by Lara Swann
“Thank you, Your Honor.” George says, nodding.
He gives us one last look and I get the feeling he thinks we’ve wasted the courts’ time these last few months, but he doesn’t say anything further.
We’ve wasted far more important things than that over these last few months.
I don’t say anything though, and within minutes we’re filing out of the court room and George starts talking to the clerk to arrange for copies of the new custody agreement.
I’m still reeling from the idea that it’s finally done—official—and no one is going to take my daughter away from me ever again. She’s back where she belongs. For good.
“Thanks, Nathan.” Stephanie says quietly, catching my arm as we wait for George outside. “For convincing me to do this. You were right.”
I shrug, feeling awkward. I still haven’t forgiven her for everything she’s done - and I’m not sure I can, exactly - but we’re moving on together anyway, and it’s starting to feel like we almost might be able to work together on some of this. As crazy as that might be.
“I’m going to sell my house here.” She says, surprising me. Not so much that she’s selling it, but that she’s talking to me…more pleasantly than I can remember for a long time. “I’ll rent somewhere so that I can come up and see Emma, but if it’s not going to be my base I don’t need somewhere that big and…well, if Emma stays over with me sometime, I’d rather it be somewhere different.”
I nod immediately. I don’t want anything reminding Emma of all this either. The sooner she can move on, the better.
“That’s a good idea.”
George comes out a moment later, letting us know that everything is arranged, and I thank him - genuinely, for everything he’s done for me over the last few months and all the volatile moods he’s put up with - before he heads off back to his office.
“Okay, well I’ll get going too.” Stephanie says. “I’ll settle in back in New York and give you a chance to settle with Emma, then I’ll see you both in a couple of weeks?”
“Sure. Just let me know you can definitely make it before the day. I won’t mention anything to Emma until I hear from you.”
She nods, hesitates again, and then walks back to her car. I watch her with a small sigh, a mass of conflicted feelings in my chest that I don’t quite know how to sort out.
Then the reality of what’s just happens hits me again and suddenly, none of that really matters. I rush to my own car and back to my little girl, too excited to share the news with her for anything else.
It’s done. After months of long, hard battles and pain, it’s finally fucking over.
I walk in to see her doing some coloring on the floor with Jessica. It doesn’t have the same energy she usually puts into it, but at least she isn’t sobbing that I’ve gone out.
“Emma!” I say, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I find myself actually grinning.
She looks at me, her expression changing almost immediately as she picks up on my mood.
“Daddy?” She asks, her voice starting to get excited as she stands up.
I pick her up in one quick motion, whirling her around in the air until she can’t help giggling. God, I’ve missed that sound.
“You’re staying with me, munchkin. We got the rules changed. Now you can stay here for good - and I’m never going to let this happen again. I promise. Double, triple, a million times promise.”
She squeals, another ear-splitting sound I’ve somehow missed, and wraps herself around me.
“Stay here forever, Daddy. Ever-ever-ever-ever-ever.”
I smile at her fierce response, the way she’s beating my chest with her little fists in emphasis, and just everything about her. She fills my heart with warmth and joy like nothing else imaginable. My eyes slide over to Jessica, who’s also stood up to join us, smiling widely and her eyes shining with moisture of their own.
“Forever-ever-ever.” I repeat with just as much emphasis, meaning every syllable, looking over Emma’s head and meeting Jessica’s gaze.
For all of us.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jessica
“I t’s getting late.” I say, sighing contentedly and leaning back on my hands as I sit listening to the waves surge and retreat in front of us, my legs stretched out in front of me. The sun is just hovering above the water in front of us, dropping quicker than I’d expected. “Maybe we should think about heading back to the cabin.”
“You don’t want to stay and watch the sunset?” Nathan asks, his voice a warm murmur next to me. It makes me shiver with anticipation, the cool breeze gliding across my body until I can feel my nipples hardening underneath my light t-shirt. From the way his gaze drifts downward, he notices immediately.
“It will start getting cold soon.” I say, matching his tone and only half looking out at the view as just his presence distracts me.
We only brought light clothes down to the beach - t-shirts, shorts and sandals - and I can already feel the start of the evening chill, the sun’s evening rays not quite enough to do more than make my skin glow.
And there are other things we can be doing in the cabin…later…when Emma is asleep.
“I’ve got blankets.” Nathan says. “And besides, Emma is still playing.”
I glance over to where he nods, but we can hear her laughing and mumbling to herself from here, jumping around in the sand and digging haphazard holes with her plastic spade. It makes me smile to see, and that’s enough to sway me.
“Alright, then.” I say, tilting my head to smile at him. “It is gorgeous here.”
There’s something nicely romantic about watching the sun go down, too. I doubt Emma will notice the cold until we forcibly pull her away from here, either.
“Yes.” He’s still got that heated murmur to his tone, and it teases at me, sending pinpricks along my skin. “Yes, it is.”
I glance over to see that he’s not looking at the endless expanse of ocean stretched out in front of us, or the near-deserted beach, and feel myself start to blush a little.
I laugh, leaning into him and let him drape a blanket over us both, appreciating the way he tucks it around me carefully. This close to him, I’m not even sure I need it - his body warmth more than enough to satisfy me. There’s something nice about being this snug together, too, and I start thinking about certain advantages blankets have as my hand inches up his leg.
He chuckles, his own closing over it and halting it in its tracks as he shakes his head.
“I’d love to, Jessica.” He says, his tone low and dark. “But if you do that we’re going to have a very hard-to-explain tent in our blanket. You’re already driving me crazy as it is.”
I laugh. “I’m not doing anything at all.”
“You’re just…there. Enticing me. Tempting me with every little glance. It’s almost impossible to be in beach-wear around you, you know.”
That makes me laugh harder, but I manage an impish smile as I lean into him.
“Mm, I would hope so.”
He kisses the top of my head and I sigh softly as we turn back to look at the view. It really is beautiful and there are just enough clouds around to start painting the sky in pinkish patterns.
“This was a good idea, Nathan.” I say, as I glance back over at Emma. “I’m so glad we came.”
“Mm, we needed it, after the way this year has been so far.”
“Emma seems so much happier now. It’s amazing to see what just a few short months has done.”
“I know.” Nathan nods, and I can hear the relief in his voice. “I was so worried all the disruption would affect her for the long-term. This is a crucial time for her development.”
“She’s more resilient than you think.” I say, so pleased with how this has all worked out.
“Maybe. Or maybe the courts had a point all along.” He says, and I frown up at him as he leans closer, brushing his lips across mine. That’s about as far as we go when Emma can see us, and all i
t does is tantalize me, making me want more. “Maybe having a female influence really does make a difference.”
I scoff immediately, taking his hand and interlinking our fingers.
“I don’t buy that. Not when I can see how much she worships you.” I shake my head. “She never needed a female influence, though now I guess she has two if she did…she just needed a Dad like you.”
He smiles slightly, his arm settling around me and pulling me close as we both turn to watch her for a time.
The first month after Nathan got custody back was challenging, but when you look at her now…you can hardly tell that anything ever happened at all. Sometimes she’s a little more withdrawn - and there are moments she gets really upset when she’s in an unfamiliar environment without Nathan around - but I’m not sure that’s not just part of what we should expect as she grows older. She turned four only a couple of months ago and it’s hard to believe how quickly she’s learning and changing, sometimes.
The sun slowly starts to dip behind the horizon, the light changing and the play of shadows across the beach mesmerizing all on their own, even without the way the reflection glitters across the water.
“You were right.” I murmur. “It is worth staying to watch the sunset.”
“Mmhm.” He agrees. “I’ll just get another blanket.”
“It’s fine.” I say, as he frees himself from the blanket we’re sharing and twists around. “I’m not actually that cold…”
I trail off as he kneels to grab the blanket from behind, bringing it back and bunching it up on his lap. It’s not the blanket I’m looking at though. It’s the small velvet box on top of it.
“Jessica.” Nathan says, taking my hand in a way that tugs my eyes back to his. He smiles lightly, his face full of warmth and love as he opens the box up in front of me. “These last eight months, you’ve done something to me that I never thought would happen again. I thought I’d found a way to be happy again before all this happened and that I didn’t need anything more than what Emma gave me. I’ve never been so happy to be proved wrong in my life. I love you more than I ever thought possible, so…will you make this real with me? Will you marry me, Jessica? For good?”
I blink slightly, looking at the beautiful gold-and-silver ring sparkling in front of me, an elegant twisted design that feels different from anything I’ve seen before.
“I…Nathan…” I say, touched beyond words at everything he said, but still a little confused as I reach out and gently touch the box. “You do know we’re already married, right?”
It’s not something we’ve talked about for a long time - to be honest, I’d almost forgotten about the subtleties or how bizarre our married-but-dating relationship might seem - but it’s still there.
“I know.” His mouth quirks up in a smile. “And it seems ridiculous to go through the paperwork and divorced when really, we want to be married—at least, I assume you want to be married…”
He raises an eyebrow at me, smirking slightly.
I laugh. “Well, I haven’t filed for divorce yet.”
“Exactly. I took that as a good sign.” He raises my hand to his mouth and kisses the back of my palm, the gesture silly and romantic all at once. Exactly how I’m feeling right now, with that ring in front of me and far too many feelings struggling to burst free of my chest.
Even if we are already married, knowing that it’s something that we want now is still exciting.
“So yes, I’m not suggesting we get divorced and then marry all over again, but that first time…that has nothing to do with what this is between us. It wasn’t real. I want something real, Jessica. I want to walk down the aisle with you - thinking just how god-damn lucky I am that I get to spend the rest of my life with you - and choose to bind myself to you because it’s the best thing that ever could have happened to me, not spend five minutes filling out some paperwork while hating the idea of the whole thing.” Nathan takes a breath, and I stare at him, my eyes filling with moisture as I see just how passionate he is about this. We’ve never talked about it, but the way he says that… “You deserve a real wedding, Jessica. We deserve one. Who cares that the paperwork is already filled out - I want to marry you.”
“Shit, Nathan…” I whisper, my blood stirring at the idea. “I want that too. I didn’t know just how much. But…”
“So what I’m saying, Jessica Rivers.” He says with a smile, emotion laden in his gaze as he takes the ring out of the box. “Is that it’s obviously time for us to renew our vows.”
I blink, my eyes stinging as I let him slip the ring onto my finger. I look down at it glinting in the fading light and every part of me melts into him.
“Yes.” I whisper, as ardently as anything I’ve ever said. “Yes, Nathan, that sounds perfect. I—”
“Jessica!” Emma yells excitedly, startling me. “Jessica! Come and see this!”
Nathan laughs, looking over at her with obvious affection. “Well, I can’t say that’s not an accurate representation of what married life with me is going to be like.”
“Emma.” I suddenly say, my eyes going wide as I glance back at the ring. “Does she…”
“I talked to her before I asked you.” Nathan says, smiling, caressing the back of that hand. “You’re already a part of our family, Jessica. This just makes it official.”
“Ohh, Nathan…” I lean forward, too overcome by emotion as I kiss him deeply, throwing my arms around his neck.
“Jessica!”
“I’m coming.” I call back, then grin at him and lean forward to take his head in my hands, kissing him deeply as my heart swells with love and emotion. “Thank you, Nathan. This is…it’s beautiful.”
“Come…quickly! Or it’ll get…away!”
I break the kiss, laughing, my amused eyes on his as I wrestle my way out of the blanket.
“You know, she calls out for you almost as much as she does me, these days.” Nathan says, musing, and the thought of that makes me feel even warmer.
I glance back at the impatient girl waiting for me, excitedly staring at the ground.
“Married life, indeed.” I say with a smile, brushing my thumb over the ring on my finger. It’s weight feels new and different, but oh so welcome.
I run over to Emma before she can have a fit, to find her pointing and staring down at a slowly moving crab on the sand, scuttling sideways as she runs alongside it.
“Look! Look!” She says excitedly. “Look, Jessica!”
“Wow.” I grin, crouching down in front of it. “D’you know what this is, Emma?”
“Umm…er…” She takes a moment to think for a moment, then shakes her head, her whole body twisting with it. “Nooo…”
I know she’s seen crabs before, but I’m not surprised she can’t remember what they are.
“It’s a crab! Look, it moves sideways, like that. Not many creatures do that…and it’s got these big pincers, ready to pinch you!”
I form pincers with my hands and move them towards her, opening and closing them.
“Aahhhh!” She screams, running away, and I laugh before giving chase.
Within moments we’re playing a ‘crab game’, trying to grab each other’s arms with our pincers as we run around laughing. Eventually, Emma stumbles and lands straight down on her bum in the sand, then bursts into laughter again. I flop down next to her instead of continuing the game and wrap my arm around her shoulders, grinning at her.
“You know I love you, right?”
“’Course.” She says, nodding, as if the answer is perfectly obvious.
That makes me smile more than anything else she could have said and I squeeze her closely, enjoying the moment.
“You knowww…I love you…right?” She repeats, and I look down at her, surprised. She’s been getting in the habit of repeating questions back at us recently, but even so, I didn’t expect that. It makes me feel overwhelmingly touched and I have to choke back a lump in my throat before I can reply.
“’Course.
” I respond, failing terribly at copying her nonchalance.
We sit like that for a little bit longer, the last rays of the sun bathing everything in orange-red, and my gaze drifts over to Nathan watching us. He smiles, then blows me a small kiss. Or Emma. Or maybe both of us. I smile back, letting out a warm, content sigh.
I can’t think of a better family to be part of.
Epilogue
Jessica
One Year Later
“O hh, wow. You look gorgeous.”
Mom gushes at me as I step out into the room where everyone else is getting ready, my dress flowing around me and my hair and makeup finally finished to perfection. I blush slightly, not entirely sure what I think about all the attention being centered on me, but unable to help the warm feeling in my chest as they look at me.
I’m really here, doing this. It’s actually happening.
“You both—all three of you—look gorgeous.” Mom amends, as she steps back to look at Lori standing off to the side, holding Emma’s hand, as well. “Oh, Jessica, I can hardly believe this is happening.”
I smile, enjoying just how excited she is for this.
“Go on—all three of you together now—I have to get a picture.”
She pulls out her somewhat out-of-date phone and holds it up in front of her as Lori obliges, coming to stand with one arm around my waist.
“Here, Emma.” She says, guiding her in front of us. “You stand there, right at the front—perfect.”
“Okaayy, Loriiii.” Emma says happily, leaning back against my sister and raising her arms up and behind her to grab at Lori’s dress from in front. Lori just laughs, holding her hands and trying to disentangle her, and my heart warms at the two of them.
That was one of the most surprising things to come out of this - I never knew how much Lori liked children. I guess she didn’t either, until she got to spend some time with Emma, but the two of them seem to stick together like glue whenever they get the chance. I think Lori is more excited about the idea of becoming an Aunt than she is about my marriage, and she’s so good with Emma I have to wonder how she does it. She’s patient and easygoing in a way I’ve never seen from her - maybe because I’ve always been the big sister - and fun too.