by Mari Thorne
"Yeah," he laughed, "I was mad because you hadn't told me sooner. That you thought you needed to hide it from me. Sean, you're my best friend, and you kept a secret from me. You should have told me a long time ago that you were gay. I would have accepted it."
"Would you, though?" I frowned. "I know you. And how your dad was. I've had this crush on you since puberty. Do you remember what you were doing, the things you and your friends were saying back in middle school?"
He gave me a thoughtful look and shook his head, "I don't know what you're getting at."
I threaded my fingers through his and looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "Back then, we were just stupid kids. We called each other gay for the dumbest shit. That word flew out of our mouths like it was nothing. We thought we were cool, and we used it all the time, but when I realized I was gay, I stopped. And you and your football friends graduated to using the word, 'fag,’ instead. And your dad did it too. Do you remember when he caught us watching K-pop videos and asked, 'What are those faggots doing on that stage?' I was so ashamed of myself."
"Fuck, I'm sorry he made you feel that way. I had no idea. He was a bigot and sexist and a ton of other nasty things, and those were different times. We didn't mean what we said, not really. We were dumb teenagers, and we eventually learned better. Well, I did. I stopped using it when I realized how hurtful and wrong it was."
"Yeah, I know," I wiped at my eyes. "But if I would have come to you in middle school and told you I liked you, what would you have done?"
It was his turn to sigh, "Yeah, I get what you’re saying. I would have probably said something stupid like, ' don't be a fag,' because I was a fucking idiot."
"That’s why I said nothing before. I feared the rejection, scared that you wouldn't accept me for who I was. I didn’t want to lose our friendship. Honestly, I'm still not sure you accept me."
He looked into my eyes, and I saw the depth of his remorse. "I accept you. Gay, bi, straight, all the letters of the queer alphabet, you’re my best friend and I accept you no matter what. I'm not sure what our future looks like. Hell, I'm not even sure what my sexuality is right now. But I don't want to lose your friendship.
"When I saw your selfie with that cowboy, I was fucking jealous. I almost flew to Austin just to see you and make sure you weren't fucking that guy. I tried to distract myself with hookup apps and porn, but you kept appearing in my mind. I ended up watching gay porn with guys that looked like you. I thought I was broken. I couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt in that tent, like something inside me snapped into place. It felt so wrong, yet so fucking right. I feared what it meant and how I felt, and honestly I’m still kind of scared. Anyway, I hope you'll be patient with me. I want to try, but I'm not sure what trying looks like either."
I squeezed his hand, a million questions running through my head. But I decided now wasn’t the time to tease him about watching gay porn and ask which videos he liked. "I've been plenty patient, I can wait a little while longer."
A buck walked into view and we both froze. He grazed, lifted his head, and stared right at us. We held our breath, Alan's hand on his gun. My heart started pounding. Here was the moment we'd been waiting for. The rack on that thing was massive, bigger than I’d ever seen while we were hunting. The monster buck that would give Alan bragging rights for years. He looked at me and I glanced at my rifle and shook my head slightly. No, this was his thing, not mine. I wasn't the hunter. It was his kill. He didn't move, continuing to watch the buck until it wandered off, a few doe following in its steps.
Alan covered his face in his palms and laughed, "Fuck, that was a huge buck. Don't tell anyone we let it walk by."
"Why didn’t you kill it?" What had just happened?
He shook his head. "Didn’t feel like the right time. After all that emotional talk, I didn't feel comfortable killing it. Felt like it’d spoil the mood or something. Some hunter I am."
I put my hand on his, "It’s always your choice, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone." His dad may have torn him a new one for passing up an opportunity like that. Might have demeaned him, called him a pussy or something worse. But that wasn’t the case anymore. Alan was free to make his own decisions now.
He sighed and shouldered his gun, giving me one of those signature crooked smiles before climbing down from the stand. "Tomorrow, let's just sleep in."
10
Alan
When we got back to the cabin, no one had arrived yet, so I started breakfast, frying some bacon and cooking Sean's eggs.
"Hard yolks, with extra crispy bacon," I set it in front of him and he grinned, taking a piece of toast.
"I can always tell when you're mad at me." He slathered grape jelly onto the bread and took a bite, talking around his food, "When you're mad, you mess up my breakfast on purpose."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I winked. The front door opened and Cousin Lou stomped into the cabin.
"Mmmm I smell bacon!" he scampered to the table and stole a piece off of Sean's plate.
"Hey! That's my bacon!"
"Make more like this, it's so good when it's crispy," he flopped into a chair and put his head on the table.
"Guess you didn't see anything?" I asked.
He groaned, “I saw the back of my eyelids. I’m so fucking tired, I kept dozing off in the stand. There could have been a monster and I wouldn't have even seen it. I'm just gonna do evening hunts from now on, this morning shit is for the fucking birds.”
"Maybe tomorrow will be better. Just go to sleep earlier," I suggested, plopping a plate of eggs and bacon next to his head with a clatter.
He perked up and started shoving bacon into his mouth. He stole Sean’s cup of coffee and took a big swig. "So you lovebirds can have the cabin to yourselves tomorrow? Don't think I didn't hear you two in the bedroom last night," he made moaning noises and Sean flushed a deep red. "Between you two and dad's snoring, I barely slept."
"Cut it out," I admonished. "It's none of your business what we do."
"Who's the top and who’s the bottom?” his eyes darted between us. "I didn't even know either of you were gay."
“I’m not—” I started, then shook my head, biting out, “It's. None. Of. Your. Business.”
Lou laughed, "This is why you're my favorite cousin. You're so easy to fuck with. Don't worry about it. I'm in college. It's different now. People are way more open about their sexuality. I've tried stuff too." He waggled his eyebrows and his dad walked into the cabin. "I'll shut up about it now though."
I nodded, "Morning, Uncle Gary. I'll have your eggs right up."
He nodded, "Your brother and little Hank are heading in too. No good movement this morning. Hopefully tonight will be better."
"Unlucky morning for all of us, I guess." I winked at Sean, who got up from the table and moved to an armchair to make room at the table for Gary.
"I'm going back to bed," Lou yawned, heading to the bedroom he shared with his dad. "Keep it down out here if you can."
Hank and Andy got back a few minutes later, and I scrambled some eggs for Hank and they dug in. I ate my eggs at the kitchen counter, having snacked on bacon all morning while I fried it.
We spent the rest of the morning playing video games with Hank until he started getting cranky. We all ended up taking an afternoon nap, Sean and I both too tired to do anything other than pass out on top of the covers.
I awoke to a low whistle, Lou standing in the doorway. In his sleep, Sean had wrapped himself around me like a barnacle. I glared at him and he came and sat on the edge of the bed. "You look happy," he said in a nearly inaudible whisper. "Happier than I've seen you since Uncle Jim died."
It was no secret I'd had a tough time coping with my dad's passing, but I hadn't expected Lou of all people to notice those kinds of subtleties. He always seemed so self-involved, like any other person his age. "I guess I am happy. Sean makes me happy." Sean stirred at the sound of his name, but didn't wake up, squeezing me tighter. “He
might suffocate me though."
"You deserve it," Lou chuckled, ruffling my hair like he wasn't ten years younger than me. "Happiness, I mean. And maybe the suffocation. But only a little of that."
"I'm not sure what I'm doing, though," I admitted. "I don't want to hurt him."
"So don't," he shrugged. "It's that simple. Be good to him, love him, and don't be a dick."
I widened my eyes in surprise, “When did you get so fucking wise, Lil’ Louie?"
He huffed, "I've always been wise, you just never listened to me."
"Get out of here before I kick you out," I grumbled, wrapping my arms around Sean. "And close the door behind you."
Lou nodded and bowed out of the room, honoring my request to close the door. I looked down at the man in my arms and kissed his forehead. What had I done to deserve such a perfect man warming my bed and thawing my heart? Lou was right. Sean made me happy. For the first time since my dad's death, I felt like I had a purpose other than to go to work and pay bills. Sure, I'd fucked a bunch of women, but it was hollow, loveless sex. It didn't fill me with any sense of accomplishment. Since dad had died, I'd been so empty. I'd lost my way, unable to express my feelings. I held Sean while he slept and tears flowed from my eyes, dripping down my cheeks and into his hair.
He shifted and lifted his head, looking into my leaking eyes. "Shit—Alan, what's wrong? Did someone get hurt?"
I shook my head, "No," I wiped my eyes and nose. "I'm fine, it's fine, no one's hurt. Nothing's wrong."
"But you're crying. You never cry. Something must be wrong."
I chuckled and hugged him tight, "Nothing's wrong, as long as we're together. You make me happy." And it was true in every sense of the word.
"Can we skip the evening hunt? And the morning hunt? There's no more this weekend after that, right?"
"Yeah, I'll tell Andy and Gary that you're not feeling well, I gotta stay behind and take care of you. No one will believe us, but they also won't call us out on it."
"Hmm, must have been the eggs," he chuckled.
"Sure, blame the eggs."
We stayed behind for the evening hunt. They almost left Hank with us, but at the last minute he stopped whining and put his camo on. When he followed his dad out the door, silence filled the cabin. We both grinned at each other. Alone time at last.
We locked the door then locked lips, both of us wrestling for dominance. Sean shoved me against the wall, pulling my shirt off so he could lick and suck at my nipples, teasing them into hard peaks. I groaned and pressed my back to the wall, the only thing keeping me from falling over. I pulled his pants down and his dick came free. "You really love freeballing, don't you?"
"Only when you're around," he said, his voice low and husky, as he kissed my ears, licking and sucking, then moved down my neck.
I looked down at that dick, hard and leaking, "It's my first time doing this, so don't judge me too hard."
"First time?" He asked. I dropped to my knees and took his dick into my mouth. "Oh, fuck!"
I chuckled around his dick and gave it a hard suck, doing what I liked done to me, licking up the shaft and sucking the head. I tried to swallow his whole dick and it hit the back of my throat, making me gag. I spat his dick out, panting, eyes watering from the sensation.
"Go easy, you don't have to swallow my entire cock the first time you've got one in your mouth."
"But it's so tasty, I can't help myself," I grinned and licked the tip of his dick, delighting in the salty precome I found there. I explored the slit with my tongue, marveling in how silky his skin was.
His eyes got wide and he shook his head. "I should really buy a lottery ticket because somehow I keep hitting the jackpot."
I didn't respond, taking his dick into my mouth again, not too far this time, and sucking. He rocked his hips slightly, but not as hard as I'd fucked his mouth. I thought about telling him to return the favor but I realized I didn't want him to, not yet at least. I was too new at this, and if he did it, I'd probably end up embarrassing myself.
I reached down and grabbed my own leaking cock, giving it a squeeze to relieve some pressure. I shoved two fingers of my other hand into his mouth and made him suck them. He moaned when I pulled them out, wrapping my arm around and finding his entrance. I pressed past the tight pucker of muscle, sliding into his hot, tight hole. I fingered his prostate, making him jerk in my mouth, but I was ready and pulled back enough that he didn't choke me.
I added my other finger and loosened him up before stopping my blowjob. He whined and grabbed at my head, but I said, “Let's get to the bedroom so I can do this properly.”
He nodded eagerly and I shoved him into our room. I pressed him gently to the bed and found the bottle of lube on the floor, before digging a condom out of my bag. I ripped the package open with my teeth and rolled the condom on. "Are you ready for me?"
He nodded, spreading those pretty legs of his wider. Maybe I was gay, if I was using descriptors like, "those pretty legs." Oh, how much could change in three weeks.
I lubed up and positioned myself in front of his hole, still so tight. I pushed up against it and he hissed, but didn't tell me to stop. I pressed further and the tightness enveloped me. I pushed past the tightness and he groaned, then moaned, his hole swallowing me up, greedily sucking me in. I tried to go slow, but he pushed himself onto my dick, whispering, "Fuck, Alan, fuck, it's so fucking good, I want you to take me apart and put me back together so I'm never the same again."
I let out a half-groan, half-moan as he took my entire dick with his ass. I looked down, and it was hard to see where one of us began and the other ended. Two perfect puzzle pieces connected. I leaned down and kissed him and he hungrily ate at my mouth. "You gonna fuck me or just sit there and look?" he asked, batting his eyes.
I laughed and started moving faster. The sound of slapping flesh filled the air, amidst the moans escaping my mouth. His voice was a low, gasping whisper of filthy strings of things he wanted me to do to him and things he wanted to do to me. “At this rate you’ll fuck me into next week,” he groaned, arching his hips to take my dick better. And by the pitch of his voice, I knew I’d hit that perfect spot.
"The things you fucking do to me," he whispered before licking the outside edge of my ear, making goosebumps rise on my arms. He sucked on my earlobe and I groaned, thrusting into him hard enough to make him gasp.
I kissed his neck, chuckling. I slowed down to catch my breath and he looked like he wanted to complain until I shoved myself in all the way and started jacking him slowly. "You've had a crush on me for so long, am I living up to your imagination?"
He shook his head, panting between strokes. "There's no way I could have imagined... I mean, I fantasized sure, but how could I have even dreamt I'd get this lucky?"
"I'm sorry for being such a dumb teenager and letting my dad dictate my life. I looked up to him. Andy and I both did, but I was younger, and I always felt like I had to impress him, since Andy was the perfect son, and I was, well, me."
"You were the quarterback of the football team and graduated in the top of your high school class and made the dean's list in college. You're smart and athletic and handsome and if he made you feel anything less, then he was a fucking idiot."
I grinned and pushed his smaller frame into the mattress, resuming my assault on his prostate, enough to render him speechless, reducing him to a squirming, moaning mess. "I am great, I guess… but you made me better… every step of the way." I was getting close, the pleasure building, everything so tight like a rubber band getting ready to snap. I pumped Sean’s dick harder, faster. Once, twice, and he was clenching around my dick and his release coated my hand and—oh God, this was it. I groaned and thrust into him, emptying into the condom. I thrust one more time and collapsed on him without pulling out. I didn't want to, my dick felt so good inside his hot body.
"I can't breathe," Sean shoved at my shoulders, but when I shifted, he squirmed and moaned. My dick was softening, but it was still deep
inside him. When I grabbed his dick again with my semen-slicked hand, he jerked and squeezed my dick with his hole, and I thought I might come again.
"Fuck, you feel so good," I said into his ear before I slowly slid out.
"Can we do this every day?" he laughed.
I wiped his come back onto his chest and glanced down at the condom, "I wanna do it without this. Can we do that soon?" The thought of filling him with my come for real made my dick harden again. That was a fucking erotic-as-hell thought and I wanted to explore it fully.
He grinned, "Sure, just get yourself tested, you little man whore."
I saluted him and pulled the condom off, adding it to the trash. I washed the mess off my hand and came back into the bedroom, crawling under the covers with Sean. I wrapped the blanket around the both of us and curled my arms around him. He rolled to face my chest and rested his head on my bicep, looking into my eyes, “This weekend was perfect. I almost didn't come because it scared me to think it would be awkward or something awful might happen.”
"I'm glad you came," I smiled. "This weekend would have not been as... stimulating without you."
He giggled and kissed my nose and my face grew hot. “I'm glad I came too. But damn, are you always so talkative during sex? I’m not sure I can reassure you how great you are every time we do this. I’d run out of compliments.”
“Oh, fuck you.” I patted his cheek, “We were having a moment.”
“I’d still like to know the, 'now what.’ though.”
My chest ached, and I glanced away, unsure of what to say. Well, there was a lot I wanted to say, I was just too afraid to say it. I was scared to admit to myself and definitely terrified to admit to him that this might turn into more. “Can't we just figure that out as we go along?” This was all way too new and scary. Didn’t he know I didn’t do relationships?
"I'd like to at least know that we're together, or exclusive or something. I need reassurances."