by M J Hardy
Turning my eyes to his, I see a myriad of emotions swirling in his eyes and his voice is gruff as he whispers, “I hated doing that. To be honest, I’m not sure why it came out the way it did. It was as if I had no control over my words. I suppose it’s been festering for a few months now and well, perhaps I had too much to drink and got a bit carried away.”
“What are you saying?” I genuinely don’t know, and he shrugs. “I don’t want to fall out with you, Kim, you mean too much to me for that, it’s just, well… it’s just that I don’t think I love you anymore.”
My lip trembles as I see the genuine remorse in his eyes. This is harder to bear than his angry words of yesterday. This time it’s considered and well thought out after a night’s sleep, and I guess this tells me my answer.
Turning away, I say tightly, “Then there’s nothing more to say. As soon as we return to the hotel, I’ll make arrangements for my own room. Cut our losses and set the wheels in motion to go our separate ways.”
If I thought my words would shock him, it doesn’t work because he just nods. “Probably for the best. Anyway, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll find a bar somewhere to be alone. Enjoy your shopping.”
He drops my hand and turns his back on me, and I stare after him in total shock. Our marriage crumbles and he tells me to enjoy my shopping. Is he mad, deluded, a fool?
Fighting back the tears, I realise that I’m the fool, not him. I should have seen this coming because if I’m honest, the writing’s been on the wall for several years now. So, that’s it, no marriage and no family because the chances of me finding a man who wants a family at this point in my life, are about as certain as winning the euromillions.
Chapter 19
Chloe
This is so lovely; the small town is quirky, and I love the colourful buildings and general festive vibe. John and I made love this morning while the sun kissed our bodies through the open bifold doors. We were served breakfast in our room and are now looking forward to a complimentary excursion to the nearby town to take advantage of local culture and discover a place I never knew existed until today.
We wander through a street market hand in hand and I am happier than I have ever been. Even my morning call from Ava didn’t dampen my mood, even when she told me her sister was out with her new boyfriend as we speak.
John groans. “Hey, Chlo, I really need to use the toilet, do you know where they are?”
“No, but there’s a bar across the road. We could grab a drink there.”
“Great.”
We head towards a lovely little bar nestling on the pavement and as I take a seat, John heads inside.
It feels so good to be out and free. No miserable, dreary weather to dampen my spirits. No cleaning, cooking or general stuff to burden me down. Just pure enjoyment on tap 24/7 and if I could change one thing, it would be to make our stay two weeks instead of one.
“Excuse me.”
I blink and looking up, see the man from the boat and my nerves start prickling as I say quickly, “Oh, hi.”
He drags one of the chairs beside me and stares at me long and hard. “I recognised you from the resort, I’m Sam by the way.”
He holds out his hand and I hate the fact I must shake it and say quickly, “Um, Chloe and my husband’s John.”
For some reason I don’t want to label John as anything else because I sense there is something dangerous about this man.
He doesn’t appear in any hurry to release my hand and I pull it away awkwardly, praying that John will charge out and rescue me. I look towards the bar with a hopeful expression, but there’s no sign of him.
“So, are you enjoying your stay?” His husky voice sets my teeth on edge and I force a smile on my face.
“It’s lovely, are you?”
“Yes, although it’s getting a little lonely already.”
“Didn’t you have anyone you could bring with you?”
“No, sadly I’m on my own.”
He stares at me with an intense look and says creepily, “All the good ones are already taken.”
I feel uncomfortable as he undresses me with his eyes and I shift a little on my seat.
“Oh, well, never mind, I’m sure the right woman is just around the corner.”
“You could be right.”
He smiles, and it makes me feel dirty because he is staring at my breasts and not into my eyes. In fact, his gaze travels the length of me as if he’s appraising a horse and I say tightly, “So, anyway, where are you off to now? I heard there’s an amazing aquarium not far away.”
He says nothing and just continues to look me up and down and then he slips a piece of plastic towards me and winks. “My key card for room 360, if you get bored with your husband come and find me.”
I stare at him in shock and drop the card as if it burns. “How dare you?”
He just laughs at the disgust on my face and leans in. “Women like you love it. I’ve seen your little looks my way, dreaming of me and what I can give you. Your husband just isn’t good enough, boring, safe and disinterested. Well, you only have to say the word and I’ll give you more excitement than you ever dreamed of. So, before you get those tight knickers in a twist, think about it.”
He winks and pushes away from the table and then luckily heads off before I can answer him. I can’t stop shaking as I stare down at the table, feeling so dirty inside. It feels as if an unwanted virus is creeping through my body, replacing good with evil and happiness with terror.
I try so hard to fight it but the memory is there - always there, lurking in the deep recesses of my soul, waiting for an opportunity to re-surface and destroy me all over again.
Twenty-two years earlier.
The music is so loud, deafening even, and I feel a little unsteady on my feet. My friends are loud tonight, in fact everything is loud.
Anna yells in my ear, “Come and dance, Chloe.”
I feel a little nauseous and shake my head. “Sorry, I feel strange, I should go somewhere quiet for a minute, maybe sit down.”
“You ok, babe?” The soothing voice of Alice, the sensible one among us, cuts through the fog in my brain and I muster up a smile. “I’ll be fine, you go, have a dance for me.”
She looks at me with concern as Anna whines, “I love this song, it’s my favourite and that guy I’ve got my eye on is sending me the vibes.”
“But…” Alice looks worried and I say firmly, “Go, I’ll just grab a glass of water and sit down for a while.”
Anna drags her off and I’m glad about it because I’m struggling to stand, let alone dance, and so I quickly head to the bar to grab a glass of water. My heart sinks when I see the crowd filling the bar four deep and I turn away.
I must have eaten something because I was fine an hour ago. Mum’s shepherd’s pie must have been past its sell by date because that’s all I can taste and I know it’s going to make an appearance again very soon.
I decide to head to the toilets and see if I can splash some water on my face because I am sweating so much and it’s not just because it’s so hot in here.
As I stumble through the club, I try to dodge the crowds but it’s almost impossible and I knock a few drinks on my way and hear lots of complaints.
As I reach the door leading to the toilets, I stumble through, grateful for the sound being shut out by the large heavy door.
Luckily, it’s quieter out here and I make my way to the ladies, praying there’s not a queue because I’m not sure if I will make it at all.
I almost make it before a firm hand grabs my elbow and says in a deep voice, “Are you ok?”
“Not really.” My legs almost give way and he says with authority, “Let me help you.”
Feeling grateful for any kind of help, I nod and allow him to propel me towards another door and guess he must work here. Maybe they have a first aid room and I can lie down and gather my sanity, and as he propels me through the door, the cool air hits me as if it’s the cure for everything. Taking
a few deep breaths, I blink and look around me and see we have left the club and are in an alley outside. I make to turn around and suddenly find myself pushed hard against the wall and as my face meets it, he stands behind me and growls, “Is this what you want, you’re all the same, teasing men with your short skirts and sexy moves.”
I try to fight but he’s too strong and to my horror, I feel him lift my skirt and press into me. As I open my mouth to scream, it all goes blank and I know nothing of the horrors he inflicts on me because when I next wake up, I’m lying in a hospital bed with my mum crying bitterly beside me.
“Hey, penny for your thoughts.” I open my eyes and see John looking at me with concern across the table, and I shake away the memory.
“I’m good. Sorry, I must have drifted off there for a second.”
“What were you thinking?”
“Nothing, you know - the girls - are they ok, that sort of thing.”
“I wouldn’t worry, I mean, you only spoke to them about an hour ago, you must stop worrying.”
He settles back and grabs the menu and I nod and do the same, but I don’t see the words. Stop worrying, how can I? I have two daughters for god’s sake and just thinking of them ever being in the same position that I was, makes my heart scream with pain.
What happened that night will haunt me to my dying day because I never recovered from the whole sordid experience. The man was never caught, and I had to endure the humiliation of police questioning and my parent’s devastated faces every time they looked at me. It turns out he slipped something in my drink and followed me out. Date rape they called it; I never did. A brutal assault was more like it and the memory catches me when I least expect it and that man has brought it back to the surface in a devastating way.
His key card mocks me from the table and I swallow the fear. I should tell John, tell the hotel owner; I should make it known there’s a predator among us, but my heart sinks when I realise I won’t. I can’t even form the words because I can’t revisit a subject I have locked deep down in a box inside my soul because if I let it out, it would destroy everything I have worked so hard to forget.
Chapter 20
Evelyn
Charles knows something. His manner has changed since yesterday. He is dismissive, crueller than usual, and can’t look me in the eye.
He wasn’t here when I got back around 11pm. I was so nervous and had my excuse ready should I need to explain my whereabouts. I didn’t need it. He returned around midnight and just changed and curled up in bed beside me, turning the other way.
I think I died a thousand times during the night from pure terror. I couldn’t sleep and just lie stiff and full of shame after an evening spent doing something so wrong, I doubt I’ll ever recover.
I am certain he knows because why else would he be so cold?
This trip is the last thing I need today because I can hardly stand, let alone walk through the hot streets of Kurraga. To make matters worse, we appear to be following Jack’s wife around because every shop we stop at she’s already there.
Luckily, there’s no sign of Jack and I wonder why? I can tell she’s upset, it’s obvious by the way she looks blindly around her and just pretends to focus on the products on sale, but I can tell she’s staring at nothing, really.
Maybe Jack told her, perhaps she confronted him and he confessed. Just thinking of anyone finding out fills me with anxiety and I can’t even look at him today because of what we did.
I am going to Hell because I have committed the ultimate betrayal against my husband and against a woman who doesn’t deserve this treatment.
However, I can’t contain the delicious shiver that passes through me when I think back on the whole experience. Jack was everything I hoped he’d be. Strong, passionate and sexy. A man full of passion who isn’t afraid to reach out and take what he wants. A man I am fast realising I prefer over one who treats me more like an object than a living, breathing, human being with feelings.
I try anything to create distance between us and armed with a heap of clothes to try on, head for the nearest changing room. Charles waits patiently outside and I intend on taking my time, but all I do is sit on a chair with my head in my hands. How has my life fallen apart so quickly? I knew I had fallen out of love with Charles a while ago, but I’ve never been a woman who cheats. I’ve had countless offers but always resisted, which is why what happened last night is so shocking. Thinking of Jack, I get the flutters because if I could run away with him and never face Charles again, I would. But he’s created distance from me, and his wife it seems, and I wonder where he is.
I suppose twenty minutes is pushing it slightly and I grab the clothes and head outside, not having tried one item on.
Charles is chatting to Jack’s wife and my heart sinks and I’m sure my guilt must be written all over my face as he beckons me over and says with a wicked grin that worries me still further, “Have you met Kim, Evelyn?”
She smiles, but I notice the tremble to her lips and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world.
“Hi.” My voice sounds strained and I can’t look her in the eye and Charles frowns, saying gruffly, “Any good?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
He sounds impatient, “The clothes, do you want them?”
Noticing the hopeful smile on the shop assistant’s face, I nod and thrust them towards him. “Yes, I’ll take them all.”
“I thought you might.”
He shakes his head and tosses them on the counter and turns to Kim. “Are you here alone, I thought I saw your husband with you?”
I almost miss it, but I see a look pass between them and Charles looks concerned. Kim just looks at him and sighs. “He’s exploring on his own.”
Charles nods and I think my life flashes before my eyes when he turns to me and says sharply, “Evelyn, why don’t you go with Kim and grab a table at the café I saw across the street while I pay for these. Order a bottle of red and white, unless Kim prefers something different. I won’t be long.”
Kim shakes her head, looking nervous, “Oh, I couldn’t intrude, it’s fine…”
“Nonsense, I will not have you walking around a strange place on your own, not on my watch.”
Kim smiles at him gratefully and I sigh inside; could this day get any worse?”
Trying to do the right thing, I smile.
“Come on, I’m desperate for a drink, anyway.”
“Hmm.” Charles throws me an acid look. “So I gathered after last night.”
Turning my back on him, I leave the shop with Kim in tow and feel so embarrassed I can’t even look at her. Kim almost has to run to keep up with me and says apologetically, “I’m so sorry, I could just slip away. Tell him that Jack came back. You really don’t have to…”
“It’s fine.” My tone is curt and I sigh heavily and turn to face her with an apologetic smile. “Listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so rude. It’s just that, well, you know how it is with married couples, we’re winding each other up and it’s not going to end well.”
“Same.” She seems so sad I hold my breath and wonder whether to ask or not. Any normal woman would, but I would feel like a hypocrite if she offloaded her troubles onto me, the woman who is probably responsible for them in the first place.
“Are you ok, do you want to talk?” The compassionate woman in me speaks up and I almost dread her answer. She appears to shake herself and says with a smile, “I’m fine, thank you, just a little too much sun, probably.”
We grab a seat in the sweet little bar across the street and as we sit down, I feel glad to be under a canopy and out of the sun. Fanning myself, I say with a groan, “I would rather be sunning myself by the pool. This was a seriously bad idea.”
“Yes, it is rather hot.” She smiles and after we place our order with the attentive waiter I say with curiosity, “Are you having a good time?”
“Lovely thanks, and you?”
“Great.” We both look down and I know we a
re obviously accomplished liars because our words mean nothing and we both know it.
Changing direction, I say quickly, “Were you one of the competition winners?”
“Yes, were you?”
“No.” I roll my eyes. “Charles is here on business.”
“Nice business to be in.” She laughs softly and I nod.
“It’s ok, I guess, but to be honest, he hasn’t done a lot of business since we arrived. The owner asked for one meeting and left him to it.”
“The owner.”
“I think he’s called Mr Wheeler.”
Kim looks interested, but we are interrupted when Charles heads our way and drops the bags on the seat beside me and takes the one next to Kim.
“You certainly know how to spend my money.” He makes a joke of it, but I hear the steel edge to his voice and look at him in surprise. This isn’t like Charles. He’s always encouraged me to overspend, and I wonder why he’s so edgy. Once again, the worry deepens and leaves me feeling unsettled and I feel regret burning a river of shame through me. Grabbing a glass of water, I gulp it down and say weakly, “Excuse me, I need to use the toilet.”
Scraping back my chair, I avoid eye contact with either of them and head inside the cool interior of the café, glad of an excuse to get away even for a minute.
Once inside, I splash some water on my face and stare at the image of a woman who has sunk to her lowest point. How could I have done that, what was I thinking?
Part of me hates what I’ve done, and part of me applauds myself. One thing I know is, it can’t happen again. It must be a one off, a delicious memory to get me through an emotionless life. Maybe I should use it as a catalyst to drive change because I can’t go on the way I am. I need to make a break and put myself first because if it’s taught me anything, it’s that my marriage is over and I need to ask Charles for a divorce just as soon as we return home.
Chapter 21