Begonias, bromeliads, orchids, all lent splashes of brilliant color in the center of the greens of the cacti and palms. And Diego seemed to blend in with the garden, like he was meant to be there.
His beauty, Gary couldn’t deny it, lent another layer to the already serene and peaceful place. As he walked through the paths marked by the moss covered stepping stones, Gary followed, trying not to be seen.
As Diego reached to touch a furry leaf of a Mexican red sunflower, his gesture was gentle, purposeful. It was as if he wanted to experience every bit of the garden, smelling flowers, touching leaves and bark. His gait was slow, and his eyes moved all around him, a smile playing at his lips.
Yes, he was beautiful beyond reason. There was no doubt that had attracted Tommy to him, because it was hard not to be attracted to him. From being a part of a racist militia, he’d experienced the crass and brutal parts of life, leaving that behind to become at peace with himself. If only Gary could.
Following Diego around the courtyard and garden, he tried to learn about him, see beyond his beauty. It was impossible. Everything about him was beauty.
Then Gary saw something that took his breath and set a block of stone on his chest, hurting him so deeply, he had to sit on one of the benches to keep his knees from buckling and send him crashing to the ground.
It was a flower. Sure, it was native to the country, beautiful, but it brought back so many memories, he was being suffocated from them. He didn’t know how long he stared at it, but it was long enough for Diego to be there, surprising him. “Poinsettia. They’re lovely in a garden. We don’t get to see them in this setting often.”
He sat next to Gary on the bench and there was silence for a long time, but then, inexplicably, Gary started to tell Diego why the flower meant so much to him.
“My mom, she loved them. She loved everything about Christmas, though. It was her favorite holiday, her favorite time of year, and she had to make sure she got a poinsettia to put on the table every year. She was terrible with plants, killed them practically before she got them through the door, but these, they’d last at least until New Year. I think that’s one reason she loved them so much, they didn’t give up on her until it was time,” he said, laughing sadly.
“She sounds like she was wonderful.”
“She was. You know, she had me when she was fifteen. Got pregnant, my dad left the minute she told him. He was older, in his early twenties, and didn’t want anything to do with a kid, but I think it was the fact that there was proof of statutory rape, too.”
“That would be great proof,” Diego whispered, disgusted. “What a winner.”
“Yeah. It didn’t matter to her, though. She wanted me, took off from her parents, who were pressuring her to give me up for adoption. She collected enough money for a bus ticket to Vegas. See, she was a dancer. Her dream was to be a ballerina, had been in dance classes since she was a little girl. But, she said that changed the minute she knew I was coming. She told me I became her new dream.”
Diego reached for it, brushing a finger over the petal. “I like her already.”
“There was nothing not to like. She was beautiful, long dark hair and electric blue eyes. She lied about her age and got a job as a chorus line dancer at one of the casinos. She danced for all kinds of celebrities shows, made a lot of money, enough to get us a nice place, raise me with anything I could need. She worked hard, but always had time for me.”
“That couldn’t have been easy.”
“No. She worked nights, so she was home during the day. It was easy once I was in school, she could sleep, but weekends and holidays, she’d stay awake to make sure I was taken care of. I’d see her so tired sometimes, she’d fall asleep at the table while we were having lunch. But then she’d laugh it off and pretend she was fine.”
Diego nodded and told him, “When Javi told us she’d passed, he said that’s what sent you back to your old life.”
“I wanted to erase it all. I didn’t know how to live in a world where that wonderful woman wasn’t. She was my rock, always there for me, no matter what.” He was near tears and refused to let Diego see that, so he suggested, “Why don’t you go catch a nap? I’ll keep watch.”
“Sure. I’ll take the couch so you can have the other bedroom.”
He was about to argue, but Diego was already up and walking away, and he knew his voice would crack, showing his emotions. Instead he nodded and felt the first tear falling.
****
The dream came on him hard, and it felt so real, it woke him up before the part he actually wanted to dream.
Tommy sat up in bed, covered in a thick sheen of sweat as he thought back on it, shivering. It started out calmly. He was in the chapel, the peace of his earlier time there coming over him again. There were a few differences though, like there were candles, hundreds of them, and they were all lit, shadows moving on the walls from the flickering of all the flames.
Tommy was in the center of the domed room, and suddenly he felt as if he was being watched.
Spinning around to the podium, he saw them, and he stepped back in fear. Diego was there, but he had wings, was dressed in brilliant white robes, and he was holding a huge sword, a sword that shone with the lights from all the candles, nearly blinding him.
It was as if he didn’t notice Tommy was there, his sole focus was on the man under him.
Gary.
Gary was barely dressed, black pair of tight pants the only garment, but he did have black wings on his back, dark, twisted horns on his head and a sneer as he glared at Diego. His weapon was an assault rifle, the magazine hanging from it must have had ten thousand rounds of ammunition.
They were about to kill each other, and Tommy was in agony as he looked on. Though they didn’t move an inch, Tommy felt the impending fight, and he had to stop it, had to make up his mind at last, and when it came, it came out as a silent scream. Open mouth but no sounds would come.
He kept trying, and as he did, movement came, and he heard the click of the gun about to fire, felt the wind of Diego’s wings as they flapped once, and he dove into the center of himself to get out the words, “I want you both!”
Immediately, the dream changed and both men were walking down the aisle toward him. Diego still dressed in his white robes, Gary dressed in the tight, black pants, but they were no longer fighting, they were heading to him, lust glowing in their eyes.
Tommy was still afraid, taking a step back, but there was nowhere to go. He was backed up to the chapel doors and they were locked. He pushed back and they wouldn’t budge.
Diego reached him first, hands on his waist, and he felt them, the heat of his hands, so he looked down at himself and saw he was naked. That frightened him more, he had no defenses against them, he was theirs, and they were going to take full advantage.
Gary was there next, grabbing a fistful of hair to move his head, and he then was kissing Tommy, biting each lip, growling a menacing sound. As Diego tenderly nibbled an earlobe, Gary reached for Tommy’s cock and his eyes rolled back into his head, his knees weakened and he was dropping, falling— and that was when his eyes opened and he woke, panting.
As he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, he smiled, understanding what his subconscious was telling him. He wanted them both. There was no further doubt in his mind.
Not only did he want them, he felt he needed them both. Tommy had learned much about himself once Lee was dead and he was allowed to think about himself instead of only Lee. He now realized he needed the peace and the chaos. He needed the gentle as well as the rough. There were two sides of him, just like most people, and since he’d never embraced either of them, they both needed nurturing.
Now…there was only the how. How the hell would be get them both to agree to it?
He had a thought, and it was possibly the craziest thought he’d ever had, but it made perfect sense to him. He saw that there was something between them, an attraction at the very least. Passion ran high, the sexual energy
thick.
What if he upped the ante? If he pushed it to where they couldn’t resist one another any longer?
Tommy knew it could backfire; badly. One could finally kill the other for real. As much as that scared him, his dream moved him to consider trying.
He went into the living room looking for them, and found Diego lying on the couch. He was just waking, rolling onto his side to face out into the room where Tommy stood.
“Hey,” he called in a gravelly voice.
“Hey,” Tommy returned, then sought the strength that was hiding very well in that moment to do what he’d made up his mind to do.
First, however, he asked, “Where’s Gary?”
“Outside last I saw. He decided to take first watch, so I came and crashed.” Diego sat up and that is when Tommy felt his strength surge.
Before Diego could try to get off the couch, Tommy rushed there, straddling his lap and pushing Diego against the back, moving in to kiss him deeply. Diego’s body stiffened at first, but he gave himself over quickly, kissing Tommy back and holding his hips with both hands.
It had been a while since they’d made love, and Tommy had missed his touch. It wasn’t a chore to follow through on his plans, as it meant he got to be close to the man again, holding his stubbled cheeks in his hands, caressing his tongue against Diego’s.
He felt Diego’s cock stiffen against his own, and he moved his hips, rubbing them against one another, groaning into his mouth. Diego pushed him a little, separating their mouths enough for him to ask, “Tommy, what is this?”
“I’m kissing my boyfriend,” he answered simply, moving his mouth back to kiss Diego.
He put up little resistance, which told Tommy all he needed to know. He was grinding up on Tommy’s dick, his breathing was so fast, Tommy was surprised he wasn’t passing out, but it wouldn’t go on much longer. Diego needed, he’d been ramped up so high lately, the slightest touch was causing him to keen. Tommy felt it coming from him, his desperation, but like Tommy, he’d never express it in words. Like Gary, they were physical beings, and the one thing they all three had in common was their desperation for one another. Such quiet desperation.
He moved off Diego suddenly, and started from the room. “Tom!”
“I need to go check something. I’ll be back.”
The whimper Diego made was precious and Tommy had to hold in his victorious laughter as he went into the bathroom, shut and locked the door, then started pumping water into the sink to splash cool water on his face.
He ended up soaking his shirt, and still his erection was persisting. After he sat on the lid of the toilet, he tried to calm himself, denying his urge to find Gary and do the same to him. In the end, he gave into his urge and went outside to hunt his man down.
When he found Gary at the corner of the property, sitting under a nice shady palm, Tommy sat beside him on the bench and laid his hand on Gary’s thigh. “Beautiful place.”
Gary was staring at Tommy’s hand. “Yeah. Sure is.”
As he moved it up, sliding seductively toward Gary’s crotch, he turned a little, enough to take a painful nibble of Gary’s neck.
He was sweating, his skin hot from walking around the grounds. The scent of him, male, animal, it made Tommy wonder if in his ruse, he’d be the one to cave and let each of them have him, totally killing his intentions.
“Tommy, what the fuck?”
“Don’t question it.”
He sucked a bit, cupping Gary’s hardening cock through his jeans and then breathed there, something he knew made Gary crazy.
Gary tried to manhandle him, pulling him up onto his lap, holding him still while he started to make out with him, and Tommy’s resistance waned, but he kept Diego in the front of his thoughts.
Wrenching away from Gary was a lot harder than it had been Diego, as Gary almost refused to let go, but finally, when he was on his feet, slowing his heavy breathing, Gary bitched, “You cannot leave me like this, Tommy. What the hell are you trying to do?”
“Because I wanted to kiss you?”
“You did more than kiss me and you know it. Are you seriously going to leave me with blue balls?”
Another smile widened on his lips and he felt like he’d broken the tape on a finish line. “I’m not the only one here that you can fuck, Gary. Maybe it’s time you two realize I’m not some fucking toy you can fight over until you tear me apart.”
He ran off, which he hadn’t intended, but the emotion of it finally caught up to him. Instead of going to the house, where he knew Diego was, he headed to the chapel, where the dream was centered.
Once he got inside, he took the sheet from one of the pews, so he could sit there and think. Well, thinking wasn’t exactly what he wanted to do. Every thought in his head was pushed away to be taken over by the two men. He could feel both of their mouths on his still, smell each of them on his hands and clothes.
Maybe a church was not the best place to think of the two men he wanted and loved. It didn’t matter. This was the only place he felt like he could think of them. The dream was fuzzy in his mind, images blurred and fading, but the feeling from it was still as clear as when he woke.
He wanted both of them, and if he couldn’t have both, he’d give them up and be alone. It was easier to think of being without them than to lose either one of them.
Chapter Thirteen
Diego found Gary and told him to get some sleep, that he’d take over the watch. The lingering effects of Tommy’s seduction was bothering him, keeping him on edge. Gary looked good, better than he remembered from earlier that day, and he knew why. Diego was looking at him with lust, seeing everything male about him and wanting to experience all of it.
Gary was avoiding his eyes again, and Diego noticed his erection. It couldn’t continue the way it was, and he knew it, but the dance they were doing was too dangerous. They could not only lose Tommy if they succumbed to their desires but lose themselves in the process. For as much as they had in common, they had different ways of viewing the world.
He did something that could ease both the lust and the tension. He hoped it would be taken the right way, that Gary would understand. Or, it was possible, that Diego was doing it for all the wrong reasons. He was fighting with his own emotions as well as his needs, and losing on both fronts.
Tommy exited the church as Diego was turning the corner nearby. With his brow furrowed, Tommy looked as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and why not? Not only were they running from people who would kill them in the slowest, most painful ways, but the three of them were stumbling through a black hole of doubt in what roles they played with each of the other men.
He followed Tommy a bit to see him wandering, and Diego could see he was troubled, was thinking about things. He knew why. Trying to choose between them, knowing he wanted both. Diego would have laughed in someone’s face if a week ago they’d suggested he share Tommy with a man who killed people for a living.
And then, a few days later, it’s all he could seem to think about.
The thought of Tommy and Gary, having them in his bed, having them in his arms, making them both feel special and wanted, cared for, loved…they were so thick they were weighing down his very being.
Sitting on the bench across from the bromeliads, he tried to live inside that bright orange color of the flowers, taste it with every part of him.
Like an alcoholic living in a bottle, Diego left his problems in things, beautiful things. He’d learned it all those years ago on the compound, as he heard gunfire and people talking about blowing up those people they hated. He’d find a wildflower, a bird perched on the branch of a tree, and he’d let himself live inside it for a few seconds or hours. Taking on the peace of that thing, that animal, ignoring the ugliness around him, or the stress heavy on his chest.
He hadn’t had to do that in a long time, escape that way. And he didn’t want to escape Tommy or Gary. He wanted to escape the thoughts, that no matter how much they wanted
to be together, it wouldn’t work. They were too different, and he’d never ask Gary to change, as he wouldn’t want to change for him.
****
Staring at it for ten minutes, that was all he could do. Thoughts left his head, and he was nothing but a huge ball of emotions.
And Gary McIntyre did not give into his emotions.
The poinsettia was freshly transplanted, in a clay pot that were plentiful around the place. He’d seen a hundred empty ones, some broken, in neat stacks along several of the paths. What he’d never expected was to find one in the bedroom where he’d gone to get some shut eye, filled with the plant he’d so recently confessed reminded him of his mother.
Diego. It was obvious he’d done it as a beautiful gesture. To have that tiny piece of his mother there with him, in such a stressful time. It overwhelmed him and he wanted to hunt the man down and get on his knees, confessing that the second he’d seen it, his heart had been freed of a lot of pain.
The soft petals, lightly furred, the color, striking red, he could almost hear his mother singing Christmas carols as she decorated the house. Red, she’d used a lot of red and gold in their home to brighten it from the soft beige of the walls and greys of the furnishings that graced their home the rest of the year. For a month, there was color and music, playful Santas with rosy cheeks and smiling snowmen.
He let a couple tears fall before brushing the rest from his eyes. It could never work, the three of them. Having Tommy dare him to do it, then finding the flower in his room, like the world was working against him. It was working to push him into something that would leave him more broken than he’d gone into it.
His phone went off and he answered it with as strong a voice as he could muster. “McIntyre.”
“Gary, it’s me, Javi. The Carrillo family in California has been working with us to help. You were right about the fact the cartel feels like it had the money stolen from them and they won’t back down from it.”
Tug of War (Legacy Book 5) Page 11