by Marla Meyers
“Oh, Baby. oh, baby. Mommy is sorry. You’ve been asleep a long time. I needed to hug you, my precious baby!”
Becka stood in the background, with her hands over her mouth, tears filling her big green eyes.
“Come on, Becka!” Marissa said, motioning Becka to come to the bedside.
Becka waved her hand and seemed unable to move, then said, “In a minute, Mel. Hold your daughter.”
“I will hold you hold you hold you ” she said, speaking to Tara, and still hugging all over her.
“Oh my God!” said one of the nurses, walking in the door, after hearing all the commotion. “Look who decided to wake up! I’ll get the doctor!”
“Aunt Becka Mommy. why are you crying?” Tara asked, unsure what all the fuss was about.
“Sweetie, we are just so happy that you decided to wake up. You have been asleep for a long time! Did you know that you were in a hospital?” Marissa asked Tara.
“I don’t know,” Tara answered, seeming unconcerned as to her whereabouts.
Becka finally walked over to Tara. “Hello, my little one.” She reached down and hugged her gently.
“Becka oh my God!” Marissa shouted to her friend.
“Thank God. Oh Thank God!”
Becka said, “Someone should go call Brycen.”
“You go,” Marissa answered. “I am staying right here!” Nurses and doctors were now scurrying about, so Becka slipped out to find a quiet place to call Brycen.
“She’s awake,” Becka told Brycen, when he answered the phone.
“Dear God,” he said, and hung up.
Brycen’s eyes were filled with a joy that Marissa could not remember ever seeing, as he entered Tara’s room. He tried to hide his tears from her, but he was having a hard time. After he smothered her in kisses, he ran over to Marissa and grabbed her around the neck, then began smothering her in kisses, too. And, she let him, laughing. This was too great a day for anything but joy.
The next two days were filled with lots of visitors. Marissa didn’t think she had ever seen so many flowers or stuffed animals in all her life. Tara seemed to think it was one big birthday party. Brycen stayed the first day, then went back to work. Becka never left Marissa or Tara.
“Our last night!” Marissa said, excitedly to Becka, since the doctor had told them that they could take Tara home the next morning.
“Yeah, a real bed tomorrow night!” Becka answered, helping Marissa pack up all the odds and ends that they had acquired over the last couple of weeks.
They packed up as much as they could, then they both sat down, put their feet up on Tara’s bed, and tickled her legs with their toes.
“Mommy! Aunt Becka! That tickles me!” Tara told them, giggling the whole time.
Then they stopped, all laughed for a few seconds and sat quietly. It was the first time it had been quiet and just the three of them since Tara had woke up.
“Mommy,” Tara said softly.
“Yes, Sweetie,” Marissa answered.
“I had dreams when I was sleeping.”
“You did? And, what did my baby girl dream?” Marissa asked her.
“There was a man in my dream. He was a nice man.”
“Well, I’m glad he was a nice man,” Marissa told her, reaching over to touch her face and smiling.
“Mommy. Did you know I was special?” Tara asked, pushing her hair away from her face, and quite serious now.
Marissa tried not to smile too much at her daughter’s very mature display. “Yes, Sweetie as a matter of fact, I did know that! You are very special!”
Marissa looked at Becka and grinned.
“The man in my dreams told me that. His name is Joshua,” Tara stated proudly.
Marissa quickly looked at Becka, who had sat straight up now. Tara had both of their attention, when Marissa trying not to sound too alarmed or disturbed, asked, “Joshua? Are you sure that was his name?”
“Uh-huh. He told me. He made the bad fires go away, too. Can I have some ice-cream?”
“What fires?” Becka asked, leaning forward now.
“She was having bad dreams before the accident,” Marissa said to Becka, then looked back at Tara.
“Tara…listen to Mommy, okay? Did he tell you anything else?”
Tara put her finger on her chin and leaned her head back. “I don’t know. Can I have ice-cream now?”
Marissa looked at Becka, who seemed to be deep in thought, and then she answered her daughter. “Sure, Sweetie.” And, she rang for the nurse.
“Could we get some ice-cream for Miss Tara and Miss Betty?” she asked the nurse.
Then Marissa quickly turned back to the subject of Joshua, her mind racing back to the farm.
“Tell Mommy and Aunt Becka some more about your dream. Can you do that?” Marissa asked her, glancing up at Becka who had moved to the foot of Tara’s bed with Marissa.
“My friend Joshua wears pants with straps on them. And Mommy, his hair is kind of long for a boy.”
“Oh my God,” Marissa whispered softly, looking down. Becka, remembering the details about Joshua, took over. “Honey, what else do you remember?”
“That he made the fires go away! Remember…I told you!” Tara answered, shaking her head in exasperation at her Mommy and Aunt Becka’s lack of memory.
“Do you remember anything else? Can you tell Aunt Becka anything else?” Becka asked, reaching down and tickling her toes a little.
She giggled, then said, “I don’t know.”
Marissa was staring at the floor when the nurse walked in and handed Tara her ice cream.
“Everything okay in here?” the nurse asked.
“Just fine,” Becka answered her. No response from Marissa. When the nurse left, Marissa looked up at Becka. Then they both just sat there. Then Tara, digging into her ice cream said, “My friend, Joshua, says he knows my Mommy. And, you know what else? He has a line on his neck, Mommy!” Tara squealed, then giggled.
Marissa did not smile. She looked at Becka, then stood up and walked around the room for a minute.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?” Tara asked.
Marissa did not answer her, but instead looked at Becka and asked, “What the hell is going on?”
Becka shook her head. “I don’t know.”
Chapter 27
Melanie and Becka didn’t say much, until they got home and got Tara tucked in her bed and settled down. Then they went and sat at the kitchen table. Marissa looked around the house. She noticed a few things were gone, but Brycen hadn’t taken much. It seemed so quiet.
“Marissa,” Becka began, “I can imagine what is going through your head. But, listen…you need to think back. Did you ever talk to Tara about Joshua? Maybe you told her.”
Marissa interrupted her. “No! Of course not! What would I have said, ‘oh, gee, Sweetie Mommy slept with a man named Joshua! But, Honey, he’s probably a ghost or something’. I don’t think so!” Marissa snapped.
Becka didn’t say anything, but just looked down at the table and fiddled with one of the napkin holders.
“I’m sorry, Becka. I didn’t mean to be so snappy,” Marissa said.
“I know,” Becka said.
Then they sat there for a few minutes.
“I told you that something had happened at the farm years ago, something out of the norm,” Marissa said. “You have to believe me now, that something weird is going on. It can’t just be a coincidence Tara had these dreams! God, Becka, she described everything about Joshua! What he wore. his hair, the scar on his neck, everything!”
“I know. I know,” Becka answered, still looking down at the table.
“What do we do?” Marissa asked her, looking puzzled.
“I don’t know that we do anything,” Becka said. “I mean, what would we do? I admit, Mel this is weird, but I don’t know what we do! Or if we do anything!”
“Do you remember me telling you that the little girl, Andrea, died in a fire in our barn? And, that Joshua had tried to save h
er, according to Father Tearney?” Marissa asked.
“Yeah…I remember, Mel. I am thinking about all that, too. All of it, and I just do not know. Maybe,” then she hesitated and looked up at Marissa. “Maybe Tara has been reincarnated or something! God…I don’t know!”
“I can’t believe we are having this conversation,” Marissa stated, shaking her head.
“Well I know you are thinking all the same things that I am!” Becka snapped.
“Yeah, I am. I just don’t know,” Marissa answered.
Then, changing the subject, Becka said, “Are you and Tara going to be okay?”
Knowing Becka was probably referring to the fact that she needed to get home to Pete, Marissa said, “Oh yeah…” then she smiled. “My baby is home. We will be just fine. Go home to Pete.”
“Well, I don’t know how things will be when I get home, but I guess I need to go find out,” she said. “Have you thought about you and Brycen or what you’re going to do?”
“I don’t know yet,” Marissa answered.
“Just give it some time, Mel. I know it hurts. Just don’t do anything rash. I’m not saying you should take him back just give it some time, though.”
“I will,” Marissa answered, still thinking about Joshua.
They sat there for a little while longer, then said their good-byes. After Becka went and checked on Tara, she was gone.
Tara slept for several hours. The house was quiet. Marissa fell asleep, too, then awoke to the phone ringing.
“Hello,” she answered, trying to wake up and focus.
“Hi,” she heard Brycen say softly.
“Hi.”
“Is everything okay? Is Tara okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine, Brycen. She’s sleeping. You can call back later, or I will have her call you when she wakes up.”
“I miss you, Mel,” he said.
“I need some time, Brycen. I just…” and she trailed off.
“I know. I know,” he said. “I just wanted you to know that I love you and that I have never been so sorry for anything in my life. It meant nothing. It was stupid. I was so stupid!”
“Brycen, I really can’t talk about this right now. I am drained, from everything! Please, please, just give me some time.”
“Okay,” he answered, sadly.
After they hung up, Marissa sat on the couch thinking about Joshua. Occasionally, she would consider what she was going to do about she and Brycen, but mainly. She was trying to understand about Joshua.
That night, surprisingly, she didn’t have any trouble falling asleep. Tara was sleeping soundly.
A few hours into the night, she began to dream.
She was running. and running and running. She was out in a field. She felt afraid and just kept running. The weeds were high and it was almost dark and she just kept running. Her legs couldn’t move fast enough, though. Someone was chasing her. She tried to run faster. Her legs were paralyzed. She couldn’t run. Her heart raced and sweat poured from her brow. She was barefooted and wearing a flowing blue dress. Her feet wouldn’t move. She could feel him growing closer…and closer. He was evil, she knew. and he wanted to hurt her. He was coming!
Why wouldn’t her feet move? She could feel his presence right behind her! She didn’t look back. She just kept struggling to move her legs!
“Mommy!” she awoke, to hear Tara screaming for her.
She flew from her bed and raced down the hall. “Baby, it’s Mommy! It’s okay,” she said, crawling into bed with Tara and holding her. “Did you have another bad dream about the fire?”
“No…Mommy No! It was a bad man and he was after me,” Tara cried. “He wanted to hurt me and he was chasing me!”
Marissa pulled the covers up around both of them, then looked over at Tara and said, “Honey, I know it was scary. It was a bad dream. Did you see the bad man, though?”
“Yes, Mommy. He had a black face and ugly teeth! He was all black! His clothes and everything! He was going to hurt me! He was chasing me through the grass and I couldn’t run!” Tara hollered, crying now.
Marissa tightly held her daughter, rocking her, trying to console her, telling her, “It was only a dream, a nasty old dream, Sweetie.”
Tara fell asleep in Marissa’s arms. Marissa looked up at the ceiling, as if to talk directly to God. “Haven’t we had enough? She is just a baby! Haven’t we had enough?”
Then she looked down at her precious daughter, sleeping soundly and just held her. It was a long time before sleep finally won her over.
Chapter 28
A few weeks went by and no more dreams. Marissa and Tara spent a lot of time together, occasionally with Brycen. Tara’s arm was out of the cast and she was running and playing now. Marissa didn’t hear much from Becka and assumed that she was probably trying to work things out with Pete.
Marissa still thought about Joshua and the dreams, but she tried not to dwell on it. She and Tara needed normality. That’s all she wanted, was for things to be normal. Brycen had given her time, as she had requested, coming by to mainly see Tara. They would go to the park or the movies. Or, sometimes they would all three go do things together. Marissa wanted to forgive him. Things could not be back to normal unless Brycen was with she and Tara, but she just couldn’t forget, and therefore, was having a hard time forgiving.
After another month, spring arrived. Tara would start school at the end of the summer, so Marissa was spending lots of time with her. They had planted flowers all around the yard. Brycen was coming by less and less, mainly on the weekends to pick up Tara. She would spend the night at Brycen’s apartment, usually one night. Those nights were hard for Marissa. She hated being alone, and being away from Tara. She had heard rumors that Brycen was seeing someone from the office. She wasn’t surprised, or terribly upset. She had devoted her life to Tara, maybe too much so, as Becka would tell her.
Becka, was indeed, trying to work things out with Pete. She did, however, come and spend one weekend with Marissa. They talked a little bit about Joshua and the dreams, but mostly about the future, about Tara, about Pete and Brycen.
Early one afternoon, Marissa and Tara were outside working in the flowerbeds. Well, Marissa was working. Tara was running around, practicing the somersaults she was so proud of. Marissa occasionally looked up and smiled at her, as she would hear her saying, “look Mommy!”
“I see you, Sweetie. Your somersaults are great!” Marissa told her, continuing to plant the flowers.
“Look, Mommy, look!” Tara yelled again.
Barely glancing up, Marissa said, “Yes, I see, I see.”
“No, Mommy, look. It’s a little bird and he can’t fly!” Tara said, walking towards her and pointing to a little blue jay laying limp underneath the big oak tree in the yard.
Marissa wiped the dirt from her hands and stood up, following Tara to where the little bird lay.
“Awe, look Mommy,” Tara said, reaching down to touch the bird.
“No Tara! Don’t touch him. Birds carry diseases. Don’t touch him, Sweetie,” Marissa said, grabbing her hand and leaning down to get a closer look at the bird.
“But, Mommy, he’s hurt. His wing is broken,” Tara stated.
Marissa looked closer and Tara was right. The bird’s wing was broken.
“What are we going to do?” Tara asked, with concern in her voice.
Marissa thought for a minute and really wasn’t sure what to do. She put her hands on her hips and looked down at Tara, who was counting on her to do something.
“I’m not sure, Sweetie,” Marissa answered her, still thinking.
“I can make the bird fly,” Tara said.
“Honey, he can’t fly because his wing is broke,” Marissa said, still wondering what to do.
“I can fix it,” Tara said, and before Marissa could grab her hand, Tara reached down and touched the little bird on its’ broken wing.
“No, don’t!” Marissa said, loudly, but it was too late. Tara had touched the little bird, but quick
ly jerked her hand up when she heard her Mothers’ tone of voice.
“Mommy!” Tara squealed, upset that her Mother had scolded her.
“I told you, Tara. Don’t touch it!” Marissa reiterated to her.
“But, look, Mommy. He can fly now,” Tara said softly, reaching out towards the little bird again.
Marissa looked down, and then up as she watched the little bird gracefully take off flying. Then she looked back at Tara, who was waving, saying, “good-bye little bird,” in a soft voice. Marissa looked back up at the sky, then back down at Tara. She knew that bird’s wing had been broken.
Two weeks later when the cat was bitten by another cat, Marissa watched as Tara leaned down and touched the cat’s boo-boo, as she called it. Within minutes, the cat showed not even a scar, where there had earlier been a gaping wound.
Marissa told no one about this. Not even Becka. But, she would watch in amazement, at her precious daughter, who seemed oblivious to what she could do. When the neighbor’s dog got a thorn in his paw, Marissa sat in the yard, watching the commotion. The dog was yelping and Mike, the dog’s owner, was trying desperately to calm the dog down and pull the thorn out. Tara walked next door and gently touched the dog’s head, even though Mike was telling her to get back, that he was afraid the dog might snap at her.
Marissa had stood up to walk over there and retrieve her daughter, when she heard Mike say, “Well, where is that old thorn?” The dog jumped up and ran off to play. Mike shook his head and walked off. Tara walked back over into her own yard, looked at Marissa and smiled. Marissa smiled back. It was their own little secret.
It was a warm day in July when the constable showed up at the house, to serve Marissa with divorce papers. She assumed they would be coming. As she accepted the papers, she closed the front door and went and sat on the couch. She threw the papers on the coffee table, not even reading them. She knew what they said. She and Brycen had already settled everything. She sat there looking around, though. There was a real finality now. She was alone. Well…not alone, she had Tara.
But, Tara would be starting school soon. Knowing she needed to do something, Marissa had been to see Jordan and had worked out a deal to design some ads from home. She needed to be at home when Tara got home from school and she definitely did not want to work in the same offices as Brycen. Jordan had always liked her work, though. It was a long shot, since she hadn’t worked in so long. But, Jordan said they would give it a shot and see what she could come up with.