I start to walk out of the room, unable to watch him pull away. It hurts, and I need every bit of strength I have today.
“How so?” he asks as I get to the door.
I stop, not turning toward him. If I see his beautiful eyes, I’ll crumble. “By thinking you could stop loving her even if you wanted to.” I leave him with my words and walk out of the room, ready to face whatever lies ahead.
Oliver meeting Kinsley was exactly as I hoped, hilarious and easy. His easy smile and the warmth that only my brother possesses had her warming up to him immediately. He’s so damn likable it’s gross.
Since our talk, Jack has been here, but he’s still aloof. I wish I could shake him until he saw that our time is slipping away. As upset as I am with the way he’s handling it, I have to remember that we each have our own way.
He will be the one with regrets, not me.
It’s nearing the time we’d typically put on a movie before bed, but the elephant in the room has grown so large that it’s hard to breathe.
We got an email from the facility earlier this week, stating that Samuel was slotted to call today, but the email cautioned us that things could change. Jack and I weren’t sure what to do, but we decided telling Kinsley was the right move.
None of us have mentioned it all day, but Samuel still hasn’t called.
Kinsley looks out the window and then turns to me. “Did you get another email?”
I shake my head. “No.”
Her chin drops a bit. “Oh.”
“Don’t worry, if it doesn’t happen today, I’m sure he’ll call another day.”
Jack walks over and pulls her against his side, surprising us both. “I know you’re sad, but he’ll call. There’s nothing in this world he loves more than you, Kinsley.”
She gives him a hug back, and I have to fight back tears. There’s nothing that Jack loves more either, but he won’t allow himself to see that even if he’s hugging her and giving more of himself up.
“What if he needs more time? What if he needs another month?” The panic in her voice threatens to shatter me.
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
“I have to go back to school! I was supposed to be at camp this summer, not here!”
“I know,” Jack says. “And I’m sorry your plans got messed up. We don’t know anything about your dad’s treatment. He may be doing great and be home in a week. Until we hear otherwise, there is no reason to worry about it.”
I watch as her lower lip trembles and her eyes fill with unshed tears.
“Why don’t we make popcorn and watch a movie?” I suggest. A distraction sounds like what we all need.
“I’m not really in the mood,” Kinsley says, pulling away from Jack and wrapping her arms around herself.
Sometimes, it’s amazing how much of us I can see in her. Jack’s quiet stubbornness. The way he would rather lock himself away than admit he’s hurting. My strength in the way she can face the world, her troubles, and forge ahead, no matter how hard it is.
She could’ve fallen apart when everything unraveled, but she didn’t. She stayed strong when I don’t know I could’ve at her age.
“Would you rather be alone?” Jack questions.
Kinsley inhales deeply a few times. “I’m going to read.”
“Okay.”
When the door clicks shut behind her, I look to Jack, whose eyes are where she last was. “We shouldn’t have told her,” Jack says.
“We did what we thought was best.”
He turns to me while rubbing the bridge of his nose. “What the hell do we know about what’s best for her? We barely know her, and everyone she’s loved has left her.”
I go to him. “No one left her. Her mother died and her father went to get help. We didn’t leave her, we gave her a life we couldn’t provide.”
I have to keep telling myself that as often as I tell him. There are days when the guilt is so thick I can’t see through it. There are nights when I wonder about the nights I could’ve held her, read her a book, or taken her to dance like I did with Amelia.
Giving her a loving and secure home was the right decision. No matter the cost to me or Jack.
But watching Kinsley struggle through another round of disappointment makes my heart ache.
“I know what she feels, Stella.” The edge in Jack’s voice tells me he’s back to being her age.
The loss of his mother. The abandonment of his father. The hurt of losing everyone he loved.
“Then who better to comfort her than you?”
“What am I supposed to say?”
“The truth,” I suggest. “You know more than anyone what she’s going through. You lost your mother, and because of that event, your father spiraled out of control and left. It’s history, and it’s playing out in front of you. Talk to her. Show her that how she feels now is temporary.” I rest my hand on his chest.
“I’m . . . I’m fucking this all up.”
I shake my head. “No, you went to her. You comforted her, even when I know you’re trying to put space between you.”
Jack’s thumb grazes my cheek. “How can I stop myself from loving her when all I see is you. Your strength, your love, your heart and soul are all there in her. It scares me because I know how impossible it is to resist. I also know what losing you feels like. Life without you, Stella, well, it’s not life. It’s hell, and when she goes, she’s going to take part of that with her.”
“I know, but the more we push her away now, the more we’re going to punish ourselves later.”
His lids lower, and when they open again, something feels different between us. “You’re right.”
“Go to her, Jack. Give her what she needs.”
“I’ll try.” He gives me a brief kiss and walks toward her door.
Just as he’s about to knock, the phone rings, and we both freeze.
Chapter 36
Jack
I swipe my finger against the screen that shows an unknown Georgia number. “Hello?”
“Hi, Jack.”
As much as a part of me hates it, I’m glad he called. Two parts of me are tearing at each other. The one that says I am her father and I want this family we’re pretending to be. The other saying it’s best for the little girl I love to go back to him.
I was worried about Stella, but it’s me who is struggling.
“Samuel. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“I’m . . . I wasn’t sure I could do it. It took me all day to work up the courage to call. To talk to her. If she hates me . . .”
Sympathy flows through my body at the sound of his voice breaking. I, too, know that level of fear. I felt it sitting in his living room three weeks ago right before we were going to meet Kinsley.
“She doesn’t hate you. I promise you that.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s doing well. She misses you and is worried about you.”
He releases a deep sigh. “I’ve been sick over it. I know you and Stella would never hurt her, but leaving her, knowing I was too—”
“Strong, Samuel. You were strong and what you did was nothing less than Herculean.”
Stella comes to stand beside me and rests her hand on my arm. I let her strength and love wrap around me.
“I appreciate you saying that, but I don’t feel all that strong right now.”
I can respect that, and I won’t diminish his feelings. I can’t say that I feel all that strong right now either. “Well, we’re here to do whatever we can to help.”
“I know.” He sucks in a breath. “Before I lose my nerve, can I talk to her?”
“Of course.”
Stella is already moving toward Kinsley’s door.
A second later, Kinsley practically runs to the phone. I hand it to her, feeling a pang of jealousy that I shouldn’t.
“Daddy?” she says quickly. “Daddy! How are you? I miss you. Are you okay?” Kinsley’s grin is wide as she rattles off the questions. She looks s
o happy to hear from him. “Yes. I am. Uh-huh.” Time stretches out before us as she talks.
I look to Stella, who is staring back at me. This phone call is doing exactly what I warned her it would do, which is reminding us of our place.
Regardless of whatever lies I’ve told myself, a piece of me has clung to a hope that she was getting attached to us as well.
I stand here, listening to her excitement to talk to Samuel, and watch Stella turn. She looks out the window, her shoulders slumped, and her arms cross in front of her. I’ve known her long enough to understand what she’s feeling.
Lost.
Stella Parkerson is one of the strongest women I know, but looking out at the mountain tops and the vast expanse in front of her is what she does when she doesn’t know where to turn.
I hate this for her. I want to take all the pain she’s feeling and make it mine. She doesn’t deserve to hurt.
My heart is pounding against my chest, and I hear the word over and over: stupid, stupid, stupid.
Kinsley’s voice filters around the room. “That’s so great, Daddy. I can’t wait. I’ll help you, I promise.”
Stella moves her hand across her cheek, and I want to rage at the fact that she’s crying. If we give in to our feelings and allow ourselves to break down in front of Kinsley, it will only make things worse.
I make my way over to Stella and grip her shoulder. She doesn’t say a word as she rests her hand on mine. I lean in, my front to her back, absorbing the hurt that’s radiating off her. My lips move to her ear, offering her whatever support I can. “I know this is hard, but we have to be strong.”
She nods.
“Once she goes into her room, you can fall apart in my arms. I’ll hold you together.”
Stella leans back into me while we listen to Kinsley’s voice fill with pure joy.
“I will, Daddy. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to see you. Okay. Here’s Jack.”
Two names in the same sentence that should be mine, but only one applies. I close my eyes for a beat, step away from Stella, and grab the phone with a sad smile because that’s about all I can muster.
Oblivious in a way only a kid can be, Kinsley smiles and rushes off into her room, and I clear my throat before pressing the phone to my ear. “Hi, Samuel.”
“That went better than I hoped. Thank you for everything. I know I asked an incredibly hard thing of you both, and I wish I didn’t have to, but I’m thankful that you were willing to step in for me.”
“You have nothing to thank us for. We are . . . well, we would never have said no.”
He’s silent for a moment. “I leave in a week. I will have a long road to go, but I’m at least going the right way now.”
“I’m glad.”
“I’m hoping that you can bring Kinsley home right away, I want her to be there and get her ready for school to start back.”
My throat is tight, but I force the words out. “Not a problem,” I lie. I lie because it is a problem. But it’s my problem, and that’s why I have to say what I don’t mean. I don’t want to return Kinsley.
I don’t want to give her back. Not now that I’ve gotten to know her. Not now that I can no longer pretend that I’m okay not having her in my life.
No, I have to give her back, not knowing if we will ever see her again.
Stella slams into my side, wrapping her arms around my middle. I love that she knew and came to me. We may never be the same after we drop Kinsley off, but if we can hold on to each other, we may survive.
Samuel speaks again. “I want to focus on finishing the program for the next six days so I’m ready to go home at the end of the week. But I get a phone call the day before I leave, so I’ll call you if something changes.”
“Okay. We’ll plan to bring her back in a week unless we hear from you. Just let us know.”
“I will. Please tell Stella I said thank you, and I’ll be in touch.”
He disconnects, and my arms are around Stella instantly.
Seven days left until we, once again, face pain like we did twelve years ago.
Chapter 37
Stella
My brothers and I stand next to each other in front of our father’s desk. We were summoned here today to get the final news regarding his precious company. My brothers and I granted him another two weeks when Kinsley came to stay with us. “I’ve come up with the capital to buy you all out.”
“Great. We expect the process to take no more than another two weeks for you to have the money,” Josh says with a perfunctory tone.
“I taught you well, son.”
Josh laughs with a smug smile. “You taught me nothing. I left the minute I could and haven’t listened to your ‘advice’ since.”
“Yes, and you became a man because of it.”
“Sure, we’ll go with that. It’s all because of you that we’re banding together in order to leave the company. Great play, Dad. Real smart business move.”
Our father turns his head in my direction. “You think the five of you can start a new career?”
“I think we’re smart enough to do what we must. However, we’re here about the money. Our lawyers have drawn up the sale papers, and as soon as you sign them and hand over the money, you’ll have back all the equity we owned.”
It’s not an insignificant amount of money. Between the five of us, it is well over two million dollars. How our father was able to come up with the money, I don’t know, but it appears he’s prepping the house for sale.
“Not that it’ll be worth much,” Oliver says as he throws me a grin.
Our father glares at him. “You think you’re all so smart.”
“We are,” Ollie tosses back.
Dad laughs once. “We’ll see about that. When you’re all back here, begging for your jobs back because you see how hard it is out in the real world. You five are in for the surprise of your lives.”
Grayson, who looked bored a few moments ago, scoffs. “You think we’ll be back? You think any of us want a damn thing to do with you? Even now, when your own kids are forcing you to find money they know you don’t have just so they can get away from you, you think you’ve won. Not only is your business about to crumble, but your kids—let me rephrase that—at least I’m done with you. Once that paperwork is signed, that’s it. We’re through. We have no business together. No relationship. You almost cost me everything, and I will never forgive you for it.”
Our father’s composure cracks just a bit. He has been a horrendous parent the last twenty years, but for a time, he did love us. I believe that, in some part of his mind, he thought gifting us parts of the company was a show of that love. He wanted us to share in something he built.
Now we’re telling him we want no part of it. He didn’t think of this option. That all five of his kids would walk away. That he’d lose the managers of all the properties in one swoop, leaving him unable to handle it.
I’m sure he’s already hired someone, but there would have been weeks where he lost a ton of money simply because no one who worked for him knew what to do.
“So, you take everything from me?”
Alex, who is normally the last one to speak up, does. “We are taking no less than you deserve. For years, we’ve allowed you to control our lives in some form or another. We’ve made you a lot of money, haven’t we?”
Dad’s eyes focus on him. “You’ve made a lot as well.”
Alex steps closer as he continues. “It was never about money for me. I couldn’t have cared less if I had nothing. I wanted to make you proud, and for what? You didn’t care about us.”
“The hell I didn’t!” our father yells. His hand swipes across the desk, sending papers flying.
Josh’s hand grips my arm when I instinctually move to clean it up. He shakes his head, and I hate that I did that. But that’s how it’s always been. We clean up his messes. We fix the broken in the family and hope that will be the time it stays together.
It never does.
> Joshua’s calm voice sends shivers down my spine. “If you did, Stella wouldn’t be in the position she’s in. Grayson wouldn’t have almost lost his wife and child. I wouldn’t have gone through half of what I did. You’ve hurt every one of us.”
“I gave you everything.”
“Sign the papers so we can be done,” Gray says.
Our father’s eyes move to mine. “So, I’m the villain in all this?”
“No, you’re the fool. You thought you could control us forever, and now you can’t,” I say. “Sign the papers and do one thing we’re asking of you.”
That is the most important thing. Once he signs them, we know we’ll have the money coming to get started. Together, my siblings and I have the knowledge, land, and meetings set up with builders for a few weeks from now. Everything is ready, we just need this done.
“Fine.” Our father leans down, signing his name on each of the five sets of sale papers. “You’ll have your money in two weeks.”
I can feel the tension drain from the five of us. We needed it to be him who bought us out. Yes, if pushed, we would have had an investor come in, but it wouldn’t have been as satisfying. When we become the premiere resort in this area, I want our father to be who suffers, not anyone else.
Oliver plops down in the chair beside me. “I like this desk.”
“Excuse me?” our father asks.
I stare at Ollie, unsure of where in the world he’s going with this. “The desk. I like it. I think we should all get these for our office at our new resort.”
“Resort?”
And now I see what Ollie is doing. “What? You didn’t hear?” Our father’s eyes move from one of us to the other, and then Oliver goes in for the kill. “We’re opening a resort just around the corner. Isn’t that great?”
Dad doesn’t say a word, he just chuckles. “I look forward to watching you all fail.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh, and I push on Oliver’s shoulder, indicating it’s time to leave. “Oh, Daddy, there’s nothing funny about this. We’re going to make this hurt, just like you’ve made sure to do to us.”
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