Love Me Still

by E. L. Todd

  I froze at her abrupt tantrum.

  “What you saw or what you think you saw was not meant for you to see. Don’t jump to conclusions about my marriage and don’t you dare ask about it. I’m a grown woman, and you need to retire from this damn place because I’m sick of you acting like the whole damn world revolves around you when it doesn’t. Now grow the hell up and stop prying. You wouldn’t tell me so many secrets from your life and you told me to mind my own business. Well, now it’s my turn to say it to you. Mind. Your. Own. Damn. Business.” She pointed at the door and silently commanded me to leave.

  She disrespected me with everything she said. She yelled at me, her father, and told me off. But I knew she was in the right this time. I slowly rose to my feet, feeling discouraged. “I just—”

  “Go away.” She kept pointing. “I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day.”

  I knew she meant business. “I’m sorry—”

  “I don’t want to hear you speak either.”

  I bowed my head and walked out, knowing I wouldn’t get a single word in when she was this upset.

  ***

  Mike handed me a scotch. “How certain are you?”

  “Very.” I took a long drink. Skye didn’t give me any details, but the way she threw me out of my office told me everything I needed to know. There is something wrong in paradise, and it must be bad. If it weren’t, she would have just told me.

  Mike sat at the edge of his desk with his arms across his chest. “Couples fight. It’s not that uncommon.”

  “I have a hunch it’s more than just a fight.”

  “Even if it is, there’s nothing you can do about it. I learned the hard way to stay out of Trinity’s love life. Don’t take the path I took. You’ll get to your destination much slower.”

  “I know it’s none of my business. If my mom pestered me for answers I wouldn’t give them to her. But I’m really close with Skye. She’s not just my daughter. She’s my friend. I want her to tell me these kinds of things.”

  “Maybe she’s not ready for that.”

  “I just wish I knew what I know now twenty years ago.”

  “Why?” he asked. “You wouldn’t have listened anyway. You’re a stubborn mule.”

  I grinned before I took another drink.

  “Just stay out of it, Sean.”

  “I know…but it’s hard. I feel like there’s something seriously wrong.”

  “I can ask Slade.”

  “Why not Trinity?”

  “Trinity is too loyal to Skye—and too smart. Slade will blurt out anything without thinking.”

  “True.”

  “I was going to invite him to boxing anyway. I’ll pick his brain and see what he says. If there’s something up, Cayson would have told him.”

  “Yeah…”

  “I’ll let you know what he says.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  ***

  “You did what?” Scarlet was shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

  “I know I shouldn’t have said anything…”

  She started talking with her hands, which she usually did when she was really worked up. “I deliberately disobeyed you from doing that, Sean. You need to sit in the passenger seat for once in your life.”

  “I know…” I loosened my tie then rubbed my temple.

  “I don’t blame her for being pissed at you.”

  “Which is why I didn’t raise my voice and make her feel like shit.”

  “You’re lucky you didn’t because you’d be getting a lot worse from me.” She threatened me with her eyes.

  I poured myself scotch even though I just walked through the door. “But this confirms my suspicions. There’s something wrong.”

  “This doesn’t confirm anything. Skye may be having a bad day and you stirred the pot. Maybe she’s cramping or having back pain. You have no idea what’s going through her mind right now.”

  “But she was so defensive.”

  “If someone was prying into my personal life I’d be defensive too.”

  Now both of my girls were ganging up on me. “Scarlet, there’s something really wrong. Now I’m sure of it.”

  “Drop it.”

  “But—”

  “Drop it.” She poked me in the chest. “Skye is a grown woman with a husband. Whatever problems they are having, they aren’t our problems. Skye knows she can come to us for anything. If she does need advice, she’ll knock on our door.”

  It was so hard for me to sit back and not jump into the fray.

  “Sean.” She put one hand on her hip. “Do you understand me?”

  I needed another scotch.

  “Sean.”

  “Yes,” I muttered through a clenched jaw.

  “You’ll let it go?”

  I already asked Mike to talk to Slade so I couldn’t reverse that. “Yes.”

  My word was good enough for her. “Now wash up and get ready for dinner.”

  “How about you wash up with me?”

  She gave me the stink-eye. “Nope. You’ve been a bad boy today—and not in a good way.”

  ***

  As soon as I got to work the following morning, I entered Mike’s office. “What did he say?”

  Mike was about to sip his coffee. “I just walked in the door.”

  “Okay. What did he say?” I approached the desk with my hands in my pockets.

  “Can a man enjoy his coffee for a few minutes before he’s harassed.”

  “I’m about to toss it in the garbage.”

  Mike sighed then lowered it. “Slade said nothing was off. They’re as happy as ever, and they’re constantly making out when the four of them hang out. It doesn’t seem like anything is wrong.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “Did it seem like he was lying?”

  “No. Slade isn’t the lying type.”

  I rubbed my chin. “Maybe they haven’t said anything to him.”

  “Or maybe nothing is wrong at all…”

  “I know what I heard.”

  Mike finally took a drink of his coffee. “Man, that’s good. Now can you go so I can enjoy the rest of it?”

  His information didn’t answer any of my questions. I rubbed the back of my neck as I felt the metal of my watch move against my skin.

  “Sean, you need to chill out. Everything is fine.”

  “I hope it is.”

  “And if it’s not…we’ll find out eventually.”

  I just hoped it wouldn’t be too late.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Skye

  I called Cayson when I got home. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Here I am,” he said in a bored voice.

  “Can you come over?”

  “How about I come over and never leave?” he asked. “It is my home.”

  “It’s not your home anymore, asshole.” I was still so pissed at him for kissing me. After what he did to me, he had no right to touch me. The fact he did it when I couldn’t fight back was low and cowardice.

  “Don’t call me that,” he barked.

  “I’ll call you whatever the hell I want when you fuck some other girl.”

  His voice bellowed over the phone and sounded like a roar. “I didn’t fuck her!”

  “Stop talking and just come over.” I hung up so I wouldn’t have to listen to him anymore. After I tossed my phone aside, I bit my nail and paced in the entryway. My dad cornered me at work because he was suspicious. Even though I told him off, he was onto me.

  Thirty minutes later, Cayson walked through the door without knocking. An irritated look was on his face, like he loathed me just as much as I loathed them.

  “Knock. You can’t just come and go whenever you want.”

  “I can do whatever the hell I want.” Cayson used to be distant and quiet around me, knowing exactly what he did to deserve my treatment. But now he was fighting me at every turn.

  “Then I’ll just change the locks.”

  “Or try locking the door to begin
with,” he said like a smartass. “And you commanded me to come over here so it wasn’t like you weren’t expecting me.”

  “Well, I could have had a guy over here. So make sure you knock next time.”

  He turned his look of rage on me. It looked like he wanted to strangle me, even murder me. “You. Are. Mine.” He held up his wedding ring. “If some guy walks through that door I’m breaking his neck.”

  “So I can break Laura’s neck?” I asked sarcastically. “I have your permission to do that?”

  “Let her body be eaten by crows for all I care.” He got in my face, his cheeks red from his anger. “I hate that bitch for doing this to me. I’d gladly kill her myself if I could.”

  “Doing this to you?” I asked. “Where did you mean to put your dick? In her sleeping bag?”

  “I didn’t do it—”

  “I’m not here to argue with you.”

  “Then why the hell am I here?” he demanded. “Because all you’ve done since I walked through that door is bitched.”

  I didn’t rise to the insult. “My dad is onto us.”

  He calmed slightly. “What makes you say that?”

  “He asked about us at work.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “That we were fine. But I know my dad. He will stick his nose in this until he finds something.”

  “Well, I’ll keep up the pretense that we’re happy.” He shook his head like he was the most miserable guy on the planet.

  “I wish they didn’t live next door…”

  “It sounded like a prerequisite when we bought the house,” he snapped.

  “I’m just afraid they’re going to watch the house and realize you aren’t driving to work or coming home. Or they might stop by around dinner time and realize you aren’t here.”

  He sighed in irritation. “Who gives a damn what they think. This is about us, not them. You need to—”

  “You need to come back to the house for a week.”

  He stopped in mid-sentence.

  “Then when the dust settles you can go back to wherever the hell you’re living, probably in a brothel.”

  He didn’t respond to my last comment. “If I come back I’m not leaving again. This is my house and you’re my wife. You won’t be able to get rid of me. You’ve had plenty of time to get over this.”

  “Get over it?” I sneered. “Get over it? I’ve had plenty of time to get over the fact you fucked some girl for three months in a sleeping bag? No amount of time will let me get over your cheating ways.”

  Cayson grabbed the nearby lamp and slammed it into the tile. “I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t touch her. I’ve been faithful to you since the day you noticed me. In case you’ve forgotten, you’re the one who lied to me and pretended to cheat on me so I would move across the country. But yet, I forgave you. And if you ask me, that’s way worse than this.”

  “But I didn’t cheat on you.”

  “And neither did I.” He held my gaze without blinking.

  I stared him down.

  “If you want me to come back to the house, then I’m not leaving again. You’ll have to throw me out yourself, and I can promise you won’t be able to move me an inch. You can call the cops but my name is on the deed so you can’t kick me out. Good luck with that.”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek as I tried to figure out what to do.

  “The best way to work this out is if I move back in. How are we supposed to repair this relationship if we’re living apart like this? I need to be here for you and the baby. That’s my job. You think I like leaving you here all alone every night? It freaks me out, Skye. I should be here. You two are my family.”

  For an instant the weakness washed over me. I wanted Cayson to be home with me. I wanted to share my bed with him, feel warm in his embrace. I wanted to see him walk around the house shirtless in the morning before work. I wanted to sit on the couch with him in the evenings and watch TV before we went to bed. I missed my best friend in the whole world. My hormones were getting to me, and a surge of emotion gripped me. I didn’t care about Laura or what he did with her. I just wanted him back.

  But then I remembered that relationship was gone. While it was beautiful, it was dead. That man didn’t exist anymore. And I didn’t exist either. “No.”

  “No?” he asked in confusion.

  “You’re right. You shouldn’t come back. Stay put.”

  Despair moved into his eyes.

  “Just…keep up the charade for now. Act like everything is okay.”

  “Instead of lying why don’t we just fix this?”

  “Fix this how?” Tears burned my eyes as the emotion crashed through me. “You cheated on me, Cayson. How are we supposed to fix this? I don’t have a time machine. Do you?” The tears streaked down my face.

  He watched me with a pained look in his eyes. “I didn’t do it. I swear.”

  “You’re just hurting me more every time you lie.”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “It makes me doubt everything we had before. If you just owned up to it from the beginning I wouldn’t hate you so much. But you care about me so little that you won’t even be honest with me. You keep lying in the hope I’ll fall for your trick. We all make mistakes but…lying isn’t a mistake. It’s purposeful and evil.”

  “Skye…” He grabbed both of my hands and pressed them into this chest. “I’m not lying. I would never lie to you.” He moved my palms over his frantically beating heart. “This is how I feel every second we aren’t together…like I’m on the verge of dying. Please believe me.”

  I wanted to but I knew I never could. I pulled away from his embrace. “Just go, Cayson.”

  His eyes watered. “Skye, please.”

  “Go.”

  “I didn’t do it and I’m not just lying to get out of it.”

  I shook my head and stepped back. “I was married to a wonderful man that made me the happiest I’ve ever been. But now he’s gone. Someone else came home and took his place. He’s different even though he looks the same. He doesn’t love me the way my Cayson did. And he’s not my best friend anymore…”

  “Don’t say that to me…” His words escaped as a whisper.

  “Leave.” I stepped away because I didn’t want to feel him touch me. “I mean it.”

  He bowed his head in defeat. “Then what?” he asked. “You’re never going to believe me? You’re always going to doubt me even though the truth is right in front of your face?”

  I didn’t know what was in our future. I had no idea what I was doing. I’d never been in a situation like this before, and I certainly never anticipated it with Cayson. We had a baby on the way and we were newlyweds. Should I suck it up and let it go because of our situation? Or should I leave him and never look back? A part of me wanted to stay, and not just for our son. It was for Cayson, the man I’d fallen so deeply in love with. Despite what he did, I knew he wouldn’t repeat those mistakes. He didn’t need to tell me that. I already knew. But it didn’t change what he’d already done. Loneliness and depression ate him away on his journey and he did some things he shouldn’t have done. But did that really justify it? Would our relationship ever really be the same? Or would I resent him one day? Should I just get out now, maybe even get our marriage annulled since it was so short? I didn’t know what to do. My heart was broken, but confused. “Please go.”

  ***

  There were so many emotions running through my body. They were haywire, going from lows to highs. Crying was a daily activity, and happiness was so far gone I didn’t think I’d ever feel it again.

  A few days had passed since Dad and I spoke. I screamed at him without filtering anything. Surprisingly, he just took it then walked out. When I walked into work that morning, we ran into each other.

  Dad spoke like nothing happened. “Have a good night?”

  “Yeah…just watched TV in my pajamas.”

  “Good,” he said. “That’s what a pregnant woman should be doing.�
� He gave a small smile before he walked into my office.

  At least he wasn’t making me feel guilty for what I said. And it seemed like he wasn’t going to ask about my marital problems again. Thankfully, I had one less problem to worry about.

  After work, I walked to my car then sat behind the driver’s seat. I sat in the parking garage and didn’t start the engine. I just sat there, knowing I had nothing waiting at home for me. The place only reminded me of Cayson. His smell still lingered everywhere, and sometimes I thought I heard his voice in the hallway. I wanted to sell the place so I wouldn’t be constantly reminded of him, but I couldn’t do that without sending red flags all over the place. And I couldn’t do that to my son. It was the perfect place to grow up, right next to his grandparents. Hopefully, all the pain associated with Cayson’s memory would wash away.

  I was going to work on the baby’s room and knew I needed to invite Cayson. I wouldn’t go back on my word because it would hurt our son more than him. And Cayson didn’t talk about our relationship whenever we did things for our unborn son. That was the main reason I made the call.

  He answered on the first ring, like always. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” It was always so awkward talking to him. It was tense and strained. “Do you have plans today?”

  “Skye, I do the same thing after work that I do every other day. I go back to my pathetic apartment and try to think of a way to convince you I would never touch any other woman but you.”

  I took a deep breath and tried not to get teary-eyed. “I was going to work on the baby’s room…if you want to help.”

  His attitude immediately changed when he realized why I was calling. “I would love to. When did you want to start?”

  “After I get home. I was going to go shopping for decorations and furniture.”

  He kept his voice light and professional. “My truck will be perfect for that. I’ll meet you there.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll see you then.” He hung up.

  Doing baby activities was the only way I could be around him and not cry. He didn’t cross any lines because he wasn’t an idiot. He never wanted to give me any reason to limit his time with our son. He was at my mercy.