by M J Hardy
Jack is drinking rather a lot and I worry about that as well. I know he’s unhappy, there’s something seriously wrong with our relationship and I suppose if I’m honest, there has been for some time.
After an awkward meal, Jack sighs heavily. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m not sure, do you have any ideas?”
“Not really, I’m quite tired though, maybe we should just call it a night and hope tomorrow is a better day.”
“Yes, I think you’re right.”
He nods and makes to leave and I sigh inside, remembering the time he would insist on holding my hand, making sure I was happy before anything else. Now it’s as if we are strangers and I’m not sure how we can go forward from this.
Luckily, there is no sign of Charles or Evelyn, which I’m glad about because they set me on edge. I’m not sure why but Evelyn seems so wrapped in shadows it makes me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t miss the surreptitious glances she threw Jack’s way and the fact he studiously ignored her just isn’t like him. He seemed keen enough to look at her on the ride from the airport and knowing my husband, I’m guessing there has been some kind of contact between them.
We head back to our room and as Jack pushes open the door, I am surprised to see an envelope pushed under it. Jack bends down and retrieves it and tears it open, revealing an invitation inside and he reads it out sounding a little annoyed.
Ladies, you are cordially invited to a spa gathering at 9am tomorrow, followed by lunch on the terrace.
Gentlemen, you are invited to spend the morning on the resort boat The Lotus, where you can enjoy snorkelling, swimming and relaxation massages with our resident masseuse.
Compliments of the management of The Lotus Lake Resort and Spa.
Jack groans. “Great, just what I need, to be confined on a boat with strangers. Well, I won’t be going.”
“Well, I will. Honestly, Jack, this is an opportunity of a lifetime and we should enjoy everything the resort has to offer. It’s up to you if you want to miss out just because you’re in a bad mood.”
“I think it’s more than just a bad mood, wouldn’t you say.”
“I’m not sure what it is but one thing’s certain, we can’t go on like this. Your moods are all over the place and I don’t know what to think anymore. I can’t cope with it and if you don’t sort your head out, I’m not sure this marriage can continue. Personally, I think a day apart is just what we need to work out what we both really want out of this marriage.”
To my surprise, Jack sighs and sits down heavily on the bed and puts his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Kim.”
A bad feeling creeps around my heart like an unwanted virus.
“For what?” My voice sounds calm but inside my heart is racing and as he raises his eyes to mine, he looks shattered.
“I can’t pretend anymore, I’ve kept something back from you and I can’t live with it, you deserve better.”
“Ok.”
I’m not sure I want to hear what he’s about to say but he obviously needs to get it off his chest, so I sit beside him awkwardly and say slightly nervously, “What is it?”
He takes a deep breath and says roughly, “I can’t give you what you want, I can’t be the husband you deserve and it’s tearing me up inside.”
“In what way?”
He reaches over and takes my hand. “I can’t have children.”
The tears sting as he voices something I have suspected for some time.
“I can’t be the husband you need, Kim. I know how much you want children but I can’t give you the one thing you want above everything. Don’t you think I see the way you look at them, the yearning in your eyes, the small smile on your face as you imagine your own. It pains me to watch and know that can never be us. I’ve let you down and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to call time on our marriage.”
“I don’t.”
If I’m sure of anything, it’s that because despite the way he acts sometimes, I do love my husband, very much as it happens.
“Do you know why, I mean, there could be a way around it? Perhaps there’s another way, IVF, egg fertilisation, we can’t give up.”
“Just stop, Kim.”
I recoil at the harsh anger in his voice as he hisses. “Do you think I’d be telling you this if I thought there was a chance, there isn’t.”
“But…”
“Enough, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to discuss other ways, adoption, surrogacy, or any crazy scheme you may concoct. I just want a childless future with, or without you by my side.”
I stare at him in shock as he stands and heads towards the bathroom. “Now, that’s finally in the open, I’ll leave you to decide what you want to do about it. If you love me and not what I can give you, then this marriage may just work. If you were just looking for a sperm donor, I’m sure there will be someone only too happy to oblige but I’m gone.”
He slams the bathroom door, leaving me reeling. For a moment I’m too shocked to react and then that stupid voice in my head that always excuses everything he does, starts telling me to be compassionate. He’s obviously destroyed by this and is using anger to vent his frustrations. He will calm down and we can discuss this rationally and I must be empathetic, considerate and understanding. I’m his wife and my vows counted for something and we will work through this problem together because above everything, I want him.
But do I?
The other voice in my head starts up and whispers, ‘But what about you and what you want? Is he really the love of your life? Think about the lonely nights you spend waiting for him to come home without telling you where he’s been. What about the violent rages he flies into at the least little thing? Is it right that he belittles you and makes you feel as if you are lucky to have him, and what about the wandering eye and obvious affairs he has? Is Jack really the man for you, or the man that’s just beside you at this moment in time, or was he just a big mistake, delivered to you in a haze of lust and broken promises? You deserve better than this and you always have.’
I wander out onto the balcony and the cool breeze acts as a balm, soothing the sting in my eyes. A huge wave of sadness washes over me as I think about the life I have made for myself. At the centre of everything is my husband. The devastating man who I fell so deeply in love with, I forgive him every indiscretion, every harsh word and every horrible thing he has ever said to me. The fact he won’t even discuss this is him all over. He keeps himself unreadable, a locked book with a key that only he can find. Do I really know my husband? I already know I don’t.
Maybe he’s right, I should find someone else but I can’t appear to see beyond him. He obscures my view from what else is out there and maybe I should edge past him and see what’s there but I already know I’m not strong enough for that because despite everything, I love my husband and nothing can cure a person of that.
Chapter 27
Chloe
It feels a little strange without John beside me. When we got the invitation, I was secretly glad about it. Not because I don’t want to spend time with John, but because I want to be in a safe place where no men are allowed because then I won’t have to see him. The man who was in my dreams last night, merging with my attacker. Suddenly, my attacker had a face, and I woke up sweating and shaking as he invaded my subconscious.
John can tell something is up, but I reassured him I was just worried about the girls, which made him angry as it usually does. He doesn’t understand my need to keep them safe. I know I’m over protective but I’m allowed to be - surely.
He complained about spending time with strangers and was quite irritable this morning at breakfast, grumbling that this wasn’t what he had in mind when we stepped on board that plane.
However, I can’t think about it now because that invitation was a welcome intervention and may just enable me to get my head straight so we can carry on with this holiday of a lifetime without worry.
“Hi.”
Th
e pretty woman who I saw at the pool on the first day approaches and I smile. “Hi.”
She stops and whispers, “I’m not going to lie, I’m in paradise right now, this place is seriously amazing.”
“It certainly is.”
I stare at her with envy when I see her slim figure in a tight-fitting sundress and long shapely legs tapering to a tiny waist. Thinking of my own figure makes me suck it in a little as I look at the women surrounding me. The glamorous woman I saw with her husband on the trip is looking bored already and yet she still radiates beauty and a fashion sense that looks thrown together but must have cost a small fortune. The woman opposite her looks lost in thought and I admire her sharp blonde bob and envious figure. In fact, I feel like a fish out of water among these glamorous women and feel glad of the loose-fitting top that covers my swollen stomach, after two children stretched it and left it resembling a deflated balloon.
“Anyway, I’m Emma.” She holds out her hand and I smile. “Chloe.” We shake hands and she lowers her voice.
“You know, I won this holiday on Facebook, that’s crazy, isn’t it?”
“Me too.” I laugh softly and she shakes her head.
“Do you think the other women did as well?”
“Probably.”
She looks at me with interest. “Are you here with your husband, I saw you with a man by the pool?”
“Well, sort of.”
I laugh as she raises her eyes. “He is in every sense of the word, just not on paper.”
“So, you never actually married, I suppose that’s normal these days.”
“Yes, I suppose it is.”
She sighs and says wistfully, “I’d love to be married. Plan a wedding, invite all my family and friends, you know, the big party and all that comes with it. In fact, I have a whole Pinterest board devoted to my wedding when I finally get someone to ask.”
“That sounds – exhausting.” I laugh and she grins.
“It is, but worth it. So, what about you, did you ever want to get married?”
“Yes, I always wanted it but life kind of overtook us and we had the house and family before the wedding and now money is so tight, we can’t afford it.”
She stares at me with sympathy. “You could always do it abroad, here perhaps. Maybe that would be the cheaper option, just the two of you with strangers as witnesses. I’ve heard it’s all the rage these days.”
“Possibly.”
Luckily, we are interrupted when a pretty woman heads our way and smiles. “Welcome ladies, I’m Bianca and I’m your hostess for today. Firstly, I’d like to welcome you to the Lotus spa and tell you a little about what you can expect. First you can change into your bikinis and robes and then relax with a welcome fruit smoothie, guaranteed to restore energy and vitality. We use only the freshest ingredients and pride ourselves on offering perfection. Then you can use the pool, steam rooms, saunas and hot tub. Each of you has a program of treatments lined up, which include mud therapy, massage and beauty.” She laughs “By the end of this session you will feel like a new woman before enjoying a healthy lunch and after you can relax by the pool, or in your rooms. Any questions please come and find me and I will only be too happy to help. So, if you follow me, we can get started.”
It doesn’t take long before we are changed and relaxing by a huge indoor swimming pool. I sit beside Emma, who looks amazing in a green bikini as she sips on a fruit cocktail before lowering her voice. “You know, this holiday is shaping up to be the best I’ve ever had.”
“Yes, me too.”
She looks excited and whispers, “You know, Chloe, I think I may just burst unless I tell someone what happened to me yesterday.”
I feel a prickle of tension grab me as I remember what happened to me yesterday, and yet from the look in her eyes, her experience was a happy one.
“I met someone.”
“Who?”
“Well…” her eyes get that dreamy faraway look that only the besotted have, and she smiles. “It’s like a fairy tale. I have been inundated since I arrived with flowers, cocktails, chocolates, amazing service and quite honestly thought it was part of the deal.”
“Who sent them then?” From the look on her face, whoever it was meets her approval because she sighs. “The owner of this resort, Ben.”
“Really?” I sense a bunch of red flags waving because I’m already cynical as I see this for what it could be. A beautiful young woman all alone in unfamiliar territory. The perfect prey for a man with only one thing on his mind. Suddenly, a horrible feeling grabs me and I hope to god it’s not that sleazy man by the pool. What if he’s the owner and is targeting Emma now?
She says dreamily, “Last night was the best night of my life.”
A feeling of unease grips me as she says softly, “He arranged dinner for us on a private terrace overlooking the ocean. He had a beautiful silk dress delivered to my room with a diamond choker, and then he called for me. You know, Chloe, I never thought dreams could come true and I’ve waited long enough for mine but Ben, well, he is everything I imagined in those dreams of mine. Good looking, amazing company and rich, did I mention the rich part because this man is seriously loaded.”
“What happened?” I almost daren’t ask, and she shivers a little. “We had so much in common. The food was amazing, better than I’ve ever had, and the atmosphere was so romantic. We spoke about our dreams, wishes for the future and he told me his and you know what…”
“What?”
“They were the same as mine. Can you believe it, Chloe, my ship really came in when I won that competition because men like Ben aren’t found in clubs and walking down the aisle of the supermarket?”
“So, what happened last night?”
She giggles and blushes a little. “Well, as I said, it was so romantic and I kind of fell under his spell a little. After dinner we went for a walk along the beach and he held my hand and asked me about myself. He was so interested in everything and all I wanted was for him to stop talking and kiss me.”
“And did he, kiss you, I mean?”
I am riveted by her story and the romantic in me is swooning right now as she nods. “He did. It was the most romantic kiss of my life and he kissed me deeply and as if I was the most desirable woman in the world. He made me feel like a princess, and who can fight against that?”
“So, what happened next?”
She grins. “We kissed some more and then he took me back to the terrace where he had arranged a nightcap. There was a fire burning in a pit I hadn’t noticed before, and a cashmere blanket that he wrapped around my shoulders. You know, Chloe, he was the perfect gentleman and I think I fell in love with him last night. Is that possible, do you think? Love at first date because I feel as if it is, possible that is.”
Her excitement is infectious and I smile. “Yes, I think it is.”
“Anyway, he was the perfect gentleman and at the end of the evening he escorted me to my room. I was so ready to invite him in because I’m conscious we don’t have long, but he didn’t give me the chance because he just kissed me softly on the hand and asked me if I would meet him tonight for dinner. He would like to show me a little place he goes to eat really good food with an amazing view. I really am living the dream, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are.” I can’t help but worrying about this woman though because it doesn’t sound right to me and so I say hastily, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to go somewhere other than the resort though? I mean, you still don’t really know him.”
“I know enough, Chloe. I googled him and his business is well documented online. He’s quite a catch and is considered one of the most eligible bachelors in society, given the fact he’s worth several millions. So, you can see why I’m so excited. This man is a gift from God and I am not returning it to sender.”
Bianca appears and says reverently, “Emma, your masseuse is waiting and Chloe, the mud room has been prepared for you.”
Emma jumps up with excitement. “Great, I�
��m looking forward to this if yesterday’s is anything to go by.”
“Yesterdays?”
She grins. “Another complimentary gift from Ben. Can that man get any better?”
She heads off, leaving me to make my way to the mud room, and I push aside any doubts I have. She’s happy, that’s the main thing, surely, and who knows, this man could be everything she wanted in life. I hope he is, for her sake, anyway.
Chapter 28
Evelyn
That invitation was a godsend because I couldn’t stand another minute with Charles if I tried. He thinks he’s solved all our problems by a throwaway comment, acting as if he has given me the biggest gift of all – a baby. Well, not if I have anything to do with it because the thought of having a child with him makes me feel physically sick.
Now I appear to be in hell because I have been partnered up with Kim, the woman who appears to have men falling at her feet, mine included.
I hate the fact I like her, really like her, because she has been so sweet to me since we were partnered up this morning.
“I could get used to this life.”
Kim stretches out with contentment in the sauna and I nod. “It’s certainly impressive.”
She looks thoughtful. “This must be your life; please tell me it is because I’ll be sorely disappointed if it’s not.”
She grins as I stare at her in surprise. “Why do you say that?”
She blushes a little and looks uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I saw you in the airport and noted your luggage and the fact you were in first class. It made me smile seeing how attentive your husband was to you and I was a little jealous if I’m honest.”
“Why, you were seated not far from us if I remember correctly?”
“Only because the stewardess took pity on me and moved me from travel hell.”
I smile as she proceeds to tell me what happened, and I find myself liking her way more than I should. I’m even happy that her husband doesn’t know, and I wonder how many secrets they keep from each other because I can think of two of them now.