She would miss him after Southampton.
In some ways, he knew her better than any other living person in the world.
“You must ignore me,” she said sleepily. “I am wont to speak nonsense if no one stops me, and I find it unbearably easy to talk with you.”
Javier laughed, a sensation she felt through his chest. “It must be my charming nature.”
She chuckled. “Maybe. I cannot explain it, Javier, and in some ways, I have no wish to.”
She could feel herself falling asleep, and she welcomed it. The idea of sleeping in the arms of another had never occurred to her, but now it felt so natural.
“All I know is that I have never felt this close with anyone before,” she breathed, eyes closed. “You seem to understand me in a way I never knew existed. Do you feel the same way?”
Javier kissed her on the top of the head. “More than you can imagine. Words cannot describe how I feel when I am with you, Esmeralda. Like I have left behind the old ways and become a new man with you. For you.”
She sighed, overwhelmed with happiness. Her mind was utterly at peace, and she could ignore the troubles of tomorrow when today was just so right.
Making love was wonderful, and she would happily try it again another night when she was not so sore. But this…
This was different. Intimacy of a different kind, and she never wanted to let it go.
In three years of being a captain, she had kept herself apart from the crew. She had never countenanced this sort of closeness with any of them, and now she was glad. Saving herself for Javier felt right.
He was part of her crew now, but he would be gone soon. It was the perfect match.
There was a chuckle, and Esmeralda felt him move slightly as he picked something up. “Were you really going to stab me with this?”
She laughed as she tightened her grip around him. “You were an intruder. What did you think I was going to do?”
“Not stab me,” he said. “My my, Esmeralda, you are certainly something to behold.”
“I say again, no one should ever underestimate me,” she said sleepily. “Not if they want to see another day, that is.”
He laughed. “Yes, that is what they told me when preparing for my mission.”
Even in her sleepy state, the words pricked up Esmeralda’s ears. Then they forced her mind to listen to that sentence for a second time.
“Yes, that is what they told me when preparing for my mission.”
Her whole body stiffened. It was not possible to make sense of those words immediately, but there was something wrong there.
“Mission?” she repeated.
***
Javier froze, every inch of his body cold. Had he spoken those words?
“Yes, that is what they told me when preparing for my mission.”
How could those words have come from his lips? How could he have said that? In a moment of weakness, with Esmeralda in his arms, unable to remember feeling this at peace, he had managed to betray himself.
It was unlikely he would recover from such a reckless situation, but he had to try. He owed it to the growing feelings for the captain of the Periculum.
“Mission?” he said quietly, doing everything in his power to keep his voice low and level. “Did I say mission? I meant adventure when I was planning on stowing away. On the Periculum. To become part of your crew.”
Each word had been chosen so carefully, but it was clear that none of them had fallen on ears willing to believe him.
Esmeralda pulled herself from his arms and sat up. The clouds parted, and moonlight streamed into the room.
She moved away. “You never said that before.”
Javier swallowed. “I didn’t?”
She shook her head. “No, you said you wanted a different life, so you decided to stowaway on my ship.”
There must be words, Javier knew, that would help him out of his dangerous predicament, but at this moment, his tongue seemed unable to move, and his mind had utterly faltered.
“Why are you lying?” Esmeralda asked quietly.
“I am not lying,” he said hastily, but it was too late to prevent her from getting out of the bed.
“Mission,” she said. “Mission means something. It is not a word one accidentally uses.”
Javier’s breath caught in this throat, his heart pounding. He loved her. Only here, on the brink of losing her, did he realize he had fallen in love with Captain Esmeralda le Brecque.
And now he was losing her.
He swallowed and considered just how much he could lie, something he hated doing at the best of times.
But this was a desperate situation.
“In Demonios, we take everything seriously,” he said with a smile, hoping it would charm the increasingly suspicious woman. “It must be a translation mistake. When I said mission, I meant…I meant goal.”
He was not very convincing. “No, your English is good. ’Tis better than half my crew, truth be told, and they were born on King George’s soil. You had a mission.”
Everything he had worked so hard for might be lost.
“Damnit, Javier!” Esmeralda exploded. “I have given you everything, all that anyone could want! Freedom, responsibility on this ship, myself! The least you could do is be honest with me. Why are you here?”
The knife was back in her hands now, though Javier had not noticed her reach for it. He could not tell whether she would try to attack him if he tried to leave the room without answering her questions, but he was not foolish enough to try.
He did not deserve her. He never had, but now he had proven that to himself.
“The truth is that I wanted to build a life on land.”
“I know that,” she snapped. “But you cannot build a life on land while stowing away on a ship!”
“I know that,” he retorted, blood heating, “but you do not know what I had to do to get that life!”
Silence echoed between them as Esmeralda froze. “Had to do?”
Javier hung his head. There was no point in attempting the lie. The sooner he told the truth, the sooner he could start earning back her trust.
“In my family, you do not just leave. I still do not understand how you managed it,” he admitted darkly. “The le Brecque leaves you alone, and you have your own ship, but in the Demonios, you cannot. You are family, and that is it, forever, or until death. I wanted to leave, it was no secret, and eventually, I argued with my father. Another senseless killing, and I could not watch it anymore. I was told my forfeit for the right to leave or…or they would hunt me down.”
He did not need to say ‘and kill me.’ Everything they knew about their fathers told them that.
Esmeralda sighed heavily. “It all becomes so clear now.”
“You do not know what you are talking about,” he snapped. “You have not lived my life. You have not heard the whole story.”
But none of his words were enough to wipe the glare from Esmeralda’s face. “I have heard enough—I am the forfeit, aren’t I?”
He sighed. “Yes, but I gave up all thoughts of that once I had spent more than a few hours on this ship!”
He had spoken hastily, desperate to get all the words out so she could understand, but her only response was to laugh.
“You have only been here a couple of days, and I was foolish enough to trust you.” She sounded just as disappointed in herself as in him, and Javier’s heart broke. “You came to capture me, not join me. You are a traitor, and worse, a traitor for whom I was considering breaking with my crew. You have betrayed me in every way possible.”
“No,” Javier said fiercely. “I have not betrayed you!”
“Do not lie to me,” she said heavily. “Not anymore.”
“Omitting some truth is not lying,” he said, knowing full well that it was. “I would never betray you, Esmeralda! I…I care for you very deeply, and…”
“As much as I wish I could believe you,” she said with a sigh, “for the good of this
ship, I cannot. Bones! Tiny!”
Footsteps above them thundered down, and then the two crewmen who had been pacing the deck on watch burst into the room.
“Captain?” Bones said, looking at Javier with poorly hidden surprise.
Javier looked at Esmeralda. He had lost her, the most precious thing he ever had.
“Take this man to the brig,” she said coldly.
“No,” he said quickly. “No, Esmeralda.”
“That is Captain Esmeralda to you,” Tiny said, roughly grabbing his arm.
Javier did not listen, his gaze fixed on her.
“Do not believe a word he says,” she said. “He is a liar and a traitor. A bloody Demonios.”
As Javier was pulled roughly from the room, only one thought consumed him. The more he tried to escape his family and his clan's ways, the more like them he had seemed to become.
Chapter Ten
“Order in this room! I say order, and I do not expect to have to say it again!”
Esmeralda glared at her crew, crushed now into the mess hall. There was too much chatter for her liking, and if she did not have quiet in the next moment, she would be shooting a musket at the ceiling.
“If anyone decides it is imperative for them to speak out of turn,” she said quietly, her gaze moving from man to man, “I will throw the lot of you overboard and sail the ship to Southampton myself. Do I make myself clear?”
Her voice had not wavered. It was evident it would have been impossible for her to lift most of the crewmen, but none wanted to bet on it.
Their captain had been known to make good on her threats, no matter how bizarre. Her words were enough of a warning, and silence descended on the room. A few sat down, still looking furious.
Esmeralda kept her expression hard. It had been a mistake, perhaps, to hold this meeting before they had broken their fast this morning. A few tempers were already starting to fray, but she could not wait a moment longer.
The rest of the night had been spent by pacing the deck. She could not return to her cabin—would not sleep there again. All she could do was think over the last few hours, all that she had learned, and force back the tears that threatened to fall at every moment.
They were all here, including Cook, holding a large meat cleaver in that gentle way a strong man could. There was no need to ask whether Cook could throw it at a miscreant, the question was which one?
Esmeralda cleared her throat meaningfully, and the final murmurs died down. She still had that power, then, no matter how easily she had lost her wits in other areas.
It was imperative they saw her in charge.
Her heart was racing, but it was breaking, too. Every beat was irregular, as though desperately attempting to find an equilibrium.
It would not find it. She had not found balance in her life since discovering Javier’s betrayal, and it was all she could do to prevent herself from bursting into tears.
They would fall, but not today. Not now.
Esmeralda sat slowly, she had been a fool to think Javier could be trusted, but she was far more of a fool to think she could share a deep connection with him.
Why had she been so quick to believe that she could confide in him? Perhaps she was lonelier than she cared to admit.
It was embarrassing, shameful even, that a handsome man could so easily turn her head.
A handsome man. A handsome man and a little attention, that was all it took to allow her to compromise almost all of her beliefs.
It was despicable. It made her blood boil, and just as her father had always done before her, Esmeralda knew what she needed to do next.
Punish someone.
“We are meeting this morning to discuss what to do with Javier Mateo de Soto,” she said.
The silence was broken, and the angry mutters of her crew burst out.
“I think it is only right to tell you what I discovered yesterday about him,” she said. “And then I will allow each of you—yes, all of you, Tom, though it be your first year on this ship—to speak your mind.”
There was shock in a few of the older hands’ faces, but Esmeralda knew what she was doing was right. There were other ways, but this was her way.
“Then I will make a decision,” she added. “It is mine to make, and I have said before that we live in no democracy. This is my ship, but you are my crew, and I want to know your thoughts.”
It was impossible not to be a little proud at the way they straightened themselves at her words. The Periculum was a ship like no other, and they had stood by her when Shepherd had rebelled against her and attempted to take it from her.
They would follow her anywhere, and now it was time for their faith in a female captain to be rewarded.
Esmeralda took a deep breath. Once these words were said, they could not be taken back, but her men had the right to know.
“Javier is from the Demonios tribe,” she said, “which you know. What you did not know was that he was sent here.”
The ship rocked, and those standing at the back shifted their stances to roll with the waves. No one said a word.
“Sent here,” she repeated, “not because we owe any debt or have betrayed any honor, but because…because I am your captain.”
There were grunts at this.
“That’s what I said. I said to Bones—”
“How dare he come here and think he can just—”
“We will be here all day if you do not quiet down,” the captain snapped. “Shut your mouths and let me tell you all before you ask questions, tell me what you suspected, or ask for praise for spotting his treachery.”
Her words were almost shouted, and her crew fell silent again.
“In the Demonios tribe, there is some sort of forfeit each time a member of the family wishes to leave the fleet. Payment, of sorts, I suppose. His payment was me, and so he boarded this ship with the sole intention of capturing me and taking me back to Spain.”
Her voice almost broke on the last word, and so she paused there. She saw only disbelief and anger.
“I admit, I trusted him too easily,” she sighed. “I was willing to believe he could serve this ship until we reached Southampton, and truth be told, we needed a quartermaster—yes, I know, George, but you are not ready. Not yet. So, I trusted a traitor, and that makes me nothing more than a fool, I suppose. I will not make that mistake again.”
“But you had your knife!” a voice piped up from the mass of men.
Someone else laughed. It was Bones, who was grinning, his missing tooth far more obvious now. “Yes, he may have tried to take advantage of you, Captain, but you showed him why you’re the best captain on these seas!”
There was a roar of appreciation and applause for their captain.
Esmeralda tried to smile and accept their praise with good grace. They had the wrong idea why Javier had found his way to her bed, but she would be the last person to unveil that truth to them.
It could never be known. The real reason why he was there—because she wanted him to be, because they wanted each other, clinging to each other like two ships lost in a storm—would be too outrageous for even her loyal crew to accept.
And so, she allowed them to believe what was convenient. The traitor had attempted to seduce the captain, who had quite rightly threatened him with a knife and called for her men.
The fact that she had welcomed him into her bed…
Well, she should be grateful they had believed the lie. She had been stupid even to consider Javier’s suggestion in the first place. Kisses could not replace a ship, a lifetime on the waves.
To think she had handed him her innocence, something she could never get back.
She raised a hand. “Now you know the sorry tale, and I wish to hear your thoughts. Daniel, what think you?”
The grizzled man rose from his seat and looked at her proudly. “I never liked the look of him, and I want him off my—off your ship.”
He sat down, and a few of those around him clapped him on the ba
ck.
Esmeralda nodded at the man beside him, who rose.
“You know me, Captain. Always happy to give second chances to those who deserve them, but the Demonios has had several.’Tis time for him to go.”
She nodded. Neither of their opinions surprised her. None of them had spoken with Javier like she had. None had heard the story of his childhood, and while some had likely had fathers who had not loved their sons well, none had fought against theirs as she and Javier had.
Slowly, one by one, the crew of the Periculum shared their thoughts. Most were variations on what had already been said, but a few differed.
One young lad complimented his cooking and was cuffed about the ear by an older man. Another stated hesitantly, he had thought Javier to be kind but immediately added that it must have been an act because of his family ties.
“The Demonios probably think we are all terrible, oath-breaking murderers,” she said quietly.
“But we’re not!” George protested, and five or six others joined their voices with his.
Esmeralda smiled. “I know, but isn’t that rather the point? If they could believe wrong things about us, is it not possible that we can believe wrong things about them?”
The crew had all spoken now, and it was Esmeralda’s turn to declare judgment, but she did not have any idea what she was going to say.
She closed her eyes for a moment. What did she want? What was her argument? Did she want Javier to stay on as her quartermaster…or was the best thing to…
She opened her eyes, and the room continued to stare, waiting for her pronouncement.
Was it possible for a Demonios to learn the ways of her ship? The crew of the Periculum did not follow the ways of the le Brecque, choosing to chart their own course.
Her gaze moved across her crew. Each of them had left behind a life and committed themselves to her with bravery. But Javier had not. He had lied, tricked her into giving up her innocence, and been perfectly willing for her to stay in ignorance.
Her heart hardened. The only reason he was here was to capture her, and God only knew what would have happened to her once he left in the tender loving care of his father.
The best thing to do—the only thing—was to put him off the ship at the next port and hope to never see him again.
Always the High Seas: Pirates of Britannia Connected World Page 7