by Janet Gover
But she said nothing and, one by one, the circus vehicles passed through the town and disappeared down the road.
When Alice turned to go, she couldn’t see Jenny anywhere. That wasn’t really surprising. She wondered if her niece had gone to that place by the creek. The same place where her young self had gone to cry the day the last circus left town.
Slowly, Alice walked home. For once she didn’t stop to talk to people; she was lost in thought. Lost in memories. Or were they regrets?
Duchess was waiting for her when she opened her front door. The cat was already more loyal than the young love she had lost all those years ago. Not for the first time, she retrieved the old black and white photo from the drawer in her living room. And the faded circus brochure. After a slight hesitation, she also took the old envelopes. All of them. She knew every word written on those pages by heart anyway. She carried them into the kitchen and opened the lid of her bin. It was long past time she did this. Her hand hovered over the open bin, but her fingers just would not let go.
Remember the day the circus came to Nyringa? Remember how exciting it was? It seemed to promise such adventure. Well, that promise was real, Alice. This life is more than I could ever have imagined …
I haven’t heard back from you, Alice. I hope it’s just because your letter got lost in the mail. We’re in Queensland now. By the beach. I went swimming this morning in the ocean. The surf was a bit hard to manage at first, but after a while I loved it. It made me feel so alive. How I wish …
I know I must have hurt you, leaving like I did, Alice. But I was so young then. We both were. I haven’t forgotten. The circus doesn’t go to Nyringa any more, but we will be in Glen Innes soon. Could you come to see me? Or at least answer my letters. Alice. Please …
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ she told the handsome boy. ‘It was mine. I know that. And I’m sorry now. So very, very sorry.’ The memories went back into their drawer.
She closed the drawer and returned to the kitchen. Taking a firm grip on her emotions, she pushed the bin into its corner.
‘I think I will make a cake,’ she told the kitten, who was sitting hopefully near its empty food bowl. ‘A special one, just for Jenny. It might cheer her up.’
Alice knew better, of course. Cake wouldn’t mend a broken heart. But it couldn’t make things any worse.
After the circus was gone, Meg decided to go to Three Rings—there was still a lot of work to be done on the carousel. But that was just an excuse. Her real reason for going was that she needed to talk to Simon about Finn and his father. She should have done it while the circus was still here, but she had struggled to find the courage. It was hard to admit you were afraid. Now her job was easier … and harder. She had avoided the physical risk of facing Ron Whelan, but what would Simon think of her for not speaking up before the circus left, putting Ron and Finn out of their reach? She had texted him to apologise about leaving the party on Christmas Eve without telling him why. He’d replied that everything was fine. She wished it was.
When she arrived at the farm, it seemed strangely deserted. The camping area was quiet, just worn paths and bare patches of dirt where a whole community had been only a few hours ago.
She found Simon tidying up inside one of the sheds.
‘Hi.’
When he turned to greet her, his face lit up in a way that at once warmed her, and made her feel even worse for what she had to tell him.
‘Hi.’
‘Do you need a hand?’
‘No. But I’ll gladly accept one, just for the company.’
He was flirting with her. She smiled back, then looked away so he wouldn’t see the emotions on her face. She felt something when he smiled like that, something she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Since before the attack. She felt attractive. And attracted. For once, she had forgotten to check if her sleeve covered the scar on her arm. She was no longer afraid, or ashamed. For that brief moment she felt normal again. Like the person she’d been before the attack. That feeling would vanish when she told Simon about Ron, but surely there was nothing wrong in enjoying this moment?
‘I guess it must seem very quiet now everyone has gone.’
‘A bit.’
‘Does it feel strange not to be going with them?’
‘I haven’t really had time to think about it. I guess it does. But I’m not a circus performer any more, so there was no point going with them. And besides, my grandmother is here. My place is with her.’
‘What will you do with yourself?’
‘We will still manage the circus from here. Plan the season, take bookings and do all the paperwork. And if I know Grand-mère, it won’t be long before she decides we should take a trip and visit the circus.’
‘You’ll join them again?’
‘Not permanently. I think a few days here and there. My grandmother is also talking about making this place available to other circus troupes and carnivals for their off periods. A lot of them don’t have a home base, and Grand-mère is always willing to share—for a price, of course. She’s generous but not rich.’
That was probably not going to make Aunt Alice happy, but Meg wasn’t going to be the one to break it to her.
Simon finished packing ropes into a metal storage bin. ‘Enough work for now.’ He straightened and looked at her, as if waiting for some indication of what she wanted next.
What did she want?
He was standing so close to her she could just stretch out her hands and touch him. Or he could touch her. Far from frightening her, the idea of Simon reaching for her filled her with a crazy mixture of joy, anticipation and nervousness. She felt almost as young as Jenny, as if the past had never happened, and she was untouched. Unscarred.
There was a stillness in the empty shed as Simon took her hand. He lifted it and looked at it as if it was some precious jewel. Then he reached out to stroke her cheek, ever so softly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the gentle caress.
‘Will you have dinner with me one night, Meg? Soon?’
She opened her eyes. ‘Yes.’
Simon nodded and looked around the shed. ‘I think I’m finished here. Come up to the house. My grandmother would love to see you. She’s probably feeling a bit lonely right now. I have to stay home tonight to keep her company, but maybe tomorrow night? It’s not a school night yet, surely.’
‘No, it’s not. But even if it was, I’m the teacher. I’m allowed out on a school night.’
His soft chuckle almost made her heart skip a beat.
After he’d bolted the shed’s doors, Simon reached for her hand again. She gave it to him gladly.
‘My grandmother cooks when she’s feeling restless, so I expect there will be pastries to be eaten. Or possibly even lamingtons. Since she’s had her lovely big kitchen, she’s taken to baking. And what she does to a lamington has to be seen to be believed.’
Meg liked walking beside him, her hand in his. His limp was barely noticeable now, or had she just become used to it and to him? They walked past the place where the big top had been.
‘The show was a big success,’ Meg said. ‘Everyone in town is talking about it.’
‘I’m glad. Maybe eventually we’ll be accepted as part of the town.’
‘You’re accepted.’
‘By some people, but not everyone. That’s okay. Circus people are wary too. Over time, though, I think this is going to be good for both of us—both our communities.’
She had to tell him about Finn. And Jenny. She was about to, but they reached the steps leading to the house and Lucienne appeared in the doorway.
‘Hello, my dear. Come in. I have prepared for us some cake.’
Enticing smells were indeed flowing out the open door. Would it be so wrong of her to wait? To take a few minutes to enjoy being with Simon? To enjoy Lucienne’s cake, before she did what she had come to do? It would make no difference, because the circus was gone.
She settled in the big kitchen, a mug of tea at her elbow
, and talked to Lucienne as the older woman bustled around the kitchen. Simon attempted to join them, but Lucienne shooed him away.
‘You can have her all to yourself later, when I have gone to bed. But for now, let us girls be. Find something useful to do.’
Shrugging ruefully, Simon left, and while a part of Meg had been sorry to see him go, the rest of her was enjoying her time with Lucienne. The stories she had to tell—and she didn’t need much encouragement to share them. Meg alternately laughed and gasped at the images of a time long past and a lifestyle that had changed beyond recognition.
‘When we travelled, people welcomed us. Now, not so much. There is distrust everywhere, because we are different.’
‘But when people get to know you …’
‘Sadly, we do not stay in any one town long enough for that. Still, it is better than it once was. My family lived in Europe when the Nazis were in power. My father saw too much in that war. This country has been spared that. It is a kinder place. I have had a good life, but it is not for everyone. For some, settling down is better. It was for Simon’s mother.’
‘But not for him?’
‘Perhaps. Who knows what life will bring for us all? And what of you, my dear? And your family?’
‘I’m an only child,’ Meg said. Normally she was reluctant to talk about the past, yet in this homely kitchen, with Lucienne wearing oven gloves and an apron, talking was easy. She described growing up in the beachside suburb where her parents still lived, her love of books and music, and her decision to be a teacher.
‘It is not a job, it is a calling—is it not?’
‘Yes. Yes, it is. And I love it. Well, I did until—’ Meg wasn’t certain she could go on. But maybe talking about it was what she needed to do. Lucienne would understand. Perhaps this was the way to start on the right road. ‘Until something happened at school. I was … attacked on my way home.’ She hesitantly pushed up her sleeve to reveal the ugly puckered scar running down her arm. ‘He was a violent young man. He hurt one of my students and I reported him. This was his revenge.’
Lucienne shook her head, her eyes full of sympathy. ‘You were injured as you protected a student?’
‘I had to try. She was in my care. I couldn’t just let …’ Her voice trailed off.
‘You are very brave. You should be proud of what you did.’
‘I wasn’t so brave. And I haven’t been since. Every loud noise, every strange man. I spend much of every day so frightened. If I didn’t fight it, it would overwhelm me.’
‘No. It will not. You are too strong for that. You will see.’
In the pause that followed, Simon put his head around the kitchen door. ‘Ladies. It’s getting dark outside, and I, for one, am starting to feel hungry.’
‘C’est vrai. We shall dine.’
‘Oh, I don’t mean to impose.’ Meg got to her feet.
‘No. Stay. Please. I am enjoying your company.’
How could she say no? And she still needed to talk to Simon. She realised now she couldn’t wait.
‘Thank you. Whatever you have been cooking, it smells wonderful.’
‘Merci. Now, you go with Simon and prepare the table.’
As they were putting cutlery and glasses on the dining room table, Meg took a deep breath. Jenny and Finn needed her help. She could no more walk away now than she could have on that day back in Sydney.
‘Simon, something happened the other night. The night of the show. And it’s worrying me. I don’t know what we can do but—’
She heard a buzzing from inside the bag she had left in the hallway. She retrieved her phone and cut off the call. Whoever it was, they could wait. She was about to put it away when it vibrated again. That’s when she saw all the missed calls.
‘Something’s wrong.’ Most of the missed calls were from Anna, the primary school teacher. She hit the call back button.
‘Thank goodness, I’ve found you.’ Anna seemed breathless.
‘What is it?’
‘Is Jenny Harden with you?’
Meg’s heart sank. ‘No. Why?’
‘She’s missing.’
‘Missing?’
‘Her parents have been looking for her since lunchtime. They’ve looked everywhere. There aren’t that many places she could be. None of her friends knows where she is. Not even Kate. She’s just … gone.’
‘Hang on.’ Meg turned to Simon, who was looking at her with a concerned frown. ‘Jenny seems to have vanished.’
‘You’re thinking Finn?’
‘Yes. That thing I had to tell you, it’s about Finn. I think it’s all connected.’
Simon reached for his phone. ‘Let me call Ron.’
‘No!’ Anyone who would be violent to a child—to his own son—would be unpredictable and wouldn’t stop at hurting anyone who happened to cross him. Meg didn’t want Finn’s father involved, at least not until they knew what was going on and could protect Finn and Jenny. ‘At least not until you’ve heard what happened. I’m sorry. I should have told you that night, but I was a coward. We need to go into town. I can tell you on the way. Jenny’s parents need to know this as well.’
She remembered her phone and lifted it again. Anna was still hanging on. ‘Where are Jenny’s parents?’
‘At Alice’s place. It’s where everyone gathers when there’s a family crisis.’
‘Okay. I’m at Three Rings. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I might have an idea what’s going on.’
‘All right.’
Lucienne was standing in the doorway, listening. ‘We must go now.’
Simon shook his head. ‘There’s no need for you to come, Grandmère. Meg and I will do this.’
Lucienne drew herself up to her full height, back ramrod straight. She looked every bit the matriarch. ‘I believe this involves le cirque. I am Le Cirque Chevalier. I will come.’
They had no choice but to agree.
CHAPTER
29
It was almost dark as the motorcycle pulled into the petrol station. Finn parked next to a bowser and, with a sigh of relief, Jenny dropped her feet to the ground. She pulled off her helmet and swung her stiff body off the pillion seat, avoiding the rucksacks strapped to the back of the bike.
‘Are you all right?’ Finn removed his helmet.
‘Yeah. I’m just stiff.’ Riding a bike for a few miles was fun. Riding it for a few hours was exhausting. ‘Are you hungry? I am.’
Finn nodded. ‘I’ll put some petrol in the bike and then meet you inside.’
The petrol station had what was grandly called a restaurant attached to it. Jenny opened the door and went inside. The metal chairs and grey laminex-topped tables were empty. Behind the counter, a bored-looking woman with purple hair was chewing on some jerky while looking at her phone. The smell of the hot food on display made Jenny’s stomach rumble. She wandered over for a look.
‘Yeah? What can I get ya?’
The food didn’t look very appetising. Dried-up pies and sausage rolls. Chips that looked like they had probably been there for hours. Jenny looked at the menu board—it offered burgers. Perhaps they would be freshly cooked.
‘I’m just waiting—’
Finn joined her. He didn’t look at all dismayed by the food choices. Perhaps he ate at service stations like this all the time.
They ordered two burgers, and while the woman went to cook them, they grabbed two cans of Coke from the fridge and sat down. For the very first time, Jenny felt almost awkward with Finn. They’d barely exchanged a word since they’d formulated this plan in a rushed conversation down by the creek on Christmas Day. In order to keep their secret, no-one—not even Dino or Kate—had known exactly what was going to happen. Travelling on a motorbike didn’t make talking easy either.
There was so much to say, she barely knew where to start. But she had to start somewhere. ‘How much further is it?’
‘Two, maybe three more hours.’
Her heart sank. She was so tired.
/> Finn must have understood the look on her face, because he reached out and laid his hand on hers. ‘It’s not too late to change your mind. I can take you home.’
‘But you won’t go back?’
‘No. He’d—’ Finn took a deep breath and Jenny realised how terribly afraid of his father he was. ‘He will never hit me again.’
‘I don’t want to go back either. I want to stay with you.’ When Finn leaned over the table to kiss her, she was doubly certain that was right.
‘I’m sorry it’s taking us so long, but I have to be careful. I don’t have a licence and if we get pulled over, we’ll be in trouble.’
She liked the way he said ‘us’ and ‘we’. Because that’s what it was: the two of them in this together. ‘They won’t be looking for us yet, will they?’
‘I don’t think so. They all saw us say goodbye. They think I’ve gone with the circus. And they probably think you’re hiding somewhere feeling upset.’
The public farewell had been Jenny’s idea.
‘Your father won’t miss you? Especially when the circus reaches its next camp?’
‘He ignores me most of the time. He’ll be so busy getting the camp in order he won’t even notice I’m not there.’ Finn didn’t sound very certain.
The waitress appeared. ‘Here ya go, two burgers.’
The burgers were surprisingly good, and Jenny felt her spirits lifting. ‘So what happens when we get there?’
‘Well, I need a job. I think they’ll put me on. At least I hope they will. Once I’ve got a job, we can let our families know. They can’t force us to go back.’
Jenny wasn’t so sure about that, but she was happy to be convinced.
‘Once we’re set up, you can visit home whenever you want. Because I know you’ll miss your family.’
Jenny loved that Finn was so caring. ‘You won’t miss yours? Despite everything, they are family.’