by Kelly Myers
I paused at the door. “It’s going to be messy. I’m just warning you,” I said as I turned the key and opened the front door.
Brightly colored plastic toys were everywhere in the chaos that I called a living room.
“I’m gonna get you,” she said as she sat on the floor and reached out for Adam.
Adam squealed and ran in circles around her.
I snatched him up. “I’ve got you,” I declared.
“Oh Crystal”— she glanced at the clock in the kitchen— “that was fast.” She jumped to her feet and went quiet for a second when she took a look at Zack. “I’m so sorry. I’ve got to go.”
She grabbed her bag.
I shrugged. “Things happen. I hope your dad is okay.”
“Thanks! Bye, Adam,” she called as she closed the door behind her.
Adam reached out toward the door and made a sad mewing sound.
“She’ll be at daycare tomorrow.” I gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
“Zack, this is Adam. Say hi.” I directed the last to Adam, but Zack was the one to say hi first.
I put Adam on the floor, put my purse on the small table by the front door, and ignored the looks Zack was giving me.
“Adam, why don’t you show Zack your blocks? Zack, if you sit on the floor, it’s easier to play together. I hope spaghetti is okay, that’s all I have right now that I can put together quickly.”
“Sure, you always made good spaghetti.” He cut his gaze between me and Adam.
Within a few seconds, Adam was holding out a block. “Blue,” Adam said. It sounded more like bleh, but I understood him clearly.
Zack hunkered down and sat on the floor. He picked up a different colored block. “What color is this one?”
“Lello,” Adam said. A big smile on his face.
Zack returned his smile.
I turned away before either of them saw me tear up.
27
Zack
It was like watching old videos of me. The curl of his hair, the color of his eyes, the child I sat in front of could have been me. Until he smiled, that smile was one-hundred percent Crystal. I cast my gaze to her, she was busy putting our unexpected home-cooked meal together.
Adam waved a red toy truck in front of me. “Reh,” he said.
“Red,” I repeated.
The smile he gave me melted my heart. He was either speech delayed or not as old as I thought he was. “How old is he?” I asked.
“Adam.” Crystal turned to face where the boy and I were on the floor. “Can you tell Zack how old you are?”
He nodded and approached me. He picked up one of my hands and tapped my index finger with his tiny one.
I dropped my other fingers and held up the single digit.
He proceeded to pick up my other hand and did the same thing, this time touching two fingers instead. He then brought my hands together.
“Tree,” Adam said proudly.
“Show off,” Crystal said before returning to her cooking.
“Did you just do math? Did he just do math?” I asked.
“Yep. He likes numbers. And colors. If he can count it on his fingers he can do the addition. He hasn’t figured out subtraction yet.”
“He’s not very talkative, I mean, he’s not…” I wasn’t sure how to even ask this.
“He’s not speech delayed if that’s what you’re asking. He’s got talking days, and not talking days. You’re new to him and he’s three. A lot of people expect more from him because he’s tall. But for a three-year-old, he’s doing great. And he likes you. He’s showing off.”
I kept my attention on the boy the entire time. She was right, he was tall, and because of his size, even I had assumed he was older. But he was three. I had to breathe around a knot forming in my gut.
“What do you have that’s green?” I asked him.
He rummaged around the toys strewn about and finally brought over an action figure.
“Sweetie do you want noodles?”
Adam paused in his playing and looked up at his mother. He gave her an exuberant nod and then launched himself at her. Pressing into her leg and hugging her with everything he had. I understood his need to do that. I wanted to hug her too. Hold her and never let her go.
“Up, noodles,” Adam said as he danced by one of the chairs.
I saw that it had a booster seat strapped to it. Crystal placed him onto the booster and buckled him in.
“Sorry I only have the two chairs. I hope you don’t mind sitting on the couch. I have to sit with him to help him out sometime.”
“I can feed him,” I volunteered.
The look she gave me lanced through my chest. It was an expression of awe and gratitude, joy and shock. I had never seen so many emotions play across a person’s face at one time.
“I don’t have to feed him, he just needs some help sometimes.” She brought over a small bowl of plain noodles and set it in front of Adam. She put another bowl in front of the still empty chair.
“Can I sit with you?” I asked Adam.
“You noodles?” he asked.
I laughed. From the look on his face, he loved noodles.
“I like noodles too,” I answered.
“I like noodles best,” he announced before shoving a handful into his mouth.
Crystal kissed him on the top of his head. “You’re using big words, good job.”
I could tell she was proud of him. And he was proud of himself. I felt that my ability to use big words had left me.
After helping Adam to eat, I could see why she hadn’t given him any sauce. Noodles were smeared everywhere. Crystal lifted him from his booster with a groan. “You are getting so heavy. You ate two dinners tonight. Someone’s gonna be taller when they wake up.”
She excused herself and Adam into the back of the apartment. I heard bathroom noises and proud mommy responses. When they returned, Adam had a freshly washed face and a different set of pajamas on.
“I’m sorry, Zack, it’s his bedtime. This is going to take a while. You can wait, or…”
“I’ll call for a car and go back to the hotel. We can try this again later,” I said.
“Thank you.” Her smile was warm and genuine.
None of my regrets hit until I was back in my hotel room, and through the first travel-sized bottle of Jack from the minibar. Why hadn’t I asked her right then and there? With Adam in front of me, how could she deny me being his father? She hadn’t denied anything. She hadn’t said anything either. I hadn’t asked.
I twisted the top off a second bottle. He was a smart and beautiful boy, of course he was, his mother was smart and beautiful. The thought of her having my child filled me with a sadness I wasn’t prepared for, having missed her entire pregnancy.
“Fuck you, George!” I threw the half-empty bottle across the room. That man had taken everything that mattered away from me. His policies and callous words turned Crystal away from me. No, that was my stupidity. I should have never let him speak that way about her in my presence.
My muscles burned, and I felt the need to go for a ride, to push through until I could no longer think. I changed into sweats and went to see if the hotel’s executive gym had a stationary bike.
I was in the office early the next morning. I stood just outside Crystal’s cubicle, not even pretending I wasn’t staring at the few pictures that were barely visible behind Henry’s foliage. Why didn’t she have pictures of Adam’s father? Her apartment had been small. She only had two chairs.
Rolly entered the area like a thunderstorm, all loud booming voice and a noticeable drop in air pressure. He clapped me on the back.
“Ready to visit some of my resellers, Noble?”
I turned to him, disoriented for a moment. All of my focus had been on Adam’s face, and suddenly I needed to restructure my thinking for the purchasing of a smart-home product manufacturing company.
“Yeah, right. Is this the tiny homes or the campers today?”
Rollin
s Tech’s systems were not direct-to-consumer products. They were sold as an aftermarket modification and retrofitted into existing campers, RVs, any mobile living situation on wheels. If the living solution involved appliances and lighting fixtures, a smart-home system could be installed.
Installation of the equipment needed to take place at trained partner facilities. Rolly had more than enough to keep in business with the few regional partnerships he had, but he recognized a larger scale need. One of Rolly’s caveats for selling was that HomeWorks and Shingle Click wouldn’t just take his innovations and scrap the rest, but that we would implement scaling up and getting his system to even more partner facilities. I wanted his solar technology, Paris wanted market expansion. Rollins Tech was a perfect acquisition.
I spent the day distracted, touring camper maintenance sites, and talking to installation technicians. Thoughts of Crystal and her child lurked in the shadows of my mind, making forays into my forethoughts when least expected.
I faced another evening alone in my hotel room with my negative thoughts and too many questions. I wanted Crystal in my arms, in my bed. But I also wanted our children tucked into their own beds. I wanted Adam to be mine.
28
Crystal
Charline sat on my couch, twisted to the side so she could look at me. Adam sat at my feet, completely distracted by the car animation on TV. I wiped the tears running down my face. Every so often she would reach out and pat me on the knee.
“So, you’re going to tell him?” Her voice was so calm. She wasn’t even mad at me.
After a stressful day at work, I asked Charline to follow me home, I had something I needed to tell her. And like the best friend she was, she was there. Through hiccuping breaths, and more snot and tears than I thought possible, I confessed everything. I told her about the fake date to sneak around, and how Greg almost found us out so we ended up taking the entire team on a retreat.
“I was going to tell Zack last night. Nothing worked out, Sue had to leave early. And when we came back here, I froze up. I pretended like there was nothing to tell.”
“He met Adam?”
“Yeah,” I swiped at more tears. I didn’t want Adam to see me crying. “They sat on the floor and played together. It was so wonderful. He has to know. I mean look at Adam, he looks like a mini Zack. He really does.”
Charline released a sigh and stood. She took a few steps into the kitchen before returning with a glass of water. She handed me the glass.
“Drink. Did he say anything to you today at work?” she asked sitting back down.
“I didn’t see him at all.”
My phone rang. Neither of us moved, we both stared at the sound as it continued to ring.
“Well, answer it,” she said.
“Hi, Zack,” I said. I had to clear my throat suddenly. Why was talking about all of this so hard?
“Come have dinner with me. I think there are a few things you need to explain,” he demanded. His voice sounded rough, possibly angry.
“Hold on,” I said. I hit mute on my phone and looked at Charline.
“You need to tell him. I’ll stay with Adam.” She nodded encouragingly.
I turned the sound back on. “I can meet you in the hotel restaurant.”
He told me to be there in thirty minutes and hung up.
I blinked away more tears as I looked at Charline. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. And now look at this mess I’m in. Everybody is angry with me.”
Charline leaned over and put her arms around me. “You were trying to protect your heart. I may not agree with what you did, but I understand why you did it. Keeping Zack a secret must have been killing you, so I think you’ve been punished enough. Wash your face, and go tell him. I’ll still be your friend when all is said and done.”
I squeezed her back and did as she said. With a clean face, and a change of clothes I walked into the dark restaurant and looked for Zack. When he saw me, he stood. His poker face was in place, expression unreadable.
Dressed as he had been every day for almost a week in a dress shirt, and a suit, he looked like sex on legs. If he had given me half a smile I would have gone weak in the knees, and in my resolve. I would have confessed everything and not asked for the explanations I deserved. He didn’t smile.
I was glad that I changed out of work clothes. The restaurant was slightly more upscale than anything I had been in for a long time.
“I went ahead and ordered some wine,” he said as I joined him.
I nodded. “Good.” I fingered the glass in front of me. This was going to take some external support. My cheeks burned with the need to smile or cry, I wasn’t certain which.
I swallowed hard and started. “So…”
“Crystal, I—” Zack started talking at the same time.
I slumped into my chair, all momentum lost.
He cleared his throat and adjusted in his chair. “I’ll go first then. I owe you an explanation. I owe you an apology. But I think you owe me a bit more than that, don’t you?” His voice was edged in ice and bitterness.
I bit my lip and nodded.
“Who is the boy’s father, and are you married to him?”
A cackle escaped my lips. How little did he think of me? “Would I have accepted a dinner date with you if I were married?”
“No, no. Sorry.” He shook his head. “You weren’t sick, were you? You were pregnant with Adam.”
“Yeah. I was pregnant, and you are his father.” As soon as those words left my lips the floodgates opened. “I wasn’t allowed to be seen in public with you. I couldn’t let anyone know we were together. How was I supposed to handle being pregnant on top of all the other stress? I didn’t even know if there was more to us than sneaking around. I was going to tell you I just hadn’t figured out how.” I looked up, trying to get the tears to stop.
I felt his thumb caress my cheek, wiping tears away.
“I wanted to take care of you. And, this may be foolish, but I still do. Crystal—”
“Why did you let that man say those nasty things if you wanted to take care of me?” I cut him off.
“George Fredrickson was—”
“Your uncle. What kind of bullshit is that if he is so against fraternization and nepotism?” I spat the words out between my teeth.
Zack ground his thumb into his eyebrow. He lifted his gaze to me and we locked eyes. He stared until I shrugged and sat back. I needed to let him speak.
“George Fredrickson was my mentor. He had been a friend of my father’s since before I was born. He was uncle in name only. At the time he had a form of dementia, and I didn’t know it. No one did. His word choices changed, but he seemed very cognizant of everything, still aware of business proceedings. No one knew until he was well into his decline. The rude language always caught me off guard, and I was never certain how to respond. The man had never used foul language before. He didn’t consider our mentorship to violate his nepotism rules. However, he was very concerned about my dating habits in regards to Shingle Click. Even after you left, he accused me of sleeping with every woman employee in the building at one point or another.”
“You’re talking about him in the past tense, did something happen?”
“He had a stroke.”
“I’m so sorry.” I covered my mouth with my fingers. Guilt poked at me for speaking ill of the dead.
“You asked why I was the one out here going over books for the purchase of Rollins Tech. He left my sister the majority of his estate. When she stepped in as President of the Board, because of her stock majority, she redefined my position within the organization. For the longest time, I thought I was angry about that. George cost me the one thing that mattered most in my life. It wasn’t my position at Shingle Click. I lost you because of him.”
My heart surged and felt as if it would pound out of my chest.
“I can’t believe I found you because of Paris. Rollins is my last take over. I head back into the office with a focus on com
pany growth through product development after this. I’m tired of negotiating, tired of being on the road. Paris has created a little empire to rule over, so she’s happy to let me get back at what I do best.”
We had both lost because of that man. We sat in silence and stared at each other.
The waitress approached us. “Would you like to place your order now?”
I wasn’t feeling very hungry, but I needed to eat something. I couldn’t just drink wine for dinner. I still needed to be able to drive home. “I’ll just have a grilled chicken salad,” I ordered.
“Same,” Zack said and handed over the menus we hadn’t bothered to look at.
“When you left,” he started after another long silence. “I spent years terrified that you had died before I ever got a chance to tell you how I felt. I thought you were sick. It never occurred to me that you could have gotten pregnant.”
“Surprise,” I said with no humor.
“I have two grilled chicken salads,” a different server announced as they stopped at our table. They placed the large bowls of greens and chicken in front of us. Offered freshly ground pepper and left.
I stabbed my salad. It tasted bland. “I doubt you remember, but I had an ear infection and was on antibiotics.”
He ate and nodded, indicating he was listening.
“Apparently, those made the birth control I was on stop working.”
A sly grin spread across his lips. “Not quite the souvenir I would have expected from Monterey,” he smirked.
I was too emotionally drained to blush. I nodded.
“If I invited you up to my room for a nightcap, what would you say?”
“Are you flirting with me, Mr. Noble?” I teased.
“I’m not flirting. This is a blatant proposition.” He narrowed his eyes and tipped his head to the side. The scruff on his jaw made him look dangerous and sexy ass hell.
“Ask me, and we’ll see.” I was flirting.
29
Zack