by Maya Hughes
“Can I take over?” It wasn’t Esme, though. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I tightened my grip on the spatula. I glanced over my shoulder and my heart thundered. He nodded toward the pans and spatula.
“Sure, go right ahead.” I handed everything over to him before scooting myself into the table. His eyes were on me the entire way. I didn’t have to look up to know. His gaze was hot and intense and I piled my plate high with pancakes and syrup. Maybe I could drown out the feelings rushing through my body with a hearty helping of carbs and sugar. Against my better judgement, I peeked up at him as I lifted the first bite to my lips. Mistake!
His muscled back as he moved deftly from pan to pan, flipping pancakes and sliding the bacon onto a plate, drove me to distraction.
“Mel, can we go to the zoo? I decided.”
“Sure, kiddo. We can go to the zoo.”
“Daddy, are you going to come?”
I nearly choked on my food. I grabbed a glass of orange juice with both hands and gulped it down. I wasn’t sure which was better, if he came or not.
13
Rhys
Waking up was always rough. Never being able to fall asleep unless I was at the point of exhaustion meant mornings were never my favorites. When I opened my eyes, the sun wasn’t peeking over the horizon like it was when I usually woke. It was in the sky. I checked my clock. After seven. Esme barely let me sleep past the first crack of dawn in the sky.
I hopped up out of bed and raced to her room. My heart pounded in my chest. She wasn’t there. The smell of bacon and sweetness snapped me out of it. Mel. How could I have forgotten?
Esme sat in her chair, hoovering up pancakes like they were going out of style as music played from a phone on the table. Mel danced at the stove, her attention split between both pans. It hit me right in the chest, seeing the two of them there together. A dull ache for how things should have been. It all felt so normal. So right.
I stood at the stove, spatula and pan in hand. Esme and Mel at the table behind me talking and having fun. I couldn’t suppress my smile. It was so normal.
“Daddy, are you going to come?”
Mel made a small choking sound at her question. So innocently asked, but Mel’s reaction let me know exactly where her mind was. It was the same place my mind had been when I walked in and saw her in those pajama shorts and tank top. She’d piled her hair up on top of her head. Beautiful.
I wanted to go with them, but I couldn’t. Duty called.
“I can’t today, sweetheart, but I’m sure you’ll have a great time with Mel.”
The rest of breakfast went along quickly. Mel finished her plate of pancakes, not looking up at me once. Esme had her full attention. Every question, every comment, she was right there giving Esme her complete attention. It wasn’t even something I could do all the time. And Esme glowed under the attention. She was livelier than she’d been in a while.
When Derek walked in, she didn’t talk, but she didn’t close in on herself like she usually did.
“Derek, Melanie and Esme are going to head to the zoo today.”
“I’ll have the car ready as soon as you guys are good to go,” he said to Melanie.
“Great, thanks. What do you say we go get ready?” She wiped her mouth on a napkin and they cleaned up their dishes. “I can take care of this later.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
And just like that they were gone.
“She looks pretty comfortable,” Derek said, checking out the table and the rest of the kitchen. It had a lived in feel it hadn’t had before.
“It would seem so.”
“Are you sure you want me to go with them? I can have five guys here in under an hour.”
I didn’t want anyone else watching over them but Derek.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be in my office all day. At least with them, you’ll get some fresh air.” I’d be going through files. Making phone calls. Trying to make sure these challenges weren’t going to screw up anything with my inheritance.
“If you say so,” Derek grumbled as I walked back to my room. I passed by Esme’s and the sounds of laughter and talking were music to my ears. The apartment wasn’t filled with silence anymore. Joy filled it to the point it overflowed.
I wanted more of that. I wanted more of that for Esme and I wanted even just a sliver of it for me.
14
Mel
“May I please have some more tea?” Derek asked, squashed down on one of the tiny chairs at Esme’s table. He had the patience of a saint.
“I like the ensemble, Derek. It suits you,” I said, walking in with an armload of books. He shot me a glare. We may have gone overboard at the store. But with Derek there to carry everything that meant we hadn’t thought twice about piling them high.
Bedtime was one of my favorite times with Esme. We’d gotten a bunch of books. Books my mom used to read to me every night when I was with her. She’d sit on the edge of my bed and read until I fell asleep. That I could do that for Esme, it made those memories easier.
The elevator dinged. Rhys was home. My stomach did the little flip it did whenever he was in the vicinity. I hadn’t been here that long, but I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it. I tucked the books away on the shelves.
“May I have some more tea?” Derek held out his tiny teacup and I couldn’t hold back my laughter. Rhys’s chuckle came from the doorway. Esme frowned at both of us, got up from her chair, and rounded the table to stand in front of Derek. She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him in tight. The startled look on his face told me this hadn’t happened before.
“I think you look really nice, Derek. Thank you for playing with me,” she said, loud enough for me to hear. Loud enough for Rhys to hear. Derek froze and I head Rhys suck in his breath. Derek sat there like he’d just been pulled out of a frozen lake, his body rigid, until he brought up his massive arms around her and hugged her back.
“Thank you, Esme.” He gave her a squeeze and a watery sheen covered his eyes. He blinked them hard before dropping his arms from around her back. She spoke in front of him. He’d been like our shadow since I got there. I figured Rhys wanted to make sure everything was on the up and up with me, but he’d been a real friend since the first day.
“You’re welcome, Derek,” she said, beaming before sitting back down in her chair. They finished their tea party with Esme talking and Derek’s voice tight like he spoke past a boulder lodged in his throat. Rhys stood there watching them while I tried to make myself busy getting things organized.
“Melanie, could I have a word?” he said, motioning for me from the doorway. I glanced over at Esme and Derek. She added a pink boa to the other three he already stretched across his broad shoulders. I wiped my clammy hands on my legs.
“Sure.” I followed him out into the hall, nervous energy bouncing off me.
“Thank you,” he said, like a breath he’d been holding for a long time.
“I didn’t do anything.” I hadn’t really. I played with her. Walked her to school sometimes. Helped her with her homework, which she was completely able to do on her own.
“Whatever it is. Keep doing it,” he said, his eyes intent on Esme and Derek in her room. “How are you adjusting?”
“It’s going well. We’re still finding our routine.” The babbling poured out of my mouth and I couldn’t even stop it. The tingling in my fingertips made me want to reach out and smooth his furrowed brow. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t know if it was my place to ask. I hesitated.
“Is everything okay?”
His eyes met mine and I nearly staggered back under the weight of what I saw there. I reached out a hesitant hand and put it on his shoulder. What the hell happened to make him so upset?
15
Rhys
She spoke to Derek. Her high and light little voice rang out in the room as she wrapped her arms around Derek’s neck. He got chok
ed up. The impact of her words hit me right in my gut. He felt it too. The worry that this was all my fault. That I’d screwed up still hung over my head.
Melanie had been here less than a month and Esme’s transformation was nothing short of a miracle. I couldn’t thank her enough. I also couldn’t let the undeniable pull toward her get in the way of the good she was for my daughter. My needs warred in my head. But Esme always won. Always.
Standing so close to her out in the hallway hadn’t been a good idea. I should have never called her out here. She was so close and I wanted nothing more than to push her up against the nearest wall and show her how grateful I was for everything she’d done. How I couldn’t wait to tell her secrets I’d never told anyone because maybe she could help fix me like she’d helped fix Esme.
A wave of sadness rolled over me that Esme needed fixing in the first place. I wanted to pull her tight as the warmth of Mel’s hand sank into my shoulder. Against my better judgement, I reached up and put my hand over hers. I ran my thumb across the back of her hand. I closed my eyes. I needed to stop this. I dropped my hand.
“Sorry. Yes, I’m fine.” I cleared my throat.
“Are you joining us for dinner? We’re making pizzas,” she said, her eyes hopeful.
“I don’t think so, but I’ll try. I need to talk to Derek. Hey, Es. I know you’re having fun with your party, but can I steal Derek away?”
“Okay. Mel, can you come? Derek, will you come back?”
“We’re making pizzas, remember?” Mel asked, walking into the room. “And we’ll see Derek tomorrow. He’s going to walk you to school, okay?”
“Yay, pizza!” Esme jumped up and raced to the kitchen. Everything beyond pizza forgotten.
I closed the door to my office. Derek brushed the multicolored feathers off his shoulders.
“She spoke to me.” The awe in his voice brought tears to my eyes. She had. She’d spoken to him. Mel did that.
“I told you she liked you, Derek. There’s nothing to worry about.” I slapped him on the shoulder.
“You need to be careful, Rhys.” Derek’s voice held more concern than it usually did. “Mel…”
“I know.” I squeezed the bridge of my nose. The intense pressure in my head battled against the lightness in my chest. “I don’t know what to do about her.”
“I’d start with not running her off like you usually do.” Derek sat in the chair in front of my desk.
“I have no plans to do that with her. I’m not stupid.”
“Then, I’d say you need to be careful. Really careful.”
“I know.” I sank back into my chair, the cool leather warming under my touch. I’m sure Mel would warm under my touch too. She always smelled so good.
“Stop it,” he warned, shooting me a look. “I can tell exactly what you’re thinking.”
“I’m stopping. Melanie Bright is a woman just like any other woman and I will not go near her in any manner other than a professional one.” I pledged with my hand held up. Derek quirked his eyebrow up at me.
“I will. I can control myself.”
He didn’t seem convinced. It was a double-edged sword. The more she did for Esme the more I wanted to be near her. The more I wanted her in my arms, but it was more of a reason for me to stay away. To keep my distance. Today was just another one of her miracles. I couldn’t hold back my chuckle. Esme sitting there with Derek folded into that tiny table.
“You looked good in there with the tiara.”
“If that’s what it takes, I’d do that and more for her, man.” And he was deadly serious, even though he wore a smile on his face.
“I know the feeling.” I’d do whatever it took, including staying away from Mel. My hands itched to touch her skin. To touch and taste her, but I’d have to resist. I couldn’t risk things going wrong and Esme losing her. And I’d put Esme first. I always did. Stay away. It’s that easy, isn’t it?
16
Mel
“Let’s go to the park, kiddo, you’ve been cooped up in here all day,” I said, dropping my magazine on my lap and nudging Esme with my foot. We’d been lying on her bed reading for nearly the entire day. Well, she read, I dodged calls from Colleen. Her threats to come out to the city made me antsy. I needed to get out of here and away from my phone.
She’d drained my account, which meant she had money. I figured she wouldn’t be able to find me, but I knew Jeanine and everyone else at the diner had seen my interacting with Rhys and Esme. Rhys hadn’t exactly been subtle in quitting my job for me and Martin was a blabbermouth. Everyone there knew where I was now. All she’d have to do was ask and they’d lead her right to me. It made me nauseous. I didn’t want to see her. Ever. I’d moved to keep her states away from me. I didn’t need her showing up and complicating my life even more.
“I don’t want to go out. I want to stay here and read,” she whined. “It’s too cold outside and it’s all snowy.” We’d sat up watching the snow fall last night, sharing a bowl of popcorn between us. It was only just after Halloween, so I wasn’t going to let it go to waste. How often do I get to play in the snow? Usually I dreaded it because it meant trudging to work in the slush and muck. And growing up, snow meant I walked to school with my feet wrapped in plastic bags because of the holes in my shoes. But one of my favorite memories was of lying in the snow making snow angels and having a snowball fight with my mom. My real mom.
“Exactly, let’s go,” I said, trying to get her up. She hadn’t wanted to go trick or treating and I got the idea Rhys didn’t like to push her too much. She ruled the roost, but she needed to get out. Get some fresh air and be around other people, not just me, her dad, and Derek.
“I don’t want to,” she said, going back to her book.
“That’s okay. I definitely would have beat you in a snowball fight anyway. It wouldn’t have even been a challenge. You’re right to stay inside. I know you don’t like to lose.” I went back to my magazine and she sat up, the bed shifting, and dropped her book.
“I would not lose,” she said, her little cheeks turning a cute shade of pink.
“It’s fine, Esme. It’s okay. It’s better this way,” I said, watching her fall into my trap.
“Let’s go. I’ll show you. I’ll kick your butt, Mel.” She stood up and planted her hands on her hips.
“I mean, if you insist, we can go. But no whining when you lose.”
She stomped out of the room, missing the laugh I’d been stifling since she put her book down. Who knew that stuff worked on kids? Maybe I could do this nanny business.
The trip down to the park was a lot more trouble than I expected. Calls had to be put in to Rhys and Derek. Getting Esme into her snowsuit might as well have been a journey into a sewage factory for how much she moaned about it, but we finally got out into the freezing, crisp winter air. The snowfall happened throughout the morning, so it was still pristine, not the brown mush it would turn into in a day or so.
We made it to the park with Derek trailing us. There were other kids in the park playing in the snow. A few snowmen were already there.
“Can we make a snowman?” Esme said, tugging on my coat, flexing my fingers in my thin, shitty gloves. They probably weren’t the best for snowball fighting, but I was committed now. I dragged my hat down lower on my head, covering my ears, and blew into my hands, warming them for a second.
“Trying to get out of our fight?” I said, quirking my eyebrow at Esme. She was dressed like she was ready for an expedition to Antarctica. I was seriously jealous of the layers she had on. My clothes would have to do. I hadn’t gotten paid yet, so I hadn’t been able to go and pick up any new clothes yet. The new coat was a nice gift, but it didn’t come with new gloves or a hat and I was too embarrassed to ask for an advance. I could tough it out.
The wet snow was already seeping into my shoes, chilling me as I wrapped my coat tighter around myself. I didn’t think Esme would last too long, so it shouldn’t be too bad thawing out.
“Nev
er,” she challenged. It was good to see her with her game face on. I had to admit, Rhys had been right. Esme came out of her shell a little every day I was there. It hadn’t been long yet, but she was already talking more. Sticking up for herself. And trying on her bossy pants. I loved that I’d been able to help. I still didn’t know what I’d done, but I’d keep doing it until she didn’t need me anymore.
Her father was a whole other story. I still didn’t know what was going on with him. He was at the apartment most days. He loved spending time with Esme. Whether we read together or watched a movie, he always made time for her. They’d walk to school together, sometimes with me and sometimes on his own. Every time he looked at me, I fell down a rabbit hole of confusion and desire. One minute he looked at me like he wanted to eat me whole and the next like he hated me for it. I didn’t understand, but thoughts of him clouded my brain. It was like he’d woven a spell over me. I tried to push him out of my mind whenever I could, but the entire apartment smelled like him. Minty, clean, fresh, those were all smells I associated with him.
“This looks like a good spot,” I said, finding a space with two rocks that would give us both cover for our fight. “Let’s get to work making some snowballs,” I said, crouching, the fresh snow crunching under my feet. I loved the way snow made everything look like a clean slate. Fresh and new even though underneath you knew it was the same old garbage.
We worked together making our arsenal of snowballs. Derek even chipped in, packing them methodically and adding all of them to Esme’s pile. Kids ran by with sleds and inflatables headed to the small hill nearby. All in all, it was a picture-perfect afternoon. The sun shined high in the sky, giving off a little warmth, but my ears were freezing, my nose had to be the brightest shade of red, and my hands were numb. A few other kids joined us, excited for a snowball fight. By the time we had our ammo ready, I could barely flex my fingers.