by Hart, Staci
“How’d you sleep, honey?”
I hated that she’d asked about me when I’d been so awful to her. “Fine, thank you. I looked for you last night, but you’d already gone to bed.”
“I just felt so awful, Katie. Once I set the room right, I took a long bath and thought about what you said.”
“I shouldn’t have said so much. You were only trying to help, and I was ungrateful and hurtful. I’m sorry, Mom.”
But she shook her head, setting her cards down. “No, it’s me who’s sorry. You were right—I had no right to move things around, and I can’t seem to foresee when I’m going to do the wrong thing. It’s just that I convince myself time and time again that I know what’s best for you, and that if I can just show you, you’ll see. I try to bend you, but I wind up breaking you instead.” She sighed, straightening the deck with her eyes on her hands. “If I’d really thought about it, I’d have known. But I was so sure of myself that I didn’t.”
“Mom…”
“Forgive me, honey. I…I’m going to try harder. I promise.”
“Of course I forgive you,” I said. “Will you forgive me?”
“For what? You didn’t do anything but put me in my place, which I think I needed.”
“I was irrational and cruel. I know you were trying to help.”
“Well, best-laid plans of mice and men. No matter what we plan for, there’s always a chance it’ll go wrong. A good chance, I’d say.”
I chuckled. “A good perspective to keep in mind. My interview for the research position is today.”
At that, she lit up. “Well, that explains the cards. The deck says you’ve got good things coming. The Empress is abundance, the nine of cups is a wish coming true, the ace of pentacles says an opportunity is coming. I think today is going to be lucky for you.”
I sighed, but I found myself still smiling, if for nothing more than she believed in me. “We’ll see how it rounds out. Have you heard from Dad?”
Her smile faltered, something about her shifting incrementally into sadness. “Yes, he’s called a few times. But I haven’t answered.”
“What happened? You never told me.”
“Well, Katie…for a long time, I felt like a ghost. He didn’t see me even though we were together all the time. It was like we were nothing more than roommates, without passion, without fire or spark. Just…complacent. It wasn’t one thing or another, just a drifting. I couldn’t seem to find him anymore. I was invisible. So I made myself disappear.”
I watched her as she tried to smile, then as she picked up her cards and placed them on top of the deck.
“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning it.
“Oh, it’s all right. Sometimes, when we’re together a long while, you take the one you love for granted. Learn from my mistakes and make sure Theo knows you care.”
I nodded. “That’s excellent advice. I struggle with how to show him. He’s a minimalist—there’s nothing he wants that isn’t functional, and if he needs a thing, he buys it. But he does so much for me, every day, always. I don’t want him to feel neglected, not when I appreciate him so much.”
“Well, I think everyone feels appreciated in different ways. Him anticipating your needs speaks to you, though I don’t think he’s overly conscious of it. It seems latent. Maybe it’s the same for you. Maybe you’re already doing what he needs without realizing it.”
“Maybe, but I’d still like to show it.”
Mom smiled. “I think if Theo needs something from you, he’ll ask you for it. Then all you’ll have to do is say yes.”
I tried to imagine what he could possibly ask of me. To wear negligee he’d bought me perhaps. To wear my red lipstick. To sit with him while he read or to maybe take a weekend trip together. I’d say yes to any of that and more.
I couldn’t imagine saying no to anything he asked. He’d gotten me agree to move in with him, which was something I never thought I’d do. He’d gotten me to slip into a relationship, one I didn’t want to end. I hoped it wouldn’t.
He’d promised me last night that it would be just like this forever.
And I believed him without question.
22
Coming Up Roses
Katherine
24 weeks, 2 days
I sat in the chair in Stephanie’s office, wondering if I’d actually heard her right.
“I was very impressed by your work on the inmate outreach committee, and despite Eagan’s concerns, I found you to be our best candidate for the research position. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I said, unable to say anything more.
I’d been waiting for nearly two weeks for the announcement, and I’d been sure I wouldn’t get it. Eagan’s campaign had been a massive pain in my ass. He’d tried to set me up no less than half a dozen times, sabotaging me at every opportunity.
Fortunately, I was much smarter than him. He had no stealth, so conspicuous, I’d have had to be an idiot not to catch him. I carried a RFID wand with me as a rule, checking and double-checking my shelves to make sure they were in alignment. I made quick work of every cart I filled, sidestepping his hurdles, addressing every patron he’d sent to find me—even the tedious ones—with expedience. He’d been hoping to slow me down. What he should have known was that I was always a step ahead of him.
I stayed a little late, showed up a little early. Made my presence known in the committee, which I found I enjoyed far more than I’d thought I would.
And it had paid off.
I smiled, realizing fully that I’d done it. I’d gotten the promotion. And if anything happened with me and Theo, I’d be all right. I could survive on my own.
It seemed almost unnecessary now that we were together, a precaution I’d hopefully never need to invoke. But I was proud of my efforts, proud that I’d overcome the challenges placed before me.
More than anything, though—I was damn near giddy to have beaten Eagan.
“You should have plenty of time to get through training before you take your maternity leave. The timing will be perfect. We’ll have a new page trained in your place, and you’ll shadow Francine until you’re gone. We’ll start you full-time when you get back.”
My smile widened. Francine was one of my favorite researchers. I didn’t think I’d ever heard her make a joke.
“Thank you so much, Stephanie. I won’t let you down.”
“I know,” she said with a smile of her own as she stood, extending her hand. “It’s why I hired you.”
I gave it a shake, and when we parted ways, I floated down the hall toward circulation like a balloon, looking like I’d swallowed one.
Phone in hand, I texted Theo.
I got the job!
Little dots bounced as he typed back. I knew you would. Congrats, Kate. Can I bring you lunch and a kiss to celebrate?
That would be the best celebration I could imagine.
Good. Rub it in Egghead’s face yet?
I smiled down at my phone. Not yet. Looking for him now.
Tell him I said hi before you ruin his life.
Deal. See you in a bit.
You sure will. Never had a doubt in you, Kate.
My chest was hot and tingly and full of joy. Thank you. You’re my favorite, you know that?
Ditto. Kissing you in two hours.
Hurry up.
I slipped my phone back into my bag, rounding the corner into the circulation room. I’d miss it in here, the solitude, the order of it all. But it was an advancement, one that would be good for my career and one that would get me far away from Eagan.
I found him scowling at a cart, loading it with more force than was necessary. The books hit the metal with a thump and a clang.
“What’s the matter?” I asked innocently. “Arms sore from all that wallowing?”
He shot me a glare. “I can’t believe you got the job.”
“I don’t know why you’re surprised. I mean, aside from that I made it through your harassment.”
Eagan huffed, grabbing another stack off the shelf. “Now you’re going to be gone. You’ll be in the research department every day.”
I made a face. “You did all this so I’d stay in circulation?”
When he turned to me, it was with an exasperated expression on his face. “Honestly, Katherine, are you such a robot that you can’t see that I like you? I’ve asked you out. Multiple times.”
I frowned. “You’re a creepy perv. I didn’t think you actually meant it beyond trying to sleep with me. Even though I’m pregnant. Hence the creepy pervness.”
“Of course I want to sleep with you. You’re hot, even pregnant.”
“Thanks,” I said flatly.
“Whatever,” he scoffed, plunking another stack on his cart. “I thought we’d be a good match.”
“I live with my boyfriend.”
“I know.”
“Who impregnated me.”
“I know!”
I paused, watching him rage-load the cart. “You are an odd little man.”
“I’ve had a thing for you for years, Katherine. You’re just too weird to even see it. So have fun with Francine in research. And good luck with your boyfriend.”
“He said to tell you hi, by the way.”
Eagan groaned.
“You should have just asked me out. You know, before this.” I gestured to my stomach.
He slowed, glancing at me hopefully. “Would you have said yes?”
“No, but at least then it wouldn’t have turned you into a megalomaniac.”
Another groan. “Bye, Katherine,” he said, pushing his cart away in a rush.
“You didn’t load the bottom shelf,” I called after him.
He flipped me off over his shoulder.
I sighed, though I found myself smiling. Things were working out, looking up, coming up roses. My life seemed to be aligning in the most wonderful and hopeful of ways.
And there was nothing that could get me down.
23
The Same Page
Theo
26 weeks, 6 days
Everything about the night was perfect.
Tommy and Amelia’s wedding—their real wedding—was short and sweet and beautiful. I stood at my brother’s side for the second time as he promised her forever, this time fully intending to do it. Truth be told, I thought he’d meant it the first time without realizing, that night a marker, a beginning none of us had fully comprehended. But we’d felt it then.
This time was even better. This time, we all knew the truth.
Their love was beyond us all.
My throat closed up when Tommy’s voice broke during his vows, as he spoke of all the ways she saved him, all the ways he loved her. And my eyes found Katherine’s where she stood behind Amelia, clutching a bouquet over the swell of her stomach. Her eyes shone. She shone, lit from the inside, her skin luminous, pale against her dark hair but for the flush of her cheeks and the red of her lips.
God, how I loved her. Tonight I would tell her.
And I’d make her mine, permanently and legally.
The ring box in my pocket whispered to me like it had been for the weeks I’d been carrying it around, waiting for the right time, the right moment. I’d told no one, the secret mine, guarded with the tenacity of the Queen’s guard over the crown jewels. No one would know until she knew.
And tonight was the night.
The hyperawareness of her aversion to surprises had been niggling at me since I walked into the jeweler. But she’d wished aloud for us to be like this forever, and I’d promised her it would.
The ring in my pocket would just make it official.
I wanted to share my future with her. I wanted to give her my name. I wanted to say I do, and I wanted to hear the words from her lips. I wanted her to know I’d never love anyone else.
And I hoped beyond hope that she felt the same.
Dinner had just finished, the plates cleared and the music started. The first dances came and went, and we watched as Tommy spun Amelia all over the dance floor like a pro, the light on their faces contagious, shining on everyone in the room and filling them up with light, too. And then the dance floor opened up, calling us all to join them.
So we did.
Katherine’s hair was up, twisted and curled and pinned elegantly to reveal her long neck. The bridesmaid dresses were muted neutrals, dove grays and soft shades of champagne in varying styles, all of them Grecian. And Katherine looked like a goddess. Layers of chiffon draped artfully over her shoulders, hung over her stomach, sweeping the parquet with levity that made her look as if she were hovering a few inches over the ground.
Never in my life had I seen anything so lovely.
I spun her around, reveling in her laughter as I pulled her back into my arms. I held her as close as I could, wishing I could bring her flush to me. I wanted to feel the press of her body against mine, but the baby was in the way.
So I took what I could get, any way I could get it.
Her smile was open, wide and free. Here in my arms was my Kate. My forever.
The transformation in her went far beyond her growing belly. She had become Kate, fully and completely, relaxing into us. Leaning in. Smiles came easier, her laughter won sometimes with little more than a glance. Everything about her had softened with her trust in me and her faith in us.
She’d finally committed to me. And it was time I officially committed to her.
Katherine smiled up at me. “What?”
“What, what?”
A chuckle. “You have a look on your face like you want to say something.”
My heart flipped. “Oh, I have things to say, Kate. So many things.”
But instead of speaking them, I kissed her smiling lips.
She sighed. “Tonight has been absolutely perfect.”
“I was just thinking that.”
“Everything. This venue. The food. The ceremony and the party. This suit on you.”
“This dress on you,” I added, thumbing the creamy chiffon tie of her dress.
“It just feels right,” she said. “Such a strange thing to feel, that there’s a deep and unexplainable rightness to things. I wonder what that is,” she mused. “The shared experience—collective effervescence, it’s called—of so many people in one place? I read a study once that compared the feeling of exaltation when you go to church to the same way you feel at Comic-Con or a concert. It’s the collective experience, but it affects us all differently, personally, so we feel that we’re singularly experiencing the sensation.”
“Or maybe it’s just right.”
She smiled. “Well, that would imply a fatalist quality to things.”
“You don’t think there could be other forces at work? Scientific forces?”
“I’ve never seen math on fate,” she joked.
“What if—follow me here for a minute, Kate—what if the universe is a big machine, one that’s been rolling and turning its cogs for billions of years? And we’re this tiny, little piece of this big machine, and each piece inside has its own trajectory. And what if there was an order to things, and if our little brains could fathom it, if we could actually grasp the math, we could see the path for each piece? What if certain pieces were drawn together using chemical reactions, like the connection of hydrogen and oxygen to make water? Fate doesn’t have to mean there’s a conscious being guiding those pieces. It could just be our best explanation for physics we can’t possibly understand.”
Her pretty face was touched with amusement and connection. “That is a theory I’d like to read more about.”
Amelia materialized beside us, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need a hand in the ladies’. I love this dress, but needing three people to help me pee is the worst.”
“I’ll be right back,” Katherine promised, hitching up on her tiptoes as she stretched for a kiss, which I provided.
I sighed happily, slipping my hands in my pockets as I watched them go. My finge
rs closed over the ring box and turned it around, testing the corners.
Tommy stepped up next to me, my duplicate in almost all ways, including his pose. Our eyes were still following them.
“I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” he said with a lovesick smile on his face. “How I ever convinced her to love me, I’ll never know.”
“Well, when you’re not being a pain in the ass, you’re pretty lovable.”
“Flatterer,” he said with a smirk.
“You’ve met your match.”
“I have,” he said quietly.
“And I think I’ve met mine, too.”
He stilled but for his face, which turned to me.
“I know it’s crazy, but I love her. I’ve never…I just didn’t even know it was possible to feel like I do. I’d take a fucking bullet for her. I’d wither away and turn to dust without her. She’s it. This is it.”
He watched me for a protracted moment. “I don’t think it’s crazy at all.”
It was my turn to lay a look on him. “What, no quip? No warning?”
“If it were me before Amelia, I’d have told you you should get your head checked. But now that I know? Theo, if she’s it, then go get her. Look at me. Have you ever seen me this happy?”
“Never,” I admitted.
“And it’s because of her. I didn’t know how miserable I was until she got caught up in my life. Until she saved me from myself. I want that for you. I want you to be this happy. I want you to have what I have. I knew from the second I saw you and Katherine together that this was it. You found her, Theo. Do whatever you have to do to keep her.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Tonight. I’ve been waiting for weeks, and I don’t want to wait a minute longer.”
He clapped me on the shoulder, his face alight as he pulled me into a hug.
“Then don’t. Go get your girl.”
❖
Katherine
Val giggled, losing her balance in the bathroom stall as Amelia peed.