by Marla Meyers
“Marissa, she had a bad dream. What causes anyone to have a bad dream? Let’s go to sleep. I have to get up early,” Brycen said, sounding tired and irritated.
The next morning Brycen got up and left for work. Marissa slept in with Tara. Late in the morning, Marissa woke up. She quickly looked over at Tara, still sleeping soundly. She got up and poured herself some coffee. Then she crawled back into bed and watched her daughter sleep, as she sipped on her coffee, trying to forget the shrill sounds Tara had made during the night. But, she couldn’t. They still rang in her head.
“Mommy?” Tara said, stirring a little.
“Yes, Sweetie. I’m here,” Marissa answered.
“Why did the fire burn me?” Tara’s tiny little voice asked, longing to understand.
“It was a terrible, nasty old dream. Sometimes everyone has bad dreams. That’s all it was, a terrible, bad dream,” Marissa answered, reaching over to hold her daughter, and hoping she would forget.
“But it hurt me. The fire hurt me,” Tara continued.
“I know, Sweetie. But, it wasn’t real. Dreams can’t hurt us. They can only scare us, and I know that sometimes dreams can be really scary!” Marissa said, trying to put her mind at ease.
“Can I have ice cream for breakfast?” Tara asked, rolling over and laying on Marissa’s stomach.
Marissa, relieved that she seemed okay, said, “I don’t think so. But, how about some of my special pancakes? Will that do?” she said, starting to tickle her.
“Yeah!” Tara squealed. “Let’s have them now!”
“Okay,” Marissa answered. “Let’s fix “eml”
The whole day Marissa stayed unusually close to Tara. She wasn’t sure why, she just did. Brycen called twice during the day. Once to check on Tara and once to say he would have to work late. No surprise there.
Brycen got home about 9:30. Tara was already in bed. Marissa knew better than to start in on him when he was tired, but she did anyway.
“How long is this going to go on, Brycen?” she began.
“How long is what going to go on?” he asked, defensiveness in his tone.
“These hours! It never used to be like this. You are never home any more. What are you working on?” she asked, almost demanding.
“Lay off, Marissa. I am tired and not up for this. You know I am working on a big campaign. It’s important, you know that,” he said, in a tone that she knew meant enough.
“Are you having an affair?” she asked.
Brycen spun around, looked her straight in the face and just stared at her blankly, then said, “Marissa, I can’t even believe you asked me that! You and Tara are my life! How could you even think that, Babe?”
Marissa stared back at him, as if to try to look into his heart, for it had seemed so distant for so long now.
“Marissa,” he began again, “you don’t really think that, do you?”
“No,” she said softly, because she really did not. She just wanted more of his time. “It’s just that me and Tara never see you anymore. We miss you. And, I guess I am tired from last night and all. I just wanted you home early, or at a decent hour, tonight.”
Brycen walked over and put his arms around her. “I’m sorry, Babe. I just have a lot to do. I’ll try to get home early tomorrow night, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Marissa responded, not too hopeful. She had heard that before.
That night they let Tara sleep in between them.
At 3:00 a.m. they were again awakened by the same shrill screams they had heard the previous night. They again held her and comforted her until she fell back asleep. Again, she told them that the fire was burning her. It was another long night. Marissa could not go back to sleep this time. Brycen fell back to sleep. Marissa tossed and turned, checking on Tara constantly.
The next morning after Brycen left for work, Marissa decided to question Tara about the dream.
“Honey, did you have that same nasty old dream again?” Marissa began.
“Mommy, the fire is bad. It hurts me when I sleep.”
“Where does it hurt you, Baby?” Marissa asked her.
“On my body.”
“Where on your body?”
“My whole body. It burns me up.”
Marissa put her on her lap and held her. “Baby, I’m sorry you had that bad old dream again, but Mommy told you that dreams can’t hurt you, didn’t I?”
“But it does, Mommy. It hurts,” Tara said, her pleading eyes looking up at Marissa’s, needing her to understand.
“Well, tonight we’ll eat ice cream before bedtime. I heard that keeps all the bad dreams away. Did you know that?” Marissa asked Tara, as she brushed her hair away from her face.
“It does?” Tara asked, her face looking hopeful.
“Sure, it does!” Marissa said, convincingly.
Sure enough, that night Brycen did get home early. Tara did eat ice cream before bedtime and, no bad dreams. All was well. Thank God, Marissa thought to herself the next morning when she woke up. They all needed a good nights’ sleep.
“Brycen, I’m going to take Tara and go see Paul, Kelly and the kids for a couple of days. What do you think?” Marissa asked Brycen the next morning.
“I think it will do you good to get away. I will miss my little pumpkin, though!” he said, reaching down and kissing Tara on the head.
“Oh Daddy, I’m not a pumpkin!” Tara said, giggling.
“You’re my pumpkin!” Brycen told her. Then he asked Marissa, “Are you going today?”
“Yeah. I think we will drive up there later this morning. Change of scenery. It’ll do us good, I think.”
“When are you coming back?” Brycen asked, adjusting his tie.
“We’ll spend two nights, then come back middle of the afternoon. We’ll call you, though. There is spaghetti in the frig.”
“I’ll be fine, Mel. You guys have a good time. Send Paul, Kelly and the kids my love.”
“I will,” she said, as he headed for the door. Then she quickly said, “Hey!”
Brycen turned around. “Yeah?”
“I love you, Brycen,” she said softly.
He put down his briefcase and walked over and gave her a big hug, then said, “Marissa, you are the love of my life. I love you, too.”
Then he was gone. Marissa packed her and Tara a few things in the suitcase. They loaded the car and they were off.
Chapter 22
Kelly was sitting out on the front porch, of their big two-story house, when Marissa and Tara arrived.
“Go play, Sweetie,” Marissa told Tara, as she pointed towards Nathan playing catch with another boy in the yard.
“Hey, Marissa!” Kelly said, getting up to greet her.
“Hi Kelly,” Marissa responded, grabbing her suitcase out of the trunk. “I hope it was okay to come on such short notice. I just needed to get away, you know?”
“You guys come whenever you want! You know that!” Kelly said, as they both headed back and sat on the wide steps leading up to the house. Marissa put the suitcase on the bottom step and kicked off her shoes.
“Look at Tara!” Kelly said. “She is growing so fast! She’s a doll.”
Marissa looked over at her daughter, watching the older boys play catch. She was a doll, Marissa thought to herself, smiling. She looked perfect. Her long brown hair had a slight wave in it, as it hugged around her shoulders. Miss Betty sat in her lap. Brycen had given her Miss Betty for her birthday. She was a beautiful doll that Brycen had bought on one of his trips. He said he bought it because it looked so much like Tara. Which it did. Tara named her Miss Betty, although no one knew where she came up with that name.
“Where’s Jeremy?” Marissa asked Kelly, glancing around the yard.
“Oh, he’s off with his buddies. Now that he is in Junior High School, we don’t see too much of him,” Kelly said smiling.
“Sounds like Brycen,” Marissa said, rolling her eyes.
“Brycen in Junior High, too?” Kelly asked, teasi
ng.
“You would think so!” Marissa teased back. “He’s always off playing golf with clients, working late at the office. Anywhere but home,” she said, getting more serious.
Kelly didn’t seem to know what to say. They sat there on the porch steps watching the kids play. Marissa was wondering what Brycen would be doing while they were gone.
“Paul will be home about 6:00,” Kelly said, after a while. “He’ll be so glad to see you.”
“Yeah, I miss him a lot,” Marissa said, looking forward to seeing Paul.
“He misses you, too, Marissa. Last weekend he spent about two hours going through old pictures. Pictures of you guys when you were little and pictures of your Mom and Dad out at the farm.”
“Really?” Marissa asked, knowing Paul, too, must still miss Mamma and Daddy a lot.
“Actually, he took a couple of the old ones and had them framed. I couldn’t believe it. Men usually don’t do stuff like that. But, he came home one day with two pictures mounted in sterling silver frames. One, and you’ll love it, is of you and he when you were young. You have that darling haircut! The other one is a great picture of your Mom and Dad. I’ll show them to you later.”
“Oh my gosh! I can’t imagine Paul doing that,” Marissa said, truly wondering what motivated him to do that.
Kelly and Marissa rounded up the kids and went in to eat lunch. Kelly had made a roast and all the trimmings. She always cooked big meals. Marissa wondered how she stayed so thin. Chasing the boys, she assumed. Their house was always in order and beautifully decorated. Kelly seemed so organized, she thought.
That evening, Paul did get home around 6:00, just like he had told Kelly. “Hey, you, come here!” he said to Marissa, as he came through the doorway, running to hug her.
She found herself almost jumping into his arms. “Hi there!”
Still in his arms, she watched Jeremy walk in behind him.
“Hey, Jeremy!” Marissa said, walking around Paul to hug Jeremy.
“Hi, Aunt Marissa,” Jeremy said, also hugging her. It feels so great to be here, Marissa thought to herself. She needed the “family fix’ to be around Paul for a while.
That night, after all the kids went to bed, Kelly poured them all a glass of wine. Then they sat on the living room floor, with old pictures scattered everywhere. Kelly eventually fell asleep on the couch. Marissa and Paul stayed up late, laughing at old haircuts, school pictures. Lots of looking at the comments. It was great. They talked a lot about Mamma and Daddy. Paul told her how much he missed not getting to go to the farm before it was sold, and how he thought about it a lot.
“Let’s go sometime!” Marissa told him. “I’m sure the old couple that bought it wouldn’t mind if we came out for a short visit,” she said, getting excited at the thought of seeing the farm again.
“I don’t think so, Marissa ” he said softly, then sat quietly.
“What’ wrong?” she asked.
“I just think I want to remember things as they were,” Paul said, softly.
“Yeah…” Marissa responded, wanting to push the issue, then deciding he was probably right. Paul was sensitive for a man. She loved that about him.
That night, for the first time in a very long time, she was thinking about Joshua. Later, as she tried to sleep, she kept seeing his face his wonderful, kind face. She relived, in her mind, all the things that had happened at the farm. It was easier now. Time heals, she assumed. Although, she knew she would never forget. As she glanced down at Tara, sleeping soundly beside her, she knew…she would never forget.
The next day, Paul headed off for work and Kelly and Marissa made plans to take the children and go antique shopping. After promising Nathan and Tara a McDonald’s lunch and ice cream, if they were good, they headed out. Around mid-morning, Marissa realized that she hadn’t talked to Brycen. He hadn’t called and she hadn’t called him. She would call him when she got back to the house, she decided.
They got home around 2:00 and she called his office.
“Hi Baby. Are you guys having a good time?” Brycen asked, adding, “I miss you.”
Marissa was really missing him, too. “I miss you, too, Honey. Did you eat last night?”
“I ate the spaghetti,” he said, “and I worked late last night and will again tonight, that way I can be home early tomorrow night when you and Tara get home. We can spend some time together. Maybe well all go out to eat or something.”
“Oh that would be great! Italian!” Marissa said.
“What?” he questioned.
“Italian food. Let’s eat Italian. Veal fettuccini!” Marissa said, sounding delighted.
“Whatever you want, Babe. You and Tara just have a good time. I miss you both and I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
When she hung up, she thought about Brycen and about how distant they had been lately. Maybe a night away from each other had been good for both of them. He seemed to really miss them, she thought. And, she missed him. She had been missing him for a very long time, she realized.
“Kelly, I think maybe me and Tara will go back home this afternoon,” Marissa told Kelly.
“Oh my gosh, why? I thought you were going to stay until tomorrow!” Kelly said, sounding alarmed and disappointed.
“Well ” Marissa began, cautiously and careful not to hurt her feelings. “We were it’s just well, Kelly…things haven’t been exactly great between me and Brycen lately. After talking to him on the phone, I know it sounds silly, I just miss him. I’m thinking about going home, putting Tara to bed, slipping into a little something and surprising him when he gets home from work. You know?”
Kelly toned down, and seeming to understand, said, “Marissa, I think that’s great that you still miss him after five or six years! I mean, I hate for you guys to go but, I certainly understand. It’ll be great to surprise him like that. It’s probably just what you need. Paul will be disappointed, though.”
“Oh, I know. Will you explain to him for me?”
Kelly smiled. “Don’t worry about it. You and Tara can come back soon, and yes, I’ll explain.”
That afternoon was beautiful. There was a cool breeze and the sun was shining, without a cloud in the sky. Marissa and Tara started back to Houston. They sang songs, Itsy Bitsy Spider and all of Tara’s favorites.
Marissa felt good. It was great to see Paul. It was a beautiful day! She thought about how when she got home, she would clean up the house, sift through her drawer for something really sexy, get Tara to sleep and then be ready for Brycen when he got home. She hadn’t done anything like that in a very long time. Rekindling that’s all they needed.
Chapter 23
It seemed like an unusually long drive back home.
Marissa felt anxious to be with Brycen. As she pulled in the driveway, she was thinking again about how she was going to make this a special night. She quickly got her suitcase out of the car and headed up the sidewalk. Tara was toting Miss Betty under her arm and looking like she might be ready to fall asleep. Marissa was surprised that she hadn’t slept on the way home but, they had sung so many songs and had a good time.
Marissa unlocked the door, quickly walked through the living room, as Tara followed behind, and into the bedroom. She felt like her heart would jump out of her throat, as a cold sweat quickly developed, engulfing her entire body. She watched Brycen jump out of the bed, where lying next to him was a woman she had never seen, trying frantically to cover up her naked, exposed body.
“Get her out of here!” Brycen yelled, struggling to put on his pants, and hysterically pointing to Tara, who was standing beside Marissa, Miss Betty dangling from under her arm. Her eyes were big and wide. The woman was still trying to cover herself. Marissa just stood there watching, her body trembling, as she gently reached down and pushed Tara out the bedroom door.
“Mommy!” Tara said.
“Go to your room, Sweetie!” Brycen said, yelling, his voice shaky, as he zipped his pants and walked towards Marissa.
“
Mommy!” Tara screamed, unsure what was happening and wondering why Daddy was hollering at her this way.
“Go on, Baby,” Marissa finally managed to say to Tara, never taking her eyes off Brycen. By now the woman had pulled the sheets up around her neck and was just lying there.
Marissa’s knees were weak and her chest hurt.
Brycen grabbed Marissa’s shoulders tightly. “Mel, honey, don’t say anything. We need to talk. It is not how it looks! I swear to you. Oh God! Just listen!” Brycen’s eyes were full of water. He looked like a mad man, searching for some way to explain this unexplainable event.
Marissa couldn’t move for a few seconds. She knew her life was unfolding before her eyes. The woman continued to lie there, revealing only her nose and eyes, as both hands tightly held the sheet up around her.
Brycen was starting to shake Marissa, continuing to say, “Just listen…okay. Let’s go in the living room, okay? Just listen! Marissa…”
Marissa still wasn’t moving. She looked into his pleading eyes and the realization of what was happening hit her like a ton of bricks. She glanced over at the naked woman…in her bed on her pillow…with the sheets Mamma had given her years earlier, draped up tight over her mouth, still revealing only her nose and eyes.
All the strength she knew she possessed centered itself in her upper forearms, as she pushed Brycen away. Then she pushed him again. She didn’t know how many times she pushed him. She just kept pushing him until he fell backwards on the bed. The woman screamed and jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. Marissa pushed Brycen down on his back, on the bed. Each time he would lift up, she would push him again. She felt the tears pouring down her face.
Every time she pushed him, he yelled, “Marissa! Stop! Listen!” She just kept pushing him. Then, she didn’t know when it started, but she found herself pounding both her fists, hard, on his chest. Brycen was crying. In the background, Marissa could hear Tara crying out, “Mommy! Daddy!” Her cries becoming louder and louder, “Mommy!”
Marissa stopped hitting Brycen and looked into his eyes. He was sobbing now, hard. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to hit him some more, to hurt him bad! But, she didn’t have the strength. She stood over him, as he lay backwards on the bed, still sobbing, saying, softly now, “Marissa…please, please, baby…listen.”