The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

  “He did. Mary from church called me today. Davey will be in a wheelchair for a few weeks at the least. I wondered if you could think of a way to help take his mind off it this summer.”

  “Mo-om,” I whined. “He’s just a kid. What about some of the other kids in the neighborhood? Why do I have to do it?”

  “Isn’t he only a grade or two below you?” she asked.

  “One,” I admitted grudgingly.

  “That only makes him a year younger than you are. He could use a friend right now.”

  “But what about my boat? If I don’t finish it, Dad won’t help me make the real boat. I won’t finish it if I have to spend the whole summer babysitting Davey.”

  “I bet he had fun things planned for the summer, too, but he won’t be able to do many of them now.”

  “So both of us have to suffer? How is that fair?”

  “You don’t have to spend every minute of every day with him, or even every other day. But I do want you to sit with him a couple days a week. That will give you plenty of time to finish the toy boat and get a good start on your real boat. You may not finish the real one this summer, but it will give you something to do during the winter, too. It will be ready for a maiden voyage next spring.”

  “Next spring? Mo-om.”

  “James. Enough whining. Just think about it.”

  I laughed as I remembered my younger self stalking out the door to dad’s shop. I had kicked around sawdust and pounded wood with a hammer, releasing frustration like only a ten year old could. I also remembered something else.

  “James, you’ll have to tell Davey you can’t walk with him tomorrow. You have a dentist appointment.”

  “But Mom, I was going to give him the toy boat. I finished it today.”

  “Let’s see it,” she said with a smile.

  I grinned and ran to the shop. There it sat in all its sleek glory. I couldn’t wait to give it to Davey. He’d love it. I snatched it from the workbench and ran back to the house to show off our masterpiece.

  I stood in the shop, stunned, and flipped the switch on the saw to cut the power. One day with Davey had turned into two, then three, until we were spending most every day of the week together. I hadn’t remembered finishing that toy boat. I hadn’t remembered giving it to Davey. He sat with me in this shop day after day, watching me shape that boat. One day, I threw him a square of sandpaper and joked that he needed to earn his keep. He sanded that thing for hours. It became more his than mine.

  I’d pushed him in his wheelchair up and down the sidewalk when we needed a break from the sanding. I swear we wore ruts in the sidewalk. All the time I spent walking the sidewalk with him that summer planted the idea of becoming a doctor. I loved how I felt inside when I realized I could make life a little brighter for someone else. ‘Davey the chore’ became just Davey who became my best friend. That reminded me of another day later that summer.

  “James!” Mom called. I didn’t like the frantic note in her voice. It scared me, propelling my legs faster down the street to our house. The wail of sirens filled my ears, adding to my fear, until they were all I could hear. The flashing lights all I could see.

  “I think Dad had a heart attack,” Mom told me, rushing past me out the front door, her purse and keys in hand. Her lack of tears didn’t ease my mind because the fear I saw in her eyes threw me into overdrive. A heart attack? Was he going to die?

  “I need you to watch your sister until Grandma Elaine gets here. Tell her I’ll call when I know anything. I love you!” she called over her shoulder as she stepped into the ambulance with my dad and the EMT’s. I watched, terrified, as the doors closed and the ambulance swallowed both of my parents, trapping them inside the chaos of noise and lights.

  Kaley had clung to me, crying. But I didn’t cry even though the pressure building behind my eyes was like hundreds of thousands of gallons of water pressing against the walls of a reservoir, searching for a single crack in the concrete. I was in charge. I would keep her safe. And if Dad died, I would keep Mom safe too.

  Davey had saved me then. Grandma came. Mom spent her days at the hospital with Dad. I walked the sidewalks of our little neighborhood with Davey, sometimes taking Kaley along with us. I told Davey my fears for Dad and what our life would be like without him. I told him about the real boat Dad and I were supposed to make, but would never finish. He saw my fear and anxiety. He heard my grief and disappointment. He allowed me to lean on him just as he had leaned on me those first days after he was hit by the car. He rolled silently along in front of me, day after day, listening, until Dad came home from the hospital.

  I held up the partially shaped block of wood, turning it over and over in my hands. That summer had been a pivotal one for me. One I hadn’t remembered clearly until now. This block of wood, that a few months ago mocked me, now represented giving of myself to others and getting back much more than I ever gave. It was about doing something worthwhile and experiencing personal changes in the process. I had let someone in and was a better person because of it.

  Two weeks later

  James

  “Kaley, what do you hear from Sophie lately?”

  “Uh…” she said.

  “That much, huh?” I teased.

  “No. Sorry. I’m surprised is all. Shocked really. I honestly didn’t think you were capable of saying her name. I’m happy to say I was wrong.”

  “Hold on a sec. Let me write that down. Kaley...admits….she was wrong.”

  “Very funny.”

  “So…”

  “So what?”

  “Come on, Kaley.”

  “Oh, alright. She found a job and she’s sharing an apartment with Adri again. She sounds good...mostly.” Mostly? “You should try that admitting you are wrong thing and call her.”

  “I finished the boat,” I told her.

  “What boat?”

  “The boat I thought I’d never finished when we were younger. I can finish things.”

  “Okaaay? At the risk of sounding like I have no idea what you are talking about, I’m going to ask. What in the world are you talking about?”

  “Nothing. Never mind. Just answer one question. Do you think she’s totally written me off?”

  “Like for good?”

  “Yeah. For good.”

  “Yes. I do.”

  “Don’t say that,” I whined.

  “You asked,” she pointed out.

  “You think so? Honestly? Like there’s no chance whatsoever?” When she didn’t respond, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “Great.”

  “Yes, I think you hurt her so much that there isn’t a chance of her forgiving you. But I also believe in miracles. It’s going to take a miracle.”

  “Start praying for a miracle then, because I’m going to get the girl.”

  “Don’t be offended when I say it’s about time you pulled your head out. Why now? Why the change?”

  “Because I needed a swift blow to the head.”

  “I would have gladly helped you with that months ago. We could have avoided this whole mess.”

  “I know. You can say I told you so.”

  “Thank you. I think I will.”

  “You and everyone else,” I murmured.

  “It just takes some of us longer than others to see what’s right in front of us. Plain as day. Glaringly obvious.”

  “I get it,” I told her.

  “But then, you’ve always been a little slow.”

  “I’m sure I deserve all this, but I’m not sticking around for it.”

  “Sorry. I was on a roll. So, when?”

  “When what?”

  “When are you acting on this significant blow to the head? What’s the plan?”

  “I’m still not clear on all the details, but I believe in miracles too. Is she still coming for Thanksgiving?”

  “Yes.” A pause. “This is a good thing, James. I take back all the mean things I said to her about you. But why wait so long?”
/>   “What things?”

  “Never mind. I’ll do what I can on my end until Thanksgiving. It will probably take that long to soften her toward you. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help. And don’t screw it up this time. Trust me when I tell you you won’t get another chance. I promise you that.”

  “I know, Kaley. I won’t need another chance. Love you.”

  Chapter 8

  Sophie

  “You’re still coming for Thanksgiving, right?” Kaley asked.

  “Hello to you too, Kaley,” I laughed. “Of course we are. I can’t miss out on my boys.” I couldn’t wait to kiss chubby cheeks and hold sticky hands.

  “You will stop by and see me too, right?”

  “I’ll try to squeeze you in.”

  “Don’t kill yourself over it.”

  I laughed. “Honestly, I’ll only have a few days, so I can’t promise I’ll be able to get over there, but I’ll try.” I paused, weighing the possible outcomes of my next question. I despised myself for being curious, but I had to ask. “What are your plans for Thanksgiving anyway?” I asked, striving for nonchalance I didn’t feel.

  “We are all going to my parents house this year. We did Mark’s family last year. There’s a rumor that Andy is crashing the party.”

  “What about his family?”

  “Who knows. Andy is his own man.”

  I laughed. “Yes. And he will willingly tell you all about it.”

  “Rumor is he has a man crush on his cousin. They are practically inseparable.” I silently thanked her for not saying his name. It made it easier to pretend we weren’t talking about him. Even though I was at her feet figuratively, begging for any crumb of information she’d drop.

  “Whatever,” I laughed again. “Andy is all man.” An annoying man most of the time.

  “Is there something you wanted to tell me?” she asked, teasing.

  We both laughed because Andy was pure man. You knew that simply by looking at him, but that didn’t mean I had a thing for him. Our dating days were long over.

  “Speaking of James-” Kaley started slyly.

  “We weren’t!” I interrupted, mortified. She’d seen right through my lame attempt at gathering information without looking like I was trying to gather information.

  Kaley laughed then sobered. “I know what he did was inexcusable, but maybe you should go easy on him.”

  “Go easy? You’re joking, right?”

  “He’s had a few Come to Jesus moments the past few weeks. He knows himself better now than he did before you left.”

  “Good. I’m glad he’s been able to heal.” I sure wasn’t on the fast track to letting go and moving on.

  “I’m just saying that if he made an attempt to contact you, maybe you should hear him out.”

  I scoffed. “I’m this years summer fling, remember? He won’t be contacting me.” Bitterness rolled off me in waves. He’d better not be contacting me. “Why would he?”

  “I don’t know. Keep an open mind.”

  “Is that as dangerous as keeping my heart open? Because that doesn’t usually end well for me.”

  “Oh, Sophie. I’m sorry he was such a jerk. I know it’s probably awkward to be my friend still. Thanks for not kicking me to the curb.” She was silent for a moment. “I’d better go. Landon and Eli are killing each other if the screams are any indication.”

  I attempted a laugh. “Go save them from bloodshed.”

  “I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

  “Love you.”

  Three weeks after that

  “Hey, Mom,” I said, leaning around the door frame into her bedroom. “You have a minute?”

  She glanced up from her suitcase. “Of course,” she told me. “What brings you here?”

  I moved into the room and perched on the edge of the king-sized bed. “I thought you should know something before we get to Trevor’s. In case it comes up.”

  She balled the shirt in her hands and sat next to me on the bed. “In case what comes up? Is it about the baby? Jeran?”

  “No. Nothing like that. Sorry to worry you. It’s actually about Dylan’s doctor.” I took a deep breath to fortify myself against the pain of talking about James. “We dated for a while and-”

  “You dated?” she interrupted. “Is that ethical?” Her eyes got huge. “Is that moral? He isn’t married, is he? What would make you go after a man his age? Does your father know about this?” She was firing questions so quickly I was having a hard time following her thought process.

  I looked at her in confusion, then my own eyes widened. “What? Mom, no. He’s not married. Thanks for the vote of confidence in my integrity. And there is a funny story about me being married that I’ll have to tell you sometime. No one is going to get sued or fired or whatever. And we aren’t dating anymore, so there’s definitely nothing to worry about. I just thought I’d tell you in case, for some reason, you end up meeting him and…” I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

  “How long ago was this? How come you are just telling me now? Were you close?”

  “Um...I thought we were close. He took me to meet his parents. I love his sister.” I took my phone from my pocket and began scrolling through the pictures on it. “Here’s a picture of his nephews.” I passed my phone to her and leaned in to look over her shoulder.

  “They are darling boys,” she said, “but I want to see the doctor. Do you have one on here of him?”

  “Scroll back a few,” I told her with a sigh. I glanced at her when she got to the one of the two of us together at the beach. Her eyes widened and I couldn’t help but grin. James had that effect on people.

  “My goodness, Sophie. He’s very good looking. And young,” she said with relief.

  “Yes. How old did you think he was-- like Dad’s age? Gross, Mom.” I now understood her reaction better and shuddered at the thought.

  “Doctor’s aren’t usually so young,” she explained. “I jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry.”

  “Ya think? Again, nice to know you have such faith in me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized again and moved around on the bed to get more comfortable. “Tell me what happened. And do you have anymore pictures?” She began scrolling through my pictures.

  “Should I be worried?” I teased. “Better yet, should Dad be worried?”

  “Oh, stop that.” She swatted at my leg. She stopped at another one of him, this time with Andy and Adri. “Who’s that?” she asked pointing to Andy. “He looks like...what do you call them these days? A pretty boy?”

  A burst of laughter erupted from me. “That’s pretty accurate,” I told her with another laugh. “His name is Andy and he is James’ cousin.”

  “Are he and Adri dating?”

  “No. They went out a couple times when she was there visiting me, but I think they may be too much alike.”

  “Well, he’s very handsome too, but in a different way from the doctor.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  “So tell me what happened. Are you not dating because of the distance?”

  “No. I wish that was the reason. It would hurt less if it were.” So I told her about James. And I told her about Andy before James and my surprise ‘marriage’ with Trevor. And we laughed and cried and shortened the gap between us that eighteen months apart had created.

  “Are you going to see him when we get there?” she asked, wiping her nose with a Kleenex.

  “Goodness, I hope not. I can’t. I can’t subject myself to that.”

  “Well, I have to say I understand. I just wish, for your sake, it could be different. You looked so happy together.”

  “I was, Mom. Happier than I’ve ever been. That’s what worries me. What if I can’t find that again?”

  “Have you prayed about things?” she asked. I nodded, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Then trust in the Lord. Everything will work out in the end.”

  “We’re here!” I burst out excitedly as I leaned across both se
ats, squishing my parents, in an effort to see the Willamette out the plane window.

  “I knew I should have given you the window seat,” my dad grumbled.

  “I haven’t been that bad,” I reminded him.

  “Only the past twenty minutes have been nauseating, dear,” my mom said and patted my dad’s hand.

  “Gee, thanks, Mom.” I ignored the flight attendant’s warning to keep seatbelts fastened until the little light went off and unbuckled my seatbelt as we touched down and taxied to the gate.

  “You won’t even recognize Jeran. I can’t wait to show you guys the beach. And the baby…” I reached up to grab my carry on from the overhead bin. “Tell me you aren’t excited,” I challenged, piercing them both with my gaze. My father’s lips twitched and I laughed. “Who’s driving the rental?” I asked over my shoulder as I walked down the aisle and off the plane.

  “There they are,” my mom sang out as Dad pulled our rental car into Trevor and Stacy’s driveway. I didn't know how she could see anything through all the rain.

  “That can’t be Jeran. Look how big he is, honey. It’s been too long.” I watched as my mom wiped her eyes. If I watched too much longer, I’d join her. I jumped from the car as soon as it came to a stop and held out my arms.

  “Where’s my big boy?” I called to Jeran.

  “Aunt Sophie!” he yelled and ran down the driveway to me. I scooped him up in a big hug and covered his neck with kisses. He giggled and said, “Aunt Sophie…stop it.”

  I breathed him in deeply and murmured, “I missed you so much. You grew.”

  “Tell Aunt Sophie there are no more diapers.” Trevor mussed Jeran’s hair and stepped around us to hug my mom and dad.

  “You go pee pee on the potty now? What a big boy. I’m so proud of you.”

  "Let's take this reunion in out of the rain," my dad suggested, herding us all up the sidewalk.

  "I taked a showuh outside," Jeran told his mother when we stepped into the house. "And I wasn't even naked." He wiped the rain from his face and wiggled to get down from my arms.