by Lara Swann
“Screw that, I don’t believe it. No way did you get married in the space of a few months because you suddenly fell in love—”
“We’ve known each other for a long time, Stephanie. Just because we got married—uh, I don’t know why I’m even debating this.” I shake my head, running my hand through my hair and sighing in exasperation. “I don’t care what you think. Go look up the marriage records if you want to, but I’m done—”
“Oh, I’m sure you’d make it look legit.” She says, her eyes narrowing as she scowls at us. “That doesn’t make it real. I wouldn’t put it past you to have some sort of arrangement going on here to save your ass in court.”
“Well, you always did like to think the worst of me.” I don’t have to fake the weariness in my voice, or the sigh that follows it. I can’t quite shake the guilt that she’s hit the nail on the head here and I’m the one lying, but this is the course I’ve chosen and I’m not going to let myself fuck it up now. Not with Emma’s future at stake. These might be fucked up underhanded tactics, but they’re worth it not to screw up her life in this critical developmental period. “I don’t know how everything always comes back to talking about that court case with you, Steph, but I’m done. Believe what you like. I’ll get back to you about arranging a date to see Emma - you’re right, we probably should come to a regular, recurring agreement about that - but don’t show up on my doorstep without warning again.”
I close the door before she can say anything else - but not before I see the shadow of doubt flick across her face - and don’t for a second feel bad about it. I simply can’t take anymore of that conversation.
I pause for a moment, expecting her to start banging on the door and yelling for me to open it again, but nothing comes. Jessica comes up behind me, resting a hand on my back, and once it becomes obvious Stephanie isn’t going to push the issue I turn around and lean back against the door, raising my hands to my head and sighing deeply. I guess I’ve left her with too much to think about for her to bother trying again. That thought doesn’t make me feel any better, and I close my eyes, every part of me feels totally, utterly drained.
“God, Nathan, I’m so sorry.” Jessica murmurs, coming to stand beside me. I tuck an arm around her as she leans into me, her head resting against my shoulder, and for once I barely even notice how natural the position feels. “I…damn it, I wanted to do something, but I didn’t want to make it worse and—”
“I’m glad you didn’t.” I say quietly. “The last thing I wanted was to drag you into that…mess…too. It’s bad enough that you’re caught up in it because of the marriage - and that I had to keep emphasizing that—”
“That’s exactly what I agreed to.” Jessica points out quietly, and I sigh again.
“I doubt you agreed to getting into shouting matches with my ex.” I say, running a hand through my hair as I tilt my head back against the door, my mind already replaying the conversation over and over. “And who knows if there’s even any point to that agreement now. Stephanie seems to have worked it all out. Just like that.”
“That doesn’t matter, though - you’re still married. That’s real, and we have the records to prove it. Surely the courts will dismiss any doubt she has about it - those are just her biased opinions - over the reality of our marriage.” Jessica says, sounding strong and convinced enough that I want to believe her - what she says is exactly what I’m hoping too - but I can see the worry reflected in her eyes as well. The same worry I can’t shake either.
“Maybe.” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “But Stephanie…I don’t know…she has a way with some things. Once she gets an idea in her head…I don’t think it will be that simple.”
“She might not even have really meant it.” Jessica adds, then shrugs when I turn to look at her. “She was obviously upset - she could have just been flinging accusations around - maybe it’s something she’ll dismiss when she calms down. She did keep saying she couldn’t believe you’d do something like that.”
I grimace. “Yeah. And what does that say about what we’re doing, huh?”
“That you’ll do anything you need to for Emma.” Jessica responds, with just as much conviction as earlier. “And I’ve never doubted that for a moment.”
I offer her a half-hearted smile.
She knows me well, I guess. But then, so does Stephanie.
Still, I did see a flash of doubt in Stephanie’s eyes at the end there. I doubt I was very convincing when I was actually trying to object, but…that weariness was genuine, at least. Maybe there was enough that was real there to dissuade her…though it seems unlikely.
“I guess I can hope for that, but I’d still rather be doing something than sitting around hoping.” I say, glancing at the clock with a sigh. “Emma is no doubt going to come asking about the petting zoo when her show ends - I’m lucky she didn’t walk in on any of that, really - but I’ll call George this afternoon. I’ll see what he thinks.”
Jessica nods beside me, leaning in a bit closer.
“That’s a good idea. And if there’s anything I can do, Nathan…I want to help.”
“You help just by being here, Jessica. Really.” I lean over and kiss the side of her head, not even thinking about what I’m doing for a moment.
Screw it. I need this right now.
We stay there like that for a little while longer and I try to ground myself before Emma comes bouncing up to me. Stephanie’s accusations still repeat in my mind, stinging all the more for how right she is and how little I can do about it.
Just hope. And try to plan.
Chapter Fourteen
Nathan
“B ut I don’t want to go! I want to stay here…with Jessica!”
I sigh, looking over at where Emma has somehow drawn Jessica into her game of building a tower as high as possible, and shake my head. I swear only a few minutes ago Jessica had been sitting reading peacefully…but then, Emma seems to have that effect.
“I know, sweetie, but this is really important for Daddy—”
“I could watch her, if you like.” Jessica offers, looking up and meeting my eyes, a quiet understanding written in her gaze. She knows who I was just talking to. “It would be no trouble.”
I look between the two of them and hesitate. I don’t really want to uproot Emma and drive her over to Mom’s so abruptly - it’s not fair on either of them, even though Emma might be fairly used to it by now - but the idea of leaving her with Jessica…feels strange, somehow. So far I’ve been very careful not to take advantage of the fact she’s living here and gets on so well with Emma - all my emergency childcare has been exactly as it’s always been, with Mom.
“Please, Daddy! Pleeease!”
“Okay, okay fine. But you have to be a very, very good girl for Jessica, okay munchkin?”
“Yess!” She jumps up, knocking over their tower and making Jessica laugh as she runs to hug me.
I crouch down to pull her in and wrap her in my arms, hugging tightly. I’ve been doing that more and more lately. I think this looming custody issue is really starting to get to me.
“I’ll be back in a few hours.” I say to Emma, then glance up and meet Jessica’s gaze again. “But if you have any problems, just call me - George’s office isn’t far from here.”
Jessica nods, and I let Emma go to run back to her, grinning. It tugs at something inside me to see them together like that and I pause in the doorway for a moment.
“We’ll be fine. I promise.” Jessica smiles at me, mistaking my hesitation, and I offer her a small one in return.
“I know. Thanks, Jessica. Really.”
I shake off the feeling and turn to leave, grabbing my wallet and keys and making my way out of the house. I’m lucky that George was willing to invite me in to talk at all - it is Sunday, after all - but apparently he was already at his office when I called, finishing off some work for another client of his.
And I guess he noticed how on edge I am.
I haven’t been ab
le to think about anything else since Stephanie’s visit yesterday and after struggling to find the time to call George yesterday - and then it being too late after Emma was in bed - I barely slept last night. I spent most of it simply lying next to Jessica and trying not to think too much, neither of us in the mood for anything more, but not quite wanting to separate for the night either.
I connect connect my phone to the car’s speakers and call Mom as I drive to George’s office.
“Don’t worry, Mom - thanks for the last minute help, but Jessica offered to watch Emma for me. She didn’t want to leave. I’m sorry about all the disruption.”
“That’s okay, you know it’s never a problem.” Mom says, her voice slightly too loud and echoing through the car speakers. “I could have come over, if you’d preferred.”
“I know, but this seemed easier - I didn’t want to keep George waiting. It is a Sunday.”
“It was good of him to see you.” She says, and I can hear the relief in her voice. “You will tell me what he says?”
I told her about Stephanie’s visit when I called her earlier to ask about childcare. I didn’t want to worry her before that, not when George might dismiss the whole thing entirely, but there was no way hearing me scramble for a last-minute appointment with my lawyer wasn’t going to do that anyway.
“Of course. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.” She says, then pauses before adding. “That was nice of Jessica, to offer to watch Emma.”
“Yeah.” I say, distracted as I wait at a stop light and watch the intersection. “Well, they were playing. It’s why Emma didn’t want to leave.”
“Ah okay.” Mom says, and something in her tone catches at my attention. “Do they do that often?”
“I guess?” I frown, wondering where this is going. I hadn’t planned on having a conversation right now, I just wanted to let Mom know we weren’t coming over. “She lives with us, and you know what Emma is like. Mom, I should probably—”
“It’s just that Emma talks about her a lot, you know. Jessica.”
“Oh. Well, okay—”
“More than she talks about Stephanie, even.”
“Well, Jessica lives with us.” I say again, most of my attention on driving as I try to ignore the creeping feeling that Mom is trying to say something. “So I guess that makes sense.”
I also really don’t want to think about what Emma says about Stephanie right now. So far, she hasn’t seemed particularly fazed by her Mom suddenly appearing in her life and she’s happy enough to see her, but she doesn’t talk about it much. I guess I was expecting more questions. I know I should probably ask about it more - check in with her and make sure everything is okay - but it’s hard to bring myself to do that, with everything else going on.
“Mm, and how is that going?”
“What?” I ask, half-distracted by the driving.
“Living with Jessica. Are you both coping with the upheaval?”
“It’s fine.” I say, starting to actually get suspicious now. She’s definitely trying to say something…and I’ve got the uncomfortable feeling I might know what it is. “Look, Mom, I’m almost—”
“You’re getting on?”
I sigh. “Yes, we’re fine.”
“Well, that’s good.” She says, seeming to wait for something. When it doesn’t come, she continues. “You just seemed pretty close, the last time I was there.”
That sends a sudden spike of uncertainty through me.
She can’t know what we’re doing…can she? Could she have seen something…
“She’s been a good friend, Mom. That’s all.” I say, resolutely. I’m definitely not having that conversation - and especially not now. “Anyway, I’ve got to go.”
“Yes, yes, of course. Let me know how you get on with George.” Mom says, and I relax slightly. Finally. “But maybe we should all have dinner together sometime? You and me, and Jessica? It would be nice to get to know her better.”
I almost groan. That’s the last thing I need right now. If Mom is starting to suspect we’re doing more than simply living together, that’s just going to make it even more complicated than it already is.
When did it even become complicated anyway? It was supposed to be simple…
“You know we’re just faking this thing, right?” I say, trying to cut that thought off before it can take root. “We’re not actually married or anything, Mom, so don’t start thinking—”
“I know, I know. But it would still be nice.” She says. “Anyway, I’ll let you get on. We can talk about it later. Love you, Nathan.”
She ends the call before I can object again, just before I pull up in front of George’s office, and I sigh.
Another thing to deal with later, I guess.
It feels like those keep piling up, somehow.
I push that thought aside and turn my attention back to more pressing matters - which isn’t hard, with how on edge that encounter with Stephanie left me - as I get buzzed into George’s office. It’s a tastefully furnished floor in the middle of a professional looking building, although the place seems deserted as I take the elevator up. Not surprising for midday on a Sunday, but it does give it a slightly eerie feel.
“Nathan.” George meets me outside the elevator. “I thought I’d come and get you in case you didn’t remember the way—Emily isn’t here, of course.”
I nod. “Thanks George - and thanks for doing this today. I wouldn’t normally ask—”
“It’s fine. I was here anyway. Can I get you anything? Coffee?”
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I’m fine. I just wanted to talk about—”
“Let’s at least get settled first, hm?” He says, raising an eyebrow at me as he leads us through into his personal office. “And before we get started on what’s so urgent it couldn’t wait for our weekly call tomorrow, I have some good news for you.”
I blink, confused. “Oh, what’s that?”
He leads us to the two couches set around a small table in his office and gestures for me to sit down. I’m impatient, but I try not to make it too obvious as I follow his lead and wait for him to collect a few documents and come to sit down opposite.
“We have a date in court.” He smiles at me. “It came through on Friday and I thought I’d wait to tell you tomorrow, but since you’re here now…well. It’s three weeks from now.”
I pause, my stomach flipping as that sinks in.
“I…um, that’s a good thing?”
Right now, it sounds pretty terrifying to me.
“Of course it is. It means that we finally have an end date for all of this - it’s not long now, and it will all be over.” He says that like the result can only be a good thing, and I try to feel buoyed by his confidence, but it’s hard. He takes another look at me. “Aren’t you looking forward to putting all this behind you?”
“I…yes, of course. I want to be done with this more than anything, but we don’t know that it’s going to go our way exactly, and if it doesn’t…”
I can’t think about that. I can’t. It makes me feel sick just to touch on it.
“I think we’ve got a strong case, Nathan. Really. I’ve been working on this for weeks now and it looks good. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it—”
“Stephanie knows my marriage is fake.” I say, the words spilling out before I can stop them. I couldn’t tell him earlier - over the phone - and when I stumbled over it, he obviously picked up how upset I was and invited me in. “She knows we did it just for the case—that it’s all a lie.”
George frowns. “When you say she knows…”
“Well, she guessed. I don’t know how, but she just seemed to—”
“And what did you say? Did you admit it?”
“No, I tried to keep up the pretense but I don’t think she bought it. I’m not very good at—”
“Then it shouldn’t matter.” George cuts me off, shrugging.
I blink, slightly taken aback. I’d been hoping
he’d just dismiss the whole thing, of course, but it seems somehow impossible with how stressed I’ve been about it.
“You are married, Nathan. We’ve got all the documents to prove it. It doesn’t matter what Stephanie thinks - even if she tries to say something, it would just sound like baseless suspicion in court. Any decent lawyer will tell her the same thing.”
“I…” I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding, running my hands through my hair. That’s pretty much exactly what Jessica said. “You really think so?”
He nods. “She’s got nothing to prove any of her suspicions, Nathan - and even if she looks, there’s nothing to find and pursuing it will probably count against her. It might look like she has an undue problem with your new wife, or that she’s trying to discredit you. The courts don’t like that - as difficult as it might be in practice, they like couples who try to respect one another and get along.”
I can’t help making a face at that, and he smiles in sympathy.
“Of course, the whole court process doesn’t exactly help with that.”
I nod, and he lets me process that in silence for a few moments, the tension slowly abating as it sinks in. I can barely believe that after all that, it’s going to be that simple, but what he says makes sense. When I finally look up, it’s with a rueful expression.
“I’m sorry, George. I guess I bothered you on a Sunday for no real reason. I should have just explained the situation on the phone.”
“As I said, it’s no problem. I know how difficult these things can be - even if the answer is simple sometimes.”
“Thanks.” I lean back on the couch, relaxing a little as my mind turns back to what he was trying to say. “So you say the custody trial is in three weeks?”
George nods. “Yes.”
“And you really think…it looks good?”
I can barely bring myself to hope - that feels far too dangerous right now - but the adrenaline is already coursing through me at the idea of having this finally done.