by Frost, Scott
My fingers slowly moved from her chest to her stomach and slowed when I reached her shorts. I let them linger there; lightly running my finger on the skin directly above her shorts, going from side to side, until I slid them under her shorts, and under her panties. Her hand stayed on me, as my hand explored what was hidden behind her shorts and panties. Our moans became constant and louder. She lifted her face away from me, and when she did we both opened our eyes, and watched each other.
The sensation was wonderful and new.
“I want you to make love to me. I want to feel you.” She said in between her moans.
I should have stopped, but I didn’t. As I pulled her back on top of me, my hands pushing her shorts and panties down, I thought about Natasha. In fact, I hate to admit it, but I tried to find similarities between Katie and Natasha.
We made love. It was wonderful, but also emotionally painful. And even while we were making love I wondered if I was breaking a wedding vow. After all, Natasha was most likely dead, or if not dead, infected.
After we made love we got dressed and I held her in my arms. We fell asleep that way, and woke lying side by side on the couch. Her body was tight against my body and I could hear her soft breathing. I lightly traced her shoulders with my fingers and kissed her neck. Her eyes opened and she turned around facing me. She put her arm around me and we kissed. We didn’t make love that morning though we both wanted to. We didn’t talk about what had happened the night before. We just held each other and kissed.
“I think we should get up before Emma wakes up and finds us like this. This would be hard for her to handle.” I said.
She gave me one last kiss on the lips and got up. I followed her into the kitchen. We watched each other. I packed my bag. She didn’t ask me not to go. She didn’t say anything about Natasha, nor did I. After my bag was packed I kissed Emma on her forehead. I took my rifle and two boxes of ammunition. Katie sat next to Emma on the bed and wished me good luck. She told me that she would take care of Emma and that I better come back. When I walked out of the bedroom Clyde was standing in the kitchen. We both walked outside. We leaned against the porch and watched the sunrise. It was a beautiful sight. The birds were awake and singing. Neither of us spoke much. I couldn’t think of any encouraging words to say. My mind kept going back to the night before. Katie. We stood there for about ten minutes and then I left. We didn’t hug, we merely shook hands and he wished me luck. I told him that I would be back in a few days and that was that. I thought about telling him about what happened the night before, but I didn’t. It wasn’t a scene from a movie. He didn’t try and convince me to stay. He understood. The hardest part was leaving Emma, but I knew she was safe. As I drove away, watching the house disappear as the drive way curved around a section of trees, I thought of an old song, one of Natasha’s favorite Coldplay songs, and quietly sang it to myself.
As I drove away from Emma and my family, I sang that verse over and over. I wish I could have remembered all the words. I came to the end of the driveway and stopped. I looked for traffic, but none was coming. I wondered if any traffic would ever come. No more traffic jams on the Loop. No more toll booths. No more stopping at red lights.
I took a right and drove toward the expressway. My hands trembled. The drive from the cabin to the expressway was uneventful. The streets weren’t littered with dead bodies, infected, or vehicles. It looked like the virus hadn’t affected this land. The trees swayed in the breeze. It felt like I was taking an afternoon drive. It was peaceful. But that peaceful feeling didn’t last long. As I neared the expressway reality sunk it. I was driving back into hell, driving back into a city of infected. I pulled over and parked on the shoulder, though, I could have stopped on the road; no traffic would be coming this way.
I got out of the Jeep and looked toward the expressway. It was quiet. I listened for any sounds, but none came. I turned back toward the house and didn’t know what to do. I knew that Natasha was most likely not alive. And if I did find her, how could I look her in the eyes.
“God if you’re up there please tell me what to do.” I said as I looked up into the sky. An occasional bird flew overhead, but otherwise everything was still. God didn’t show any signs of hearing my plea for help.
I knew that if I somehow made it to Bradley, the chances of me coming back were not good. I would have to find enough gas to make it there and back. And trying to search for Natasha would be difficult. I would not only have to worry about the infected, but also the crazies. I couldn’t fight off a group of a hundred infected. I turned back toward the house, which I couldn’t see, but looked toward the general direction I knew it was. I thought about Emma and how I didn’t want her to lose both of her parents. I thought about Katie and the possibility of a new family. And then I thought about my wife. I got back into the Jeep, and started to drive. I made a promise, and finally, I convinced myself what I had to do. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one, though, I’m still trying to convince myself of that.
Chapter Seventeen
I drove back to the cabin and the reality of my decision hit hard. I had given up on Natasha. Yes, perhaps, I am a coward. Though, I convinced myself that Natasha was dead. And I made her a promise that I would always take care of Emma. And that is what made my final decision. Emma needed me. And I needed her. I couldn’t imagine losing her. And plus, I didn’t want to leave.
I pulled in front of the cabin and parked. The door was shut and locked. I didn’t feel like going in and facing everyone. Though, I didn’t think they would be awake, besides Clyde. And so I sat down on the front porch and thought about my decision. The sun was out, and there was a gentle breeze that kept me cool. The trees gently danced in the wind and I saw a deer on the edge of the woods. He saw me and stood motionless, his eyes watching for movement. We watched each other and then without notice, he turned around and ran back into the woods. He disappeared quickly and quietly. I wondered why the virus hadn’t infected animals, but then realized that it didn’t matter.
“ God, if you’re up there, thanks for letting the animals live, though, the next time why don’t you let us live.”
The door opened behind me and as I turned around to say hello, Emma ran outside and jumped onto my back. She gave me a beer hug. I turned around, pulled her onto my lap, and gave her a big hug.
“Daddy, I can’t breathe.” She said, laughing.
Katie walked out next, smiling, and watching me. Our eyes stayed on each other. I smiled back at her and when she sat down next to me I pulled her closer and the three of us sat there holding each other. If someone had happened to walk up on us at that moment in time, they would’ve assumed we were a family. We looked like a happy family and maybe that’s what I wanted, what I needed. The reality of that thought troubled me for months after that day. I wish I could say that was all that troubled me, that troubled us, but we had more problems.
We walked around the forest. Mary stayed in bed and Clyde stayed with her. She was weak. We should have been more concerned, but we couldn’t have known what was going to happen. Emma and Katie walked together holding hands and I walked behind them. We didn’t venture too far into the woods; I made sure we could always see the cabin. The forest was quiet, too quiet. The smell of death was close, and before I could yell run, we saw it.
Dead animals were everywhere. We didn’t see them at first, nor did we smell them. But after we walked around a bend, we saw the remains of countless number of animals. Katie pulled Emma into her stomach, burying her face and then turned to me with a face of absolute disgust.
“We need to get back to the cabin.” I quietly said as I looked around for any signs of infected. I didn’t see any, but I couldn’t be sure the smell of death was only coming from the carcasses. I grabbed Emma and ran. Katie was right in front of us, looking back every couple feet. Once we were safely inside the cabin, I barricaded the door with a gun safe and checked all the windows. We were safe.
Clyde ran out of the bedroom
when he heard us. I quickly explained what we’d seen, and the smell. He readied his rifle. It was late morning when we barricaded ourselves in, and it was sunset when we finally convinced ourselves that we were safe.
I sat on the couch next to Clyde and Mary. Mary’s eyes were closed and she leaned against Clyde. Katie and Emma were on the floor, taking turns reading aloud from a book. I looked around and came to grips with the reality that this was our new home. And I doubted it was a temporary home. After all where else could we go?
The cabin was large enough for us and it had electricity and running water. We had enough food to last a month or so. What else did we need?
The cabin also supplied us with a DVD player, a big screen and about fifty movies. We let Emma pick the first movie, Shrek II. We all laughed, including Clyde. Mary had already fallen asleep, but if she hadn’t, I’m sure she would’ve laughed. After Shrek II, Katie chose, The Notebook. Emma and Clyde quickly fell asleep.
Katie and I stayed awake and watched the entire movie. I had always been a fan of Nicholas Sparks and the movie was not a let down. I saw tears on Katie’s cheeks several times and found myself wanting to hold her. But I knew that was a mistake. And so I stayed on the couch, next to Clyde and Mary, both long gone in dream world. After the movie ended, I woke Clyde and Mary and they retired to their bedroom. I carried Emma to bed, and I hoped that Katie would stay up with me. I pulled the covers over Emma and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Goodnight sweetie. I love you so much.” I quietly said. She didn’t stir. She was sound asleep.
Katie reached for me hand as I stood up from the bed. I looked at her and in the dark, I longed to hold her, to feel her body. We walked out of the bedroom and I closed the door. We held hands as we walked to the couch, and when we sat, neither of us moved toward each other. We held hands but at a distant.
“I’m sorry about last night. Well, I don’t mean I didn’t like it, but I know you weren’t ready.” She looked away from me as she spoke.
“I don’t want to be the reason why you don’t try and find your wife. I don’t know what came over me.”
I listened to her as she explained herself. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sorry about what happened, even though I felt guilty. And I didn’t know if she was the reason I didn’t try and find Natasha.
“I’m not sorry about last night. I agree it probably wasn’t the best timing, but I’m not sorry. And I know what you mean. We’ve been through so much and we both just wanted to feel something other than fear. And to be honest you’re not the whole reason I decided not to try and find Natasha. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her. The chance of her being alive isn’t good, let alone finding her.”
We didn’t make love that night. We talked about things, as though we were a new couple, trying to learn everything we could. It was a nice feeling, though, in a way it hurt. I didn’t understand how I could have feelings toward Katie. I had married my true love. Natasha meant the world to me. I guess that world had ended, and a new world had begun. It’s hard to explain, and perhaps, it’s not necessary, after all, love can’t be explained. It wasn’t love at first sight, but it turned into a sort of love.
After her eyes closed, her head on my lap, I thought about my parents. I wondered where they were. Were they still alive? Probably not, but I wanted to believe they were. I tried not to think of my family, or friends, or Natasha. I kept my thoughts on my new family. I thought about Emma. And as my eyes closed, I prayed to a God I didn’t believe in.
Chapter Eighteen
Months passed and summer turned to fall. We lived in relative peace. The infected hadn’t found us in months. We went about our daily life, gathering fire wood, hunting, and finding supplies. Mary’s health got worse and she passed away early in the fall. I think it was September or it could have been October. She went peacefully in her sleep. We waited for her to turn into one of them, but she never did. We buried her one day after she closed her eyes for the final time.
Clyde handled her death better than I expected. She had been in pain, and in a way, I think Clyde was happy that she died peacefully. We buried her behind the cabin. I dug a grave and Clyde and I gently lowered her body. After we filled the hole with dirt and placed a make shift cross on top, as her tombstone, we said our goodbyes. Clyde recited a verse from the Bible. After he finished, Emma tossed a bouquet of dandelions onto her grave, and quietly, in between her tears, said goodbye. Katie knelt beside the grave and whispered too softly for me to hear. I never asked her what she said.
I was the last one to speak. I looked down at the grave for a long time, unable to speak. Katie came to my side and put her arm through my arm and we stood there in silence.
“Mary, I hope you’re in a better place now. Thank you for everything thing. Thank you for bringing a smile to Emma’s face and for befriending us; for saving us. I owe you my life.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I walked away. Clyde stayed beside her grave well after the sun had set. That night we didn’t speak much. Clyde kept to himself. Emma and Katie read but not out loud. Silence filled the cabin. I thought about putting a movie in the DVD player, but I didn’t want to interrupt the silence. I sat on the couch watching everyone in turn. I watched Emma twirl her hair and mouth each word that she read. She was reading, The Last of the Mohicans, a book well above her age. Every couple of minutes she would turn to Katie and ask her what a word meant. She was growing up faster than I wanted her too. She still reads the Harry Potter book, but more so for memories sake.
I started reading reference books. The first book I read was Home Repair 101. It wasn’t interesting, but still important. Winter was around the corner and I wanted to be prepared. I also read several books on hunting. And I must say that I’ve become a fairly decent hunter. We hunt with bows and arrows and save the bullets for the infected, if they find us again. We’ve searched every house within a ten mile radius and found enough supplies to last until spring. We also found an 800 gallon tank of gasoline. We tried to move it, but it wouldn’t budge. We filled every container we could find and after sixteen trips, we finally had enough gas to last through the winter.
I wish I could say that we haven’t seen any infected, but we weren’t that lucky. On one of our weekly trips searching for supplies we spotted a group of infected, or really a group of infected spotted us. They came out of nowhere. It was a small group of about ten. They walked slower than the infected we had seen up north. They looked like they were slowly dying, maybe of starvation. We didn’t see them until we walked out of the house. We were both carrying boxes filled with supplies when they came at us. The weird thing was we didn’t even smell them. The rifles were in the Jeep. I dropped my box.
“Katie, run!” I yelled as the first infected came closer. She dropped the box she was carrying and ran to the Jeep. The infected didn’t stand a chance, they were too slow. She reached the Jeep, opened the door and grabbed her rifle. We knew we couldn’t leave any of them alive, because we worried that they might find us. Also, we couldn’t leave without supplies.
I reached the Jeep as Katie fired her first shot. Her first target was a heavy middle aged woman. Her face was covered in dried blood, and her left ear looked as if it had been ripped from her face. Her sweater and jeans were ripped in several places and dark colored skin hung loose. Katie’s first shot struck her in the hip. Katie fired two more shots and the infected’s head exploded. I counted nine more infected and took aim. My first shot was a perfect hit. We kept firing until the infected littered the ground. As I was taking aim on the last infected, I was being pulled from behind.
“Alex, watch out!” Katie screamed.
I turned around and used my rifle and swung at the infected. He had my arm close to his mouth, ready to taste my flesh. It was a close call. I shoved my rifle into his head and he fell backward. I fired two shots into his head and he was no more. Blood splattered and covered my face.
“Fuck!” I yelled, as I despe
rately wiped the blood off. Katie grabbed a bottle of water from the Jeep and told me to close my eyes and mouth. She poured water onto my face. After the bottle was empty, she took off her shirt and wiped my face clean.
“Okay, I think you’re good. You can open your eyes.”
I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was standing there in her bra and smiling. I had never been more grateful toward someone than I was at that exact moment.
She was perfect, standing in the sun, her hair blowing in the wind. She blushed when our eyes met.
“Thank you. I mean it. You’ve been so good. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for us.”
She walked back toward the box she dropped and moved around a couple of things until she found a shirt. It was a large flannel shirt. She buttoned the two middle buttons, and left the others undone. I grabbed my box and we put them in the Jeep. I looked at the infected and felt a sense of shame.
“Killing doesn’t get any easier. I know that they would’ve killed us, but still.”
She looked around at the infected, but kept her focus on a teenage girl. Katie had shot the girl in the head without even thinking about it.
“I know what you mean. But I guess we don’t have much choice. It’s either them or us and how I look at it is that they are already dead so in a way we are helping them get to heaven.”
“Good point. Come here.”
I smiled as she walked into my arms. We stood next to the Jeep and held each other. I put my hand under her chin and gently lifted her head up until our lips met. I gave her a soft kiss.