I am truly your’s, L. STERNE.
LETTER LVIII. TO MRS. M — D — S.
Coxwould, July 21, 1765.
THE first time I have dipped my pen into the ink-horn for this week past is to write to you, and to thank you most sincerely for your kind epistle — Will this be a sufficient apology for my letting it be ten days upon my table without answering it — I trust it will — I am sure my own feelings tell me so, because I felt it impossible to do any thing that is ungracious towards you. — It is not every hour, or day, or week of a man’s life that is a fit season for the duties of friendship — sentiment is not always at hand — pride and folly, and what is called business, oftentimes keep it at a distance — and without sentiment, what is friendship? — a name, a shadow! — But, to prevent a misapplication of this, (though why should I fear it from so kind and gentle a spirit as your’s) — you must know, that by carelessness of my curate, or his wife, or his maid, or some one within his gates, the parsonage-house at Sutton was burnt to the ground, with the furniture that belonged to me, and a pretty good collection of books; the loss three hundred and fifty pounds — The poor man with his wife took the wings of the next morning, and fled away — this has given me real vexation, for so much was my pity and esteem for him, that as soon as I heard of this disaster, I sent to desire he would come and take up his abode with me till another habitation was ready to receive him — but he was gone — and, as I am told, through fear of my persecution. — Heavens! how little did he know of me to suppose I was among the number of those wretches that heap misfortune upon misfortune — and when the load is almost insupportable, still to add to the weight! God, who reads my heart, knows it to be true — that I wish rather to share, than to encrease the burthen of the miserable — to dry up, instead of adding a single drop to the stream of sorrow. — As for the dirty trash of this world, I regard it not — the loss of it does not cost me a sigh, for after all, I may say with the Spanish Captain, that I am as good a gentleman as the king, only not quite so rich.
But to the point: Shall I expect you here this summer? — I much wish that you may make it convenient to gratify me in a visit for a few weeks — I will give you a roast fowl for your dinner, and a clean table-cloth every day — and tell you a story by way of desert — in the heat of the day we will sit in the shade — and in the evening the fairest of all the milk-maids who pass by my gate, shall weave a garland for you. — If I should not be so fortunate, contrive to meet me the beginning of October — I shall stay a fortnight after, and then seek a kindlier climate. — This plaguy cough of mine seems to gain ground, and will bring me to my grave in spight of me — but while I have strength to run away from it I will — I have been wrestling with it for these twenty years past — and what with laughter and good spirits, have prevented its giving me a fall — but my antagonist presses closer than ever upon me — and I have nothing left on my side but another journey abroad — A-propos — are you for a scheme of that sort? if not, perhaps you will accompany me as far as Dover, that we may laugh together on the beach, to put Neptune in a good humour before I embark — God bless you, my dear Madam, — and believe me ever your’s,
L. STERNE.
LETTER LIX. TO MR. W.
Coxwould, December 20, 1765.
THANKS, my dear W. for your letter — I am just preparing to come and greet you and many other friends in town — I have drained my ink standish to the bottom, and after I have published, shall set my face, not towards Jerusalem, but towards the Alps — I find I must once more fly from death whilst I have strength — I shall go to Naples and see whether the air of that place will not set this poor frame to rights — As to the project of getting a bear to lead, I think I have enough to do to govern myself — and however profitable it might be (according to your opinion) I am sure it would be unpleasurable — Few are the minutes of life, and I do not think that I have any to throw away on any one being. — I shall spend nine or ten months in Italy, and call upon my wife and daughter in France at my return — so shall be back by the King’s birth-day — what a project! — and now my dear friend am I going to York, not for the sake of society — nor to walk by the side of the muddy Ouse, but to recruit myself of the most violent spitting of blood that ever mortal man experienced; because I had rather (in case ’tis ordained so) die there, than in a post-chaise on the road. — If the amour of my uncle Toby do not please you, I am mistaken — and so with a droll story I will finish this letter — A sensible friend of mine, with whom not long ago, I spent some hours in conversation, met an apothecary (an acquaintance of ours) — the latter asked him how he did? why, ill, very ill — I have been with Sterne, who has given me such a dose of Atticsalt that I am in a fever — Attic salt, Sir, Attic salt! I have Glauber salt — I have Epsom salt in my shop, &c. — Oh! I suppose ’tis some French salt — I wonder you would trust his report of the medicine, he cares not what he takes himself — I fancy I see you smile — I long to be able to be in London, and embrace my friends there — and shall enjoy myself a week or ten days at Paris with my friends, particularly the Baron d’Holbach, and the rest of the joyous sett — As to the females — no I will not say a word about them — only I hate borrowed characters taken up (as a woman does her shift) for the purpose she intends to effectuate. Adieu, adieu — I am yours whilst
L. STERNE.
LETTER LX. TO MR. F. AT PARIS.
London, October 7, 1765.
Dear Sir,
IT is a terrible thing to be in Paris without a perriwig to a man’s head! In seven days from the date of this, I should be in that case, unless you tell your neighbour Madame Requiere to get her bon mari de me faire une peruque à bourse, au mieux — c’est à dire — une la plus extraordinaire — la plus jolie — la plus gentille — et la plus —
— Mais qu’ importe? jai l’honneur d’etre grand critique — et bien difficile encore dans les affaires de peruques — and in one word that he gets it done in five days after notice —
I beg pardon for this liberty, my dear friend, and for the trouble of forwarding this by the very next post. — If my friend Mr. F. is in Paris — my kind love to him and respects to all others — in sad haste —
Yours truly, L. STERNE.
I have paid into Mr. Becket’s hands six hundred pounds, which you may draw upon at sight, according as either Mrs. S — or myself make it expedient.
LETTER LXI. TO MR. P. AT PARIS.
Beau Pont Voisin, November 7, 1765.
Dear Sir,
I Forgot to desire you to forward whatever letters came to your hand to your banker at Rome, to wait for me against I get there, as it is uncertain how long I may stay at Turin, &c. &c. at present I am held prisoner in this town by the sudden swelling of two pitiful rivulets from the snows melting on the Alps — so that we cannot either advance to them, or retire back again to Lyons — for how long the gentlemen who are my fellow-travellers, and myself, shall languish in this state of vexatious captivity, heaven and earth surely know, for it rains as if they were coming together to settle the matter. — I had an agreeable journey to Lyons, and a joyous time there; dining and supping every day at the commandant’s — Lord F. W. I left there, and about a dozen English — If you see lord Ossory, lord William Gordon, and my friend Mr. Crawfurd, remember me to them — if Wilkes is at Paris yet, I send him all kind wishes — present my compliments as well as thanks to my good friend Miss P — , and believe me, dear Sir, with all truth, yours,
L. STERNE.
LETTER LXII. TO THE SAME.
Turin, November 15, 1765.
Dear Sir,
AFTER many difficulties I have got here safe and sound — tho’ eight days in passing the mountains of Savoy. — I am stopped here for ten days by the whole country betwixt here and Milan being laid under water by continual rains — but I am very happy, and have found my way into a dozen houses already — Tomorrow I am to be presented to the King, and when that ceremony is over, I shall have my hands full of engagements. — No Englis
h here but Sir James Macdonald who meets with much respect, and Mr. Ogilby. We are all together, and shall depart in peace together — My kind services to all — pray forward the inclosed —
Yours most truly, L. STERNE.
LETTER LXIII. TO THE SAME.
Turin, November 28, 1765.
Dear Sir,
I AM just leaving this place with Sir James Macdonald for Milan, &c. — We have spent a joyous fortnight here, and met with all kinds of honours — and with regret do we both bid adieu — but health on my side — and good sense on his — say ’tis better to be at Rome — you say at Paris — but you put variety out of the question. — I intreat you to forward the inclosed to Mrs. Sterne — My compliments to all friends, more particularly to those I most value (that includes Mr. F. if he is at Paris.)
I am yours most truly, L. STERNE.
LETTER LXIV. TO THE SAME.
Florence, December 18, 1765.
Dear Sir,
I Have been a month passing the plains of Lombardy — stopping in my way of Milan, Parma, Placenza, and Bologna — with weather as delicious as a kindly April in England, and have been three days in crossing a part of the Apennines covered with thick snow — Sad transition! — I stay here three days to dine with our Plenipo Lords T — d and C — r, and in five days shall tread the Vatican and be introduced to all the Saints in the Pantheon. — I stay but fourteen days to pay these civilities, and then decamp for Naples. — Pray send the inclosed to my wife, and Becket’s letter to London.
Yours truly, L. STERNE.
LETTER LXV. TO MISS S.
Naples, February 3, 1766.
My dear Girl,
YOUR letter, my Lydia, has made me both laugh and cry — Sorry am I that you are both so afflicted with the ague, and by all means I wish you both to fly from Tours, because I remember it is situated between two rivers, la Loire, and le Cher — which must occasion fogs, and damp unwholesome weather — therefore for the same reason go not to Bourges en Bresse— ’tis as vile a place for agues. — I find myself infinitely better than I was — and hope to have added at least ten years to my life by this journey to Italy — the climate is heavenly, and I find new principles of health in me, which I have been long a stranger to — but trust me, my Lydia, I will find you out wherever you are, in May. Therefore I beg you to direct to me at Belloni’s at Rome, that I may have some idea where you will be then. — The account you give me of Mrs. C — is truly amiable, I shall ever honour her — Mr. C. is a diverting companion — what he said of your little French admirer was truly droll — the Marquis de — is an impostor, and not worthy of your acquaintance — he only pretended to know me, to get introduced to your mother — I desire you will get your mother to write to Mr. C. that I may discharge every debt, and then my Lydia, if I live, the produce of my pen shall be yours — If fate reserves me not that — the humane and good, part for thy father’s sake, part for thy own, will never abandon thee! — If your mother’s health will permit her to return with me to England, your summers I will render as agreeable as I can at Coxwould — your winters at York — you know my publications call me to London. — If Mr. and Mrs. C — are still at Tours, thank them from me for their cordiality to my wife and daughter. I have purchased you some little trifles, which I shall give you when we meet, as proofs of affection from
Your fond father, L. STERNE.
LETTER LXVI. TO MR. F. AT PARIS.
Naples, February 8, 1766.
Dear Sir,
I Desire Mrs. S — may have what cash she wants — if she has not received it before now: she sends me word she has been in want of cash these three weeks — be so kind as to prevent this uneasiness to her — which is doubly so to me. — I have made very little use of your letters of credit, having since I left Paris taken up no more money than about fifty louis at Turin, as much at Rome — and a few ducats here — and as I now travel from hence to Rome, Venice, through Vienna to Berlin, &c. with a gentleman of fortune, I shall draw for little more till my return — so you will have always enough to spare for my wife. — The beginning of March be so kind as to let her have a hundred pounds to begin her year with. —
There are a good many English here, very few in Rome, or other parts of Italy. — The air of Naples agrees very well with me — I shall return fat — my friendship to all who honour me with theirs — Adieu my dear friend — I am ever yours,
L. STERNE.
LETTER LXVII. TO J. H. S. ESQ.
Naples, February 5, 1766.
My dear H.
‘TIS an age since I have heard from you — but as I read the London Chronicle, and find no tidings of your death, or that you are even at the point of it, I take it, as I wish it, that you have got over thus much of the winter free from the damps, both of climate and spirits, and here I am, as happy as a king after all, growing fat, sleek, and well liking — not improving in stature, but in breadth. — We have a jolly carnival of it — nothing but operas — punchinellos — festinos and masquerades — We (that is nous autres) are all dressing out for one this night at the Princess Francavivalla, which is to be superb. — The English dine with her (exclusive) and so much for small chat — except that I saw a little comedy acted last week with more expression and spirit, and true character than I shall see one hastily again. — I stay here till the holy week, which I shall pass at Rome, where I occupy myself a month — My plan was to have gone from thence for a fortnight to Florence — and then by Leghorn to Marseilles directly home — but am diverted from this by the repeated proposals of accompanying a gentleman, who is returning by Venice, Vienna, Saxony, Berlin, and so by the Spaw, and thence through Holland to England— ’tis with Mr. E...... I have known him these three years, and have been with him ever since I reach’d Rome; and as I know him to be a good hearted young gentleman, I have no doubt of making it answer both his views and mine — at least I am persuaded we shall return home together, as we set out, with friendship and good will. — Write your next letter to me at Rome, and do me the following favour if it lies in your way, which I think it does — to get me a letter of recommendation to our ambassador (Lord Stormont at Vienna) I have not the honour to be known to his lordship, but Lords P — or H — , or twenty you better know, would write a certificate for me, importing that I am not fallen out of the clouds. If this will cost my cousin little trouble, do inclose it in your next letter to me at Belloni. — You have left Skelton I trow a month, and I fear have had a most sharp winter, if one may judge of it from the severity of the weather here, and all over Italy, which exceeded any thing known till within these three weeks here, that the sun has been as hot as we could bear it. — Give my kind services to my friends — especially to the houshold of faith — my dear Garland — to Gilbert — to the worthy Colonel — to Cardinal S — , to my fellow labourer Pantagruel — dear cousin Antony, receive my kindest love and wishes.
Yours affectionately, L. STERNE.
P.S. Upon second thoughts, direct your next to me at Mr. W. banker at Venice.
LETTER LXVIII. TO MR. P. AT PARIS.
Naples, February 14, 1766.
Dear Sir,
I Wrote last week to you, to desire you would let Mrs. S — have what money she wanted — it may happen as that letter went inclosed in one to her at Tours, that you will receive this first — I have made little use of your letters of credit, as you will see by that letter, nor shall I want much (if any) till you see me, as I travel now in company with a gentleman — however as we return by Venice, Vienna, Berlin, &c. to the Spaw, I should be glad if you will draw me a letter of credit upon some one at Venice, to the extent of fifty louis — but I am persuaded I shall not want half of them — however in case of sickness or accidents, one would not go so long a rout without money in one’s pocket. — The bankers here are not so conscientious as my friend P. they would make me pay twelve per cent. if I was to get a letter here. — I beg your letters, &c. may be inclosed to Mr. Watson at Venice — where we shall be in the Ascension. — I have received
much benefit from the air of Naples — but quit it to be at Rome before the holy week. — There are about five and twenty English here — but most of them will be decamp’d in two months — there are scarce a third of the number at Rome — I suppose therefore that Paris is full — my warmest wishes attend you — with my love to Mr. F. and compliments to all — I am, dear Sir, very faithfully,
Yours, L. STERNE.
Sir James Macdonald is in the house with me, and is just recovering a long and most cruel fit of the rheumatism.
LETTER LXIX. TO J. H. S. ESQ.
May 25, near Dijon.
Dear Antony,
MY desire of seeing both my wife and girl has turn’d me out of my road towards a delicious Chateau of the Countess of M — , where I have been patriarching it these seven days with her ladyship, and half a dozen of very handsome and agreeable ladies — her ladyship has the best of hearts — a valuable present not given to every one. — Tomorrow, with regret, I shall quit this agreeable circle, and post it night and day to Paris, where I shall arrive in two days, and just wind myself up, when I am there, enough to roll on to Calais — so I hope to sup with you the king’s birth day, according to a plan of sixteen days standing. — Never man has been such a wildgoose chace after a wife as I have been — after having sought her in five or six different towns, I found her at last in Franche Comté — Poor woman! she was very cordial, &c. and begs to stay another year or so — my Lydia pleases me much — I found her greatly improved in every thing I wish’d her — I am most unaccountably well, and most accountably nonsensical— ’tis at least a proof of good spirits, which is a sign and token given me in these latter days that I must take up again the pen. — In faith I think I shall die with it in my hand, but I shall live these ten years, my Antony, notwithstanding the fears of my wife, whom I left most melancholy on that account. — This is a delicious part of the world; most celestial weather, and we lie all day, without damps, upon the grass — and that is the whole of it, except the inner man (for her ladyship is not stingy of her wine) is inspired twice a day with the best Burgundy that grows upon the mountains, which terminate our lands here. — Surely you will not have decamp’d to Crazy Castle before I reach town. — The summer here is set in good earnest— ’tis more than we can say for Yorkshire — I hope to hear a good tale of your alum works — have you no other works in hand? I do not expect to hear from you, so God prosper you — and all your undertakings. — I am, my dear cousin,
Complete Works of Laurence Sterne Page 108