but I shouldn’t be surprised either, Olivia’s always been happy to pitch in and lend a hand where necessary. Unlike Javier. He ran – runs – this cartel in a whole different way, he would never roll his sleeves up and help out behind the bar, he definitely wouldn’t wait tables, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in the kitchen of any of our bars, restaurants or hotels.
“I’ve called ahead, asked Alvaro to prepare some of his fish stew and rice. Are you hungry?”
I’m not, as it happens, but my appetite’s been shot to shit for a while now. I only eat because I have to, not because I want to.
“I am.”
“Good!” Javier lands a friendly slap on my shoulder as we continue walking toward the Jaguar, and he’s like a different man to the one who left home this morning. It’s like, as the day’s gone on, his mood has gradually got better, for some reason. “Let’s go, come on. Olivia is expecting us.”
I open the back door for him and he climbs inside, and as I walk around to the driver’s side, I stop for a moment and look around me. This hotel is in an idyllic spot, with the ocean just across the street, and a pretty promenade running the length of its spacious grounds, it’s perfect. Because that’s how Javier likes things. Perfect. Even though his own life is so fucking far from that…
Olivia
“You didn’t have to hang around here, you know.”
I smile at Angel as I wipe the countertop down and lay out fresh coasters.
“I know. But there’s not much going on at the clubhouse today.”
I raise a brow, the corner of my mouth twisting up into a small smile. “Nothing going on? When we left the party was just getting started, and that was early afternoon. Christ knows what’s happening over there now. Aren’t you scared you’re missing something?”
“I’ve experienced enough of those parties
to know exactly what’s going down over there, and I’m almost positive it’ll still be going on by the time I get back. You trying to get rid of me?”
He accompanies that question with a smirk, and I shoot him a wider smile, shaking my head. “Of course not. You stay as long as you like, I’m just telling you that I don’t need you anymore. Lucca and Javier will be here soon.”
The look that passes between us as I say that, we have to be so careful not to share those kind of looks when Javier’s around, he’d sense something wasn’t right, and we can’t risk that happening.
“You staying for something to eat?”
“No, those burgers and beans I had earlier kind of filled me up.”
“Yeah, they were pretty substantial, weren’t they?”
We look at each other, and we laugh, and once again I realize how much I like this guy. I really like him, and if the circumstances had been different…
If I hadn’t fallen in love with Lucca.
If Javier hadn’t come back…
“And we’ll probably pay for it later,” I sigh, straightening a display of menus on the corner of the bar.
“You keep dissing those burgers, but I’ll have you know they’re made from the best…” He raises an eyebrow, and shrugs. “Who knows what the hell they’re made of, I just know they taste damn good!”
I hand him another beer. “Stay for something to eat. Come on, you know you want to.”
He takes the beer and downs a long draft. “To be honest, Olivia, I don’t, want to.”
I frown, and I can’t hide my disappointment. “Why not?” I lean over the bar, breathing in the smell of leather and beer and cigarette smoke. “Was it something I said?”
The corner of his mouth once more lifts up into a slow smirk. “No. It’s nothing you said.”
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