The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

  Sophie: So country music, huh?

  James: No changing the subject.

  Sophie: Two can play this game, Doc.

  James: It’s doc now, is it?

  Sophie: Now who’s changing the subject?

  James: :)

  Sophie: How’s Ms. Gina? I miss her.

  James: Still single handedly running the NICU. She asks about you. I think it’s fair to say she misses you too.

  Sophie: …

  James: What was that?

  Sophie: Me yawning.

  James: Good to know our conversations don’t bore you.

  Sophie: LOL. I’m sorry, but I’m wasted. I should get some sleep.

  James: I’m being selfish and keeping you talking as long as I can.

  James: Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later.

  Sophie: ‘Night, James.

  James: Goodnight, Soph.

  Sophie

  Sophie: What’s up, Doc?

  James: Original. Just gettin’ over another sober Saturday night.

  Sophie: Talk about original. You join some new religion where they brainwash you with country music? You come up with them faster than I do these days. Sober Saturday Night is by Chris Young, by the way.

  James: No. No brainwashing. But if you come back, I owe you a beer for my record year.

  Sophie: Eric Church. So it’s my fault you listen to my music now, is it? It was all with the best of intentions.

  James: Pretty good. Took me a while to find that one. Travis Tritt. But that’s a song for another time.

  Sophie: Exactly. LOL. You’re nuts. Old Dominion.

  James: :) You make me crazy and I kind of like it. I feel the walls closing in inside this padded room.

  Sophie: So crazy. Next you are going to tell me that the only good thing about it is I’m locked in here with you?

  James: Yeah. Brett Eldredge. And I wish.

  Sophie: This is me shaking my head at you.

  James: Winter or summer?

  Sophie: Neither. I’m more of a springtime kind of gal. What about you?

  James: Summer all the way. Best time for beachin’.

  Sophie: Well, I guess if you put it that way. But where I come from, summers are sweltering.

  James: All the more reason to relocate.

  Sophie: Anywhere in particular?

  James: I could offer a couple suggestions.

  Sophie: I’ll entertain suggestions.

  James: I suggest entertainment.

  Sophie: Huh?

  James: Action or sci-fi?

  Sophie: Again, neither.

  James: What else is there? Please don’t say chick flicks.

  Sophie: Are Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, and North and South chick flicks?

  James: Six plus hours of female scandal and drama? Lace and embroidered handkerchiefs? Definitely chick flicks.

  Sophie: I’d like to know how you know that much about them.

  James: At least you didn’t say musicals.

  Sophie: Oh, and musicals.

  James: Aggggh!

  Sophie: :)

  James: Agggh!

  Sophie: You should be celebrating that you are there and I am here.

  James: I can’t think of one reason why I’d do that.

  Sophie: No musicals or chick flicks, of course.

  James: I’d be willing to overlook the flaw.

  Sophie: One word. Country.

  James: ?

  Sophie: I’d convert you to chick flicks just like I converted you to country.

  James: You sure assume a lot.

  Sophie: If the boot fits.

  “Hey James. Can you talk?”

  “With you? Of course. What’s up?”

  “Not much.” I tugged at the tie on my apron and set it on the table beside me. “I’m on break and thought I’d call to see how you are doing.” I kicked my feet up on the chair across the table from me and sighed.

  “Better now. How bout you?”

  “Ecstatic because I’m giving my two weeks notice for this place. But sad because I’m missing beaches, cheese factories, and hospitals.”

  “‘If that sun would’ve just hung up in that sky just a little bit longer...You might have stayed forever and never left...If only I had a little more summertime.’ Isn’t that how it goes?”

  “You’ve been listening to my summer tunes CD,” I accused. “I wondered where that went.”

  “You left it in my car. I had a heck of a time explaining it to Andy.”

  “Serves you right,” I laughed. “Admit that they aren’t as bad as you thought.”

  “Never,” he said.

  “I guess I’ll need to make a trip north and take that CD back. You know, save you from any awkward explanations among friends and family.”

  “Best idea you’ve ever had,” he agreed. “You still coming for Christmas with your parents?”

  “I think I will, but I have to leave the day after Christmas.”

  “So soon? I thought you said you were quitting your job.”

  “I found a place for the clinic!”

  “Really? Wow. That’s great. I’m happy for you.” Somehow it felt flat.

  “You don’t sound like you’re happy,” I observed. “Is something wrong?”

  “Uh...No. Tell me about it. It happened faster than I thought. A few days ago you had nothing.”

  “I know, right? This just literally fell into my lap. Thank heaven. I’m actually partnering with this guy-”

  “A guy?” he interrupted.

  “Yes. A guy. His name is Matt. He was asking questions at the clinic where I used to work and one of my friends who is a therapist there thought I might be interested and gave him my info.”

  “Interested in what?”

  I laughed. “In opening a clinic. He has a spot in mind, but was looking to partner with someone. It’s going to work out better than I thought. I don’t know why I never thought about doing it this way before. I’ll work a couple days a week and he’ll work the others. We’re basically just sharing the office, but that cuts down on the rent. I feel like this is the answer. I wasn’t finding anything I could afford on my own. Matt has some clients already. I can’t believe it’s finally happening.”

  I paused for breath. James wasn’t saying anything. When the line remained silent I asked, “James? Are you there?”

  “Yeah. I’m here.”

  “Well, what do you think? It’s great, right?”

  “Uh, yeah. Great.”

  “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy for me.”

  “I am.”

  “I’m not convinced.”

  “I just...Never mind. I’m sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

  “Like what?”

  “Stuff.”

  “What kind of stuff?”

  “Just stuff. Listen, Sophie, I’m totally happy for you. I know this is what you’ve always wanted. Tell me more about this guy you’re partnering with. And the office. What’s it like? When do you open? And who is this guy?”

  I laughed. “Matt. And you said that already.”

  “I’m just trying to show you how excited and interested I am.”

  “Uh, huh. Well, honestly, he reminds me quite a bit of Zeke.” I smiled when he groaned.

  “That’s all you need. Another Zeke. Speaking of...What do you hear from him lately?”

  “Not much.”

  “That’s vague.”

  “That should tell you how unimportant it is.”

  “I know you ain’t in love with him. Break up with him.”

  “Old Dominion. Good one,” I exclaimed. “You rock at music lines.”

  “What can I say? I’m a closet country music fan.”

  “I knew it,” I crowed. “Today- country music. Tomorrow- Sense and Sensibility. Sorry I’ve monopolized the conversation so far. I was just so excited and I wanted you to be one of the first to know. What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “It’s not anything t
hat won’t keep,” he said.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

  “You’ve seemed funny tonight.”

  “Can I be honest here?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I said emphatically. “I hope you are always honest with me.”

  “The thing is, Sophie, it makes me a little crazy to think about you with Zeke. To think about you spending the time it will take to get the clinic running and successful with Matt. I’m imagining all these over the top scenarios between you and some hot physical therapist. I just…,” he groaned and I smiled picturing him running a hand through his amazing hair in frustration.

  “Don’t do that,” I told him. “Your hair is already disheveled enough.” My smile widened at his surprised intake of breath.

  “Shows how much you know,” he said in the next breath. “I’m sitting on my hands. Have been this entire conversation.”

  “Riiiight,” I drawled. “You were saying?”

  “I don’t remember,” he said quickly.

  “Umm hmm. Lucky for you, I do remember. And may I go on record as saying you are adorable.”

  “Is that a good thing in Texas? Because in Oregon, adorable only applies to puppies, small children, and the occasional llama.”

  “LLama?” I burst out laughing. See? Adorable. “For your information, the list was recently expanded to include certain pediatric heart surgeons. Well, one specifically.”

  “I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about, lady.”

  “Regardless, it’s a fact. It is also a fact that I have zero interest in nurse Zeke. Never have. Never will. So rest easy, pediatric heart surgeon. I’m a little hung up on someone else at the moment. And it’s not a hot physical therapist.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Should I be worried about you thinking another man is hot?” I teased.

  “That was the only way I could explain it so you’d understand how I feel about all the time you’ll be spending with said other man.”

  “Can I tell you something?” I asked, suddenly nervous.

  “You know you can.”

  “For me there is no…” I paused, then chickened out. Our relationship wasn’t on solid enough ground yet for me to admit so much of what my heart felt. Though the past three weeks of daily texts and conversations were enough to put me right back to the place I had been when he told me he loved me for the first time-- crazy in love and ready to give him my whole heart again.

  “The sentence, ‘The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog,’ uses every letter of the alphabet.” Ah, geez.

  A laugh burst from him. “Okaaay,” he said after a minute.

  “Sorry. That’s not what I meant to say. What I really meant to say is that…” Sheesh. Why am I so nervous? It’s not like I’ve never said it to him before. “Uh...statistics show men are more likely to be the first to say ‘I love you’ in a relationship.” I rolled my eyes so hard it was like they were on spin cycle.

  An uncertain laugh. “If you need me to say it first, I have no problem with that,” he finally told me. An awkwardness filled the air from Texas to Oregon. I wondered if the entire population between here and there could feel it, too.

  “No. I don’t need you to say it. I mean, it would be nice…” Good grief. “I love you!” I blurted. There. I said it. “I love you, James.” A lightness filled me and my heart swelled in my chest. It felt good to say that to him again. I hadn’t even known I had been dying inside from withholding those three words.

  “Ah, Soph. I wish you were here. I need to touch you, hold you. Because I love you, too.”

  The quiet that filled the line was as comfortable and healing as the awkwardness had been stifling and humiliating minutes before. We both reveled in that healing spreading between us. I hated to break that connection, but I needed to prepare him for next week.

  “James?”

  “Yeah, Soph?” he asked softly, the love flowing in and around his words.

  “Things are going to be a little crazy next week with work so I can leave for Christmas.”

  “Okay?”

  “So I may be able to squeeze a few texts or short calls in, but I’ll mostly be out until I see you for Christmas.”

  “Got it. I’ll try to be patient, but I’m not promising anything.”

  I laughed. “Just know that I don’t want it to be that way, but I’m willing to do it so I can spend every second with you when I get there. I love you, James.”

  “I love you, too.”

  James

  “Hey, Soph. How’s your day going?”

  “James, I can’t talk now. I’m sorry. I’m in the middle of a mess. I’ll call later. I love you.”

  “Hello, beautiful. How was your day?”

  “Real good. But I won’t be great company tonight. I’m wasted.”

  “Oh.” Disappointment sliced through me. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” she yawned.

  “Okay. Talk to you tomorrow then. Love you.”

  “‘Night.”

  “Pick up the phone, Sophie,” I begged.

  Hey. This is Sophie. Can’t talk now. I’ll call you back.

  Grrrr.

  “Hey, Kaley bug. What’s up?”

  “Did Sophie tell you she’s definitely coming for Christmas? I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see her.”

  “When did you talk to her?

  “Just now. Why?”

  Maybe I could catch her. “I gotta go. Talk to ya later.”

  “Uh, okay…”

  This is Sophie. Can’t talk now. I’ll call you back.

  I slammed the phone down on the counter with a curse.

  “Hey. How’s my favorite doctor?” Sophie asked when I answered after the third ring. She sounded tired, but happy. That made me angry. I get nothing from her but put off day after day and she’s happy? “Thank heaven for Sundays,” she sighed with obvious relief. “I have so much to tell you.”

  “Oh. You mean you have time to fit me in?” Between my schedule at the hospital and hers getting ready to open the clinic, it had been almost a week since I had talked to her. I wasn’t happy about that and my juvenile side was making an appearance.

  “What?”

  “You can spare a few moments of your Matt time for me?”

  “What are you talking about, James? I told you I’d be really busy.”

  “With your partner. Yeah. Got that.”

  “He is my business partner. You know that.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yes! At least I thought you understood that.”

  “What I understand is that you have eight, ten, twelve hours a day to spend with Matt. That leaves...oh...zero time for me.”

  “I’m sorry, James. I don’t like it either, but we are so close and then I can spend-”

  I cut her off. “You sure he’s just your business partner?

  “Seriously? Are you seriously going there with me?

  “Actually...lately... I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “That’s not fair, James. I’ve been working to get the clinic opened. You know...that dream I’ve had for years? There is nothing but a working relationship between Matt and me.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “Yes! Where is this coming from?”

  “Like the working relationship you had with Zeke? You forget. I saw you and Zeke all over each other at the hospital.”

  “Arrgh!” she growled in irritation. “This? Again?”

  Yet I couldn’t stop the words that kept coming out of my mouth.

  “We weren’t even close to being all over each other. He was saving my pride when I found you with someone else in the NICU. So don’t you stand there and accuse me of anything when I haven’t been out with anyone since I left there in September. Can you say the same?”

  Unfortunately, she had me there. I should be walking around with a giant red ‘H’ on my chest for ‘Hypocrite’. Right next to the giant re
d ‘P’ for ‘Player’. But still.

  “You had time to talk to Kaley the other day, but you couldn’t squeeze more than two seconds in with me over the past week. I’ll be surprised if you’re even able to get away from your working relationship to come for Christmas. Just saying.”

  “Oh, I hear what you’re saying. Now listen to what I’m saying. Don’t call me for the next couple days. Don’t text me. If I see your face on my phone, I won’t answer.”

  “So how is your not answering for the next couple days any different from the past week, Nicole?”

  Horrified, I jerked back in self-loathing. Ashamed at what I’d implied, what I’d revealed. The stunned silence circled around us as my Freudian slip rang loud and clear, ping-ponging around in my brain and filling the empty space between us; cloaking us, our relationship, in a shroud of distrust. Vaguely, I wondered if she could still breathe under it. I was suffocating.

  “It’s Sophie, James. Sophie,” she choked out in a strangled voice. Then she was gone.

  I threw my phone against the wall and collapsed.

  Chapter 12

  James

  “Kaley, I don’t want to talk right now.”

  “Good. Because all that is required of you right now is to listen. You. Are. A. Class-A. Jerk,” she bit out. “And a lot of other names I can’t say right now because the boys are within earshot. I have never hated you, James, but that ended about three minutes ago when I got off the phone with my devastated friend.” She sniffled. “How could you, James?” Was Kaley crying? “That was beyond low.”

  “It was totally a subconscious slip of the tongue, Kaley. You have to know that.”

  “What I know is that you messed up yet again. How many more times do you think she will forgive you?”

  “None,” I said quietly. And I wouldn’t even blame her. It was a low blow. The lowest.

  “You got that right. And it breaks my heart.” At that, she sobbed uncontrollably in my ear. “You hurt her, James. That one name tore her apart. Why?” The only sound between us for what seemed like forever was her crying. It tore at my heart until there was a physical ache that burned in my chest and made it hard to breathe.

  “We were arguing,” I tried. “I was shoving accusations down her throat and she was denying them just as fast. It was all so familiar. Too familiar. It just came out. Except with Sophie,” I paused as the truth hit me like a Mack truck and I choked down the emotion rising in my throat. “With Sophie, I know her denials were the truth.” Just like I had known that Nicole’s were lies.