by Smith, T. L.
How I viewed myself was no longer in alignment with who God said I was. I started to adopt all the labels that life’s circumstances had saddled me with. I wasn’t able to break free until I came to the realization that the things I had gone through were not meant to destroy me. Everything I had gone through was conditioning me to stand in the face of adversity and to share my story to assist others who are going through the same things.
Unfortunately, nothing draws us closer to God than trouble. Fortunately, God used the trouble in my life as a catalyst to pull me out of the complacency and apathy that had begun to take over my existence.
The key to enduring the process, as painful as it was, was to infuse my mind with the Word of God. I had to work to change my thinking about myself. In the closing chapter, I leave you with a few of the scriptures that catapulted me from this place.
Sword of Strength
Psalm 139:13–14, NKJV
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My life has value. I allowed the enemy to use the spirit of rejection to steal my self-worth.
Regardless of the circumstances of my birth, I am not a mistake. This passage of scripture also tells me that I am a beautiful creation because everything created by God is good.
None of my decisions have surprised God. My frailties and faults don’t diminish my worth; they simply make me more dependent on Him to prevent these weaknesses from hindering my course.
None of the things that I have done have altered who God created me to be. Oftentimes, the conditions of life that open the door to the spirit of rejection are beyond our control. Children have no control over the details of their conception, birth or upbringing. Children cannot control whether or not their parents stay together.
As adults, what we do have control over is how we process these events and what we decide to hold on to or release. We can also decide if we are going to allow the enemy to deceive us about who we are or if we will choose to believe who the Word of God says we are.
Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
My life has purpose. My mistakes do not have the power to erase my destiny. Satan used deception to make me think that the sum of all of my mistakes took away the validity of my voice and minimized my influence. I allowed my circumstances to make me question my worth as a person and my effectiveness to the kingdom. I almost allowed my chaotic personal life to prevent me from going forward with the things that God had called me to do.
The biggest lesson I learned throughout this journey is that God doesn’t require perfection, just availability. I can make peace with my past. I can look forward to my future.
Life’s difficulties can be compared to pruning shears. The cutting of the branches is painful. The releasing of ineffectual relationships, mindsets and habits can be excruciating, but yielding to the process can lead to a life greater than anything we can possibly imagine.
Romans 8: 35-39, NKJV
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:
“For Your sake we are killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I am loved. The hardest part of my faith for me to accept at times is that God loves me because I am. Period.
He loves me because I am here and because I am His. His love for me isn’t contingent upon how I behave. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me anymore or any less.
His love for me is unconditional. Although obedience pleases God and is directly attached to the blessings of God, it is not a prerequisite of His love for me. God’s love is a love that I can rest in and depend on.
Isaiah 43:25, NKJV
“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.
I am forgiven. God has granted me forgiveness for my mistakes because I asked Him to.
I love the last line of this particular scripture because it tells me that Abba doesn’t hold these mistakes over my head. He allows me to start with a clean slate after every misstep when I confess and repent.
Forgiveness can feel really foreign. For most, it doesn’t come easy because it is a concept that must be granted or accepted, extended and received.
Not only does God mandate me to forgive others, but I had to summon enough strength and compassion to forgive myself. I had to confess the compromise in my values. I had to confess the anger and resentment I felt toward my father and my estranged husband. I had to confess the guilt I felt for putting my girls in an impossible situation and then I had to release it ALL in order to move forward.
The release is the true manifestation of forgiveness. You are not truly free until you can maintain your peace in the presence of the person you are working to forgive. He or she no longer elicits a strong, negative response from you when your paths cross.
This journey has taught me that forgiveness is a spiritual act and is next to impossible to walk in fully without God’s grace to do so. Forgiveness is a choice that must be made daily and it is often a process that happens in stages. As soon as you think you are walking in it, a test will come to reveal the remnants of hidden bitterness. The goal is to keep fighting and confessing until your heart is free of any debris that will keep you stuck.
I was in denial for so long about the condition of my heart. I realized the ill will I felt toward those who had offended me did nothing to hinder their lives. It only hindered mine by keeping me in emotional bondage.
More Room Out Than In
2 Corinthians 12:9, NKJV
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Well, my friends, we have come to the end of this journey together. The simple act of journaling has morphed into a book that I pray will lead you on a faith-filled journey to self-discovery and self-acceptance.
When I heeded the call to complete this task, my prayer was that this book would read like a parable so that you might see yourself through my story. No accusations. No ridicule. No judgment.
I pray that the words on these pages will act as a catalyst for you owning where you are and you committing to doing the work to set yourself free. Like my mom always says, “There is more room out than in!”
Be courageous enough to investigate the root causes of your discontentment. I challenge you to stand in the authority that you have through Jesus Christ, look the enemy in the face and command him to cease and desist.
You deserve God’s best. I pray that you begin to believe this with everything in you and began taking back the things that you have allowed stinking thinking to steal from you. The only power Satan has over you is the power that you relinquish to him!
God’s grace is sufficient. God will carry you through the pain as you revisit past traumas and release any hindrances to your progress. He will be right there with you as you remove any emotional or spiritual malignancy from your life.
God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness. Lean on Him as you work to create the life you have always dreamed about.
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[1] compassion. 2018. In Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved May 30, 2018 from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compassion
[2] stronghold. 2018. In Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved Ma
y 30, 2018 from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stronghold
[3] Eckhardt, J. (2016). Destroying the Spirit of Rejection. Lake Mary, FL.: Charisma House.
[4] Prince, D. (2006). Blessing or Curse: You Can Choose. Grand Rapids, MI: Chosen.
[5] Gibson, E. (2010). Whoever You Are, Wherever You Are, It’s Okay.
Bloomington, IN: Exlibris.