CHAPTER XXVIII
DISPASSIONATE LOVERS
During the last moments of their drive Madge and Graydon werecomparatively silent. They were passing dwellings, meeting strangers,and they could not, with the readiness of natures less finelyorganized, descend to commonplaces. Each had abundant food forthought, while even Graydon now believed that he so truly understoodMadge, and had so much in common with her, that words were no longerneeded for companionship.
As they approached the piazza, they saw that Arnault was still MissWildmere's devoted attendant. His presence meant hope for Madge, andGraydon was slightly surprised at his own indifference. He felt thatthe girl to whom he regarded himself as bound belonged to a differentworld, a lower plane of life than that of which he had been given aglimpse. The best elements of his nature had been profoundly moved,and brought to the surface, and he found them alien to the pair onthe piazza. He was even self-reproachful that he saw with so littleresentment Stella's present companionship.
"While I don't like her course at all," he thought, "I must believethat she is acting from the most self-sacrificing motives. Whattroubles me most now is that I have a growing sense of the narrownessof her nature."
He had never come from her presence with his manhood aroused to itsdepths. It was her beauty that he dwelt upon; her piquant, alluringtones and gestures. Madge was not an ill-natured critic of the girlwho threatened to destroy her future, but, by being simply what shewas, she made the other shrink and grow common by contrast.
To Graydon such comparisons were odious indeed, and he would notwillingly permit them; but, in conformity to mental laws and the forceof circumstances, they would present themselves. Each day had foundhim in the society of the two girls, and even an hour like one ofthose just passed compelled him to feel the superiority of Madge. Hisbest hope already for Stella was that she would change when surroundedby better influences--that her faultless taste in externals wouldeventually create repugnance to modes of thought and action unsuitablein a higher plane of life. He did not question his love for her,but he felt this morning that it was a love which was becomingdisenchanted early, and into which the elements of patience andtolerance might have to enter largely. Should he marry her to-day hecould not, as Madge had said, and with the first glow of affection,believe her perfect. He even sighed as he thought of the future.
His heart was very tender toward Madge, but it was with an affectionthat seemed to him partly fraternal, and partly a regard for onedifferent, better, purer than himself. He proved the essentialfineness, the capabilities of his nature, by his appreciation of someof her higher traits. Her ministry to the dying girl had given hera sacredness in his eyes. For the time she was becoming a sort ofreligion to him. He revealed this attitude of mind to her by a gentlemanner, and a tone of respect and consideration in the least thing hesaid.
"Oh," thought the poor girl, "he could be so much to me and I to him!His touch, even in thought, would never be coarse and unfeeling; andI have seen again and again that I can inspire him, move him, and makehim happy. Why must a wretched blunder thwart and blight two lives?"
Before they had finished their breakfast the beautiful languor ofsleep was again in his companion's eyes, and he said: "Dear Madge,promise me you will take a long rest. Before we part I want to tellyou what an illumined page you have put in my memory this morning.Some of the shadows in the picture are very dark, but there is also alight in it that 'never was on sea or land.' When you wake I shall beon my way to the trout-stream to which Dr. Sommers will guide me; and,do you know? I feel as if my memories will be in accord with the sceneof my camping-ground. As I sit in my tent-door to-night I shall thinkover all you have said and described."
Her only answer was a smile, that for some reason quickened his pulse.
Much occurred before they met again.
He went to his room, wrote some letters, and made other preparations.Then, feeling that he should give the remaining time before hisdeparture to Miss Wildmere, he sought her. She appeared to be waitingfor him on the piazza, and there was reproach in her tone, as shesaid, "I half feared you were going without bidding me good-by."
"Such fears were scarcely just to me."
"I did not know but that you had so greatly enjoyed your morning driveas to go away in a fit of absent-mindedness. I have been sitting herealone an hour."
"I could not know that. When I drove up I saw that I should be _detrop_," he replied, as they sauntered to an adjacent grove.
"Now, Graydon, you know that is never true, so far as I am concerned."
"The trouble is, Miss Wildmere, others are concerned in such a waythat the only resource left me is to keep my distance."
"Mr. Arnault has returned to the city," she said, with what appeared agreat sigh of relief. "I am perfectly free now."
"Till Mr. Arnault returns."
"I cannot help his return."
"Oh, no. I do not question his right to come back, or even to buy thishotel and turn us all out."
"Please don't talk about him any more. I'm doing the best I can."
"I believe you think so, but I cannot think it will prove the best forany one. It is not what I expected or even imagined. You are actingfrom a mistaken sense of duty, and I am more sorry every day thatyou can commit such an error. Look at it in its true light, Stella. Icannot believe you are deceiving me: you must be leading Mr. Arnaultto entertain a false hope."
"Graydon, I have refused Mr. Arnault, and he will take no refusal."
"You can refuse him in such a way that he must take it at once andforever."
"You don't know--" she began, tears coming into her eyes.
"No; you have only led me to surmise a great deal by implication."
"What would become of mamma and my little sister if papa should failutterly?" and tears came faster. No one could be more pathetic thanMiss Wildmere when she chose.
"Can you not trust me for them as well as for yourself?"
"Oh, Mr. Muir, I know you mean most generously and kindly, but papa isso anxious and fearful! He tries to keep up before others, but I knowhow he feels, and it's terrible. He is past middle age, and businesssuccess means very much to him. How can I do anything to harm him? Iknow so little about business and its perils, while papa thinksthere may be terrible dangers ahead for every one. You might have thegood-will to help us and yet soon be scarcely able to help yourself.I have been made to feel that the best I could do through thesetroublous times was to try to aid papa as far as possible, and then Ishouldn't have anything with which to reproach myself."
Graydon was perplexed. Apparently she was doing wrong in the mostself-sacrificing spirit, and believed that doing right, which wouldend her abnegation, was wrong and selfish.
While he hesitated, she resumed: "You see, Graydon, papa has the sameas said that Mr. Arnault was tiding him over until he could realizeon securities now of little value. Of course there has been nocompromising understanding in words--do not think us capable of that.It would cut me to the heart to have you misjudge me or condemn me. Iwill give you the highest proof I can of my--my--esteem by being frankon a delicate subject, so that you can see how I am placed. I don'tthink many young ladies would do as much. Of course what I say issacred between us. Mr. Arnault offered himself long since, and Ipromptly declined the honor, but he laughingly told me he would takeno refusal, and chatted through the rest of the evening as pleasantlyas if nothing had happened. I have virtually refused him several timessince, but he persists, declaring that he will remain an agreeablefriend until I change my mind. Surely, I am not misleading him. Ido like him as a friend, and he knows that I have for him no otherregard, and never had. Before you came he had begun to help papa, andto throw business in his way, and just now he is rendering him verygreat service. He may do this in the hope of influencing me, but hegives his aid without conditions. Yet I know him well enough to besure that he would withdraw this business help should I now harshlydismiss him or engage myself to another. While I do show him that Iappreci
ate his kindness, I do nothing to indicate that my feeling ischanged. He must know that I regard him in the same light as in thepast. If he is content with this, I have asked myself why I shouldbe precipitate--why alienate him now in the very crisis of papa'saffairs. Of course if I had only myself to think of--I've been foolishenough to think that I might help papa and still be happy in the end.Am I so very naughty, Graydon?"
He was at a loss how to answer her, but felt that he must at oncedisabuse her mind of one expectation.
"I admit, Stella," he said, thoughtfully, "that you are peculiarlyplaced, and I thank you for making clearer what I had partiallysurmised. While I admire and respect the motive, I must still repeatthat I regret beyond all words such action in one who is so muchto me. It is right also that I should define my own position moreclearly. I will imitate your generous frankness. You know how greatlyI admired you before I first went abroad; and while I felt that therewas little chance for me, you being sought by so many, I did not giveup hope. This hope was strengthened by my visit last summer, and whenI returned and found you free a few weeks since I determined to winyou if I could. You know I would have spoken before had you permitted.I have for some little time felt myself irrevocably bound by what haspassed between us. I also believed that you would eventually give mea full explanation in regard to Mr. Arnault, and that his attentionswould cease. As to my not being able to take care of you, that isabsurd. I am not wealthy yet, but few young men in the city havebetter prospects. My brother's business is large and profitable, and Iam soon to share in it. I could not, from the nature of things, enterinto business relations with your father--I should not be at the headof the firm--but neither you nor yours should ever want. As tomy brother, he is in no financial danger whatever. He has a largefortune, and is conservatism itself. If you are placed in anembarrassing position, I am also. Arnault's manner is not that of afriend. Others misjudge you and me also. It looks to the people here,and to my own family, as if you were playing with us both.
"Moreover," he continued, after a moment's thought, "you are driftinginto a false relation with Arnault, although you may not be consciousof it. Before these troubles began you simply tolerated his attentionsgood-naturedly, and without any special motive. Now you have adefinite motive and purpose, and--pardon me, Stella--they aremisleading him. He would not continue his attentions an hour, didhe believe they were utterly hopeless. To Arnault and all others youappear undecided between him and myself. Such an experiment as you aretrying cannot work well. If he has any other power beyond that of yourmaidenly preference, he will not hesitate to increase it, and may makeyour father more utterly dependent upon him while appearing helpful."
"Yes; I have thought of that," she said, musingly.
"There seems to me but one straightforward, high-toned thing for youto do, Stella, and that is to follow your heart."
He was almost frightened at himself that he spoke with so littleeagerness and longing. His words seemed but the honorable and logicalsequence of what had gone before. For some reason this girl in thebroad light of day did not appear to be the same as when she hadfascinated him in the witching moonlight the evening before. It wasnot that her beauty had gone with the glamour of the night, but hehad been breathing a different and a purer atmosphere. Madge had beenrevealing what to him seemed ideal womanhood.
In regard to Stella his illusion had so far passed that he thought,consciously, "Even at her best she is presenting Wildmere traits; hervery self-sacrifice takes on a Wildmere form, and there is a flavor ofWall Street in it all."
But he still believed that he loved her, and that, if she was equal tosuch great though mistaken self-sacrifice for her father, she would,under his influence, throw off certain imperfections and gain a bettertone.
That such thoughts were passing through his mind was a bad omen forthe continuance of Miss Wildmere's power, and yet the opportunity ofher life was still hers. She had simply to put her hand into his witha look of trust, and abide by the act, to secure a loyalty that wouldalways have tried to promote her best interests. That she was stronglytempted to do this was proved by her manner, in spite of the fact thatshe had promised Arnault not to decide against him before Saturday.
It was a moment of indecision. His strong assurance that he wasabundantly able to take care of her, that Mr. Muir was wealthy andfree from financial embarrassment, almost turned the scale. She feltthat both Arnault and her father were deceiving her for their ownpurposes, and she had little hesitation in acting for herselfwithout regard to them. Graydon's suggestion that her action was nothigh-toned, although delicately made, touched her pride to the quick,and she was compelled to feel during this interview, as never before,the superiority of the man who addressed her. She longed to forceHenry Muir to acknowledge the daughter of the man he shunned inbusiness; and not the least among her incentives was the thought oftriumphing over Madge as a possible rival.
"At any rate," she had thought, "if I become engaged to Graydon hewill have to be very much less fraternal. As to his not aiding papa,"she concluded, "I can't help that. When once married I could make himdo all he could afford, and papa and mamma have no right to expectanything more."
To the potency of all these considerations was added a sentiment forthe man who awaited her answer, and who chafed inwardly that it was solong in coming.
"Truly," he thought, "this is a strange wooing. Henry himselfcould not more carefully weigh the _pros_ and _cons_ than does sheapparently, nor am I in feverish suspense. I had hoped for somethingdifferent in my mating."
A glimmering perception that her manner was not calculated to inspirea lover at last dawned on Miss Wildmere, and with it came a falteringpurpose to decide in favor of Graydon at once; but as she turnedtoward him, to speak with what was meant to be a bewildering smile ofjoy, a messenger from the office said, "A telegram, miss."
Graydon frowned, and then laughed outright. She stopped in the veryact of tearing open the envelope, and looked at him inquiringly.
"Oh, nothing," he said, lightly. "The opportuneness of that fellow'scoming was phenomenal. How much longer am I to wait for your decision,Stella? Were the world in our secret, I should be known as St. Graydonthe patient."
She flushed, but adopted his apparently light mood as the leastembarrassing. "My memory is good, and I shall know how to reward you,"she smilingly replied. "Please let me satisfy my mind about papa, forI'm sure it's from him."
"Oh, satisfy your _mind_ fully about everything, Miss Wildmere."
She tore open the envelope with a strong gesture of impatience, andread, with a suddenly paling cheek, "Unless you choose the immediatecertainty of absolute loss, wait till I see you. Will come soon.Wildmere."
She crushed the telegram in her hand, and turned away with ahalf-tragic air which at the moment struck Graydon as a little"stagy," and then he condemned himself for the thought. As she did notspeak for a moment, he said, sympathetically, "Your tidings are bad?"
She tried to think, but was confused, and felt that she was in a crueldilemma. Could Graydon be deceiving her? or was he as ignorant as heseemed of his brother's peril? Was her father in league with Arnaultafter all? and were they uniting to separate her from Graydon? Shecould not tell. She must gain more time. She would see her father,charge him with duplicity, and wring the truth from him.
When she turned to Graydon her eyes were full of tears again, and shefaltered: "You may despise me if you will, but my father has made anappeal to me, and is coming to see me. I must hear what he has to say.I must tell him that I can't endure--that I can't go on this way anylonger. I would gladly help him, save him, but after what you havesaid it's impossible to--Oh, was ever a girl placed in such wretchedstraits! Graydon, can you be patient a little longer?"
"There is nothing else for me to do, Stella. I only stipulatethat your decision be made speedily, and that Arnault be given tounderstand what my rights are. I shall have no difficulty in enforcingthem."
"I shall decide speedily. It is not right that I should be pla
ced insuch a torturing, humiliating position."
"Now I agree with you perfectly. When does your father come?"
"He says 'soon.'"
"Very well; I will return on Saturday."
"I wish you wouldn't go away now," she entreated.
"I think it is best," replied Graydon, decisively, yet kindly. "Ihave said all that is possible to an honorable man. By remaining I amplaced in an anomalous position which my self-respect does not permitany longer."
"I suppose," she sighed, "that I should not ask too much. Well, so beit, then."
They walked back to the house in silence. At the door of a sideentrance she turned to him, her face flushing at the admission, andsaid, hastily, "I waited a long time for you, Graydon," and then fledto her room.
"Oh, confound it!" he muttered, as he walked away. "What a muddle itall is! I ought to feel like strangling myself for permitting thisdoubting, cynical spirit to creep over me. Curse it all! her words andmanner haven't the ring of absolute truth. It seems as if I heard avoice in the very depths of my soul, saying, 'Beware!' Am I becomingan imbecile? I doubted and misjudged Madge. Thank Heaven that is pastforever! Now I am doubting and misjudging the woman I have asked tobe my wife. I must be misjudging her--the alternative is horrible.I can't escape one conviction, however. It is turning out just as Iexpected and told her it would. Arnault's aid to her father has beendelusive, and Wildmere is deeper in the mire than ever. This is a fineending of my social career! The girl of my choice puts me off untilshe can end this Wall Street business more satisfactorily. She mustwait and hear her father's reasons for further diplomacy before shecan answer me. If Henry knew all this--But Madge, crystal Madge, won'trepeat what I said. I must risk the loss of her society also. Hasher keen insight into character enabled her to detect these Wildmeretraits, and is this the cause of her antipathy? How simply she said 'Icouldn't do'--what Stella has accomplished with so much skill that thegossips in the house are in honest doubt as to her choice, or whether,indeed, she proposes to accept either Arnault or myself. Well, well,I'll wait till she has had this interview with her father, and thenshe must either decide for me and against such tactics forever,or else she can wear my scalp in her belt with those of the otherunfortunates."
In an hour he was on the road with Dr. Sommers to a wild and secludedvalley.
A Young Girl's Wooing Page 28