by Elinor Glyn
CHAPTER XVIII
Katherine had that instant removed her dressing-gown after the brushingof her hair, which now hung in two long plaits. She was in the act ofslipping into bed. The carpet in the passage was thick, and she heard nosounds, so that the first thing which startled her was the actualopening of the door of her room, which it had not been her custom tolock.
For one second a blind terror shook her, and then all her nerve andresource returned. She stood there magnificent in her anger andresentment. She had no female instinct instantly to seize thedressing-gown to cover herself. She stood straight up in her cheapnainsook nightgown, all the beautiful lines of her tall, slender figureshowing in the soft shaded light.
Gerard Strobridge was like a man drunk with wine. His eye flamed and hetrembled with excitement. The bed, a small old wooden one, was betweenthem with a writing-table at the foot. So that to reach her he must goround by the fire.
This he did, while he whispered hoarsely:
"Katherine--I love you--madly--I had to come to you, darling girl!" Thenhe stopped within a few feet of her, literally sobered by the expressionof her face. It showed not an atom of fear--rather the proud contempt ofan empress ordering the death of a presuming slave.
She did not speak for a moment; she seemed to draw up to her fullheight, and even to grow taller; she was only an inch or two less thanhimself. And if the scorn of eyes could kill, he would have lain theredead.
"Darling!" he cried, and went forward to take her in his arms.
She stepped back only one step and spoke at last, her deep tones low.
"If you dare to touch me, I will kill you--I am not afraid of you, youknow--You are only a beast, after all--and I am the man with the club."
"Beautiful fiend!"--but he hesitated--He was no coward, and cared not ajot for her threats, only his fastidiousness was assailed by the thoughtof a struggling, fighting woman in his embrace, when he had come therefor--Love! It would be wiser, perhaps, to cajole her. He was toointoxicated with passion to realise that it would also seem moredignified!
"Katherine, do not be so horribly unkind, darling girl! I love youwildly, I tell you, and I want you to be mine."
"What for?" She was perfectly calm still, and never moved from herplace.
"That we may be happy, you sweet thing. I want to hold you in my armsand caress you, and make us both forget that there is anything else inthe whole wide world but our own two selves!"
And exalted by this enchanting picture, he drew a little closer and heldout his hands.
"I tell you plainly--if you come one step nearer to me, you do so atyour own risk. I will tear the flesh from your face with my nails, andstrangle you." Her voice was absolutely deadly in its icy intentness. "Iam not weak, and I despise your mean action in coming here to-night toogreatly to have any fear."
The breeding in him responded to this sting.
"My mean action--!" but his voice faltered a little, and she interruptedhim before he could argue further.
"Yes--I am a dependent in your aunt's house here, earning my living, andyou chance my being disgraced and sent away for your own shamefullyselfish ends. Indeed, you are teaching me the lesson of the depth towhich an aristocrat can sink."
He drew back, and some of the fire died out of him. Her words cut himlike a knife, but he was too overwrought with emotion yet to give in andleave her.
"Katherine--my darlings--forgive me!" he cried, brokenly. "I admit I ammad with love, but you shall never suffer for it--give yourself to me,and I will take you away from all drudgery. You shall have a house whereyou like. I will protect you and teach you all you desire to know. Youshall lead an intellectual life worthy of your brain. We can travel inItaly and France, and I shall worship and adore you--Katherine, mysweet!"
The tones of his cultivated voice vibrated with deep feeling, and helooked all that was attractive as he stood there in his faultlessevening clothes, pleading to her as though he were but a humblesuppliant for grace, and she a queen.
But Katherine was not in the least touched, although her awakenedcritical faculties realised fully the agreeable companion he wouldprobably make as a lover, with his knowledge of the world, and hispolished homage to women. There was something fierce and savagelyprimitive at this moment in her faithfulness to Algy. For all thestrongly sensuous side of her nature, any other man's caresses appearedrevolting to her. It was _the man_, not _men_, who could arouse herpassionate sensibility.
"You ask me to be your mistress, then--is that it?" her voice was coldlylevel, like one discussing a business proposition.
His whole face lit up again--there was hope perhaps after all.
"Of course, darling--What else?"
"It is an insult--but I am not concerned with that point. My views areperhaps not orthodox. I am merely interested in my side of the affair,which is that I have not the slightest wish for the post. I will be noman's mistress--do you hear?"
"Katherine, can I not make you love me, sweet?"
She laughed softly. It was a dangerous sound, ominous as that which alioness might make when she purrs.
"Not if you stayed on your knees for a thousand years! I have loved oneman in my life with the kind of love which you desire--I know exactlywhat it means, and probably I shall never love another in that way--Isacrificed him for my idea. I had will enough to leave him, feeling forhim what perhaps you feel for me. So do you think, then, that you couldmove me in the least!--You whom I do not love, but--despise!"
All this time, she stood there utterly desirable in her thin raiment,which she had never sought to cover. Indeed, now that she saw that shewas going to win the game, she took joy that he should understand whathe had lost, so that his punishment should be the more complete: therewas nothing pitiful or tender about Katherine Bush. Her strange, strongcharacter had no mercy for a man who had shown her that he was notmaster of himself--above all things, she admired self-control.
Gerard Strobridge suffered, as she spoke, as perhaps he had never donein his life before. If he had been one whit less of a gentleman, hewould not now have conquered himself; he would have seized her in hisarms, and made her pay for her scalding words. The effect of traditionfor centuries, however, held him even beyond the mad longing which againthrilled through his blood as he looked at her.
He flung himself into the armchair and buried his head in his hands.
"My God!" he cried, hoarsely, "how you can torture--can you not? I knewwhen I watched you in church that you could be cruel as the grave--but Ithought to-day when you looked at me there in my aunt's sitting-room,that to me perhaps you meant to be kind; your face is the essence ofpassion--it would deceive any man."
"Then it is well that you should be undeceived--and that we shouldunderstand one another. What did you think you would gain by coming hereto-night?--My seduction? And some pleasure for yourself." She washorribly scornful again. "You never thought of me--It does not matterwhat my personal views are about such relations; you do not know them,and I do not believe that I have given you reason to think that youmight treat me with want of respect; but your action shows that you donot respect me, I can only presume, because of my dependent position,and because you despise my class--since you would certainly not havebehaved so to any of your aunt's guests."
He writhed a little at her taunt, and his face was haggard now as helooked up at her.
"There is no use in my asking you to forgive me--but it is not true thatI do not respect you, or that I have acted as I have for the reasonthat I despise your class--That is a hateful thought. I came hereto-night because I am a man--and was simply mad with longing for youafter the tantalization of the last two days, and never being able tospeak a word to you." His breath came rather fast, and he lockedtogether his hands. "I love you--I would have come had you been thehighest lady in the land. My action was not premeditated--it wasyielding to a sudden strong temptation because I was sitting there inthe smoking-room thinking of you, and I heard the noise of your softfootfall overhead, and suddenly
all the furious passion in me would nolonger be denied and cried out for you!"
He rose and came over to her, and sitting down on the edge of the bed,he held out his arms to her in supplication. "It swept away all thecivilisation in me. Nature breaks asunder all barriers in the best of usat times--and you are so adorably dear--Katherine--darling--I have donethis thing, and now it is too late for me to plead for your pardon--butI love you more wildly than I have ever loved a woman in my life.--Youcould make me your slave, Katherine, if you would only give yourself tome. I would chase away the memory of that other and teach you all thedivine things of love there are to learn in life."
She moved and stood by the fireplace. She was shivering a little, halffrom cold.
"I forbid you to say another word on this subject," she said gravely,but with less of her former scorn. "Neither you nor any other man couldrob me of the memory of my once dear lover--but I would rather not hateyou--so I appeal to that part of you that I still think is a gentlemanto go at once out of my room."
He followed her to the fire almost overcome again by the picture shepresented in her straight thin garment, virgin white and plain. Hewildly desired to unplait that thick soft hair and bury his face init--he longed to hold her to his heart. But he restrained himself.
There was complete silence for a second or two, and then across the parkin the church tower, midnight pealed, tolling the dying year.
They both lifted their heads to listen, unconsciously counting thestrokes, and then when the last one struck, and the joyous bells rangout, something in their sound melted the anger and contempt inKatherine's soul. She looked at him, his refined, distinguished facevery pale and utterly dejected now. And the broad-minded, level-headedjudgment which she brought to bear on all matters told her that she hadno right to great anger and made her realise for the first time that shewas actually to blame perhaps for this situation having developed sinceshe had not sufficiently considered what might be the possible result ofarresting a man's attention through the eyes and ears.
"Listen," she said gently, holding out her beautiful hand. "Here is theNew Year--I do not want to begin it with any hard thoughts--After all, Iunderstand you--and I forgive you. I believe I have been in some measureto blame. I cannot ever be your love--but I am very lonely--won't you bemy true knight and friend?"
She had touched the deepest chord of his being. The tears sprang to hisfine grey eyes; he knelt down upon the rug and bent and kissed herknees.
"Indeed, I will--I swear it, darling--And whatever suffering it bringsto me, I will never make you regret your sweet forgiveness of me, andyour resumed trust in me to-night."
She leaned forward, and for an instant smoothed his thick brown hair inblessing.
He took her hands and kissed the palms, and then without another word,he rose and went towards the door. There he turned and looked at her,standing in the firelight, the dark oak-panelled room only lit by theone small electric-shaded lamp by the bed. He looked and looked, asthough his famished eyes must surfeit themselves with the vision. It wasfair enough to see!
And then he noiselessly quitted the room and went on down the stairs tothe smoking-room as silently as he had come.