CHAPTER XVI
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
Mrs. Muir came into Madge's room for a bit of the gossip that shedearly loved, but, as usual, obtained little information or surmisefrom the young girl. "I'm glad you came down," she said, "if only toprove to Graydon that you were not moping upstairs."
"Why should I mope upstairs?" Madge asked, with a keen look at hersister.
"No reason that I know of, only Graydon has been slightly spoiled byhis success among ladies, and society men are always imagining thatgirls are languishing for them."
"Have I given him or anyone such an impression?" Madge again inquired,indignantly.
"Oh, no, indeed! On the contrary, you seem so indifferent as not to bequite natural. Even Graydon feels it, and is perplexed and troubled.He was inquiring for you during the evening, and I told him you werekindly caring for Jack, so that I might have a little fresh air withHenry on the piazza."
"There it is again--perplexed and troubled. I'm sick of beingmisunderstood so ridiculously. The scraps of time that he gives mewhen Miss Wildmere does not fill his eyes and thoughts are employedin criticism. Why should I perplex and trouble him? I have told himto please himself with Miss Wildmere--that I should certainly pleasemyself in my choice of friends, and that he as a man assuredly had aright to do the same. He will soon be engaged to her, and probably isalready, but he has no right to demand that I should receive this girlwith open arms. She already detests me, and I do not admire her.It's none of my business, but if I were a man I wouldn't standher flirtation with Mr. Arnault. Even the people in the house areobserving it with significant smiles. He must get over the impressionthat I'm the weak, limp child in mind or body that he left. I'm anindependent woman, and have as much right to my thoughts and waysas he to his. If he wants my society, let him treat me with naturalfriendliness. If he's afraid to do it--if Miss Wildmere won't lethim--rest assured I won't receive any furtive, deprecatory attentions.I am abundantly able to take care of myself in my own way."
"Oh, Madge, you have so changed! Before you went away the sun seemedto rise and set in Graydon."
"Well, the sun now rises in the west and sets in the east--What amI saying? Well, perhaps, it's true for me, after all. In the West Igained the power to live a strong, resolute life of my own choosing,and he may as well recognize the truth first as last. Let him give allhis thoughts to Miss Wildmere. From what I see and have heard she willkeep them busy before and after marriage."
"He's not engaged to her yet; he said so positively."
"Oh, well," Madge replied, with well-assumed indifference, althoughher heart bounded at the tidings, "it's only a question of time.There, we've talked enough about _her_. Of course I remember Graydon'sold kindness, and all that; and if he would treat me with frank andsensible friendliness, I should enjoy his society. Why not?"
"I thought he regarded you as his sister."
"Sister, indeed! I'm Henry's sister, not his. I'm only an object ofcriticism, of perplexity, a sphinx, and all that kind of nonsense. Hewas bent on seeing a 'little ghost,' as he used to call me. I'm not abit of a ghost, and have as much proud blood in my veins as he has."
"Well, Madge, I'm glad you feel that you are Henry's sister. He likesand admires you so much that I'm half jealous."
"Henry and I understand each other. He thinks I'm sensible, and Icertainly think he is. Good-night, now, dear. It's after twelve, and Iwish you a merry Fourth of July; I mean to have one."
Graydon had not found himself in a sleeping mood until the shadows ofnight were almost ready to depart, and so came down very late. Mrs.Wildmere, who was on the piazza with her child, informed him, with adeprecatory smile, that Stella had gone to drive with Mr. Arnault. Hebit his lip, and went to make a leisurely breakfast. By the time hehad finished, Madge came in with a party of young people who had beenon a ramble. Her greeting was friendly, but nothing more, and havingreceived a long letter from Mrs. Wayland, she took it to a smallsummer-house. Graydon soon strayed after her in a listless way, and inno very amiable humor. The greater anxiety had swallowed up the less,and his perturbed thoughts about Madge were now following a lightcarriage on some wild mountain road. His generous glow of feeling ofthe night before had passed somewhat, and he was inclined to thinkthat Miss Wildmere's relations to Arnault, whatever they were, placedhim, a committed lover, in a rather anomalous position. Since she wasabsent, however, he would while away an hour with Madge, and try tosolve the riddle she had become.
She greeted him with a slight smile, and went on with her letter. Hewatched her curiously and with contracting brow.
"Will you ever finish?" he soon asked.
"I can read it some other time," she said, laying it down.
"Oh, that is asking far too much!"
"Is it?"
"Confound it, Madge! Why is it that we are drifting further andfurther apart every day?"
"I am not drifting," she said, quietly, "nor do you give thatimpression. I am just where you found me on your return. Since we areso far apart you must be doing the journeying."
"Well, Heaven knows I found you distant enough!"
"I beg your pardon; Heaven knows nothing of the kind! It's not myfault that you value friendship so lightly."
"You know I wished for so much more."
"You thought you did at first, Graydon," she replied, with a quietsmile, "but I imagine that you soon became quite reconciled to myview of the case. The relation would surely prove embarrassing toyou. Haven't you since thought that it might?" she asked, with sweetdirectness.
He colored visibly, and was provoked with himself that he did. "Ifyou persist in being at swords' points with Miss Wildmere--" he began,hesitatingly.
"I persist in being simply myself, and true to my own perceptions.Wherein have I failed in courtesy toward Miss Wildmere?"
"But you dislike her most cordially."
"And you like her most cordially and more. Have I not granted yourperfect right to do so?"
"If you were even the friend you claim to be, you would not be soindifferent."
"I have not said I was indifferent. Miss Wildmere is far fromindifferent to me. What have I done to gain her ill-will?"
"Much, as human nature goes. You have made yourself her rival inbeauty and attractiveness."
"Is that human nature? If that is the cause of her hostility I shouldsay it is Miss Wildmere's nature."
"Let us change the subject," said Graydon, a little irritably."We shall not agree on this point, I fear; you share in Henry'sprejudices."
"I did not introduce the subject, Graydon, and I think for myself."
"Hang it all, Madge! you are so changed I scarcely know you. Everytime we meet I find you more of a conundrum. Friend, indeed! Youcertainly have been a distant one in every sense. If I had been thefriend you say I was, you would have written me about the marvelloustransformation you were accomplishing."
She sprang up, and her dark eyes flashed indignantly. "I am beginningto think that you are changed more than I," she said, impetuously."You know, or might, if you took the trouble, that I did not tellMary, my own sister, of my progress toward health and strength. Mywish to give you all a pleasant surprise may seem a little thing toyou, or you may give some sinister, unnatural meaning to the act. Itwas not a little thing to go away 'a ghost, a wraith,' as you werewont to call me--it was not a little thing to go away alone, perhapsto die, as I then felt. Nor was it a little thing to battle for wearymonths with weakness of mind and body, morbid timidity, indolence,ignorance, and everything that was contrary to my ideal of womanhood.I can say thus much in self-defence. Was there harm in my adding someincentive to a hard sense of duty? I felt that if I could change forthe better and keep my secret I could give you all a glad surprise. Ihad almost a child's pleasure in the thought. Mary and Henry rewardedme, but you are spoiling it all. You at once make an impossibledemand, and discover, within twenty-four hours, how awkward mycompliance would have been. I did not know you so long without gainingthe power of gue
ssing your thoughts. I suggested a simple, naturalrelation, and as the result I have become a 'conundrum.' A charmingtitle, truly! I shall remain a simple, natural girl, and when you arethrough with your riddle theories perhaps you will treat me as I thinkyou might in view of old times;" and she started swiftly toward thehouse.
"Madge!" cried Graydon, springing up and following her.
At that moment Miss Wildmere approached, and Madge gained the piazzaand disappeared, leaving Graydon ill disposed toward himself and allthe world, even including Miss Wildmere; for she had a charming color,and appeared not in the least a victim to _ennui_ because of forcedassociation with an objectionable party. She came smilingly towardhim, saying, "It's too bad to interrupt your hot pursuit of anotherlady, but girls have not much conscience in such matters."
"As long as you have conscience in other matters, it does notsignify," he answered, meaningly.
"Not conscience, but another organ, controls our action chiefly, Iimagine," she replied, with a glance that gave emphasis to her wordsof the previous evening, and she passed smilingly on.
Arnault soon followed her, spoke pleasantly to Graydon, and, havingobtained a morning paper, was at once absorbed in its contents.
"He does not appear like a baffled suitor who has enjoyed only aveiled tolerance," was Graydon's thought. "Things will come out allright in the end, I suppose, but they certainly are not proceeding asI expected. Stella will be mine eventually--it were treason to thinkotherwise--but she is carrying it off rather boldly to keep Arnault socomplacent at the same time. As far as Madge is concerned, I've beena fool and made a mess of it. How in the mischief has she been able todivine my very thoughts! She is wrong in one respect, however. If shehad felt and acted toward me like a sister I would have been loyalto her, and would have compelled even Miss Wildmere to recognize herrights. I am not so far gone but that I can act in a straightforward,honorable way. My acceptance of her action was an afterthought, aphilosophical way I have of making the best of everything. I nowbelieve that it has turned out for the best, but I have been guiltyof no coldblooded calculation. Very well, I'll treat her as a simple,natural girl and my very good friend, and see how this course works.Not that she is a simple girl. I've met too many of that kind, andof those also who enshroud themselves in a cloud of little femininemysteries, all transparent enough to one of experience; but Madgedoes puzzle me. She has not explained herself with her fine burst ofindignation. Jove! how handsome she was! She ever gives the impressionthat there is something back of all she says and does. Even Henryfeels it in his dim way, but that lightning flash made it clearthat it is something of which she need not be ashamed. Since shehas learned to read me so understandingly, I will try to fathom herthoughts. Perhaps friendship does mean more to her than to others. Ifso, I'll be as true a friend to her as she to me. If I grant Stellasuch broad privileges with Arnault, she must admit mine with one ofwhom it would be absurd to be jealous;" and, with cogitations like theabove, he also pretended to read his paper, and finished his cigar.
A Young Girl's Wooing Page 16