TAKEN FROM THE FRONT PAGE STORY OF THE DAILY TELEGRAPH, THE NEXT MORNING
JAPANESE FLEET SUNK BY MADMAN
Following the ultimatum set by the enigmatic figure who first appeared on news channels across the world two nights ago, it has become overwhelmingly apparent that his promises of dire consequences in the event of non-compliance are very real.
Although his appearance was found by most to be somewhat unnerving, it was assumed quite quickly to be the beginnings of some huge global joke, or perhaps the latest development in the advertising war being fought in ever more elaborate ways by some of the larger soft drinks manufacturers.
The question remains to be answered as to how exactly has this man managed to hijack the worlds networks to such a total extent? From people watching the BBC in London, NBC in downtown New York to viewers tuning in to Ouagadougou Un, everybody’s favourite programs are being simultaneously replaced at will by this madman’s monologues.
Having made his initial demands that, on the face of it, everybody thought were utterly ridiculous - for all Scottish moneys throughout the world to be delivered to him, starting with the Japanese Government - it would now appear that these were genuine enough threats which have resulted in a devastatingly frightening scenario, with civilisation itself standing on the brink of collapse.
The Japanese fishing fleet, which accounts for approximately one half of the nation’s economy, has effectively been sunk by a mysterious disease - housed, it is believed at this early stage, somewhere in the metal of the ships themselves. The effect that these bacteria are having is to increase the rate of decomposition of fish to such rapidity that by the time they reach land they have already degenerated into a state totally unfit for human consumption.
Ports across the world have categorically forbidden Japanese ships to dock, and the naval forces of many countries are now patrolling their national waters to keep the members of the Japanese fleet out, in the fear that the contamination they carry will spread throughout their own ships, and possibly to the fish stocks themselves.
Early reports from speculative tests carried out by British military scientists dropped on board several of the ships by helicopter, seem to point towards the presence in massive amounts of a substance thought to be related to a commonly used additive found in Scottish whisky which speeds up the fermentation process. This naturally occurring bacterium appears to have been tampered with genetically and has been transformed from a passive variety of yeast into a highly aggressive and fiercely prolific pathogen.
These reports are as yet unconfirmed and even if they prove to be the verified cause of this mass infection, there still remains the question of how it can have effected such widespread devastation in such a short period of time?
And the other, more pressing question is, of course: what can be done about it?
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