Give Me a Christmas

by Zoe Ann Wood

  Beside her, Finn removed his shirt—he was true to his word. His short-sleeved undershirt was white and molded itself perfectly over his chest and biceps.

  “It’s almost dry,” he commented as he put on the fresh one he must have taken from his suitcase.

  Iris temporarily lost her power of speech, so she nodded and remained silent. If she was this affected by Finn while he was wearing clothes… She promised herself to stay away from the hotel’s pool while he was in the vicinity. He was far too dangerous for her.

  After several miles of silence, Finn cleared his throat. “So… What was that about your grandpa? How is he doing these days?”

  Iris chanced a look at him. When they’d been together, her grandpa had just moved to a care facility because he’d suffered a stroke. Her grandma had been long gone—Iris had never known her—but spending time with her mother’s father had always been a highlight of her summers. She and Violet used to visit him at his West Virginia country house. He’d been the one to show her the basics of beekeeping.

  “He’s doing well,” she answered. “He’s eighty-six now, and I had him moved to a care home in Cambridge after it was clear I’d be staying there.”

  Finn’s full attention was on her; he was watching her so closely. He was different from the young man she’d dated, much more focused and intense. The years they’d spent apart had honed him, changed him. Iris wondered about his life—had his past years been happy? She no longer knew him, and it hurt to admit that.

  “So your parents…” He trailed off, letting her fill in the blanks.

  “They had a huge fight. I don’t think Grandpa ever forgave my mom for marrying my dad. And my dad refused to pay for his care facility. Grandpa couldn’t afford it by himself, so Violet and I pitched in.” Iris shrugged. “Vi lives in Portland, so having him in Cambridge makes more sense for everyone.”

  “What was the fight about?” Finn asked.

  Of course, he found the crux of the problem.

  “He didn’t agree with how they handled…a family situation we had.”

  Iris clamped her lips together. She wouldn’t say more. Her sister’s private life was not hers to talk about, not even with Finn. And Iris didn’t want to go into the details of how her parents had reacted when Violet had brought Chavvi to meet them and introduced her as her fiancée. The event might have taken place years ago, and her sister was happily married now, but Iris’ blood still boiled at the memory of it.

  “Okay.”

  Finn faced the window, but Iris caught a glimpse of his disappointed grimace.

  “Finn…” she began. She didn’t know what to tell him—but he thought she was purposefully keeping things from him. “Some secrets aren’t mine to tell,” she hedged in the end. “Let’s just say my parents reacted badly to a fundamental aspect of their daughter’s life. And Grandpa told them what he thought of them.”

  That memory was well worth remembering. Iris had learned some creative curse words that day.

  Finn finally nodded, and Iris wondered what he was imagining. Having a gay sister was hardly cause for secrecy these days, and she didn’t think Finn would react badly to the information, but still. If Finn so much as twitched when she told him about Vi’s marriage, it would all be over for her.

  Iris had been seventeen when Vi told their parents that she liked girls. Violet had come home from college for spring break and had broken the news over family dinner. Casually, with no real lead-in, though her expression had been pinched. Iris had taken her hand and squeezed it, smiling. She’d known for a while, and at that moment, she’d been so proud of her elder sister.

  Then their mother had burst out in tears, and their father had calmly told Violet that she would never speak of that again in his house. Then their mother had dried her tears, and they’d both carried on with their dinner as though nothing had happened.

  Vi had returned to college the next day, and Iris had been left feeling she should have done more.

  Nothing worked, though. Not explaining, not begging—her parents refused to hear a word about Violet’s phase, as they called it. They’d expressly forbidden Iris from telling anyone about it, as though she would have outed her sister without her consent.

  Iris blinked and focused back on the road. Nothing much had changed in a decade and a half since that awful family dinner. Luckily, Chavvi’s family accepted Violet without question.

  Finn was quiet beside her, typing on his phone. She wished with all her heart that she could let him in, tell him everything. Maybe he deserved answers, especially since she’d left him because of her own family’s craziness. But however she turned it, their relationship was in the past. He’d deserved to move on and find someone with less baggage.

  But obviously, he hadn’t found anyone permanent. She didn’t know what it said about her, but she was secretly glad of it. And hoping that maybe, she’d changed enough, gotten out from under her parents’ thumb, to have a second chance. She wasn’t the same young, insecure woman as before, and it was time to stop self-sabotaging.

  Great pep talk, Iris. She hid a wry smile and stared ahead at the road. She and Finn had so much to discuss, and their time together was running out. Finn would leave her here, and if she didn’t step up, they might go back to pretending their connection didn’t exist.

  And that would break her heart.

  They arrived in Lausanne just before noon, and Iris steered the car through the crowded streets. The town was decorated beautifully. Maybe this would turn out okay. She would stay at the hotel room that Finn offered her, work in the mornings, and do some sightseeing in the evenings. Then she’d be back in Cambridge on the twenty-eighth, and she and the good side of her family could all have a belated Christmas celebration together.

  She glanced at Finn from the corner of her eye. Would he be interested in joining them? She thought her grandpa might enjoy seeing him, and Sam was dying to meet him anyway. But just as friends—she would have to make that clear so he wouldn’t think she was trying to get back together with him.

  He would probably leave her, especially now that she’d told him her reasons for breaking up with him. If he was smart, he’d run as fast as he could to avoid being dragged back into the vortex of her family’s trouble.

  Finn directed her to his hotel, which had a fancy underground garage. Iris parked the Mercedes next to a Tesla and exhaled with relief—she’d been half afraid she would scratch the shiny car.

  Neither of them got out. They sat in silence, looking ahead. Iris stretched her head to the side in an attempt to loosen her tight shoulders.

  Finally, Finn turned to her. “Iris…”

  She unsnapped her seat belt and faced him. “Yeah?”

  “Before we go up.”

  His gaze searched her face, and she wondered what she looked like after the morning they’d had. She hadn’t put on makeup, and then she’d cried—so she probably wasn’t at her best.

  “I ordered a new laptop for you,” he blurted out suddenly.

  Iris lifted her eyebrows. “What?”

  “To replace the one you… The one I made you smash. I saw it yesterday, and it’s useless, isn’t it? I asked the receptionist here to get you a new one, but now I’ve been thinking—you hated not being given a choice. And I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s yours to keep, whatever you want to do with it.”

  He said all this very fast. A worried crease appeared between his eyebrows, and he looked adorably flustered.

  Iris’ eyes filled with tears, an instinctual response. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  Finn made a low noise in his throat and reached for her hand. His fingers were warm and strong, and he caressed her knuckles with his thumb just as he used to do when they’d been together. He’d always been so good at comforting her.

  “I wanted to do it. I was wrong, coming here and trying to drag you away, and I’m sorry for intruding on your vacation. But I wish you’d let me help you.” He paused, and a flush crept up his n
eck. “Not that you need help. I mean…”

  Iris laughed. “It’s okay. I’m…” She paused, wondering how much to share, what to tell him without exposing too much of her soul. The way he was looking at her had her stomach clenching in anticipation. “It’s good to see you again.”

  I’m sorry for how things ended with us.

  I wish I could tell you everything.

  It was good to wake up in your arms again.

  Why was it so hard to say these things out loud? Impossible, even. To tell him that would mean peeling off all the protective layers she’d built around her heart after she’d left him. She’d loved him so much, yet she’d known, with utmost certainty, that neither of them would be happy if their relationship continued.

  But this Finn was different. She felt it in her bones. Being with him was like watching him in a funhouse mirror: he was Finn, but not the same.

  She gently extricated her fingers from his. “Thank you. For the computer. It means a lot.”

  His smile was beautiful, if a little wary. He must have felt her pull away. “Yeah, it’s no problem. Really. I just hope you like it. If you need help setting it up, let me know.”

  They got out of the car, and Finn insisted on lifting her suitcase. Then a uniformed bellboy appeared as though by magic and ushered them to the elevators. In the lobby, Finn talked to the receptionist while Iris stood at his side, checking out the beautifully decorated space.

  The air smelled lightly of cinnamon and vanilla, and Iris thought it was the best way to greet the guests and make them feel welcome, even though they were thousands of miles away from home. The small bar was built of dark, massive wood, the bottles behind it backlit by a soft yellow light. The couches and chairs were upholstered in chocolate-brown leather, and pale mint accents appeared here and there in the form of throw pillows and flowerpots. The overall effect was cozy and comforting, like an upscale living room. There were cakes and pastries displayed on domed glass stands on the bar, and Iris’ stomach growled at the sight of them. It was time for lunch.

  Then she noticed a couple sitting on the couches—the man was a year or two younger than Iris, perhaps, and wore his gray suit well, but it was the woman who caught her attention. She was of Asian descent, probably Korean, and had on a gorgeous dark-purple dress that complemented her delicate features.

  And she was watching Iris.

  Iris looked away, embarrassed that she’d been caught staring, but the woman stood and walked straight toward her. The man got up as well, buttoned his jacket, and followed a couple of steps behind her.

  The pair stopped five feet from her, and the woman gave her a lovely smile. Iris found herself returning it, though she didn’t know why they’d approached her. Maybe they were a part of the hotel’s service? But no, they’d been having coffee at the bar.

  Then the woman said, “Hello, Finn.”

  Ah. So they weren’t here for her, after all. Iris’ cheeks flamed, and she dipped her gaze. Beside her, Finn straightened and swung around.

  “Hello, Lena.”

  Iris glanced at him, but his face didn’t betray any emotion. He knew the woman, clearly, but beyond that, Iris couldn’t say what their relationship was. She also had no idea whether their meeting was a coincidence or something more.

  Lena turned her attention back to Iris. “Lena Yune. Pleased to meet you,” she said, extending her hand.

  Iris accepted it and introduced herself first to her and then to her tall, handsome partner, Peter Troy.

  “I was hoping we could buy you lunch,” Lena said, looking from Finn to Iris.

  Since Iris didn’t have a clue what was going on—and since anyone offering food at that moment was her new best friend—she shrugged and faced Finn.

  He glanced down at her with raised eyebrows, as if to say, Are you up for it?

  It was nice to know he was giving her a choice again, not accepting invitations for her. She nodded and smiled slightly. Whatever this was, she’d find out soon enough. If these people were a part of Finn’s life, she wanted to know more about them.

  A small pang of unease hit her chest: Was it wise to be invested in his acquaintances? Maybe she should excuse herself and go to her room, where she might order room service… But Finn offered her his arm, and his expression seemed so hopeful and tense, she didn’t have the heart to refuse.

  “I have to say I’m surprised to find you here,” Finn said after they’d ordered their food in the hotel restaurant.

  Iris glanced from him to Lena—Peter’s role in the conversation was as marginal as hers.

  Lena unfolded her napkin and smoothed it in her lap. “I think we should have lunch and discuss business after, don’t you think?”

  She didn’t look at Iris, but then she didn’t have to. Iris was the stranger in this scenario.

  But rather than allow her to feel awkward, Lena smoothly shifted the conversation to traveling and asked Iris questions about her stay here. Iris explained how Finn scared her the night before, and everyone had a good laugh at their expense.

  “I watched too many scary movies as a kid.” Iris took a sip of the rich red wine they’d ordered to go with their steaks and grinned at Finn. “To be scared of you, I mean.”

  “Oh, you think I’m not scary?” His warm brown eyes sparkled with laughter.

  “You should see him in the boardroom,” Lena added, chuckling. “Everyone’s terrified of him.”

  Peter nodded enthusiastically at that and grabbed another bread roll. He was clearly still in that happy phase in life where he could eat all the carbs he wanted and maintain his athletic physique.

  “So you all work together?” Iris asked, curious to unravel this mystery.

  Lena cocked her head to the side. “Not exactly. I poached Peter from Finn last year, and he still hasn’t quite forgiven me.”

  Peter froze, his mouth full of bread, and a red flush colored his tan cheeks. Iris hid her smile behind her napkin. He looked like a small boy caught doing something wrong. He swallowed his mouthful and coughed.

  “It wasn’t like that, ma’am,” he protested, his gaze flipping from Finn to Iris and back to his boss.

  Finn rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Peter.” Then he pointed a finger at Lena. “And you, stop making him uncomfortable.”

  Lena sighed. “He should learn to be uncomfortable if he wants to get promoted anytime soon. I’m doing him a favor.”

  “Peter is something of a math whizz,” Finn explained to Iris. “He interned for one of my divisions in college, and I invited him to work for us straight after. Then Lena came along and gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

  It was Lena’s turn to roll her eyes, but she merely took another bite of her steak and remained silent.

  Peter’s color was still high as he cleared his throat and said, “My family’s in Washington State. Working for Mr. Thornton would have meant staying in Palo Alto, but Ms. Yune’s company is based in Seattle. That’s what made all the difference to me, in the end.”

  Iris nodded. “I understand. I couldn’t move away from my family.”

  Beside her, Finn stiffened slightly, and she wondered what he was thinking. He’d moved away from home without trouble, though he visited his parents frequently. This was just another difference between them. She couldn’t care less about her parents, but having her grandpa and Violet close meant the world to her.

  Peter sent her a grateful look. “It’s just hard, you know? I went to Stanford, and I loved living in the Bay Area, but…” He shrugged.

  “You missed the rain?” Iris joked.

  Finn snorted, and the tension broke. Their talk turned to the benefits of living on the West Coast, and she had to defend her part of the States, but they steered away from any uncomfortable issues. She still caught Finn watching her pensively and had to curb the impulse to reach under the table for his hand.

  This was dangerous. So unwise. Lena and Peter hadn’t asked what Finn was doing in Switzerland in the first place; every
one avoided the topic. But they probably thought she and Finn were together. She should tell them they weren’t, but since they were now discussing recent news from the tech world, she could hardly burst in with her personal issues.

  She waited for her chance, but it never came.

  As they finished their dessert, Lena asked, “Can we steal you for a couple of hours, Finn? I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had.”

  This was clearly the reason why she and Peter had flown all the way here.

  “This is my cue, I think,” Iris said. “Thank you for the lunch. It was nice meeting you.”

  Before Finn could stop her, she shook Lena’s and Peter’s hands and hurried away. At the elevators, she glanced back to them. Finn was frowning at her. What did he think would happen? Lena didn’t want to discuss her business in front of her, which made perfect sense. She was a stranger to her and didn’t know a thing about the IT world.

  Disappointment gripped her, even though she told herself not to be silly. Finn’s world was so far removed from hers, he might as well live on the moon. There would always be fancy events and high-powered meetings she wouldn’t be privy to, this was just how things worked. And as much as she wanted Finn, she didn’t think she was cut out for his life.

  The elevator arrived, and Iris nearly stumbled into it. I want Finn. There was no use denying it. Whatever his intention was for coming here, he’d succeeded in awakening just those emotions she’d tried so hard to forget. Every time she looked at him, her body remembered what it had felt like to be held by him. Every time he touched her, however innocently, her thoughts scrambled and her heart ached.

  In her room, she found a brand-new computer box lying on her bed. Finn had booked her a gorgeous space with a great view, though she expected all the rooms in this high-end, luxurious hotel were similar. It looked out on a large, snowy park, and was big enough for a family of four. How much did it cost him? Maybe she shouldn’t be staying here at all.