Hormotional

by K. S. Adkins

  Tossing him a beer, I told him, “Sounds like you had one hell of a childhood.”

  Cracking it open, he took a swig, faced me, and said, “Most people never get to meet their heroes, but I was lucky.”

  “Yeah, how so?”

  “I was raised by mine.”

  God, if that didn’t choke a guy up... “Ram, your mom is...” Shit, how did I put these enormous feelings I had into words?

  “There is no word good enough for her,” he said through a smile. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “I care about her,” I shared honestly. “A hell of a lot. And I care about you, too. I plan on being a big part of her life. And I just want you to know, I’m not trying to take the place of your dad.”

  Throwing his head back and laughing wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “Glad you find this funny.”

  “I’m twenty-four years old.”

  “I can count,” I mumbled.

  “And Jon was a piece of shit,” he said matter-of-factly. “Ma won’t speak ill of him in front of me, but I know. I know he wasn’t worthy of us, of her. Motherfucker is better off dead, in my opinion.”

  “Ram—”

  “No,” he grunted. “My grandma told me all about my dad. The stupid shit he used to pull while ma busted her ass just to put food on the table. She watched him die. Then she squared off against the men who killed him to protect me. For years, she had horrible nightmares. I know because I used to sneak in her room and crash next to her so she wouldn’t suffer alone. I’m grateful I don’t remember him because that piece of shit did nothing but cause her pain.”

  “Fuck,” I sighed and cracked another beer. “I’m sorry you both went through this.”

  Lost in his own pain, I sat quietly, letting him work it out. Glancing at me, he said, “When she got sick, she didn’t tell me.” He closed his eyes before he continued. “Ever see your hero pumped full of poison?”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Sick on that shit, losing her hair, and puking her guts out, she stood up, got in my face, and told me, ‘don’t cry, Ram. I’m kicking cancer’s ass for you.’ And she did, Luke. So, promise me that even when she pushes you away, tells you she doesn’t need help, doesn’t want to be tied down, that you’ll take care of her. Because if there is one man who deserves her, it’s you.”

  “You’ll always be the number one man in her life, Ram.”

  “It’s time for me to pass the torch. Besides.” He grinned wide. “My ma won’t ride my ass if she’s riding yours.”

  Thinking on the significance of that, I slapped his shoulder and simply said, “Thank you.”

  I planned to work from home after a long day, giving Lizzy a break, and see if she’d slip up, or if one of the guys would. Plus, I knew she was still upset over her fight with Lincoln, and quite frankly, so was I.

  He and I might have come to an understanding, but he didn’t apologize to her yet.

  Glancing over at the monitor, I saw a large male in full leathers walk into the shop and approach her.

  I turn on the volume, and right away I saw her annoyance. It was a living breathing thing he chose to ignore. I heard the innuendos, the threat, saw him grab her, and had my keys in my hand the second she reached for the pliers.

  Hauling ass, I made it to her lot in minutes. Throwing the door open, I saw Lizzy back to work on my car. I saw the man who touched her bound with zip ties, gagged with a dirty oil rag in his mouth, and seriously pissed off. To get to her, I had to pass him. When I did, I kicked him in the jaw, knocking him out.

  “Hey Luke,” she said brightly. “I was wondering where you were.”

  “Explain this,” I ordered her.

  “Okay, but,” she said while standing up, “I only restrained him, you just broke his jaw. Any assault charges are on your rap sheet.”

  “Who is he, and why is he tied up in the first place?”

  “We hooked up once, it sucked, I told him as much, and I hoped to never see him again.”

  “You were wrong,” I seethed with fury.

  “Yeah,” she shrugged casually. “It happens.”

  This female and her moods, I swear to Christ, I didn’t know if I wanted to spank her or laugh. “He touched you?”

  “Duh,” she snorted. “Hence the rodeo that took place twenty minutes ago.”

  “He hurt you?”

  “No.” She smiled proudly. “I’m kind of a menopausal badass these days.”

  “Do your fuck toys show up often?”

  Losing her smile, she grated out, “Not that it’s any of your business, but no.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “You asked me a question, and I gave you an answer. Step off.”

  “I come to see my woman and find the guy she used to fuck bound on the floor,” I raged at her. “If this happens a lot, I have a right to fucking know.”

  “I fucked him once,” she said, clenching her fists. “And I did not invite him here. He just showed up. I didn’t appreciate it, and that,” she growled while pointing at him, “is the consequence of not listening to me.”

  “You tell him you were seeing me?”

  “No,” she snapped, and I had to give her credit, she was honest to a fault. “I don’t owe him shit. Not about you, not about anything. I didn’t want him here, and that’s reason enough.”

  She was right, but I was too far gone to let it go. “You didn’t call me,” I accused.

  “I didn’t need you,” she threw right back.

  “How many nights like this do I gotta consider? Is my woman fucking the metropolitan area? If so, I may have to rethink things. I’m not about getting in deep with the town slut.”

  Visibly hurt, she stepped back and grabbed her own neck. She let out a breath and closed her eyes. “I let you in, Luke.”

  Not understanding the significance of this, I fired back, “Yeah, seems to me you let a lot of people in, Lizzy.”

  “I let you in, Luke.”

  “You already said that!”

  Getting in my face, she screamed, “I let you in, Luke!”

  “I know this already, Lizzy! You let that guy in, too! How many others did you let in?”

  “This is why,” she said, staring down at the unconscious guy.

  “What?”

  “This is why I shouldn’t have let you in.”

  “Shit,” I groaned, finally getting it. “Lizzy…”

  “You did not learn how to do all the wonderful things you did to my body by being with one woman. Do you see me screaming and calling you names because you have a past? I let you in, but you haven’t given me the same consideration. I don’t bitch, I don’t accuse, and I sure as fuck don’t hold it against you. I refuse to let you belittle me, I fucking refuse.”

  “If you would just let me—”

  “Leave.”

  “I overreacted,” I admitted cautiously.

  “Unless you want to spend the night next to him, I suggest you go.”

  “Spend the night? You’re leaving him out here in the garage?”

  “Me and my guys will straighten him out in the morning,” she said, shutting off the lights. “You, I’m going to straighten out now. This thing we had is over, get the fuck out.” Lizzy, in that moment, was dead serious. I had seriously fucked up.

  “I’m going to give you a night to think about things,” I tried.

  “Yeah,” she said softly. “You do that.”

  “Lizzy…”

  “What is it about men and not listening?” she snapped. “I just fucking told you to go. I did this because you came in here, saw that asshole on the ground, and went batshit telling me I’m a whore. That somehow this is my fault. You were in. Now, you’re out. I don’t need your bullshit, and I don’t need all the lies you’ve been feeding me either.”

  “Lizzy, fuck, just wait a minute.”

  “He put his hands on me, Luke,” she shrieked. “Instead of tal
king to me about it, you judged me. You can call me whatever you want for having sex with men that came long before you. I didn’t marry a woman who would spend those years making me miserable, that was you. Until you showed up I was living my life and doing fine. You don’t get to fuck that up, it’s been fucked up enough. I’m fucked up enough!”

  After she closed the door that led to the stairs, I booted the prick in the face again before letting myself out.

  Once I was home, I did something I swore I wouldn’t do. I turned on the cameras inside her place. From my chair, I drank myself into fucking oblivion while listening to her cry. When she stopped crying, she pulled out a picture of a dead man and talked to it. She said shit to that photo which ruined me. Shit only she suffered. Shit I couldn’t help her face because my ass added to it. Not only that, she spoke to the dead man in the photo like he was in the room with her. That unsettled me most of all. She may have claimed to have let me in, but she hadn’t kicked the dead guy out either.

  When Ram called around eleven, I watched Lizzy shut all the bad shit down and focus on her son. Her boy had no idea his mom was curled into ball fighting the pain while covering it with jokes. He’d never know either because Lizzy never wanted her boy to know suffering of any kind. Meanwhile, she was suffering in silence, and it slayed me that my actions had caused it.

  The worst part was, she had been nothing but honest with me. I couldn’t say the same.

  Lizzy was right, I was a liar.

  I owed the guys an explanation for my nasty behavior, I knew this, but I was in no mood to give it.

  This wasn’t fair of me, but tough shit. I couldn’t sleep for nothing last night. Not that restless nights were new to me. I had more than my fair share. Being exhausted aside, my emotions had gotten the best of me, keeping me on edge.

  I’m not about getting in deep with the town slut…

  If someone had ever said anything nastier to me, I never heard it.

  So, I cried it out, grabbed a photo of Jon, and spoke to it. I’d done it a thousand times before, but last night was the first time I hadn’t received any comfort from it. Last night, I hadn’t held Jon in my hands.

  I held an old picture.

  Little by little the last pieces of him I held onto were slipping through my fingers, and I didn’t fight the loss.

  Right around the time I was wrung dry Ram called, and I pulled it together.

  I put him at ease like I always do. Promising I was fine, the world was a great place, and that he had nothing to worry about. Basically, I lied to my son, and it didn’t sit well.

  This morning, I was a caged lion ready to strike. I didn’t need them staring at me, giving me attitude, or Lincoln following me into my office to piss me off again. However, when he closed the door behind him and got in my face, I did not back down. I was done backing down.

  “These cameras Ram hooked up, they’re just for show, right?”

  “They’re not active as far as I know,” I said, firing up the computer. “Why?”

  “Because I have some shit to say, and I want to be assured no one can hear me. Especially, Ram.”

  “Make it quick,” I advised him. “Your voice is already annoying me.”

  “Fuck that shit, Lizzy,” he grated out. “Explain to me why I came into work to find Kink bleeding onto the concrete. Further explain to me how he got himself zip tied and gagged while you’re at it.”

  “He showed up, got pushy, and I reacted,” I shrugged. “I left him on the concrete overnight so he could reevaluate his actions. Next time he comes at me, I’ll shove a crowbar up his virgin ass.”

  “Who busted his jaw?”

  “That would be Luke.”

  “He got pushy with you, you pushed back, which ended with him being zip tied, and Luke breaking his jaw?”

  “No,” I grunted. “He got pushy with me, I grabbed the pliers and locked it on his jock, then I zip tied him. Luke showed up, saw him on the ground, and punted him.”

  “Why didn’t Luke take care of Kink?”

  “Because I ended things and asked him to leave. Which means you should be thrilled! Plus, Luke taking care of it doesn’t teach Kink a lesson. Kink waking up on my floor with a busted jaw, a dirty rag in his mouth, and covered in his own piss eight hours later does.”

  “You ended things?”

  “Isn’t that what I just said?”

  “You defended him to me, Lizzy,” he said confused. “The fuck?”

  “Past tense,” I waved him off. “Where’s Kink now?”

  “Took off running.”

  “You cut him loose?”

  “Fuck no,” he grunted. “He got pushy, let him figure his shit out.”

  “Where’s his bike?”

  “What bike?” he grinned evilly. “Didn’t see no bike.”

  “Thanks, Lincoln,” I said softly.

  “You done with Luke for good?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “All right then,” he said, pulling me in for a hug. “I’m sorry about the shit I said. Tonight, after work, we go out, all of us. We raise some hell. I’m thinking the Freer Bar. Best way to get over this guy is getting yourself under another one.”

  I laughed at his logic even though I had no intention of screwing anyone. But going out with the guys sounded good, so I said, “Love you, Lincoln.”

  “Love you, Lizzy.”

  “Do me a favor,” I said, taking my seat. “Wrap up his Camaro, I want it gone by the end of the week. Someone else can restore it.”

  “Lizzy,” he said cautiously then shook himself of it. “Consider it done.”

  When my office phone rang and it was Iggy, I squealed in delight. Iggy was Jon’s best friend and like a big brother to me. He loved Ram and brought Hudson’s a lot of business. He owned a junkyard and used car lot. Anytime one of his cars needed work, he sent it to me. On average, I fixed up six cars a month for him. Thanks to Iggy, I was able to feed Ram and put him through school. Thanks to Iggy, I was able to survive. It meant everything that despite Jon being gone, Iggy never left us. While he was explaining the big job coming in, I wrote down what parts I needed to order and assured him I could meet the deadline. This job alone would bring in about five grand, so yeah, I’d push Luke’s Camaro into a ditch to fix up one of Iggy’s rides. Loyalty was a big deal to me. Iggy proved his. Luke proved a mistake. Business aside, he asked me, “How’s my girl?”

  “Steady,” I promised him. “Ram has a new job, keeps him on the road and busy. He loves it. Met a girl named Destiny, and knowing my son, I’ll be planning a wedding soon.”

  “He’s like his dad, sees the woman he wants and goes about making her his.”

  “Jon would have been proud of him,” I said absently.

  “Fuck yeah he would have been,” he agreed. “He’d be real fucking proud of you, too, Lizzy.”

  Staying silent on my end, I realized down deep that whether Jon was proud of me or not was irrelevant. I was proud of me and that’s what mattered. “You there?”

  “Sorry,” I said, shaking myself back to the present. “What did you ask me?”

  “If you’re seeing anyone,” he repeated. “Don’t like you being alone, Lizzy.”

  “I was seeing someone for a hot minute, but it didn’t work out.”

  “At least you made the effort,” he said, taking pity on me. As far as calls went, this one was over.

  “See you Thursday then?”

  “I’m gonna try and make it, but if not me, I’ll send Reggie, cool?”

  “Yeah, Iggy, cool. Take care, love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Hanging up, I typed his order in to have the parts here by Thursday. When the phone rang again, I answered with, “Hudson’s, you’ve got Lizzy.”

  “Gave you a night,” he warned. “Coming by after work to settle this.”

  “I have plans,” I warned him back. “Sorry.”

  “Lizzy,” he
threatened in return, but I didn’t answer. I simply rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. Proud of that, I even flipped it off and stuck my tongue out at it, too. Then I started sweating and grabbed a notebook to fan myself. I did this with a fake smile on my face even though I was crying on the inside.

  Lincoln suggested her forgetting about me by getting under someone else, not fucking likely.

  Even if he did look like he felt guilty for saying it. That asshole knew I loved her and didn’t bother trying to help me out.

  None too pleased about tonight’s potential plans, I was already on edge when none other than Iggy Rogers, a fucking prick and now my mortal enemy, called her. I hadn’t been aware he brought cars to her. Now that I was, I needed to consider his involvement. The guy was dirty, I knew that much, but did he get his filth on her, too?

  Stowing this new info away for later, I called her to let her know her time was up. She not only hung up on me, but I watched her flip the phone off and stick her tongue out at it, as well.

  She was an honest to God pain in my fucking ass.

  Dialing Ram to check on two accounts, he informed me he finished them this morning and was currently spending time with Destiny. The kid knew his shit, I’d give him that. He was also into commitment, which he must have gotten from his dad because it seems his mom was allergic to it.

  Shit, this wasn’t fair.

  But goddammit, that’s how I felt right now.

  Lizzy spent the rest of her day cranking out my car because she wanted it gone. She wanted me gone. Tough shit, that wasn’t happening. Emailing Ram next week’s workload, I signed off, took a shower, and got ready to crash Lincoln’s party. I knew where they were going because he spent ten minutes rallying the troops to hit the Freer Bar. Lizzy didn’t belong at the Freer, ever. She belonged with me, safely watching movies, or riding my cock. Preferably while she was screaming that she loved me.

  It was eight o'clock, she’d been at the bar for an hour already. Hopefully buzzed with her guard down. Parking on Michigan Ave, I open the front door and spot my woman playing pool with men I did not know. The second she spotted me, I knew by the look she gave me it would be a long fucking night. So, I sat at the bar watching her, giving her a play. One hour passes, then two, and it was obvious she wasn’t coming over. Lincoln did, Benz did, Diesel did. Each played it casual, but Lincoln wasn’t pleased. A few shots later, he came back feeling mouthy and got personal as I expected he would.