by Lara Swann
When she finally looks up, her eyes are shining with an enthusiasm that feels infectious and the excitement softens her face, turning the professional demeanor I’ve always associated with her into something…entirely more lovely.
“We’re really doing this.” She breathes, and the hint of disbelief in her voice almost makes me want to laugh.
“We really are.” I confirm, surprised at the way my voice drops in response. I’ve got a strange urge to reach out and grip her hands in mine - to share in her excitement somehow - but the small stab of guilt that follows manages to quell it.
This is something I should have addressed a long time ago, and without a major disaster or self-interest to prompt me.
“And I’m sorry for how long overdue it is, Jessica.” I say, leveling my gaze at her seriously. “I’ve been meaning to discuss partnership with you for a while now, but somehow I…never quite found the time. You’ve deserved this position for a while now, and I want you to know that it’s not happening just because of our deal. I was always going to offer you a partnership - okay, maybe not a full one, but still…”
“I wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway.” She says, then shifts, glancing away, and I get the impression she didn’t quite mean to admit that. “So…don’t worry about it.”
So that was the reason.
“Well, I guess that’s another good reason for this deal then.” I say easily, and this time I do reach out to cover her hand with mine. She jumps slightly, looking up in surprise, but I don’t withdraw. It still feels right. “But I just wanted you to know - so that you don’t ever doubt it - you earned this position. It’s not something you stumbled into because of circumstance, or because I was desperate, or anything else.”
I watch as she relaxes under me, truly taking in what I’m trying to say.
“I…thank you, Nathan. I hadn’t gotten that far, but…I can see myself worrying about that in the future.” She squeezes my hand, then slowly withdraws hers, but her gaze is warm on mine.
I smile. “Good. Shall we do this, then?”
“Yes.” She grins back at me, spreading the papers between us. “Lets get it done.”
I skim through the documents I’ve already read several times, moving to the lines for both of our signatures and initials. For simplicity, we decided to sign a prenup before the marriage to keep all our assets our own and organize the transfer of half the practice over to her separately.
My hand hesitates over the document for one more moment, the significance of what I’m doing suddenly hitting me. There’s no question that I wouldn’t give up this - or more - in a heartbeat for Emma, but it’s still my practice. The place I started from scratch, working through all the initial problems tirelessly while simultaneously getting engaged and planning a wedding…mixed memories now, to be sure, but the ones of my practice slowly flourishing bring me nothing but joy and satisfaction.
Something that has stalled out in recent years.
It would be impossible not to feel something at the thought of sharing it, a totally equal split, with someone else entirely.
In one sudden movement, before I can dwell on it any longer, I lean forward and sign my name. Then follow through with my signature and initials on the other required pages. I’m done in only a few moments and when I finally push the papers away, I’m surprised by the sudden…lightness I feel. Like a weight off my shoulders.
Huh. I wasn’t expecting…that.
“Nathan?”
I glance up to see Jessica looking at me, the excitement in her expression clouded by concern.
I smile at her, unreservedly, and then push the papers closer to her. “Go ahead.”
She looks between the documents I’ve already signed and me, then finally takes the pen and - holding her breath - signs them almost tentatively, working her way through slowly as she looks at each line almost reverently.
I pop the cork to the champagne just as she finishes, and she jumps - then looks up and laughs as I pour it, the bubbles streaming down the sides.
“Here.” I say, offering her a glass and taking my own. “Congratulations!”
Her laugh takes on a gleeful note and she eagerly clinks glass with me.
“Thank you.” She’s fully beaming now, and it’s contagious. Within moments, I find myself doing the same.
“Full partnership at Blake’s Family Practice.” I announce, then pause. “Hm, maybe we should consider adjusting the name, too.”
“Okay, now you’re going a little far.” She says, blushing as she takes a sip of her champagne.
I just laugh. “I think that would be the first thing a lot of people request in a situation like this. Stop selling yourself short, Jessica - now that you’re a partner, you need to start considering yourself as much a part of the practice as I am.”
“Maybe.” She says, giving me a skeptical look. “But even if it’s a partnership instead of a sole owner now, I think there’s still a special status for the founding member.”
I smile, unable to help feeling a little bit touched.
“I guess that’s just another reason why this feels so easy. I don’t think it’s going to be hard for us to work together at all, even if I am used to making all the big decisions alone.”
“I’m glad. I don’t want this to be…something you regret.” She hesitates as she says it, but I immediately shake my head.
“No - as I said, I’m not doing this just for the custody case. You want to know the biggest thing I felt signing those documents?” I ask, watching her meet my gaze. “Relief. If I’m honest, I should have done this a while ago for the practice too. I made a good start, but for a while now, my attention hasn’t been on it in the way it should. The last couple of years with Emma…well, I can’t say that all I want to do is work anymore. I’m hoping that maybe you can help with that - expand and improve the things that I miss, just because I don’t have the time to dedicate to it that I used to.”
“I’d like that, too.” She says, her voice soft as she gives me a hopeful smile. “I really would.”
“Good.” I say, raising my glass again. “Then it’s settled - and I look forward to seeing the direction the practice goes, with your input too.”
She raises her glass to mine and I add. “To our partnership.”
She echoes the sentiment and we both take a large sip, the bubbles feeling like they’re starting to go to my head already. I really am unaccustomed to the alcohol, it looks like.
“Here—before I forget.” Jessica adds, pulling another document out and pushing it over toward me. “I want us to sign this one too.”
I glance down at it, immediately raising an eyebrow. Unlike the other documents, it obviously hasn’t been prepared by my lawyer - even if it is still fancy, embossed paper - and the terms are simple.
Within three months of the custody case closing, we agree to divorce.
“You want some kind of official agreement about that?” I ask, looking back at her. So far, we’ve just agreed that we would divorce once everything settled down after the custody case, but it’s more of a mutual understanding than anything else.
“I thought it would be better to put it in writing somewhere.” She shrugs, meeting my gaze. “I didn’t want either of us to get to the point where there was any concern about our intentions or what might happen when all this is over. It’s probably not legally binding - and it doesn’t have to be quite as specific as I’ve written it there - but I wanted something more substantial between us, at least.”
The way she’s looking at me, I get the sudden impression that this might actually be for my benefit more than hers. She knows how I feel about marriage after mine broke down, and she’s right, maybe this is something I’d start worrying about.
“Yeah, that sounds…like a good idea.” I say, feeling a surge of appreciation that she’s thought about it.
I take the pen and sign the document with a flourish even though, as she said, it’s probably not legally binding.
It still feels like it means something, and part of me relaxes. She smiles, slides it over and does the same.
“There.” She says with satisfaction, raising her champagne glass again. “Now we’re done.”
“Thank you.” I add, catching her eye as I follow her lead. “I hadn’t thought about it, but…you’re right.”
“I thought so.” She says, with a small smirk.
Just how well does she really know me? Maybe better than I thought…
The doorbell interrupts us before I can think too much more about it and Jessica springs up, grinning, while I hurriedly slide the documents together and put them away.
“Food. Thank god. I was worried I was going to get drunk before it even showed up.”
“You and me both.” I agree as she walks out of earshot, answering the door.
I start setting the table as she walks back in, inhaling a delightful scent. My stomach rumbles, and I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until then, with us both dividing up the food and encouraging each other to try different favorites.
It’s simple, easy and a more enjoyable evening than I think I can remember having for a while, as we laugh over the food and our conversation shifts to more inconsequential things. We drink a little too much of the champagne, but that only relaxes us further and adds to the appeal of the evening - and I find myself hoping this is the kind of celebration she wanted, because it feels exactly right to me.
It still feels strange crossing the boundaries that have been clearly established at work for so long, but it’s not as uncomfortable as I’d imagined. It’s different, having her here in my space and sharing an evening like this, but that doesn’t mean it’s such a bad thing. Maybe after so long with mostly Emma for company, it makes a nice change.
That trail of thought is a welcome contrast to the awkwardness I felt in going through with marrying a work colleague yesterday too, and then my uncertainty when she first arrived today. It gives me hope that this might work out more easily than I first thought.
To our partnership indeed.
Our real partnership. The one we have working together at the practice - which is more real than any commitment we might have made yesterday at City Hall.
Chapter Six
Jessica
“…A
nd there’s one more thing I’d like to add today.” Nathan says, as we start wrapping up our regular Monday morning meeting. He looks over at me, and in an instant I know what he’s going to say. I try not to flush, but it’s still a little overwhelming to me, and my heart starts to race in my chest.
He could have warned me!
Although, admittedly, if I’d thought about it then of course he’s going to announce it today. We signed the papers yesterday. I’m already officially a full partner. I just…haven’t quite gotten my head around it yet.
“Last week I asked Jessica to step up and officially take on the role that we all know she’s been doing most of for a while now. I’m happy to say that she’s accepted - and will now be joining me as a full partner at the practice.” He gives me a broad smile as everyone else turns to me, and I offer a small one in return, feeling unexpectedly shy about it.
“About damn time.” Aaron says, leaning forward to clap me on the back. “That’s great news, Jessica! Congratulations!”
“Full partner?” Louise adds, looking back at Nathan with a surprised laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be giving that up anytime soon.”
“Anyone with eyes could see that I needed to.” He answers, with a self-deprecating laugh of his own.
“You can say that again.” She says with a grin, turning back to me. “Congratulations, Jessica - and to both of you. It’ll be as good for Nathan as for you, I expect.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” He adds, and I try not to squirm slightly with embarrassment. I’m not always good with all the attention being on me, and I hadn’t realized that anyone else had noticed so much of what I’ve been doing.
“Thank you—” I start, but I’m cut off as Jake, our part-time receptionist, walks over to lay a cake down on the table in the middle of the small meeting room. “Ohh…”
Now I really do flush, suddenly overcome with emotion at the ‘Congratulations, Jessica!’ written on the frosting in an elegant, flowing script. I glance around the room to see everyone’s bright, smiling faces and I’m suddenly so grateful that this is where I’ve ended up. Another place, such a sudden - and complete - promotion might well have caused an underlying feeling of envy or resentment, but not here. At this practice it feels like everyone has the job they want to be doing, and they genuinely care about each other.
Including you, now.
“Here.” Nathan says, offering me a knife. “Want to cut it?”
“Like it’s my birthday?” I ask, smiling inadvertently.
“It’s a little bit more than your birthday, dear.” Macy says, one hand on my shoulder as everyone gathers around.
I laugh, feeling a little ridiculous, but do as they suggest and cut the cake, giving everyone a piece. It’s probably far too early for cake, but no one seems to care as the initial excitement gives way to the murmur of chatter about what this might mean, with plenty of encouraging comments about what I might add to the practice now that, officially, I can be part of its direction.
I just hope I can live up to their expectations.
“You could have warned me.” I murmur to Nathan as we all start to disperse, getting ready to begin the day.
“And where would the fun have been in that?” He answers, giving me that roguish smile that still has my heart beating double-time in my chest.
It makes me pause in the doorway as he turns down the hallway, just watching him leave for a moment. I’m getting used to that reaction, at least, and so far…I’m really liking this. Moving in was easier than I thought it would be yesterday - and more than that, it was fun too. There was something nice about sharing takeout with Nathan and talking as equals, something that had nothing to do with the hidden feelings that didn’t even threaten to make things difficult.
Not to mention, the house is lovely and the space he’s given me is probably more than I would have had in my apartment. I’ll probably be able to work better there than at home, if I do decide to start taking work home with me.
After that, everything settles into a routine more easily than I’d expected. At work, we’re the same professionals we always were, except that now I’m invited to all the business meetings and Nathan talks through all the decisions he would usually make about the practice with me first, as well as showing me various aspects about running it that I’d never even considered before. I thought I had a pretty good idea of everything involved and I’ve always been proud of my contributions - but I now realize just how much Nathan was always doing behind the scenes, and only admire him more for it.
It still feels surreal that I’m actually doing this, but the more I see of it, the more I want to do and learn - and I’m beyond grateful that Nathan is only too willing to show me. I’d worried this might end up being an in-name-only kind of partnership because of how it came about - which is the last thing I’d want - but it’s easy to see how relieved Nathan is to share it.
We don’t tell anyone at work about the marriage. We were both concerned about how that might look, and even if it had been a real long-term marriage, I would have kept the same name at work. Nathan isn’t worried about how that will look to the court if anyone checks it out, either - lots of female doctors choose to continue working under their own names after marriage.
When we’re back at his house after work, we find ways move around each other and share the space without too much difficulty. I often work later at the practice than Nathan and by the time I get back to his, Emma is usually in bed - or almost - which relaxes some of my concerns about disrupting their routine. When I do see her, she doesn’t seem to mind having me around, and I find some of the ways she drives Nathan to distraction in the mornings hilarious. I’ve tried t
o hide that from him too, but I think he knows.
We fix dinner separately and usually retreat into our own activities and places with only a few passing comments, but it’s comfortable enough it doesn’t feel like we’re actively avoiding each other.
At first, Nathan tried bringing home various work issues for us to discuss and then admin to complete together. I’m not sure whether he was trying to alleviate any potential awkwardness by making our time together at home as similar as possible to at work, or if he genuinely thought that’s what we’d be doing, but either way, I killed that idea pretty quickly. I went along with it for the first evening, but when the second one looked to be exactly the same, I had to say something.
“I’m sorry.” I say, before he has a chance to start laying everything out on the table. “I know all this is important, but when I get home I just want a break from it all - to switch off for a little bit. It’s why I stay late after the appointments are done.”
I feel a little guilty, because I know he doesn’t have that option if he wants to get home before Emma is in bed, but I also know I’ll go crazy if I don’t have an hour or two at the end of the day to reset.
“Oh.” He glances down at the folders he’s pulled out of his briefcase, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, right. Of course. I just thought it would be a good chance…”
“No, I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I do get that. We’ve got all this extra time together and it would be a useful way to spend it, but I guess…I just don’t want to feel like I’m at work when I’m here too. I think if I start feeling like I’m living with my boss instead of just a friend, I’m not sure I could relax. Do you mind if we just take the evenings for ourselves?”
His face softens as understanding crosses it, and he nods. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed.”
“Thanks.” I smile, relaxing a little bit too as he gathers up the folders.