CHAPTER XXXV
A NEW EXPERIMENT
Stella Wildmere would not leave the seclusion of her room. As thehours passed the more overwhelming grew her disappointment andhumiliation, and her chief impulse now was to get away from a placethat had grown hateful to her. She had bitterly reproached her fatheras the cause of her desolation, but thus far he had made no replywhatever. She had passed almost a sleepless night, and since had shutherself up in her room, looking at the past with a fixed stare andrigid face, over which at times would pass a crimson hue of shame.
Mrs. Wildmere went down to dinner with her husband, and then learnedthat Mr. Arnault had breakfasted with him. This fact she told Stellaon her return, and the girl sent for her father immediately.
"Why did you not tell me that Mr. Arnault was here this morning?" sheasked, harshly.
He looked at her steadily, but made no reply.
"Why don't you answer me?" she resumed, springing up in her impatienceand taking a step toward him.
He still maintained the same steadfast, earnest look, which began togrow embarrassing, for it emphasized the consciousness which she couldnot stifle, that she alone was to blame.
She turned irritably away, and sat down on the opposite side of theroom.
"It's just part and parcel of your past folly," she began. "If I hadknown he was here, and could have seen him or written to him--"
She still encountered the same searching eyes that appeared to belooking into her very soul.
"Oh, well, if you have nothing to say--"
"I have a great deal to say," answered her father, quietly, "but youare not ready to hear it yet."
"More lecturing and fault-finding," said Stella, sullenly.
"I have not lectured or found fault. I have warned you and tried tomake you see the truth and to help you."
"And with your usual success. When can we leave this house?"
"We _must_ leave it to-morrow. I will speak in kindness and truth whenyou are ready to listen. I know the past; I have little left now butmemory."
He waited some moments, but there was no relenting on her part, and hepassed out.
All the afternoon conscience waged war with anger, shame, pride andfear--fear for the future, fear of her father, for she had neverbefore seen him look as he had since he had met her on the piazzathe evening before. He had manifested none of his usual traits ofirritability alternating with a coldness corresponding to her own. Heseemed to have passed beyond these surface indications of troubleto the condition of one who sees evils that he cannot avert and whorallies sufficient manhood to meet them with a dignity that borderedon despair.
As Stella grew calmer she had a growing perception of this truth. Heno longer indulged in vague, half-sincere predictions of disaster. Hisaspect was that of a man who was looking at fate.
A cold dread began to creep over her. What was in prospect? Was he,not Henry Muir, to lose everything? After all, he was her father, herprotector, her only hope for the future. As reason found chance to beheard, she saw how senseless was her revolt at him. She could not goon ignoring him any longer. Perhaps it would be best to hear what hehad to say.
This feeling was intensified by her mother, who at last came in andsaid, in a weak, half-desperate way, "Stella, there is no use of yourgoing on in this style any longer. Distressed and worried as I am,I can see that we can't help matters now by just wringing our hands.Your father says we must leave as early as possible to-morrow. I can'tdo everything to get ready. I'm so unnerved I can scarcely stand now.Do come down to supper with us, or else let a good supper be broughtto you, and then let us act as if we had not lost our senses utterly.Your father looks and is so strange that I scarcely know him."
"I'll not go down again. Nothing would tempt me to meet GraydonMuir and the curious stare of the people. I suppose they are full ofsurmises. If you will have a supper sent to me I will take it and doall the packing myself. Please tell papa that I wish to see him aftersupper."
She then made a toilet suitable for her task, and waited impatiently.Her father soon appeared with a dainty and inviting supper. As soon asthey were alone Stella began:
"Now, papa, tell me the worst--not what you fear, but just what isbefore us."
"Eat your supper first."
"No; I wish to learn the absolute truth. You said you had a great dealto say to me. I'm calm now, and I suppose I've acted like a fool longenough."
"I have much to say, but not many words. _I_ must begin again, Heavenonly knows how or where. I am about at the end of my resources. Ishall not do anything rash or silly. I shall do my best while I havepower to do anything. I do not propose to reproach you for the past.It's gone now, and can't be helped. My proposal to you is that _you_begin also. You have tried pleasing yourself and thinking of selffirst pretty thoroughly. You know what it is to be a belle. Now, whynot try the experiment of being a true, earnest, unselfish woman,whose first effort is to do right. Believe me, Stella, there is a Godin heaven who thwarts selfishness and punishes it in ways oftenleast expected. The people with whom we associate soon recognizethe self-seeking spirit, and resent it. You have had a terrible andpractical illustration of what I say. Are you not a girl of too muchmind to make the same blunder again? With your youth you need notspoil your life, or that of others, unless you do it wilfully."
She leaned back in her chair, and bitter tears came into her eyes.
"Yes," she faltered, "my lesson has been a terrible one; but perhapsI never should have become sane without it. I have been exacting andreceiving all my life, and yet to-night I feel that I have nothing.Oh," she exclaimed, with passionate utterance, "I have been such a_fool_. Nothing, nothing to show for all those gay, brilliant years,not even a father's love and little claim upon it."
He came to her side and kissed her again and again.
"You don't know anything about a father's love," he said. "It surviveseverything and anything, and your love would save me."
Never, even under the eyes of Graydon Muir, had she been so consciousof her heart before. Had he seen her when she departed on the earliesttrain in the morning he would have witnessed a new expression on herface.
A Young Girl's Wooing Page 35