“You’re always welcome.” Thea wrapped her arms around Kit’s neck and kissed her again. “Especially if you stop by to kiss me.”
“I left something for you at the desk upstairs. I know you have dinner plans, so I won’t keep you.” Kit took first one of Thea’s arms from around her neck, then the other and kissed each of her hands.
Before she could cancel her plans for the evening and drag Kit back to her place, or out somewhere, or deep into the stacks for more kissing, Kit was off. Thea sighed. It was probably better she not lose her head anyway. Not that Carrie would be much help with that. She seemed to be well and truly in love with Kit already.
Thea made her way to the front desk, eager to see what Kit had left for her. Carrie and Walter were waiting. Walter was holding a single red rose. Carrie was trying to snatch it from him, unsuccessfully.
“Your Ms. Marsden does have an old-fashioned romantic flair, which I applaud,” Walter said. “She came round to leave the rose for you before taking her leave, but I escorted her to you. Little did I know you were engaged in a game of Twister with Carrie. Next time, should I call first?”
“Can it, old man.” Carrie swatted Walter on the shoulder. “Enough speechifying. Give her the rose already.”
Walter handed over the rose. Carrie teased Thea about looking dreamy eyed as she clutched the rose when they headed to dinner. No one had ever gotten her flowers before, so Carrie could tease all she wanted. She was going to enjoy all the feelings such a sweet gesture elicited.
It didn’t take long for dinner to settle into their normal routine. Carrie refused to talk about work, but then usually had a question that she needed Thea to answer. Thea tried not to give in to Carrie’s grilling about her personal life, but she always caved. It was harder now that there was Kit and everyone at the library knew her.
Although, surprisingly, she would have been happy to talk about Kit all night, there was something else she was hoping Carrie would share an opinion on.
“I met Kit’s former drug dealer the other day in the park,” Thea said.
“Whoa.” Carrie paused, fork halfway to her mouth. “Things are moving awfully fast, don’t you think? Why didn’t you tell me? Are we going to need to go wedding dress shopping soon?”
Thea’s jaw unclenched and her shoulders relaxed. Why had she been nervous to tell Carrie? “Her name’s the Zookeeper. I think you’d love her.”
“I am a sucker for a good nom de illicit activity.” Carrie put her fork down and leaned forward. It was her “ready for a good story” pose.
“I know you are. She’s also apparently a lawyer, but I don’t have the full story there. But she alerted me to something happening in the library that I was unaware of. It’s been bugging me. Not that it’s happening, but that maybe we could be doing more to help.”
“And that’s where I come in? Problem solver extraordinaire?”
Thea wasn’t sure where to begin. She’d been giving her conversation with the Zookeeper a lot of thought. It was admirable that she was getting the women she saw as under her protection out of harm’s way when they needed to be off the streets. But as Thea had been reminded of recently, her library wasn’t a true community library unless it served everyone in the community.
“You don’t need to have all the answers, or the problem laid out fifteen steps ahead.” Carrie reached out and took Thea’s hand. “Just talk to me.”
Carrie was right as usual. Thea didn’t know where to begin so Carrie had told her.
“The Zookeeper and Parrot Master agreed to stop selling drugs in the library.”
“Wait,” Carrie said, interrupting. “The Zookeeper and Parrot Master. We’re going to have a serious conversation about two people with those names featuring prominently?”
“We are,” Thea said.
Carrie looked bemused but waved her hands to indicate Thea should continue.
“Kit arranged a meeting so we could get their agreement on the drug selling issue. You heard how Frankie stumbled on a deal that could have turned out far worse than it did?”
Carrie nodded. All the staff knew and liked Frankie and Thea had let everyone know about the drug deal. She wanted folks to be extra cautious if they were alone in less populated areas or if they saw anything suspicious. Then Thea explained the Zookeeper’s refusal to encourage or insist anyone in their sphere abstain from drug use in the library.
“She has a network she uses to get mostly women and kids off the street if it’s unsafe. The library’s part of the network. If the women and kids had to be clean before she could help them, she’d never help anyone. So she stashes active drug users in our library occasionally, just to make sure they’re safe from whatever threat she perceives could affect them at the time.”
“So what?” Carrie took a bite of salad and waved her fork for emphasis. “We’ve set up the sharps containers in the bathrooms. You have naloxone just in case. We’re a community library. All are welcome.”
“But is that enough?” Thea leaned back in her chair. Her foot was tapping rhythmically. “Cleaning up the mess, literally and figuratively, if something goes wrong? Asking people who can’t walk or stay awake to leave? I do more than that for Mrs. Zalenski when she calls every afternoon at twelve fifteen.”
“And we all thank you for continuing to take her calls.” Carrie tipped her imaginary cap to Thea with her fork.
Thea knew the irascible Mrs. Zalenski wasn’t the most popular library patron, but she didn’t mind the daily phone call.
“That’s my point,” Thea said. “If I can read the weather report and box score to Mrs. Zalenski every day, why can’t we do more than provide a sharps container and a kinda, sorta, maybe promise we might be able to not let you die if you overdose, to others who come into the library?”
“Well, if you hang Mrs. Z over my head, of course I’m going to agree with you,” Carrie said. “But you do have a point. I’ve done all kinds of stuff over the years to help the kids upstairs with what they bring into the library. Parents’ divorce, illness, bullying at school, autism and developmental delays. Feels like we’ve seen it all. And we’ve updated and changed programs, ordered new, different, and diverse books, made the space more adaptive and sensory integrative, had social workers come in to offer groups for the little guys.”
“You’ve done an amazing job up there.” Thea ran her hand through her hair. “It’s been one of our greatest successes at molding our offerings.”
“Shouldn’t be any different for the Zookeeper’s contingent when you break it down,” Carrie said. “Just takes a little rethinking on my part to see that her group and my kids are the same in terms of needing what the library has to offer. Probably happens a lot, now that I think about it. Not being seen as worthy of help or services.”
“I want to be better than that.” Thea balled her napkin. “I need to be better than that.”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Carrie reached out and took Thea’s hand.
Thea felt her face heat and she looked down. She couldn’t look her best friend in the eye. “Since I talked to the Zookeeper I’ve looked at every woman who walks in differently. I’ve been trying to figure out if they’re one of hers and if they’re a threat to the library. That’s not fair to them. I’m ashamed of myself. But I need that library to be safe for kids like Frankie, so I’m caught in some judgmental twilight zone.”
Carrie scooted her chair around so she was sitting next to Thea. She put her arm around her. “For kids like you too, right? Little Thea probably wouldn’t have felt all that great having the Zookeeper’s women prowling your library as a kid.”
Thea pushed the food around on her plate so she had something to do. “Little me doesn’t get to make decisions for adult me.”
“Maybe not, but I’m sure she isn’t afraid to share her opinion. Frankie’s not the only kid in there that has seen what she’s seen. Or has parents like yours. Your instincts to protect them aren’t wrong.”
Thea thought about
Frankie and the women who were probably a lot like Frankie’s mom within the walls of her library. She thought about how much Frankie loved her mom and how devastated she was when her mom was arrested. What if some program, service, or connection through the library was able to help Frankie’s mom, or a woman like her? What if there’d been someone to help Thea’s mom? There were a lot of layers at which to serve a community.
“No, but you’re not wrong either. We’re a community library. Everyone should be welcome. My personal history is not the fault of anyone who walks through the doors.” Thea sat up a little straighter and looked Carrie in the eye. “So what do we do to improve things?”
“No idea,” Carrie said. “But I’m confident we can figure it out. And I think you should ask Kit. I bet she’ll have some ideas too.”
Thea and Carrie eventually moved on to other topics while they finished dinner. On her way home, Thea revisited the conversation. She was happy Carrie had validated her feelings, and had also helped her come to the obvious conclusion that they should do more to support everyone who walked through the door.
There was nothing she could do to change the nature of the neighborhood surrounding her library. The only thing she could do was live up to her values and make sure the library served the neighborhood where it resided. Part of that meant putting her own fraught personal history aside and welcoming everyone through the doors. Tonight felt like a step in that direction. She didn’t realize how good that would feel.
Once home, she kicked off her shoes and leaned against the closed front door. She smelled the rose Kit had left for her. She closed her eyes and pictured Kit’s face. That was something else that felt good. Maybe too good. She and Kit were so different. Kit still came with so much baggage. Could it possibly work?
She looked at the rose in her hand and smelled it again. She ignored her overly analytical brain and listened to her heart. The future was just that. Today she was happy.
Chapter Twenty
“Where are you taking me?” Thea swatted at a determined fly.
“Just a little bit farther. It’ll be worth it.” Kit hoped that was true and it wouldn’t be an uncomfortable forty-five-minute drive back to the city. She hadn’t been here in years. It used to be her favorite spot to laze away an afternoon. She didn’t think it had probably changed much since she had last been there. Wide-open spaces didn’t tend to. It was people who did.
Kit helped Thea climb over a crumbly old rock wall. Thea was wearing another stunning sundress as the late fall day was unseasonably warm. She looked like she was painted into the beautiful scenery surrounding them. Kit could see their destination in the distance.
“Are you sure we should be trespassing on someone’s private property?” Thea asked.
“The owners won’t mind.” That was bullshit, but there was almost no chance the owners would find them way out here. Kit was willing to risk it. She wanted Thea to see this place. She didn’t understand why it felt so important, but this was something she needed to share.
“We’re going to that oak tree.” Kit pointed to a majestic oak standing alone atop a hill.
“There are oak trees all over the park near home.” Thea shaded her eyes and looked where Kit was pointing.
“Not like this one.” The view was just as Kit remembered. She spread the blanket she’d brought next to the massive trunk and began unpacking the picnic.
Thea wandered down the hill a little and stopped and stared across the expansive view stretching out seemingly forever. Kit was happy to let her take it in. She’d been awed by this view for as long as she could remember. Now she understood. Letting Thea experience it was why she’d brought her here. She hadn’t been sure what had driven her to return here, but watching Thea react to everything around them gave her the answer. This place still held so many positive memories and she wanted to make new ones with Thea.
“This is incredible.” Thea joined Kit on the blanket. “How do you know about this place?”
“I grew up here. Well, in that house.” Kit pointed to a house just visible in the distance.
Thea jumped up and craned to get a better look. “You grew up here?” She motioned all around her. “In that…castle?”
“My mother insisted on calling it a chateau.” Kit rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Which tells you just about all you need to know about her.”
“I have so many questions.” Thea knelt in front of Kit, invading her personal space. “Are you a princess?”
“What? No. Do I look like a princess to you? How horrifying.” Kit didn’t like the mischievous look on Thea’s face. “Absolutely not. I don’t care what you promise, I’m not wearing a tiara.”
“I haven’t even presented my offer yet,” Thea said. “It’s okay, we can circle back.”
Kit could see more questions forming. Thea’s expression changed subtly as they occurred to her. Kit had wanted to share this spot with Thea because of what it had meant to her as a child, but she should have realized Thea would want to know more.
“I’ll answer what I can,” Kit said. “But if your first question is ‘can we go visit’ then I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you. I already told you I don’t keep in touch with anyone in my family. There’s a good reason.”
“But you said they wouldn’t mind that we’re out here.” Thea put her hand out and stopped Kit.
“That’s true.” Kit continued opening containers from the picnic basket. “Because they’ll never know.” She filled a plate with food and offered it to Thea. She accepted and sat down on the blanket once more. Kit made herself a plate and stretched out, resting her head on her hand with her elbow propped.
“Tell me why you brought me here.” Thea reached out and stroked Kit’s arm.
Kit didn’t think Thea meant the gesture as anything but a point of connection and support. The result, however, was quite distracting. Kit felt like Thea’s touch was the match lighting a cascade of fireworks going off all over her body. It was pleasantly electric but made formulating thoughts a challenge.
“Why did I bring you here? Right. I told you Josh and I are the black sheep of the family. His parents have a house over that hill.” Kit waved in the general direction. “This was a meeting place for the two of us more days than not. But even if he wasn’t around, I’d come out here myself. No one bothered me here, or expected anything of me. I could lie in the grass and stare at that breathtaking view and be anything I wanted to be. It still feels that way when I look at it. I guess I wanted to share it with you. You told me about your library when you were a kid. This was my version of that.”
“Thank you for bringing me here.” Thea leaned forward and kissed her. Kit wanted to deepen it, but Thea pulled back.
“How did young Kit imagine herself when she dreamed out here under the big oak tree?”
“There were the usual kid things.” Kit smiled. “I wanted to be Wonder Woman, or Captain Marvel. Either would have been fine. Or a ninja. There was a brief, but intense time where Josh and I were obsessed with becoming garbage men.”
“An honorable and underappreciated career if ever there was one,” Thea said.
“When I was here by myself, as I got older, I really just wanted to be seen. For who I was. Not who my family needed or required me to be. I wasn’t ever going to live up to their ideals of the perfect daughter. Everyone was miserable trying to make it happen.”
Thea looked confused. She scooted closer to Kit on the blanket. “But you’re wonderful. Why wasn’t that enough?”
“I don’t know. My parents had an image of ‘a daughter’ they wanted to present to the world. Unluckily for them, they got me. You can’t just hide away the parts of a person you don’t like. A person comes with all the messy bits too.”
Kit stopped and thought about what she’d just said. She groaned and flopped on her back on the blanket. “Damn it, Josh.”
Thea leaned over her, looking concerned.
“I’m fine.” Kit rubbed her temples.
“Well, actually, I’m totally screwed because I have to tell Josh he was right about something. He’s never going to let me hear the end of it. Maybe I’ll just tell Ethel instead and not mention it to Josh. But she’s been so weird lately. I should probably figure out what’s going on with her.”
Thea kissed her. It wasn’t a soft tentative kiss, but a take charge, possessive kiss. She pulled away a few inches but kept her hand in Kit’s hair.
“I think you were short-circuiting. Better?”
Kit pulled Thea on top of her. She tried to kiss her again. A day like this. A view like this. Lying under a tree in the middle of a field. This day was made for kissing. Not worrying about something she couldn’t do anything about right now. If only she hadn’t opened her big mouth.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Thea put her finger against Kit’s lips and pushed her back down flat on the blanket.
She kept Kit from kissing her but stayed on top of her. She couldn’t tell if Thea was pressing her leg into Kit purposefully or if she had the best accidental aim on the planet, but the impact was the same. She was on fire and having trouble concentrating. If Thea wanted to have a serious conversation, any conversation, Kit needed some relief.
She gently repositioned them so Thea was snuggled along the length of her body with her head on Kit’s chest. Kit held Thea close with one arm and used her other arm as a pillow. Now at least she’d be able to listen without all nerve signals heading south.
“Sorry.” Thea propped herself on her elbow so she was looking down at Kit. “Were you uncomfortable before?”
One look was all it took. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. I like that. “Was there something you wanted to know?” Kit huffed. “Or can we go back to kissing?”
“Are you pouting?”
Kit thought she might be laughing at her, just a little bit. “Absolutely. An amazingly sexy woman is lying in my arms, but she wants to talk about my cousin. And heroin.”
“I do see your point,” Thea said. “I’ll make it quick. And I’ll make it up to you.”
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